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Found 12 results

  1. Hi everyone,Last year I lost my father very suddenly. After losing my dad, I had a difficult experience in returning to work - in part due to the organisation's handling of this. When looking into bereavement practices and policies further, I found that my bad experience is not that uncommon.I'm currently studying occupational psychology and have decided to complete my dissertation research on young adults (18-25) returning to work after the loss of an immediate adult family member. I really want to look into how organisations and managers can make this incredibly difficult period easier.This post is to ask if anyone who has recently lost someone in their immediate family (up to 5 years ago) and returned to work would be willing to discuss your experience with me and answer some questions? All of your information and responses will be kept confidential, with only myself having access, and you will have the right to withdraw at any time during the process.It is important to note that I am *not* a trained counsellor, but I will do my best to support you and provide you with resources, should that be necessary.I am in the London area and I am looking to speak to around 8 individuals from the UK in the next few weeks either face to face or via telephone/Skype - whatever works best for you.Please feel free to message me privately where you are welcome to ask any questions with no obligation to take part. You are also welcome to message me if you just need to talk - my inbox is always open. Take care everyonexo
  2. Hi everyone,Last year I lost my father very suddenly. After losing my dad, I had a difficult experience in returning to work - in part due to the organisation's handling of this. When looking into bereavement practices and policies further, I found that my bad experience is not that uncommon.I'm currently studying occupational psychology and have decided to complete my dissertation research on young adults (18-25) returning to work after the loss of an immediate adult family member. I really want to look into how organisations and managers can make this incredibly difficult period easier.This post is to ask if anyone who has recently lost someone in their immediate family (up to 5 years ago) and returned to work would be willing to discuss your experience with me and answer some questions? All of your information and responses will be kept confidential, with only myself having access, and you will have the right to withdraw at any time during the process.It is important to note that I am *not* a trained counsellor, but I will do my best to support you and provide you with resources, should that be necessary.I am in the London area and I am looking to speak to around 8 individuals in the next few weeks either face to face or via telephone/skype - whatever works best for you.Please feel free to message me privately where you are welcome to ask any questions with no obligation to take part. You are also welcome to message me if you just need to talk - my inbox is always open. Take care everyonexo
  3. Double loss

    I want to say that I have no words but I have so many. I just can't get them out. People keep asking, "How are you?" I know they probably think I just don't want to talk but I really can't. No sooner do I go to form a word and the emotion swells inside of me like a volcano ready to blow. I really can't... All I can do is cry. I feel frustrated, lonely, mad and sad. I lost my husband April 15th. Then my Dad died. In less than a week, I lost my soulmate and the love of my life. My husband and I were together since we were teens. We separated for some time and fought our way back to each other. He went through so much and when we got back together, he was...again, the man I feel in love with but better. My Dad...through all the good, the bad and everything in-between, was always there. Always helping even when I (thought) I didn't want it. Now they're both gone. I am so lost. My husband was just 52 and my Dad, 75. I'm trying to support my Mom but, every time I see her my heart breaks all over again and I know she sees it. She's trying to support me, but I can see it's too much for her. I know I'm not the only person who's gone through this but I can't stop feeling that 47 is too young to be a widow. As horrible as this may sound...I try to remind myself that there are people who have lost their whole families - that I should be grateful for the time I had. But then I think how stupid that sounds. Grateful? How can I be grateful? Someone asked me, "Is this your first loss?" I keep thinking about that. What did she mean? Am I handling this badly? Were all losses like this? Should I have built up some kind of immunity with past losses? I'm sure that nothing was meant by it...but then why? I want to get control of my emotions. If only while in public...I can't even do that. I cry in the drug store, at work...at the bank...everywhere. People tell me it's normal. There is nothing normal about this. I feel fine for 15 minutes...then out of nowhere, I don't. It sucks. It hurts. It is so hard. It takes time?...I can't imagine EVER feeling normal again. I can't get out of my head. It's like I'm on overdrive. I can't turn my thoughts off...but yet I can't focus on anything.
  4. Hi All, I just registered today and am in need of some advice. My aunt lost her husband last July in a car accident. Our family was devasted by the loss, but none more-so than her of course. She handled it surprisingly well for the first few months, but now that things have all but settled down she's really struggling and shes been drinking heavily, spending excess amounts of money... My mother moved in with her to be there for support, but my aunt spends her days berating my mother and treating her terribly, then turning around and acting overly nice to her. Our family has a hard time being at her house now because it gets uncomfortable listening to her yell at my mother over little things. My aunt was never like this prior to losing her husband, and our family doesn't know how what to do. She thinks no one can help her and that no one cares. Does anyone have any advice on how we can support her? We don't want her to hurt herself but it seems to be inevitable right now. We're all lost and unsure about how to act with her. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
  5. My girlfriend is terminally ill

