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Ami Stockellburg-Kelly

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Ami Stockellburg-Kelly

My husband JohnPaul died five months ago due to a massive cerebral hemmorhage, after living with kidney disease for 3 years and although I am past the first stage, I guess, my heart is still cracked and broken in a million pieces.  In the beginning I felt like I couldn't breath without him, and I sobbed day in and day out.  I was forced to make a long drive to Maine and clear out a summer home that John and I had shared with our grandson for 21 years, as well as having to clean and take personal things from his condominium .  After that I was suffering with exhaustion but had to bring an entire house & condo into a tiny 2 room apartment.  All the while I was stuffing my own sorrow deep down inside.  His Family hated me and ripped our grandson out of my life, and if it weren't for people in my church I would have been lost.  Later in August I had to spend a week in a clinic due to my repressed grief.  I function now, but every day I feel his loss like someone smothering me.  The holidays are coming and I hate them.  I have no one to spend them with, so I am spending the Christmas & New Years on an island somewhere.  I only wish that John were coming with me.  I love him still and he is my angel.

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Hi Ami----Sorry for the loss of your JohnPaul. So sorry about everything you've had to deal with. Cleaning out 2 homes had to be exhausting and heart wrenching. How your husband's family treated you and took your grandson out of your life is despicable, but, unfortunately, not uncommon. Maybe they don't know how to handle their own grief and loss. It's understandable why you had to suppress your own grief while dealing with all the hard issues and you ended up in a clinic. Thank God, you had the support of your church. The upcoming holidays will be hard. I'm sorry you don't have a good support system. Maybe your church holds holiday meals where you can go and be with those people and find peace sharing companionship? Does the church or a hospice have grief support meetings? It does help being with those who understand your loss.

This forum is a safe place. You'll find others here who understand and will bring you some measure of comfort. We are all going through the pain of loss and trying to cope and find our way through the complex maze of emotions and this lonely life in where we find ourselves without our significant partner. But remember, God loves you and so does your JohnPau, They are with you spiritually, sending you love and strength.

Love, prayers and hugs to you Ami---Keep in touch.

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Amy,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your precious John. What a great idea to spend your holidays on an island! Sometimes, doing something different helps. Perhaps you could consider taking some type of group tour? When my father died, my mother (they had been married 54 years) went on a group tour of Italy. She made some friends, and she was able to find some peace. 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

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Amy,

I am so sorry you lost your husband and are going through this without familial and friend support.  Many people are at a loss how to help someone who is grieving, so they withdraw or respond inappropriately.  You say they've pulled your grandson away...if he spent 21 years with you, he won't forget so easily, I'm sure he'll be back around when he is older.  Sometimes young people have to find their own way first.

It does help to come up with a plan for the holidays or other hard days.  I'm glad you've given this some thought, here is a link that might be of help to you also:

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2015/11/coping-with-holidays-suggested.html

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