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About Me

Found 5 results

  1. This is my first post in any type of forum about my loss, so please bear with me. Additionally, this post involves an LGBTQ relationship. If you are going to be negative about that, please take it elsewhere. There will also be mention of sexual relationships. So, on Father's Day weekend, my dad's dad died. He passed away on Saturday after a battle with stomach cancer. I was never close with him but it did still hit very close to home, of course. Just as I thought Father's Day weekend couldn't get any worse, my mom's dad passed on the holiday itself. My Pop Pop raised me when my mom was not able to and even when she was able to. We were so close and when she told me the news, I went into absolute hysterics. I saw him every single weekend. We talked on the phone every day. He was my best friend--the person closest to me in this world. And I am spiraling. Due to how immensely I am struggling, every aspect of my life is suffering. I can't concentrate at work, I have a vacation coming up that I am in no way excited for, I don't want to go out after work, I've stopped going to the gym and I've been gaining weight from not wanting to eat right, and my relationship with my partner is becoming rocky. I know that my partner loves me. Having anxiety and depression issues of their own, watching me cry and breakdown every single day for a month can't be easy. Last night, my partner told me that they feel as though I am withholding all affection from them. This confused me, as I felt I was being extremely intimate and close. The only thing going on is that we have not had sex in a while. Prior to the passing of my Pop Pop and grandfather, I was having some medical issues. I got those cleared up and then the deaths happened pretty much immediately. I don't want to think that my partner is just feeling negative feelings towards me because I don't feel comfortable having sex. I want to have sex, but every time we're about to, I think of my grandfathers dying and it is extremely graphic and depressing. I then feel guilty because my brain tells me that I should be grieving, not having sex, and then my body responds to that guilt and everything has to stop. What do I do? How can I get myself back to normal? It has been a month and I know it's going to be hard for the rest of my life, but I need to get myself back on track before I lose everything.
  2. I've posted here a while ago, while my dad was alive and I've anticipated his death. I knew in my mind and heart this was going to happen. He died a month and half ago. I don't understand why it still feels like yesterday. I was with him everyday for 7 months while he was hospitalized. He was only awake for 1-2 entire days at that point. I still felt his presence so never left his side. But now he's physically gone and there's this unexplainable void in my heart and soul. We had so many plans together. We never really travelled because of his work and my work but we spent a lot of time together. I'm 27 and he was in his early 60's. His death was due to medical malpractice so I'm still at the courts fighting for justice. It was a painful 7 months. I fought this journey by myself. A lot of family members couldn't handle it and stepped aside. My own brother couldn't face what's happened. I had a partner who supported me every now and then. He would sleep in the hospital with me when I asked him to. But It was just me during all those months. I arranged for the funeral, wake, all the estate legalities and still doing a lot of things on my own. I do it because he's a part of me and he's my father and can't imagine anyone else carrying this burden. It makes me feel still close to him in a way. But I think all the strength has dissipated. I don't have the will to fight, walk or eat. I understand this could be grief and the realisation he's actually gone. I stopped visiting his graveyard because it's too painful and feel tremendously guilty for not doing that. My boyfriend said that my "grief" or the death of my father had a massive impact on him as well. He didn't really know him but he saw him dying in the end. But I didn't realise why it's a bigger toll on him than me. He asked for space between us and said he's not able to support me during this grief period. I am really confused. I lost my father almost a month and half ago and I'm super shattered. I am usually known and portray myself as a strong and independent woman but now I'm weak and helpless and depressed. Does my grief and pain affect people around me even when I try to not show it. Does it scare people away. It's the first time I'm going through this and I didn't want to be alone. My boyfriend said I should lean on my friends more as he's not strong for me and will be strong in a couple of weeks or months so until then I'm on hold. He said he loves me but has to refocus on his life. What am I doing wrong. Is this common?