    I've never done this before... my therapist suggested that I reached out to people that understand what I'm going through. The love of my life has already lived past her life expectancy. She is in unfathomable amounts of pain everyday. She is depressed and dying and I am 1,000 miles away in a treatment center for my eating disorder and self harm addiction. Every time I look at my phone I'm checking to see if she's still alive. I'm so terrified and I think of that day all the time. The day she's going to leave this mortal world forever. I can't stand to think about it but it consumes me.
  6. Just six days ago, my fiance came to bed and within a few minutes had a heart attack,. I called 911 and they instructed me to pull him to the floor and do chest compressions. He was not breathing and the compressions seemed to have no effect. Finally EMS came and worked on him for some time with no luck. FInally after he was in the ambulance they got his heart beating and he was breathing on his own. At the emergency room the doctor told me he was stable and was movign him to a better hospital with a cardiac program. AFter hours in the cath lab the doctor told me the did restore some of the blood flow but my fiance would most likely have brain damage. About a half hour later the nurse took me to see him in the ICU and basically told me nothing else could be done they needed to contact his parents.They had to keep him on life support for hours until his sister could arrive. he coded 5 times until they were no longer able to revive him. I want to see if anyone else out there has eperience this with a boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance or spouse. Family members too but I think its a little different when its your partner. I really need to talkto someone who had the heartattack happen while you were with your loved one.
  7. Hello, friends! The message you are about to read is going to be kind of depressing, so, y’know, you’ve been warned. On 4 May 2014, I lost a good friend of mine in a car accident. He’s my first friend to die and the only death in my young life I wasn’t prepared for. His death has severely impacted me to the point of me needing psychological help as well as a dog to make sure I get up every morning. Right after he died, I was far away from his friends and family, and even though I was able to visit everyone, I wasn’t able to stick around them and really get in some good conversations and general support while mourning. I felt and still feel completely alone a lot of the time, which is exactly the reason why I’m trying to create a show that deals with death and mourning. I love watching shows. I always have. I love shows so much, I want to write them for a living, and make other people as happy as television shows have made me. I kept thinking after I lost my friend, what would Cory Matthews do (Boy Meets World)? How would Will talk to Uncle Phil about this (Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)? What would Winnie say to Kevin (The Wonder Years)? What would the cartoon version of Lizzie MaGuire say (Lizzie MaGuire)? I had no answers, because these episodes do not exist. I’ve already written the pilot episode for the show I want to make about people grieving, that’s where you come in. I need your help. I need your stories about losing someone you care about. It can literally be anyone: mom, dad, sister, brother, cousin, best friend, child, PETS! You name it! Death affects us all tremendously, and I want to hear your stories! I know my friend’s death will affect me for the rest of my life. The other thing is, is that this show is going to be realistic. Not every episode has a happy ending, because life doesn’t always have happy endings. HERE’S WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR, FRIENDS! If you have struggled with drug addiction, alcoholism, or any kind of substance abuse since your loved one died, message me! LET’S BE ALL INCLUSIVE, YO! I want to write an episode in Spanish (Hablo español, amig@s!), and let’s also keep in mind that different cultures deal with death differently! I WANT TO REPRESENT AS MANY DIFFERENT CULTURES AS POSSIBLE!!! It doesn’t matter if you lost someone six months ago or thirty years ago, message me! I want your stories to be memorable. So this kind of requires you to be a pretty good story teller, and you have to tell me when my writing is nothing like you or you just don’t like it for whatever reason. If you gained stronger faith in your religion, or lost your religion, because of a dead loved one, message me! I wanna read or hear or see your stories. You may message me here or send me an e-mail at budbuland@gmail.com, tell me all about you and your deceased loved one. Writing an episode of a show based on you requires me getting to know you pretty well, so we’ll be e-mailing and probably calling and maybe even Skyping. You helping me to make an episode based on the loss in your life will be upsetting, I promise you. But wouldn’t it help others to have a guide of how to lose someone they love? That’s why I want to make this show. MESSAGE ME! I CAN’T WAIT TO READ ALL YOUR STORIES! Love forever, Bud
  8. Alone and waiting

    Furniture - in the beginning I was shiny and new like a piece of grand furniture. As I aged and got nicked, dented and scratched I became less desirable to many and ultimately became a utility item. I was not really wanted but I filled a purpose so I was kept around. Then my Tom found me and he fell in love with me despite my nicks, dents and scratches. My Tom decided I was worth restoring . He buffed away all the damage that had been done by others and gave me a new finish in the form of love, joy, and hope. My Tom restored me and made my frame whole and strong. Now my Tom is gone. All the old nicks, dents and scratches have returned and are joined by new damage. This new damage results from disease, defeat, exhaustion, and loneliness. I am once again no more than a battered piece of furniture. I am uglier and weaker now so I have even less utility. I am once again in storage merely waiting for my final destruction.
  9. Alone and waiting

