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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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Found 21 results

  1. *Trigger warning (suicide, family dysfunction) I've heard the words of my mother's suicide note echo in my mind my whole life, "I'm sorry, but I'm just so tired..." I remembered those words when I was in my late twenties, and found out what she meant in my own emotional and spiritual exhaustion of life; without hope of a way out. I knew that there was something wrong, something very wrong in my life, and whatever it was it was making my life impossible and painful. I felt like I was carrying an impossible burden and I couldn't put it down. However sure I was that something was causing so much pain and unhappiness in my life, I couldn't put my finger on it... I just couldn't seem to figure out what that something was! And my seemingly futile quest to do so inevitably led me down the same dead end road that I had been down so many times before. Those where the times when I seriously contemplated taking my own life. I figured I was doomed to the same fate as my mom. It seemed inescapable. Recently my father passed away; for natural reasons, I'm grateful to share. His passing on has had an impact on every member of my family; but it seems to have hit my uncle with blunter force than other of my relatives. Since my father’s passing, my uncle's seeming outward appearance of self-reliance and confidence has withered and he seems shaken to his very core. When I last saw him he spoke those words to me that seemed a direct quote from my mother's suicide note, "I'm just so tired..." And I didn't connect the two expressions of emotional and spiritual fatigue, along with my own experience of this type of despair, until just tonight; when it occurred to me that, just as I have been impacted by growing up in a dysfunctional family, so to have all the rest of my family... that dysfunction (in all its forms) is a shared family disease. I have been traditionally prevented from making this connection by my own family role and the accompanying belief that the dysfunction I grew up in was "all my fault". And I have been kept from connecting the threads by the fact that everyone in my family has played a different family role; and some of our problems have been more or less hidden by outward appearances of self-sufficiency and self-reliance (my uncle's functioning alcoholism & my mother’s refusal to get the help she needed). It seems to me that the same reason why my mother chose to end her life is why my uncle is so withered by the storms of life, and also why I once contemplated taking my own life; our shared inheritance of a dysfunctional family disease that has its expression in abuse, abandonment, codependency, and alcohol and drug abuse. ... Until I identified that I have a problem that I inherited from my family (not just from my mother), I was doomed to repeat the same pattern of living and dying that has destroyed the very souls of my relatives for untold generations past. The emotional and spiritual fatigue that so long plagued me and drove me to contemplate suicide is not nearly as strong of a force as it once was. I have found a name for that something that burdened me for the very saddest and most desperate years of my life. I have found something that works for me! A way to live my life and free myself of the beast that seems to stalk my family from the dark places in our souls where we don't like to go. I have found a way to face my own demons (with help), and to live and (slowly and gradually) put down the burden that has driven so many of my family members (most of whom were otherwise good people) to addictions and the very depths of suffering and despair. I am, after so many years of my own despair and suffering, not just staying afloat but truly learning to swim! I don't know where my journey will lead me, but I feel assured that I have already saved my own self from the greatest peril that I was so long in. And knowing that makes all the difference.
