When your parent decides it's time to start dating

[mcf1010]

My mom has been gone for 2 years in July.  I just got married last November and just had my first child in September- making my dad a grand pop.  So I have experienced huge events in my life without having my mom here and feeling some postpartum emotions.   

Late September my dad decides to ask my thoughts on him dating and I felt that it was only right for me to give a blessing that it's ok.  A week or so later he starts hanging out with the woman several times a week.  It then turned into all his free time.   Then 3 weeks ago he drops the bomb that he is going away on vacation with her.  Talk about rushing things?  After arguing with him over feeling like he hasn't been honest he says he first went out with her the first week of September.   He also explained he's not a teenager so it's not that big of a deal for him to go away.  To me it feels like he's rushing with her.  He's pushed meeting her on me and my brothers and none of us care to be around her.  It is way too soon.  And then today he mentioned her coming to Christmas dinner??  Christmas and the holidays are BAD enough without my mom that the holidays are NOT the appropriate time for us to be around her or meet her the first time.  While I'm trying to remind myself he needs to be happy too, I feel as though he's being super insensitive of our feelings.  I said to him what is the rush? If she is going to be here next year then I'm sure she works understand and respect how we feel.  I told him I will go to my in laws and my oldest brother will probably leave the house if she comes.  Like Christmas is the biggest family gathering and it always leaves us feeling sad because my mom made the holidays so enjoyable!!! 

Am I not handling this right?  I am just curious as to what happened in other people's situations or how they handled it or feel they could have handled it better.  We have no desire to meet this woman or see what she looks like and it's conflicting on whether we want to know any information on what goes on between them.  Like part of me feels like wow it only took 2 years before you decided you felt fine to be with another woman?   And what am I going to have to go through this every time he starts dating someone?    Do people always start to date or end up with someone else after a spouse passes?   My dads 56, was with my mom for 29 years.. I guess I just thought like he wouldn't ever be with someone else? 

[Danilou]

Hello .. 

Wow that's a lot to take in.

i haven't experienced this yet but my dad died in July 2015 and I've spoke to my mum about it before and she always says no no your dad was the only one for me but after reading this anything is possible . 

I myself would of hit the roof the moment it came up.

Your dad is being completely out of order. You can't just go and find anew mum can you ?

Refuse to meet her and explain to your dad that your mums memory is worth more than this new partner.

Good luck x 

[mcf1010]

So so much to take in.  

 

And sure my dad has said he will never get married again, never move or move someone in etc.  But these situations definitely make you question that. 

I am happy he isn't crying every single day but at the same time I don't like his new behavior.  I feel like she is dying for it to be public.  Taking pictures of herself inside my parents house and posting them as her Facebook picture? That just does not look right.  My dad needs to man up- while he can find someone to take away his sadness---I'll never have a woman replace my missing piece but he's totally having a selfish crisis.