    Furniture - in the beginning I was shiny and new like a piece of grand furniture. As I aged and got nicked, dented and scratched I became less desirable to many and ultimately became a utility item. I was not really wanted but I filled a purpose so I was kept around. Then my Tom found me and he fell in love with me despite my nicks, dents and scratches. My Tom decided I was worth restoring . He buffed away all the damage that had been done by others and gave me a new finish in the form of love, joy, and hope. My Tom restored me and made my frame whole and strong. Now my Tom is gone. All the old nicks, dents and scratches have returned and are joined by new damage. This new damage results from disease, defeat, exhaustion, and loneliness. I am once again no more than a battered piece of furniture. I am uglier and weaker now so I have even less utility. I am once again in storage merely waiting for my final destruction.
  10. What to do First

    This is what helped me when my husband passed away unexpectedly at the age of 45. http://thegoodnewsis.com/Articles/where-i-began
  11. Hi. I lost my mom in october. She died of Lymes disease and Lou Gherig's disease. it was a terrifying time for my family to be with her as she went that way, she was such a healthy seeming woman that died within a year of being diagnosed, such a horrible shock. I was unable to be with her because i was stuck in another country due to immigration issues-- if i left the country i would have been kicked out for 10 years. It was such an impossible decision to make. not be with my mother? or leave the country and my husband and risk not being allowed in for 10 years, lose my home and community and husband? how to make that choice? I was able to make it home a month after she died. I stayed for a bit and now am back with my husband in the united states. With all the immigration stuff, and the travelling for her memorial it's just now started to hit me that she's gone. I've been so sad, of course. It's hard to grieve but I think I'm allowing myself the fullness of the emotions I need to feel. I'm reaching out for support from friends. My husband and I live in a very isolated rural community with no phone or internet, so I've found I've needed to go away some more to get the kind of support I need. A big part of this is because of my husbands reaction to my grief. Ever since my mom got diagnosed I've been a wreck. obviously. so it's been a hard year, and now that she's gone it's even harder. I've noticed as I ebb and flow in my stress and sadness, my husband does the same-- but worse-- he takes it personally, feels abandoned and threatened. Lately he has said things to me about breaking up, because he feels like I must want that, I must not care about him. That I'm not the partner he wants-- he wants someone to be happy and to be with him. Yes, I tell him, i don't want to be a grieving partner either. but that's what i am right now. He tells me he wants to support me in being with friends and getting the kind of support I need, but then when we go to stay with friends and I spend time with them he gets so upset and feels so abandoned by me, and I'm up all night comforting him, because I'm not there for him how he wants. what do i do? what kind of resources can i offer him? I know that he wants to support me. mentally he seems to understand that he needs to be supportive, that i'm grieving. but in the practical and emotional side of things he's just completely breaking apart because I'm going through this hard thing, and he really doesn't seem to truly understand what grieving means for me. gosh when i write this it's hard to believe that he's acting like this and i'm putting up with it... but there it is. please, i could use some help. I think HE could really use some advice and resources. I really don't want to lose my relationship with him, i just don't know what to do right now.
  12. Seasons of Grief

    I am really going through it this morning. I found myself running outside to make sure Jerry's canna lillies did not freeze overnight, it is 37 degrees here in PA. Jerry died july 5, during the heat of summer. Fall came with the leaves dropping and I sensed a change in my grief. I notice keenly the environment around me, so much more now that he's gone, the plants the animals he so loved. i listen for his whisper in the waters of the creek nearby where i work. i throw flowers there everyday to remember him, watching till they flow out of sight. i say prayers. i am grieving. somedays are better than others. i do not know what winter will bring. winter feels like everything dies to me, especially all the plants and i cannot stand to lose anything more of the man that i love. my home is exactly as he left things. all his clothes, ties, shirts, shoes. i have moved nothing of his. yet i sense that i have moved, if only a little both spiritually and emotionally. i do not know why i am having such a bad morning. one day okay, the next a mess. it is difficult to work under these circumstances. jerry, i love jerry. i will always love you jerry. we went through so much together to come out to the other side, and we did that together. we will forever be tied together. the formalities are done, the friends are less frequently appearing. i spend much of my time just getting through work, then coming home to read and sleep. jerry, i want you to know i believe you are my Angel now and I look for signs of you daily. May you rest in peace and look over me for all my days to come. I need you baby. love, your babypuddinhead
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