Sudden, unexpected lost.

[carita]

Yesterday when I came back from college, I found the body of my granddad laying on the cold road; covered by what seemed to be some kind of coroner's sheet, and surrounded by policemen and an ambulance. 

That same morning he had drove me to school; he went with my granny to the doctor, and then he went to buy some flowers for her for she hates doctors. She turned around to enter the house, and when she turned around again to see what was taking him so long; he was gone. My little brother, he is only 18, tried to reanimate him. But he was gone. Just like that. 

His wife was older than him; she is 81, she is an ill woman. She has parkinson, diabetes and currently a broken arm. He was 72 and healthy as a lettuce. He wouldn't even take an aspirin. 

Doctors told us he had an embolia. 

I know most of you will think that loosing a grandparent is the, somehow less painful of losses, but in my case, this is the man who raised me. I am 21 years old, and still had a world to learn from him. And now he is gone, leaving me alone with three kids and an old woman who doesn't stop crying, who refuses to eat or to get dressed. Everyone tells me I can't cry, I have to be strong for the kids and for my granny, and that my parents are still alive so I should not be that dramatic. 

But yesterday my life teared apart. This man was the wind behind my wings. He was the one pushing me to always reach higher. My partner in crime. My confident. My best friend and fiercest rival when it came to politics. He gave me my first mug of coffee (which soon became by biggest pleasure), he taught me how to paint and draw; we would pick me and my siblings from school and keep us entertained until my parents would come from work. And when I graduated, he framed my diploma in his office, saying I was his biggest pride and joy. 

Now I feel alone. I am scared. I am the most fragile I've ever been. I feel confused and completely lost. 

I am only 21. I don't know how to cope with this. The kids, my old grandmother... How do you continue with your life after a shock like this?

Ps. My name here, "Carita", was his nickname  for me; in Spanish it means: cute little face

[kirandeep]

dear carita,

i can relate to you as i lost my father very unexpectedly a few months back.the pain never goes away you just get used to it, but the ultimate reality is we are all goin towards the same place... we will one day unite with our loved ones.but while we are here we have to do good for those who are here, as ur grandpa would always want you all to be happy.so be strong my dear.. lights will guide you home.love to you ❤️.

[HeyItsMe]

I lost my dad 2 days ago just like your Grampa. My dad was 76. He passed very unexpectedly also. Our society is not equipped to deal with grief which is sad and makes losing a loved one even harder. People are often trying to be helpful but can be very insensitive and might not even realize it. Don't feel bad for your feelings. Your loss is just as significant as any other loss regardless of your relationship. He was a huge person in your life and it's ok to cry.  People who would tell you not to cry or express your grief are being ignorant. You have every right to feel the things you do. 

Right now. I am taking things one very small step at a time. Baby steps. That might help. Trying to take things one task at a time Dior now.