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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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About Me

Found 7 results

  1. My Lovely Lad

    Last month my son suffered massive head trauma in an accidental fall and died. He is my eldest son and I miss him deeply. I get up every morning and relive the pain of knowing I won't see him again in my lifetime. The grief is immense and it consumes me. I can share my grief with my husband but not my 18 year old son because I am afraid it will upset him more. My son was a gentle giant at 6' 5". He was passionate about golf, rugby, being outdoors, family and friends. I know I will get through this. I talk to him every day and I believe he hears me. When does it get easier? How do you answer the question "how are you?" I want to tell the truth but feel people will get fed up with me. I don't want to feel like I am wearing cement shoes and everything is a chore. I want to feel good again... xx
  2. new to this

    It was his funeral yesterday - so that means it must be true, its not a prank, or a cruel hoax, or a mistake. My son is dead and that's the truth
  3. I wrote an article for my college writing platform about my mother's death and not being able to say my last goodbyes to her. I also interviewed a variety of people who have lost their loved ones from different reason. It's all very touching and personal. Please read, share and comment. https://medium.com/substance/the-last-goodbye-8ad262a27502?source=tw-7d302ffef0e5-1417214533254https://medium.com/substance/the-last-goodbye-8ad262a27502?source=tw-7d302ffef0e5-1417214533254
  4. Multiple Losses

    I feel like my life is falling apart in front of my eyes and it's tearing me apart with it. My 32-year-old son has had a chronic, terminal illness for 14 years. Most patients don't live that long. He refuses to go to a doctor or have any tests or take any medications. He doesn't trust doctors or the medical profession or pharmaceutical corporations. It's hard for me to know how much longer he has to live. He lives with me and his deterioration is clear. He's an adult so I can't make him do what *I* think is best. I'm a single parent. My ex is a deadbeat loser (a lawyer who could make 10 times what I make, but he prefers to life off women and not work at all) who has not been in contact with his son for years. I am my son's sole support and he treats me like ****. I have to take it because what consequences could I use? I'm not going to kick him out of my home! He needs a warm safe place to sleep and nutritious food. Last May my 89-year-old mother (she was 88 then) got a urinary tract infection that led to hallucinations and sudden onset dementia. She cannot live alone and she has lived with me since then. She has aged a decade in the past year. So have I, it feels like. Early last summer I took all of the hateful things she said to me personally. Now I sort of understand that she doesn't really mean it, but sometimes it still hurts. My 11-year-old dog, who was my constant companion, who went everywhere with me, who slept by my bed every night, got sick at the end of February. I had to make the decision to euthanize her on March 13. I had a vet come to my home so she would be calm and peaceful. She hated the vet's office and it made her extremely anxious. My son (mentioned above) decided that she just had a broken paw and if it was set she would be fine (she was dying and suffering and her paw was fine). He refused to be here and stormed out before the vet came. Four of us were here with her, besides the vet, and we all tried to be strong until it was over. Then we all broke down and bawled like little children. Then it was spring break (I'm a teacher) and I had to go to my mom's house to pack, fix things, and try to get it ready for sale. Hard work for someone with chronic back pain. Now I'm teaching again, every day hoping I won't break down into tears in front of my students. I'm just crying all the time, watching my family die. So many people depend on me and I am stretched too thin. Probably I am just feeling sorry for myself and should just get over it. There wasn't a topic for "pet died, mom and son dying" so I started my own.
  5. Drug overdose

    My 28 year old son passed away in March from a drug overdose. I am still shocked and hurting from his sudden passing. Is anyone else struggling with this kind of loss? asb
  6. Brooks final resting place

    From the album My son, Brooks...

    Loved him so much I had to make his own casket. Everyone said it was so beautiful. Wasn't quite finished on this pic.
  7. Grappling with Grief

    Hello all, It's been a while since I've last posted. I'm seven years in, and yet it still feels like yesterday sometimes. I've come to the realization that this is as good as it gets. 80%. Never again will I know the innocence of love before the death of a child. I thought that after so many years the grief would be less, but it's not really. It still hurts the same, it's just less OFTEN. Less often that I feel the rip roaring pain searing through my chest as it did when my son Taylor first died. But the SADNESS is so overpowering it's tragic. I don't allow myself to wallow in grief as I used to. I've come to realize that in this world of ours, I am not allowed to wallow. I must be strong and keep my chin up, pull myself up from my bootstraps, be strong for my other child, etc. So I hold it all in -- as I imagine most of you who are reading this are doing also. I am able to distract myself from the grief long enough to pull myself away from the empty feelings and the yearnings to hold my young 17 year old son once again. But when I allow myself, my love for him comes flooding back like a river overflowing it's bank. Gosh, the love we have for our children - so unbreakable! I still write on Taylor's website ( http://taylorburgsta....com/About.aspx ) and you'd think that by now I'd be able to just "let it go" as so many people have told me to do. But I can't. I don't dwel; and very seldom does anyone think that I am sad. But I am, so much so that I often find myself pretending that Taylor is still here and sitting beside me as I drive along the highway. My imaginary ife is so much more hopeful and happy than what my life is now. I so wanted to be able to tell others that you really DO get over it. That time DOES heal all wounds, but I'm sorry to say that is just not the reality of our future. It does get better... just not as good as it used to be. I still hold onto hope for the futre... L- http://taylorburgsta....com/About.aspx
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