  2. Hi everyone, Three years ago, I experienced the loss of six loved ones (including my 2 siblings) in a car accident. It's been a really rough journey but I have been able to keep the faith and see glimmers of hope and happiness. I'm starting an online grief support group that will use a 30-day prompted journal to help discuss topics in grief and loss (http://a.co/6S3ca3B). I wrote the journal myself and all the teachings are from a Christian perspective. Each day works on healing the mind, body, and soul. If this sounds like it's for you, please follow the Instagram handle @ecclesiastes34 for updates. I hope to start the online sessions via Instagram Live next month. See you soon and please know that you can be healed from your loss. Ebby
  3. Hi everyone, Three years ago, I experienced the loss of six loved ones (including my 2 siblings) in a car accident. It's been a really rough journey but I have been able to keep the faith and see glimmers of hope and happiness. I'm starting an online grief support group that will use a 30-day prompted journal to help discuss topics in grief and loss (https://www.amazon.com/Ecclesiastes-Journal-Day-Grief-Healing/dp/1547011920/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1516839948&sr=8-1&keywords=ecclesiastes+3%3A4+journal). I wrote the journal myself and all the teachings are from a Christian perspective. Each day works on healing the mind, body, and soul. If this sounds like it's for you, please follow the Instagram handle @ecclesiastes34 for updates. I hope to start the online sessions via Instagram Live next month. See you soon and please know that you can be healed from your loss. Ebby
  4. My boyfriend suddenly passed on Dec. 23. He was 35 years old. We had been making love when he stopped suddenly to take a break because he was feeling he said "light headed." I asked if he wanted some water, he nodded yes, so I went to get him water and when I came back his face was red and he wasn't able to look at me, he was concentrated on a point on the wall and he wouldn't look at me, then he fell hard on his side and I ran for help. We called 9-1-1 and they arrived in under 5 min, during which time my father and I were doing our best to perform CPR (though it had been almost 5 years since I trained in CPR). The paramedics arrived, but honestly when we had been with him it had already seemed like he had passed. I can hardly breathe the grief is so palpable. I am rattled with guilt day in and day out - If I'd done a better job of CPR, if I'd called 9-1-1 the second he said he felt light headed, if, if, if... He was a healthy active 35 year old. He had been a smoker earlier in his life, and still used an E-cigarette, but other than that he was relatively a healthy normal guy. We had made love often so it's not like this was a new experience for us, or that his heart couldn't handle this sort of thing. He was also a runner and went to the gym regularly. I am just riddled with grief over the whole thing, I wake up panicked in the middle of the night that I could still do something or fix something or change something, and then the grief washes over me like a huge wave and I'm back to sadness and utter despair. We had only been dating for 5 months, but we knew. I always heard that when you meet the right one, you'll know. We knew. We said I love you only 2 months in. We went on a huge 2 week trip to Europe (so glad we did) 3 months into our relationship. He was home with me in Texas visiting my family for Christmas when this happened, so the guilt I feel over him being there and not in our home state (California) - and his family didn't know me very well so I'm just devastated. We all are. Why did this happen? People survive cardiac arrest and heart attacks all the time - why didn't he? Why wasn't there any time or sign or symptom that this was happening? Everything I've read about heart attacks says that people usually have a few moments where they know it's happening; it seems he bypassed the heart attack and went straight into cardiac arrest with no time to allow for help or rescue. I wake up nightly at 4am and I'm just lost. I journal, I try to watch TV, I walk around my apartment, but nothing settles this unsettling feeling that I miss my love so much I can't breathe, and while I know it's not true and irrational to keep blaming myself, I can't help but feel guilty over him no longer being with us.
  5. Don't really know where to start this is my first time online I'm feeling really overwhelmed I lost my mum and husband in September 2016 thought I was coping but the last few weeks have been awful Everyone says it will get bettter but I feel I'm unraveling Really panicked and shaking fearful of everything I just want to feel there are others here who can understand I really feel the pain in your posts and do understand My best wishes to you all. Looking for any ideas of support or how to get through this feeling
  6. Video Support Group

    Hi! We're starting a video support group on spousal grief. This is part of our project, Campfire. We builds group of 5-10 folks who share the same challenge. Members form a bond over weekly video meetings and keep the connection strong using our group messaging app. We hope Campfire can be a way to build more deep and lasting support networks for tough times, and complement communities like this!
  7. Support Group forming

    I'd like to invite you all to join us for our upcoming video support group on spousal grief. Campfire builds groups of 5-10 peers who share the same challenge. Members form a bond over weekly video meetings and keep it strong using our group messaging app. We hope Campfire can be a way to build more deep and lasting support networks for tough times, and complement communities like this!
