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Showing results for tags 'sudden loss'.
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In March I lost my 44 year old sister to a drug overdose. She had a long hard life. In the end she got cancer and the meds they gave her to help her pain are the thing that killed her. She became addicted to them. My last exchange with her was via text and I said a lot of tough love things to try to get her into rehab. The night she overdosed she was staying with our uncle because his house was closer to the rehab where she had an appointment THE NEXT MORNING. He broke down the door to the bathroom and found her overdosed. They were able to revive her and take her to the hospital where they tried to shock her with hypothermia to "reboot" her body. It didn't work. She was substantially brain damaged. I currently live in another state and flew in as quickly as I could get there. I sat at the hospital and watched them flash lights into her sightless beautiful blue eyes trying to find a reaction. Ultimately we made the decision to take her off of life support but even then she lingered. She was so young and her heart was strong so she continued to breathe on her own. Hospice started talking to us about her living for a long time in a nursing facility in a vegetative state...my vibrant beautiful sister. My Dad and I were the only ones with her when she took her last breath. For awhile I felt numb from the shock and completely disconnected from my life. I went into planning mode and took care of everything and everyone else: she left behind three daughters. My husband was amazing and my two kids kept me going. But after a month my husband started telling me I needed to "get back to my life". I tried. And some days I have been able to keep myself busy enough that I think of her less and I'm exhausted enough that I sleep. Then I started to be angry at everyone and everything. I know this is a normal part of the process but I can't seem to get past it. When I am not angry, I can't sleep and I am crying my eyes out in secret while my husband snores away. I have all these questions that I know will never be answered and so many regrets about how tough I was on her at the end. I feel like I can't function anymore and every area of my life is being affected. I walk around most days feeling like there is a hole in my chest and I can't breathe. None of my friends know what to say to me. They have tried really hard to support me too but I feel like everyone is expecting me to "move on" and I just can't seem to do it. Does anyone have any advice about getting past some of this?
Clue Less posted a topic in Loss of a Partner(Note: I am posting a duplicate of post I published in "violent death" , because that forum doesn't seem very active and I need help soon. I hope the mods can allow both.) I am writing because my friend just lost his wife unexpectedly. It happened quickly, out of the blue. I don't live in the same city, but I am one of his closest old friends and I want to help him any way I can. I do have some experience with trauma/grief, but I feel like I don't know what the loss of a partner must be like and that is why I am using this forum now, because I could use some input from people who have gone through sudden unexpected loss. I want to help as much as I can, and if that means not being over bearing, I want to do that. Whatever it takes, I'll do it. If any of you are willing to share your experiences, I'd like to know about what you felt needed, and what made you feel best right after losing someone unexpectedly, I'd appreciate it. I realize that everyone is different, and of course I will listen to him and get his input, too. At the same time I don't want to burden him with queries that might be troubling, so any input those of you would like to provide could be extremely helpful. I'd like to know what worked for you.
So I lost both of my parents in a car crash. I was very close to both of them - some might say too close - but I considered them to be some of my best friends as well. The enormity of this loss is actually inexplicable. It has been just over a year and a half, and while I have very loving family, partner, friends, etc i still feel very alone. I'm functioning quite well, but go in and out of pretty dark moods and sadness. And am very quick to be angry (misdirected) and am hyper critical. I'm trying to give these feelings the space they need, but I'm also afraid of grief taking too big of a chunk of my day to day life. And i don't necessarily trust my feelings or judgement about other things because it all feels clouded by grief. And I find it hard to separate the loss - everything is Mom&Dad tied together ... It's like they are a unit and I cant pull them apart to experience the loss of each one of them as separate individuals. It's really weird. And just hard hard hard. I don't know. Anyway there is so much to say.
My grandad died in may 2012 unexpectedly , he was perfectly healthy but went to bed and that was it. He was basically a father to me and I thought the world of him! He really was the centre of the family. Im struggling to get past it as he was such a big part of my life, everything reminds me of him and life just isn't and can't be the same anymore. I'm struggling to carry on as normal at work as a nursery assistant and am feeling the pressure to be back to my normal happy jokey self!!! which just adds more stress! I'm also absolutley dreading Xmas and wish it would just disappear!! Grandad used to play Santa for the local children and we grew up thinking he was Santa helper, so Xmas has always been associated with grandad. I really don't want to celebrate it at all, but there's no escaping it! Especially at work . is it normal to feel like this 7 months on? xx