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Found 3 results

  1. Hello, I am really seeking help for my boyfriend, sorry for the long post My boyfriend is 19, just months ago in August his mother, who he was close with as an only child, passed away. He was away at college basketball camp, and she became ill, he came home and she was admitted into the hospital and in a matter of 2 weeks many complications arose and she passed away. The 2 weeks after her death he spent planning her funeral, having a graduation party, and packing to start college. He is a freshman at the same college as me, and also is a division 1 basketball player, so from her death he had a lot to deal with. He went to three therapy sessions, but quit as he got busy with basketball and school. He has only cried to me twice about her in the past 8 months. We were very close, best friends, very open honest, and in love, but in the past month things went downhill. The school did a video capturing the story of her death, this came out last month. The weekend that came out he got a lot of people reaching out. He then got extremely drunk, and cried and went over her death more than he ever has, even saying he wants to kill himself. The next morning he went to talk to his coaches and assured me he was okay and it was just drunken thoughts. His motivation for school and basketball slowly dropped, and i began fighting with him and found myself nagging him to do is homework and such. 2 weeks ago, he randomly broke up with me, ending our 2 year relationship which he had plans to marry me and such. He said that I needed to focus on myself and take care of my anxiety and depression, and stop arguing with him about little things, but he still loved me. Within the 2 weeks he has completely changed, he is short and angry with me. He isn't really talking to his friends, and only plays video games all day. I have been trying to talk through things with him, as he was never one to give up on a relationship, and he refuses. He also refused to go home saying "there is no one he wants to see at home" and will not go back to therapy. Today he revealed to me he dropped a class and quit his major, which he was very passionate about. I am just very worried that all of this, the breakup and everything is apart of something bigger related to his mothers death, since he did not have much time to grieve. He as suddenly turned into someone I do not know. I am very worried about him and was just seeking clarity and advice.
  2. Hi there all, I sadly lost my older sister last year after her two year battle against cancer. She was 2 weeks off her 30th Birthday. I am two years younger than her and it was so tough to see her deteriorate at the very end- to see her in such pain and then to be there at the end when her body couldn't fight any longer. She had a 3 year old son who is doing so well and is such a wonderful reminder of her. For the first three months after she died, I was 'doing' so well... everything was going well and I proposed to my girlfriend whilst away on a holiday to Oregon. When I got back, and back to school teaching after the summer holidays, everything hit me. I went to see a counsellor and felt very anxious and nervous and down. I also had questioned my relationship with my fiance... wasn't sure about anything. I finished the counselling and was feeling better about everything. I trained over the winter for a solo and unsupported 900mile bike ride to raise money for the hospice my sister was in... I haven't felt angry but guess that helped having something to channel my energy into. I raised £13,000 and after the ride, and going back to work, everything has been flat and been feeling very down again... This has really had an effect on my relationship; my negativity is wearing off onto my fiance and we don't have have the fun we once had together. I know when I meet up with friends it's like an escape and I can forget about things, but I can't seem to do this with my finace. I have been questioning everything over and over in my head and worrying that because things are different I don't love her anymore. I finally talked to her about this and she wants to move out to give me some space... she is amazing- she wants me to have some time and space. She has also said that we don't ever have to get married if that is what is worrying me. I have read quite a few of these posts and my heart goes out to all those who have lost a sister or brother- such a unbelievably sad thing to happen... I wanted to know if anyone else out there has then found other relationships in their lives difficult or how it's affected their marriage... I sometimes wish I could fast forward 2 years to when everything is ok again and we are happily married... I know that things will never be the same for me again, but I hope that it will be better at least... Any thoughts would be gratefully read!
  3. Hi. I lost my mom in october. She died of Lymes disease and Lou Gherig's disease. it was a terrifying time for my family to be with her as she went that way, she was such a healthy seeming woman that died within a year of being diagnosed, such a horrible shock. I was unable to be with her because i was stuck in another country due to immigration issues-- if i left the country i would have been kicked out for 10 years. It was such an impossible decision to make. not be with my mother? or leave the country and my husband and risk not being allowed in for 10 years, lose my home and community and husband? how to make that choice? I was able to make it home a month after she died. I stayed for a bit and now am back with my husband in the united states. With all the immigration stuff, and the travelling for her memorial it's just now started to hit me that she's gone. I've been so sad, of course. It's hard to grieve but I think I'm allowing myself the fullness of the emotions I need to feel. I'm reaching out for support from friends. My husband and I live in a very isolated rural community with no phone or internet, so I've found I've needed to go away some more to get the kind of support I need. A big part of this is because of my husbands reaction to my grief. Ever since my mom got diagnosed I've been a wreck. obviously. so it's been a hard year, and now that she's gone it's even harder. I've noticed as I ebb and flow in my stress and sadness, my husband does the same-- but worse-- he takes it personally, feels abandoned and threatened. Lately he has said things to me about breaking up, because he feels like I must want that, I must not care about him. That I'm not the partner he wants-- he wants someone to be happy and to be with him. Yes, I tell him, i don't want to be a grieving partner either. but that's what i am right now. He tells me he wants to support me in being with friends and getting the kind of support I need, but then when we go to stay with friends and I spend time with them he gets so upset and feels so abandoned by me, and I'm up all night comforting him, because I'm not there for him how he wants. what do i do? what kind of resources can i offer him? I know that he wants to support me. mentally he seems to understand that he needs to be supportive, that i'm grieving. but in the practical and emotional side of things he's just completely breaking apart because I'm going through this hard thing, and he really doesn't seem to truly understand what grieving means for me. gosh when i write this it's hard to believe that he's acting like this and i'm putting up with it... but there it is. please, i could use some help. I think HE could really use some advice and resources. I really don't want to lose my relationship with him, i just don't know what to do right now.