  8. Recently, my 4 year old cat collapsed and had to be rushed to the vet. We were told his lungs were full of fluid and that he almost didn't make it. We have often worried about his heart as when he was a kitten, we were told that having a heart condition would a risk considering his breed and the fact he was the only kitten in a litter. We were allowed to take him home and he's has been coming on leaps and bounds up until now. He became breathless again this morning and I can't help but see that this means he's going to die. This cat has always been really special to me and I always thought it was fate that he came to us (he was born an only kitten just before my 15th birthday). We have such a good bond and I don't think I could ever love another cat as much as him. Im writing this for support as at the moment I don't have a lot of people to turn to. I live with my mum who struggles to cope with things like this after her son and father were diagnosed with cancer months apart. This has had an signification impact on her and as a result she has disconnected her self from the situation. I'm having to deal with the vet calls and organising appointments and I'm really struggling. Currently, my boyfriend, whom I would usually rely on for emotional support, is away on holiday and I don't want to ruin his holiday over " just a cat". i realise that I still have my precious boy but it's hard not knowing if he'll be alright or if this is the end. I dunno where else to turn to for support. Amy
  9. BEREAVEMENT AND RECOVERY SUPPORT GROUP FORUM GRENFELL TOWER FAMILIES, RELATIVES AND FRIENDS Please post whatever you need to share (within reason) God bless x
  10. When a loved one passes on, we typically find comfort in the arms of family and friends, in support groups, through grief counseling, and in our place of worship. But what happens when our broken heart needs something deeper and more profound than those kind words and a sympathetic ear? What if we yearn for a greater sense of certainty—that our loved one really is free of pain, and actually at peace in that better place? Evidential Mediums—blessed with the ability to form a connection with those who have passed on, offer a solution that many are now turning to. During a session with an Evidential Medium, departed loved ones are given a channel by which to come back—in spirit. Through the medium, they share evidence that validates their presence, and give examples of how they are still present in our lives. They share personal messages that would otherwise never be heard. Most Evidential Mediums consider this work a divine calling—a sacred gift—to be able to offer relief to those who have lost someone dear: a parent, spouse, friend or even a child. The following transcript comes from an actual mediumship session. The image of a young boy appears out of the darkness behind my closed eyes; faint and delicate—like the residue of a dream. I speak into the phone that is held close to my ear and describe what is unfolding before me. “I see a boy wearing a baseball cap, running barefoot across a large, grassy lawn. He is happy and energetic, and I sense his love of baseball. Do you recognize this boy?” “Yes,” the voice on the phone replies. “I know who you are talking about.” The scene changes abruptly. “There is a white farmhouse,” I say, “with a large, covered porch, and steps that go right down into the grass.” “Yes, that’s right,” the voice says. “That was his house.” “There is a woman running out of the house,” I continue, “down the steps and across the lawn. She is screaming out in horror, but I can’t hear her voice. I feel her panic in my body though; something bad has happened.” Why is she running? I ask myself—feeling deeper for the answer. I see the boy again. He is no longer running, but standing in the grass, looking back at me. His hands are at his throat—then he lowers them slowly to his chest. A realization hits me—hard. I struggle to breathe—overcome by a feeling of sadness. “This boy died,” I say. There is a pause on the line, then, “Yes.” “He was young, only eight years old,” I say. “There was an accident.” “Yes, that’s correct.” I feel the emotions coming through the phone, but the grief is faded and distant—not what I expect. An inner knowing feeds me the answer. “But he didn’t die recently,” I say. “It has been a while.” “Yes,” the voice confirms. “A while.” I don’t ask for more. I know that it is my job to provide him with the evidence, not the other way around. I focus again on the boy, and ask him how he died. He doesn’t show me, exactly, but his hands return to his throat. I feel pressure in my own throat and down into my chest. I hear “water,” and then I know. “He drowned,” I say. “Yes.” “The woman running from the house—that was his mother,” I add. “She was trying to save him, but it was too late, right?” “Yes.” The confirmations coming through the phone make it clear that the evidence I’m receiving is valid. I am connecting with a young boy who loved baseball, and who had drowned accidentally at the age of eight. And his passing was not recent. But my session with the man on the phone is not complete. I have solid evidence, but I know that this boy is not appearing before me only to provide proof of his presence, or to rehash the final, tragic moments of his young life. No, he has come forth to share a message to his family, and that is where my focus goes. Now, instead of “looking,” I begin to ask—and “listen.” In my mind, I ask him to share a message, and I feel his energy lighten. He is no