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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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  1. I've been married 30 yrs. 2 years ago, my inlaws asked us to come back to FL to help them as they were aging. We did. The day before Thanksgiving 2016, my father in law had a stroke. He was sent to rehab. Dec 29, 2016 I took mt Mother in law to the ER, she had to have a triple bypass. They both went to the same rehab/nursing home for 3 months. My FIL also had Alzheimer's. Hospice was involved with both of them after they came home and their health degraded so quickly. I think the rehab did something or didn't do something to cause this. My MIL had a stroke while in rehab because they took away her blood thinners. My FIL came home around Feb 25 2017 (give or take) and I was his caregiver all day everyday. He was a wonderfully funny & entertaining person. On May 4, he told me "I'm gonna miss you Tricia". I broke down in tears & ran out of the house. It hurt cause I knew! He then asked for my youngest son, I won't reveal what he said to him but it was nice. The next morning, he passed away. I was broken hearted. It was a joy & a pleasure to care for him. My MIL came home May 3,2017, I was her caregiver too. On June 14, 2017, I talked her into the light. She was suffering, had the "rattle" so I to,d her to head towards the light. She passed while I was talking to her & rubbing her arm & forehead. I dressed her in her favorite dress so she'd be pretty when she got to heaven. My heart was broken again. These people were like my own parents & now in 6 weeks they were both gone. I was caregiver for both of them. I don't know if I'll ever get over this. I'm 55, hubby is 61. I'm taking this loss a lot harder than he is. It really hurts. We didn't even get a chance to grieve the loss of my FIL and now she's gone too. I feel responsible though hospice said I went above and beyond. I did treat them both with love, care & respect. I loved these two people. Recap FIL passed May 5 2017 & MIL passed June 14, 2017 How do I get over this? How can I stop blaming myself? Is it my fault? I can't sleep, I can't eat. My stomach is in knots. I feel sick every time I try to eat. I'm hoping someone here can at least commiserate with me. Thanks to all! The pic of them was 1 1/2 yrs ago. It's unbelievable
  2. September has been a very difficult month for me this year--and not just because of professional pressures. Traditionally, it's always been a refreshing month of sorts, if not mostly because there's the first real whiff of fall in the air (now that seasons seem to be starting later and later). It's always marked a new school term with all of the excitement that it brings. Hopes of new projects. A time to break out new fall fashions. And yes, the approach of Halloween: meaning more horror to watch on TV. Last year changed that optimism so drastically. It was last September when my mom's decline assumed a frightening pace--right up to her death on October 4, 2014. Not that we ever gave up hope entirely. After all, her CAT scan had shown that she had improved in some places, and deteriorated in others. When my cousin and her husband came to visit us in mid-September, she seemed happy. Yet, it seemed strange to us that her red and white blood cells kept declining so markedly, even though she was still fit for chemo. That she suffered more and more severe stomach pains: not just once a day, but multiple times. That she could not see objects placed straight in front of her. That she could only go down the stairs with extreme difficulty. This was not the mom I had in February or even in May when she could still go up and down with ease, despite her stroke in April. It was on September 21 that she looked so uncomfortable and very cranky. Strange, because she seemed be doing much better the day before, a Saturday. She ate a good deal and I was happy. On Sunday, tempers flew. I threatened Mom if she didn't start eating or stop talking the way she was, I was going to call the visiting nurse. It was meant as both a threat and yet also as a possible life saver. After all, what if mom was about to suffer a stroke or heart failure? Finally, by early evening, I thought it was better to give a call. Up till very recently, I still had (or have?) no idea if I did the right thing. The nurse decided she needed to go and so she went. My mom was furious at me--and also began to suffer severe pains and low oxygen. They put an oxygen mask on her which made her even more uncomfortable and I almost wanted to cry for her. One of the nurses came by to give her morphine. In the meantime, it was discovered that she seemed to have some masses around her lungs. They didn't know if it was the cancer spreading, or if it was pneumonia. The next day, she was better but still seemed quite weak. We were relieved that her roommate appeared to be very friendly. In the next two days, as we had requested, my mom got moved to a single: this was partly so my dad could stay with her as it was clear she wanted one of us to stay with her. Since I was already spending so much time there in the daytime such that I wasn't able to respond to my students, we decided it was best for dad to be with her. The weekend of the 26th and 27th were beautiful, sunny days--sort of the eye of the