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Impossible grief


Fair isle

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I lost my dear dad 3 weeks ago to cancer....I can't cope with his loss. Over 9 months we watched him fight and fight but deteriorate at the same time. As well as missing him terribly I am struggling with the suffering he had to endure... he was only 64. He was not ready to leave us. He was the kindest and most genuine person I have ever known and know my life will never be the same without him. I still have my mum but worry so much about her as she has lost the love of her life and I don't know how she is ever going to get over the loss of my dad either. My husband lost his dad 2 years ago also so i don't want to burden him with my grief either and also am trying to keep some sense of normality (although this feels almost impossible) for my two children who have also lost their papa. I suppose I'm writing this down and reaching out as you feel people can't possibly understand what you are feeling. 

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sophiapetrillo

I understand how you are feeling.  I lost my mom in October and I feel exactly the same - she was sick for years but would never have wanted to leave us.  I don't know how to go on, and feel like there aren't that many people in real life I can talk to either because either they're suffering the same loss or it brings up too much for them, or they just don't understand.  Welcome to the forum, I hope it helps you to be here.

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I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum from cancer in May, she hid it well so it felt like a shock to all of us, she was very clever, I wasn't there so I have a huge amount of guilt attached to it, which is the basis for a lot of my grief. I stupidly kept all of my feelings very bottled up which I do not recommend as recently it hit me really badly because I hadn't talked to anyone about what I was feeling. I've found myself feeling that everyone else is moving forward around me but that I'm still stuck in the day after she died. I've now had a lot of people saying that I should "be over it" and that I "bring them down" (from friends and relatives too). I feel mainly empty nowadays, indifferent to anything that happens in the world because the only thing I ever think about now is that my Mum is not here anymore and it kills me. I hope we can both find help on this site, everyone seems very nice and helpful.

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