longer the boy that had drowned, but a light, energetic spirit that is now free of his physical body. He tells me that he loved his short life. He regrets that it was not longer, and that his passing has caused his mother and his family so much grief. He is very happy where he is now, and there was no pain in his passing. I share this word-for-word with the person on the phone, who listens quietly. I have no idea what he is thinking, but I sense that we are in the midst of very special connection. The boy then says something that catches me off-guard. Even though I have learned over the years to not edit or hold back the messages I receive, this one seems insensitive to me, and I feel uncomfortable sharing it. I want to believe that I just interpreted it wrong. But that is not possible—I heard it, clear as day. His message was: “Tell everyone that I know how to swim now.” I take a nervous breath, share the message—and wait. I learn that the man on the phone is the boy’s uncle. After a brief pause to gather his thoughts, he again validates the evidence I have given him, including those final words. He tells me that was exactly the way his nephew was; he was always joking and playing around, and nothing could cause him to lose his infectious sense of humor. He was eight years old when he drowned many years before. His mother saw him in the pool that day and rushed out to save him, but she was too late. My “sitter” then tells me how grateful he is to receive such convincing evidence, things that I could not possibly have known, and how he now believes that his nephew is not only around, but still his same playful, joking self. As a complement to traditional grief support, experienced Evidential Mediums offer a service that is truly unique. The evidence and messages that come through make a mediumship session a wonderful place to find peace, healing, closure, and in some cases, long overdue forgiveness. A few weeks after the session above, I received an email from the young boy’s uncle. He told me that the previous weekend was the 20th anniversary of his nephew’s death, and the family had gathered in his memory. He shared with the family the details of our session. He told me how grateful they were to me for bringing Charlie through, and sharing his messages. The evidence had brought them greater peace, knowing that Charlie is still the same happy, fun-loving personality they all so fondly remember. Roger rogerhardnock.com
  11. (Note: I am posting a duplicate of post I published in "violent death" , because that forum doesn't seem very active and I need help soon. I hope the mods can allow both.) I am writing because my friend just lost his wife unexpectedly. It happened quickly, out of the blue. I don't live in the same city, but I am one of his closest old friends and I want to help him any way I can. I do have some experience with trauma/grief, but I feel like I don't know what the loss of a partner must be like and that is why I am using this forum now, because I could use some input from people who have gone through sudden unexpected loss. I want to help as much as I can, and if that means not being over bearing, I want to do that. Whatever it takes, I'll do it. If any of you are willing to share your experiences, I'd like to know about what you felt needed, and what made you feel best right after losing someone unexpectedly, I'd appreciate it. I realize that everyone is different, and of course I will listen to him and get his input, too. At the same time I don't want to burden him with queries that might be troubling, so any input those of you would like to provide could be extremely helpful. I'd like to know what worked for you.
  12. Hello everyone, It has been about a year now since I posted on here, however after identifying all those needing help like I did I wanted to share my grief blog with you all. Last year not only did it reach people around the world, but the response I had was really meaningful and just showed me how much it helped others. So I want to help you. Here is the link below https://believement.wordpress.com All my love xxxx
  13. Hello everyone, It has been about a year now since I posted on here, however after identifying all those needing help like I did I wanted to share my grief blog with you all. Last year not only did it reach people around the world, but the response I had was really meaningful and just showed me how much it helped others. So I want to help you. Here is the link below https://believement.wordpress.com All my love xxxx
  14. Alright, I'm going to give you the whole story, but first let me tell you a little about me. I am a 15 year old, male, who was very close to my mother. She had been dealing with cancer almost my whole life. Let me tell you a little about my Mom. She was a nice, caring, and stubborn person. Her favorite drink was diet coke and she smoked cigarretes since she was 16. DON'T ANYONE SAY THAT IS PROBABLY THE REASON SHE HAD CANCER, BECAUSE IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. SMOKING IS NOT EVEN PROVEN, FULLY, TO CAUSE CANCER. LEAST OF ALL BREAST CANCER. She got married in the 80's and had two children, my older sisters (27 and 28). She got divorced in 89 and married my father in 98. In 2001, I was born. Shortly after she got cancer. In 2003, my Mom was diagnosed with stage 0 breast cancer, in her breast. It was "simple" back then. She had a double vasectomy and that was the end of that. The doctor said that the surgery was 99.99% effective. Well, in 2010, she was diagnosed again