hurricane. Mom was still somewhat weak, but she was eating more and seeming more alert as she wanted to be wheeled down the hall for her "exercise." Two women from the Taiwanese Association came to visit her (the ones I was complaining about earlier); one brought a roast Chinese-styled chicken from the local Asian grocery. On Sunday, she seemed even better and more alert. She ate with more gusto. We were pleased when the doctor making his rounds confirmed that--adding that her lungs were clearing up and she seemed to be recovering from what they were calling pneumonia. Already, I was mentally preparing a discharge from the hospital the next day: I would make or buy whatever breakfast she wanted--and then we would leave for home where I would make extra certain that she did not get sick again. Mom couldn't quite decide what she wanted; so I told her, "look I usually call you in the mornings anyway. So I'll call and you tell me then." I will never forget our goodbyes that weekend. She was awake both afternoons and managed to say "I love you." On Sunday when one of dad's friends was picking me up, she told me "don't get into trouble." Ever the protective mother. That evening, it seemed as if a cloud had been lifted. I had a chat with the lawn service guy who lived across from us. I then called mom to tell about a fly that had gotten into a water bottle which I had sealed immediately. Even after 3 days, it was alive and kicking in that water. Mom, certainly you can thrive right? But she was drifting off. Dad told me she had only eaten some of the food. As I got up next morning to call mom--the morning of the 29th, I received a shock. It was not mom or dad who picked up the phone, but a doctor. And strangely, a doctor with the same surname as my dad's personal physician. (Turned out to be his niece.) I was told mom had suffered a stroke. It would have been her second that year. When I arrived, she (and my dad) had already been wheeled to the ICU. Her room was a wonderful one, all clean and modern, overlooking the hills: it was her best one so far and it was too bad she could not enjoy it. I went and asked what meds she had been given to see if it was any different from what she'd gotten that week--before blowing up at my dad who told me he had also given her aspirin because she'd requested it. WHAT, YOU IDIOT, YOU GAVE HER MORE PAINKILLERS AFTER SHE'D ALREADY GOTTEN A HUGE DOSE?! (Later that night, my pharmacist cousin told me she thought those meds she got over the week were somewhat heavy for someone her age.) There was one only hope left at 12pm: that she would wake up like she did after first stroke. It had taken about 4-5 hours before she had gained consciousness the first time. Maybe this could happen again? The hours went by. 1 pm, 2 pm, 3 pm, 4 pm....and the day becoming increasingly overcast whereas it had been somewhat bright and hazy that morning. It was becoming evident that the hoped-for miracle would not recur. But my dad did tell me something interesting. Late Sunday night or the wee hours of the morning, she had called out for me. Then she proceeded to call her mother and all her siblings from oldest to youngest, not missing a single one. We wonder if she knew the end was coming. (More to come this week...I have so much to do but I feel I need to chronicle her passing. )
  3. It is almost a year since i lost my dad to a stroke, actually he was my grandfather but i've always considered him my dad since my biological father was never in my life. so he was 75 when he passed and i was 23. he had diabetes and some other medical issues so i was the one who used to take care of him. despite his illness he always had a smile on his face, loved dancing, making jokes, he had the kindest heart, he was the only person who was there for me, he was the best dad. since he passed i see the rest of my family and they are all moving on with their lifes as if my dad was never here, I feel left behind. plus a few months later my family and i had to transfer the remains of my baby brother who passed on 2002 which was really painful, and in May we found out that my grandmother has thyroid cancer, i just couldnt believe it,(it was the kind of things that only happen in soup operas) felt like God had left the building. i cry everyday and I dream about him almost every night , many night i can't sleep and it has started affecting my job, my studies and my relationships. Sometimes my mom asks me how am i dealing with everything, but i have never had a good relationship with her or her husband so i do not talk to her about it, although im really trying to have a relationship with my mom its really difficult to trust someone who's hurt you so many times before. when i look in the mirror, i do no see the same person anymore i feel empty, like there's nothing to look forward to and i haven't gone out ever since my dad's passing and my friends have called many times but i just don't see the point anymore. although i've been trying to have a positive attitude to go on with my life cause i know that's what he would have wanted for me. since he passed it seems like time has stopped for me. while the world keeps moving i can't. anyone else felt this way after losing someone? will it ever be the same? Thank you for taking the time to read/listen.
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