  3. Here is my story as it is still relatively fresh in my life, in hopes to find insight from both sides as to how I should continue with my situation. I am a 19 year-old college sophomore and about 3 weeks ago now I was left by my girlfriend after a beautiful two-year relationship. And, yes, it pains me how cliche my situation is. However after some complexities, it becomes more unique. After two years of being together- meeting in high school, both going to college down in LA (she's a grade below me)- her dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and soon passed two months after his diagnosis. She's 18 years old. I tried to be as supportive as I could possibly be. I drove 8 hours to be with her while her dad passed. I brought her family closer to mine to give support during their grieving process (invited them to our Thanksgiving). In every way I knew how, I was there for her. It was difficult for me to be with her every second as we went to schools an hour apart. Long distance is no stranger to us, as we maintained our relationship when I was 8 hours away from her in LA for my first year of college. And during the past 4 months we have been both happy maintaining our semi-long distance relationship at different schools. When the holidays came around, I was offered the opportunity of a lifetime to climb Mt.Kilimanjaro for free. I did the trip, but felt incredibly guilty not being with her in support as she went through the first Christmas and New Years without her dad. While I was away, we talked whenever I had internet connection and were both excited to see each other. When I got back, we spent a great few days together before I invited her to come on a vacation with me to Tahoe (in hopes it would both bonding and therapeutic). In the last minute before leaving, she told me she needed to be with her family and couldn't go. When I got back from Tahoe, she sat me down and told me she couldn't continue our relationship anymore because she needed to grieve her dad alone and valued the opportunity to be alone more than the opportunity to continue our relationship. That to me is something that is hard for me to fully understand. It hit me like a train. That night was sleepless and filled with anxiety attacks. I had 8 days before we each drove down to LA again. In my head I thought back to the 6 days prior when we were still together and everything was seemingly great, Only in retrospect do I realize she had been wearing a thick mask to hide her sadness, but I still am lost as to when the love slipped away with it. The dynamics had changed in our relationship after her dad, but my perspective was I was giving her the chance to be sad without me forcing her to be happy. Again, I didn't know how to handle to situation as I have never been there before. For the next 8 days, I spent time with her, cuddling, laughing, wrestling. She made it clear we were still broken up and used this time as a chance to easily transform our relationship into friendship. I saw it differently. I saw the 8 days as a chance to fight for our relationship. She would openly say she was confused, to the point that on night 5 she slept with me. From my perspective, there was hope and I wouldn't accept the idea that the relationship was over. When I tried to confront her about it, she would tell me I needed to forget about her and move on. And of course that’s the last thing I wanted to do. My mind was split between fighting for what we had to rekindle whatever had been lost, or to give her the pace I knew she needed. Still, the entire week I suffered anxiety attacks and cried excessively. In the last days before we parted to school, she became stern with her decision to split up and I truly began to mourn our relationship. On the day of departure, still a wreck, she kissed me goodbye and told me she wanted to stay in contact. My mind was spinning with the never-ending question of “why.” After she had expressed her desire for me, she still kissed me goodbye, told me she cared about me, and went on her way. I texted her on good terms as we each settled into our lives separated in LA, but told her to reach out to me when she wanted to talk. After a few days I never heard anything from her. It was so difficult to see her continue with her life so effortlessly. “Business as usual.” I used social media to see that she was having fun and still in contact with her friends, but I somehow had been cut out of the picture. I still loved her, but it was impossible for me to move on. I was an emotional wreck, lost in our memories and attempting to take my first steps towards recovery. I finally had the courage to call her after a week of silence, knowing that by giving myself a week I would get over the initial blow of emotions I would go through in the first week of separation. It was hard. Like withdrawal from a drug. My chest always carried around an aching pain, while my mind went on autopilot throughout the day. I would take advice and keep myself busy, meeting with friends, getting out of the house. I even picked up running. By the time I called her I thought I could begin to foster a friendship, knowing that giving her space would be the best thing for her. Deep down, I hoped she would turn back and say that she was wrong, but of course she didnt. We made small conversation about how our weeks had been, acting as though we were friends with no history. My mind was ruptured. It hurt that she never reached out to me in our week of silence, but boy was it good to hear her voice now. I quickly realized she didn’t want to get into the relationship. She made it obvious she was over with me, but my mind still hung onto this idea of hope from the kiss, sleeping with me. My mind seeded this idea that she was confused and still in love with me and there was some hope deep down. I knew it wasn’t healthy for me to cling on. But at the same time the last thing I wanted to give up on something that was so good. Finally I mustered up the courage to be direct about the situation. I understood she needed space, but was there any way I could be in the picture for that? No. Why did you kiss me goodbye? Closure. I want you to tell me you don’t love me anymore. I don’t love you anymore. We took a few minutes discussing why she felt the way she did in a blunt conversation. In the end she told me she needed space to be