Members idk11111 Posted November 15, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 15, 2016 I don't know how to deal with this or who to go to. I lost my dad last year at 16 and I was so close with him. He was like my best friend. It was so sudden and I was right there with him when it happened. We had just moved across the country so within the next week we moved back. Late last fall my mother started going to church, previously she wasnt religious really at all, but it helped her and i supported that. I dont believe in religion so I never went with. But then she started being sneaky and weird and I had a gut feeling she wasnt telling me about something. I asked if she had a boyfriend and she froze up. I was still grieving, still am, so I freaked out on her. I was so upset, crying, hysterical. My mom has always said my dad was her soulmate so I didnt, still dont, understand how she can be with someone less than that. We argued, and then didnt talk about it for a long time. I thought she stopped taking to him as whenever she would go anywhere she would tell us she was hanging out with someone else. Recently, I found out she's been lying to me, all the time. I ask her if shes lying to me and she lies to my face saying she isnt. (I know because other people she has told have told me that shes seeing this man) I told her this is hurting me so much even if its not intentional and she says thats my choice. I know this is so wrong.. But i saw her facebook open to his messages and i peeked. I feel so guilty for it. But in them she told him if our family didnt support it she would choose him over us. Every time I'm around her now I feel sick to my stomach. And i'm so angry. I love my mom so much, feeling like this all the time is horrible. I can barely stand to be near her anymore. All we do is argue and fight. Shes so different now sometimes it feels like I lost both my parents. I feel like she can barely stand to be around me too and I am just so upset all the time. I dont know what to do. Ive told her ive tried to look at it from her point of view and understand and ask she does the same for me but she refuses to try and look at it from my pov. I really am trying to understand this and not be so upset but the more she lies to my face and tells me that its my fault im so upset and it has nothing to do with her the more upset i get. I know i havent dont everything right but i'm trying. I dont want this to ruin my relationship with my mom. Please if anyone can give me advice, if youve been through something similar, i would appreciate it very much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted November 17, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 17, 2016 Idk, Your mom may be sneaking because of your reaction to her dating someone. Would you be accepting if she came clean and told you the truth? What would your reaction be? Many people who are in loving, committed relationships need that connection. When their soul mate dies--they still need that connection and are lonely and lost. They want to be in a relationship. Just because she is in a new relationship doesn't mean she has stopped loving your father. She will always love him, but he is gone. She needs someone. And she needs you. Can you tell her you are worried about your relationship with her? Can you focus on you and her and not her and him when she is with you? You both are in a bad spot right now. I'm no expert, but perhaps you may want to talk to a counselor at school about how you are feeling... We will be with you, ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jhengal Posted November 22, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 22, 2016 idk11111, your history is extremely similar to mine. My father died of cancer about two years ago and I was also very close to him, like best friend. He died on my hands, as I stayed by his side at the hospital. I am also not the religious type and I took it realistically. Even my father knew he was going to die and made me assure him that everything was right with things as cemetery etc. Thus, after his death, it remained just me, my younger brother and my mother. I lived with my mother, but my younger brother lived in other city, two hundred miles distant. Since I do not have a family of my own and all I do in my life is study and work to try to get a better life someday, to me and my mother, it never crossed my mind that my mother could think to put somebody else in our lives. She tried... Well, I will not enter in details here, it is just too complex (really), all I will say is that my relationship with my mother was never all that perfect and, although I was willingly to care for her even so, I am not with a new person in our lives. In a certain way I felt betrayed, yes, but I decided to take it realistically too and I simply said good bye to her and went away. She tried to kinda blackmail me emotionally, but I refused to play her game. I asked for interstate transfer with my company and they got me one, so I live now with my brother (who is also childless and unmarried) and all is perfect. My relationship with my brother is extremely different from the one with my mother. I do not love my mother, but I love my brother. Nowadays, my mother and I talk just sometimes through Whatsapp, it is very rare. It has been more than one year since the last time I visited her and I do not miss her at all. My life is much better now, as if I had took off a burden out of my shoulders. So, would I advice you something, and I am sorry if I seem rude, but I would say just that you need to grow up and understand that you should not romanticize your relationship with your mother (I know how it is, I do understand how painful it can hurt). You must stop fighting her and disconnect to give her some space for her life and, mainly, some space for yourself. You need to bound with other people, like a friend, siblings, husband/wife or whatever. If you live with your mother, I strongly recommend you to move out, especially now that with the death of your father things will not be the same anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Danilou Posted November 25, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 25, 2016 Idk.. wow I don't know what to say .. i lost my father in July of 2015 aged just 45 and he was my world he was also my mothers world as they had been together for 27 years ...I've approached this issue with my mum before .. my thoughts on this are , I cannot get a new Dad so why you a new husband ? Its not fair isit ? I totally feel your pain. This is an unforgivable act. Sneaking around because she knows it's wrong !!! PM me if you ever need to talk all my love Danni Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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