with stage 0 breast cancer, in her breast. Alright, this is slightly more complicated because it came back. She went on chemo for about 8 monts, had radiation, and had a total breast reconstruction. This route is even more effective than a double vasectomy, especially for a stage 0 breast cancer patient. The doctors and us all thought, ok what are the odds that the cancer will come back after all the treatment she went through. Again, well, in 2013, she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer that had metastisized to her brain, back, lungs, liver, and lymphnodes. After she was diagnosed, she took off disability from her job because she knew that she couldn't work and have treatment. Her doctor at the time, same doctor she had in 03 and 10, was ready to get on it and battle it with as much treatment as possible. As much as my mom wanted to be treated, she didn't want that to be the doctors only focus. As some of you may know, when you have stage 4 cancer your doctor should focus on two things treatment AND quality of life. As a result of that, she switched doctors. This new doctor focused on treatment and quality of life. My mom spent the first two years after diagnosis doing different chemos, and had back and brain radiation. She would take a week off here or there to go on vacation. Year three she definitley lived her way. She went on four cruises, two trips to Las Vegas, and two cabin trips, all while taking different chemo therapies. Until, in June 2016, she took a chemo called Doxil. Doxil is a very bad, hard, and strong chemo that take a grear toll on the heart. She started taking this because her cancer had been declared too aggressive, and it needed to battle back with a very aggressiev chemo. After taking two rounds, she was unabe to handle it so her doctor took her off of that chemo and switched her on to a pill form of xillota, I think that's how you spell it. She got scans soon before she started that new chemo and they showed improvement in the cancer. She started xillota in late August. She was on it for about a week then she started having bad diarrehea and was getting dehydrated. She went to the doctor and she set up an appointment at the hospital on Saturday for her to get fluids and orderd for her to stop taking the chemo. On Saturday she went to the hospital and got fluids, but she started throwing up, so they decided to keep her overnight. She was in there from Saturday and was discharged on Tuesday. Everyday she was in the hospiatl she was getting weaker and weaker. She had to start using a walker. Her brain function had dramtically decreased since she was discharge (confusion, halucinations, etc.). I was having to help her around the hause even with her walker. The following Staurday she was being unreponsive and refusing to take her pain medicine, which she took on a regular basis for back pain. My dad called 911 and she refused to go the hospital. My dad tried to get her to at least drink something and she wouldn't. About an hour later he called 911 again and she went to the hospital. They ran a CT scan and they noticed that her cnacer had shown improvement, but her blood work showed an irregularity in the liver. Her oncologist ordered ot do an MRI of the liver on Sunday to closely examine what is going on their. On Monday the doctor came in with the results. Her cancer had almost completley taken over her liver. In other words, her liver was failing. The doctor said that there is no chancer for a transplant and that she estimates that the end will come in the next two days. The hardest thing my Dad had to do was tell me and My sisters that our Mom was dying. On that day, the nurses swithced over to comfort care. If you haven't noticed by now my Mom is a fighter. She made it from the Saturday she was brought in until 1:25 A.M on Saturday, September 3rd, 2016. All of the doctors and nurses were in awe of how long she made it. This is the hardest thing I ever had to go through. I, luckily, was ablr to get time alone with hevr in the hsopital to tell her how much I love her. It was terrible being in that hospital everyday and watching her slowly die. The important thing is that she was comforatble. However, I was fine the first week but when the second week came it all hot me. I was in the shower listening to music. I was begging and pleaing for my Mom to come home and give me a hug one last time. Then, all of a sudden, the music changed to one of my Mom's favorite songs. I started crying hysterically becasue, in my opinion, I knew that she was there and hat was her way of letting= me know that she us allright and I will be fine too. However, it is still too hard. I constantly think about her or things I could tell her, but then I remember that I can't. Please give me any advice you have on how to cope. Also, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask. I will answer to the best of my ability. One of my main reasons of writing this is so all of you Stage 0 or Stage 1 and even Stage 2 people realise that it could very EASILY happen to you too. Spend time with your family and tell them everything no matter how hard it is. The only thing my Mom kept from me during this whol etime was her life expectancy. Apparently when she was first diagnosed she asked the doctor what the life expectancy is. The doctor said, a "typical case" last about three years. My Mom made it three years and two months. Thank you for taking the time to read this. If anyine has any suggestions on how to cope with this, it will be much appreciated.