independent, not worry the stress of our relationship. But how could you give up on we happiness we had? I expressed my passion for our companionship, how happy we were together. A bad tactic, I know. At the end, I told her that for my sake we shouldn’t talk for several months. A peppy “OK. I understand.” Today I find myself in a situation where I know the healthiest thing to do would be letting her go and moving on completely to enjoy my time here in college. However it’s difficult to ignore the potential our relationship our had and the incredibly unique experiences we shared at such as milestone in our lives. My head has moments of clarity where I see the future as a single person, where I can develop myself, be with other people. But I am constantly reminded of the amazing memories we share and still not entirely understanding why it had to end with me out of the picture. My heart is suffocating from the anxiety and withdrawal of having a best friend. Where I need guidance is to assess where I stand in her life and how much should I be part of that. All I want to do is talk to her everyday and support her in such a difficult time in her life. The irony is before I didn’t know how to support her because I had never gone through any major grief in my life, and now that she’s left me, I see through her mask and can recognize the pain she must be in. I have several anxiety attacks each day, almost a month after she left me, each one inspired by a rabbit hole of thought as I think about how she is fine without me. I am reminded constantly of our past and am intimidated about the future. I’ve been told to support her from afar, but how do I do that without hurting myself? If I don’t talk with her will she drift too far and I then lose all hope of us getting too far? I want to give her space, but keep me in the picture as support. Should I fight or fall back? How do I cope with the anxiety? If anybody has lost a parent, what has been their experience with their relationships? What is it that she needs and is there anyway I can be in her picture? I know I am 19 and the story sound like the classic first loves drama. But the pain that I am going through gets harder every day as I think about her drifting. TL;DR My girlfriend left me after the passing of her father for reasons pertaining to her needing space to grieve. She fell out of love with my, however gave me strong signals of hope after we had broken up. After confronting the hope and beginning my first steps into acceptance, I am lost on truly understanding why she left me and how I should best allow the situation to play out to foster the potential for getting back together. The pain is overwhelming and I want to be there to support her but she has kindly told me she needs to be alone. How do I cope? How do I fight? How do I let got? What have been your experiences in relationships when losing your parent?
  4. My boyfriend and I have been dating for three and a half years now. We know we want to get married, we are just waiting until I finish college. I'm going to call him J. About a week or two after we began dating his mother committed suicide. She was the most beautiful woman I ever met, inside and out. J's dad lives in Ecuador, and she's had many relationships while J was growing up. She left him with her boyfriend who loves J very much. But at the end of the day his constant was always her. They always had each other and she treated him extremely well. He loved her so much. My boyfriend walked in on her after she did it. I don't want to get into the details but it was graphic. He lives with the image every day, and sometimes when he is quiet I can tell he is thinking about it. he blames himself and he feels as though he could have stopped it like he did before, because she had tried once before and he walked in on it and stopped it. Fast forward three and a half years and he is still not okay. His stepfather is remarried and isn't as involved in J's life like he used to be. We moved to North Carolina so we are not around any of our friends from high school. Though in high school we were together every single day after school, so neither of us hung out with our friends much. He does not ever want to be affectionate. He rarely wants to have sex. He has no hobbies outside of work. When I fight with him about not being affectionate he says that he is sorry and that I'm the only thing keeping him alive. He says he thinks about his mother every day , and that when he thinks about her it makes him want to kill himself. But he doesn't because he knows he has me. I know he will never be fully okay, but I want him to be better. Our relationship besides the affection aspect is great. I don't think it's possible to be more in love with each other than we are. Should he go to therapy? Is there something more I should be doing? Please help.
  5. Hi everyone, Not sure how to begin but I'll try to keep it short. I was very close to my dad, saw him every day and lived at home. He died suddenly of cancer, he was diagnosed and then died within a few days. It was horrific. From when he died I haven't had a sex drive. That was almost 2 years ago. Prior to his death I was extremely sexual. 3 months after my dad passed I started a relationship and until this day I've never felt how I did sexually. There's only what I can describe as a block. When I do make an effort with my partner it can take forever to orgasm and sometimes I even feel numb. I don't feel half of what I used to. I used to have such a high sex drive and think of sex daily. Now I don't think of it even once. Having sex is a chore. The odd thing is that I dream of sex a lot and in those dreams I have the familiar feelings I used to have every day. And the moment I wake up from the dream the feeling immediately vanishes and I'm me again. I have suffered from depression and been on medication for a few years or more, but prior to my dads death the tablets didn't affect me sexually at all. I think I have to stop complaining that it's the medication as I have tried 3 other antidepressants and been to my GP. Someone suggested trying counselling and I probably should but what I'm curious about is whether losing my dad has been the cause of what I'm feeling? If so why? And how is something like that overcome?? I feel so hopeless and low because to go from one extreme to another is very hard!