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My Dad, 47, was killed by a careless driver in May 2013. He had over 30 years of experience when it comes to riding motorcycles, so I truly believe that if there was any way possible he could have survived that fatal collision, he would have. He was killed instantly when a car pulled out of a junction and didn't see him coming past. It was a beautiful Sunday morning, the weather was perfect. Sundays are unbearable to me now. I respected my Dad so much, everything he did made me respect him and want to be more like him. He was everything a girl could possibly want in a father. I wasn't a typical 'daddy's girl', we had a very different bond to that of the usual father-daughter relationship. We didn't cuddle or tell each other we loved one another, probably since I was about 11/12 years old. We argued and debated, that was our thing. Even when I moved away to university I'd go home to have a good argument, because no-one else argued like we did. He taught me to have thick skin and not be hurt by what people say. Sounds strange. He was the first person I called when I was in trouble or stuck somehow, he'd always have a way to fix things. He wasn't one for giving advice, more like letting us make our mistakes and then explaining after how we could have done it better. My Dad was always made me laugh, even when the jokes were terrible. When I was a teenager we drifted apart but over the last two or three years we'd started to get closer and our relationship was better than ever. He taught me to empathize rather than sympathize, and not to judge people, especially if you don't know their circumstances. He was my reference point for everything, he provided me with the feeling of something stable and constant throughout my life. So when he was killed, I completely went into shock. I still can't believe its happened and I'm rarely able to express my emotions to my family. I feel unable to cry for my Dad and when I do it feels forced. It makes me more unhappy that I can't grieve for my Dad in a way that he deserves. I just feel like I have a total block on being able to be sad. When I do feel upset I feel bad about it because there are so many people in the world who are worse off. I have awful nightmares that I'm crying uncontrollably, but when I wake up the tears aren't real and I just feel very empty. I'm 20 now, and in my second year of university. I feel like I have no guidance, after the breakdown of my relationship with my mother (see other posts) and that I'm stuck at a point in my life with no idea what to do next.