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  16. Hi there my girlfriend and i have been together 4 months now and have had a great relationship so far. 2 weeks ago her brother died in a tragic accident, she lost another brother to suicide 12 years ago. I was there at the wake and for her as best i could i kept telling her im here anytime for her. She was hugging me and talking to me the days leading up to the funeral. But now she hardly answers my texts, doesnt want me calling to see her and doesnt answer the phone. She did text me the day after the funeral and said she didn't feel i gave her the proper support she needed whereas her friends talked and cried with her giving her total support. Her friends know her for years and her family and her brother that died. I had'nt met her parents to the wake so i can understand why she can talk to them instead of me. I don't want to crowd her so i have been texting once in the morning and once at night but she sometimes does'nt answer. Im at the stage now where im thinking maybe i should leave her alone for a few days then text her again? I fear by doing this she might think i don't care and we could drift apart. She did say once that she knows where i am if she needs me. I don't want to make this about me as she is the one grieving but i would love to be there to support her. We are both 36 years old....any advice would be greatly appreicated!
  17. My father died 3 months ago this Saturday. I feel like within the last month, grief has really hit me hard upside the head. I cried so much when it first happened, but I sobered up quickly and kept on going with my life, and now I miss him SO MUCH. I don't sleep well anymore, I am constantly stress eating, I miss him so much I just think about him CONSTANTLY. I thought time was supposed to make things better, it just makes everything feel worse. The shock has worn off, and I am feeling it full on. Anyone have any advice for how to grieve in a more healthy way? I am a college student and I cannot slack off this semester, I need to buckle down, but I don't want to do anything because of my grief.
  18. I have been following grieving.com on Facebook ever since I discovered it a couple of months back in the middle of the year while I was coping with my mom's passing. She was 69 and her death came as a shock to the entire family as she was hardly sick and was never once admitted to the hospital before for as long as I can remember. Then came one day on May 13, she was complaining of tummy bloatedness and we admitted her to the hospital immediately. They found a mass in her uterus but what unfolded after that was more dreadful discoveries. She had tumour in her rectum and the hospital was running one test after another to determine her primary cancer. However, she couldn't wait no more. She had an episode of sepsis when her colon ruptured on 28 May and the faecal matters entered her blood stream. She fell into a coma and never woke up. She finally left us on 30 may. It was a rude shock for the family having no time at all to react much. We didn't have a chance to care for her and take care of her like how other children could, taking care of their elderly parents. It's been months and I found comfort reading the postings on grieving.com to ease the pain at time. Recently, I took up the courage to enter a photo competition organised by a local cafe with the theme "making a difference". I had to submit a selfie taken with someone who made a difference in my life. I submitted a photo of mom and me, the one and only selfie that I had with her. I hope to win this contest in memory of my mom. This is my little way of managing my grief and also remember her. I wonder if I could trouble all of you to help support my effort? It is really simple. All you need to do is to like the organiser's page on FB and like my photo on FB. Below are the links. Step one- Like Cedele's FB page https://www.facebook.com/cedelesingapore Step two- Like my photo (Finalist 1) https://www.facebook.com/cedelesingapore/photos/ms.c.eJxl0MkRwCAMQ9GOMpY3TP~_NZblkkK5v~_MYAQ~;kUYhlsEn3hF8s4pPfeLEPVIyliXPXwmbcjWYc8RTnPKalKNix5RYKraJFicdnZ5fZwkjGZ099v3BcITAc~-.bps.a.10152851367913416/10152851369328416/?type=1&theater Once again, thank you for reading my lengthy post. Sometimes, sharing our thoughts and feelings is also a way of managing our grief. May you all find strength to go through the difficult episode you are facing and we will definitely meet our loved ones again someday. Hugs and kisses from Singapore
