Members darrenreid93 Posted November 17, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 17, 2016 On 27th December 2015 I lost my partner who I'd spent 7 amazing years with. We met when we were only 15 and were childhood sweethearts. Since I lost her my life has turned upside down, every day is a battle and it's very hard to take in what has happened. Linzi went through hell for the last 4 months of her life battling melanoma which had spread throughout her body and eventually she couldn't take anymore. I have been going to counselling since my partner passed away and it has been a massive help to me. I've done a lot of stupid stuff in the past year which I have been lucky to get away with and I'm not proud of. The counselling has got me back on track of my life again although sometimes it doesn't feel that way and I sometimes feel like I'm going backwards again but I always get a lift after speaking to the lady from my counselling. It would be good to speak to other young people who have went through or are going through something similar to myself. It's coming up to linzis anniversary which is 2 days after Xmas so it's going to be a very difficult time again. It breaks my heart every day when I wake up and realise that my girlfriend isn't here with me anymore. It's hard to see when things will change or start to get easier.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted November 18, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 18, 2016 Darren, I can relate somewhat to the circumstances of your story. I met my fiance almost 6 years ago when we were both 15. We became more high school sweethearts than anything else. Coincidently, I lost my fiance the day after you lost Linzi, but to a car accident rather than disease. I am so glad to hear that you are going to counseling. I would guess that you are about 22, yeah? I am turning 21 soon, and I have experienced (as I am sure you have as well) how difficult this age can be. We don't necessarily have the support of our friends, most of whom have not experienced the kind of relationships that you and I have. They don't understand that feeling and in turn, they cannot understand our grief. Most of our friends have never lost someone significant to them, nevermind losing a significant other. Our friends are too young to understand, we are too young to have the life experience to really deal with this, and everyone else thinks we are too young to have become so dedicated to another person. At least, that has been my experience. Seeing a counselor ensures that you are talking with someone on a regular basis about what you are going through. Counselors are excellent outside, unbiased resources for you. They are able to see the warning signs of other serious issues where we cannot. They are safe. I understand your unease for Christmas this year. I am actively not participating this year, and it's okay if you do the same thing. It will take a lot of time for your to start noticing the improvement you think you should be seeing, but you should know that things are getting easier for you already! The fact that you have been able to put your life back on track (as much as can be) is progress. Reaching out for support is progress. We often narrowly define what our progress should look like and we forget to take into account all of the little things we are able to do now. It's all progress. Please continue to see your counselor and continue to reach out to all of us on here! There are a lot of really great listeners on here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members darrenreid93 Posted November 18, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted November 18, 2016 Thanks for your reply and I'm very sorry to hear about your tragic loss. That's quite scary that it was a day after I lost linzi! I'm 23 now the same age as what linzi would have been now. I totally agree with everything you have said. As you said people don't understand what we are going through.. I put on a brave face when I'm with all my friends and they probably think I'm okay and coping really well... they don't see the other side of me when I'm on my own and really upset. I do well at times but the past 11 months have been so up and down. So many little things give me reminders of what I have lost and I get a horrible feeling like my heart is sinking and my stomach just drops. Im so glad I go to counselling, it's been the best thing for me since linzi passed away as a way coping and getting a lot off my chest. I've been trying to keep as busy as possible and this has helped me aswell. Xmas will be similar for me aswell this year, i still have a good relationship with my partners family and we are spending Xmas day together so as emotional as it will be I think it's good that we will all be going through the same but together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted November 18, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted November 18, 2016 Darren, I'm sorry for the loss of your GF. That's very hard, esp. since you basically grew up together and have been together so long. I found these to be helpful and hope you do too:http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/06/in-grief-dreading-anniversary-date-of.html http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2015/11/coping-with-holidays-suggested.html http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/getting-through-the-holidays-when-you-are-newly-bereaved_us_582c7767e4b0466f4579334f? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chasisdope Posted November 21, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 21, 2016 Hey Darren, I, too lost my lovely husband two months after he turned 22. Today marks his one month of departure. It is extremely difficult to watch someone you love so dearly, fight a terrible disease just so that they can still be with you. I haven't gone to counseling and am not seeking it. I do reach out to friends & family who would talk to me and just listen. Also online forums as well. I have seen counselors in the past and used to be on medication but my husband was the one who helped me learn to be happy and stay off those medications. With his help, I have not been on anything. The side effects from the medications were horrible. This will be my first Holidays without him. It does help to surround yourself with others. I stay looking at his photos and reading our old messages. I cherish our loving memories and that plays a huge part in helping me cope. I recently got a tattoo in honor of him. It helps me believe that at least I can do for him. It also helps to remind yourself how she would want you to live. I get suicidal and all but I know he would be pissed if I tried anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted November 21, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted November 21, 2016 3 hours ago, Chasisdope said: I get suicidal and all but I know he would be pissed if I tried anything. Keep that in mind...sometimes we need to remind ourselves of reasons why not to do anything... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted November 21, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 21, 2016 On 11/18/2016 at 8:12 AM, darrenreid93 said: Thanks for your reply and I'm very sorry to hear about your tragic loss. That's quite scary that it was a day after I lost linzi! I'm 23 now the same age as what linzi would have been now. I totally agree with everything you have said. As you said people don't understand what we are going through.. I put on a brave face when I'm with all my friends and they probably think I'm okay and coping really well... they don't see the other side of me when I'm on my own and really upset. I do well at times but the past 11 months have been so up and down. So many little things give me reminders of what I have lost and I get a horrible feeling like my heart is sinking and my stomach just drops. Im so glad I go to counselling, it's been the best thing for me since linzi passed away as a way coping and getting a lot off my chest. I've been trying to keep as busy as possible and this has helped me aswell. Xmas will be similar for me aswell this year, i still have a good relationship with my partners family and we are spending Xmas day together so as emotional as it will be I think it's good that we will all be going through the same but together. 8 Most people never see the other side, the side that we often try to shield ourselves from because it is nothing like anything we've experienced before. And we put on brave faces. We become adept at faking our way through our days. Everyone thinks life is going well when we are really one step away from crumbling. I can relate. I've heard this journey often compared to a rollercoaster, and I couldn't agree more. I don't know how I feel half the time, and I feel pretty sick for most of it. I am so glad you'll be spending Christmas with her relatives. My fiance's family is skipping town for Christmas. I understand the reason, but I hate it at the same time. It's hard to believe that we are both approaching a year. It's difficult to believe that we've been without our loved ones for that long. Keep working hard! If you ever need an ear, you can always private message me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sadaf Nazim Posted November 24, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 24, 2016 Hi everyone I have lost my childhood sweetheart just few days back. We were together since I was 10 and he was 12. Now I'm 22 and at just 24 he lost his life. He was the one and only for me. I feel like shouting at the top of my voice and calling out his name. I want to meet him if only just once to tell him how I feel without him. But I can't. He won't listen. He didn't even get the chance to tell me what should I do after he is gone. Every day he guided me in everything since childhood. And now I'm in such a devastating situation and he is not there for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted November 24, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 24, 2016 Sadaf----Your loved one is still with you, in a spiritual way. Your relationship still exists and always will. From all the reading that I do, Heaven is all around us. We just have to be still and calm our minds to see and hear. Talk to your loved one, he hears you and feels your heartache. He has unconditional love for you and will be watching over you. Hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted November 26, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted November 26, 2016 Sadaf, I agree with KMB, in time you'll learn to accept encouragement and comfort from him even though he can't speak audibly to you, you will feel his spirit inside you, you were too close and too intwined not too. I am sorry for your loss and your sadness, we know how hard it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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