  19. I'm 15 and I lost my Dad to suicide just over 2 years ago now. My Dad was depressed for a long time, but I never really thought that he would take his own life and honestly I just really miss him. I have ideas of why he might have done it, but I'll never know for sure, and honestly I don't really know if that would be better. I know my mum has a hard time talking about it, so I try not to bring it up as much as possible, apart from happy things, but I've been having a hard time lately. I don't want to talk to my friends about how sad I get, because I feel like I'm bothering them and I think that they don't really know what to say, even though they want to help. This week has been particularly hard because we have been talking about suicide in English for an article. I can cope with talking about suicide, but this week has just shown me that there's always going to be reminders and I don't think it's ever going to get any better. I have a lot of regrets, small arguments, big arguments. About a year before he died, there was a while where we didn't talk much and I would do anything to get that time back. I think about that a lot and I'm constantly tortured by the fact that I didn't talk to him for whatever reason. Although, out of everything, the most painful thing to me is that I don't remember the last words he said to me. Even though everyone says to remember other things, I just get so saddened at the fact that I don't remember. You don't think the last words you say to someone are going t be the last words, but I like to hope that they were kind words. I've never really told anyone my feelings like this before. I've told friends that I get sad, and they do comfort me, but I've never really been able to tell people honestly about my regrets and the small things, that I don't think they would understand. I don't really know if telling people how I feel will help, but i'm just getting to a point where I feel ok talking about it. There's no one I know who is going through the same sort of things or knows what its like to lose a parent so I've just come on here to maybe get some support and people's advice if there is any to be given. I just miss my dad, all the time. Thanks for listening, even if there's nothing you can say
  20. My partner is currently going through a grieving process and undertaking professional help following the suicide of his ex partner. The event happened at the very start of our relationship almost a year ago and he has been in denial and pushed it to one side for some time in order to not have to deal with it. We have been together for a year now and we have both admittedly been in denial as to what happened. He said it wasn't hurting him, or causing him guilt and I was happy to to believe this, but we both knew it wasn't true. Today he will start his first class with a professional to talk through what he is going through. Is anybody going through the same thing? Its the hardest thing to see someone hurt so much and know that I need to give him space and understand its not something he can talk to me about. (Talking about it has caused huge difficulties and at times pushed him to feel that we would need to separate in order for him to deal with it.) More than anything I want him to be happy and deal with all the pain he is feeling, and I want to be there for him when and if he needs me. I can't bear the thought that he could decide that he feels we can no longer be together if he is going to deal with this, I don't want him to push away the people that he loves and who love him unconditionally.

    Two years ago I had an amazing experience which I have been delaying writing about as it is so "out there" that if it hadn't happened to me, I would struggle to believe it too! I was putting Summer to bed. I lay down next to her on my stomach and draped my arm around her, exhausted from life. She took a little while to nod off and while I was waiting I found myself getting more and more sleepy, more and more relaxed. I had had some kind of struggle of late, seems to be a pattern for me doesn't it!, and was taking a lovely little rest here with my precious girl. Then, alone in the room apart from my sleeping daughter, I felt something that I will never forget. I felt a large hand start stroking my hair, from the top of my head to mid way down my back to the length of my long hair. I knew this hand was far too big to be my little Lily's. It almost felt like a man's hand. I wasn't scared. I just lay there as still as could be. Did I just imagine that? I waited, then I felt it again - another stroke of my hair. I knew I didn't need to be scared because this being obviously wanted to soothe me. It kept happening over and over. I lay still, stunned and awed at what I was experiencing! It must be my grandmother I thought. A little while later I had a reading from the a spiritual teacher who I find very trustworthy. She told me that it had actually been my guardian angel that night soothing my soul and that we all have an angel who is designated to us from birth till death who is always with us, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Our angels are continuously trying to reassure us and to pass on messages of comfort and guidance to us. The tricky part is breaking free of the conditioning that says we have to see something for it to be real. The tricky part is having faith. But once you do, you will open a door to beautiful insights and the reality that even if we are feeling lonely and all by ourselves, there is someone beautiful by our sides and we are never left alone. “SOOTHE YOUR SOUL FROM GRIEF” by Erica Farrimond is available today for the special price of 0.99c. Here is the link! Enjoy! xoxhttp://www.amazon.com/Soothe-your-soul-grief-inspiration-ebook/dp/B00GG630KE Remember that you do not need an ereader to read the ebook. You can just download it from amazon and read it directly from your computer or ipad. Lots of love and brightest blessings to you, Erica