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  1. (Sorry for spelling errors I'm very shaken) Yesterday I lost my beautiful 10 month old lab x Spaniel puppy in a car accident, he pulled off the latch on his harness in an open park - and stupidly I didn't run to catch him as he was used to being off the lead and he was an extremely fast, agile dog. After a Minute I went to fetch him, hoping he'd of tired himself out on the field, as he's stayed a relatively close distance to me (no more than 6ft) but he hadn't and instantly bolted towards the top of the park (a long distance - roughly the length of a football field - a distance he's never bolted before) towards the road. I chased him but held back knowing that the more you chase they think it's a game. I tried enticing him back with food but he'd seen a female dog on the other side of the road and kept running. The owners of the dog played with him whilst I ran towards to road to get to him - I kept screaming grab his harness - but they ignored me. All of a sudden, the usually quiet road became full with about 8 cars. Alfie managed to weave through many - I tried everything I could to get him away from the road, I even ran in front of cars. Unluckily, his was hit by a car and skidded down the road. He seemed okay - everybody on the road stopped and people ran out to help. He was conscious and began wagging his tail when he saw me. Nothing was broken but he was bleeding from his mouth. I carried him and the driver of the car that hit him took us to the emergency vet. Everyone seemed optimistic he'd be ok - he was in shock but x-rays showed no damage and thy assured me the bleeding from his mouth was a broken tooth. They said there was slight fluid on his lungs that they'd investigate - so they sent me home because I was too in shock. I kissed him on his cheek and his little tail was wagging to see me - even when he was dying he was still wagging his tail and happy to see me I refused to leave and stayed in the waiting room for an hour, thinking that the IV drip, ext.. would magically save him. When the vet called me in, I was expecting her to say he was ok. But he'd died suddenly. His lungs filled with blood and when they tried to drain it his little tiny heart gave up. I stayed with his body for hours just screaming, I felt him go from warm and soft to cold and stiff, but I never wanted to leave my baby. I haven't eaten, slept or drank since the accident. It's my first experience of death (I'm 19) and I feel like it's entirely my fault. I keep asking the questions: - Why did I take him out? If we stayed in he'd be Alive -why didn't I wait for my mum to come home to walk him? - why didn't I chase him as soon as the latch on his lead to his harness disconnected? -why didn't the family across the road grab him when I asked -why didn't I run more amongst the cars to get him? I feel like this is more than guilt and grief, I feel like dying. I can't cope with the feeling of this loss and I was it was me who'd been hit and not him. He was so young and was a perfect sweet puppy - he deserved so many more years and I feel like I stole them off him. I feel like it was all my fault. I'm struggling to cope without him round the house with my mum; he used to sleep on our beds, watch TV with us, follow us to the toilet, watch us do our makeup, kiss our feet when we just came out the shower, slump against us with all his weight (he was a very heavy muscular pup) we'd go on long walks and he recently began enjoying to swim. It sounds silly but he was like my best friend, and my mum would joke that he was her son and my brother Everyone, including my mum, family and the vets told me it wasn't my fault; that it was an accident; that there was no way I'd of been able to catch him when he'd bolted that far (it was completely out of character for him) and that if I'd ran in to the road more I'd of been hit. But I just don't believe it - I honestly don't know how I can go on with these feelings of guilt that I'd taken away what was supposed to be a long and happy life for him. When I picked him up off the road he wagged his tail, licked my face and snuggled his face in to my shoulder (something he hadn't done since he was a tiny tiny pup) - he must've been so scared and I can't even imagine what he thought of me at the time:(
  2. Two days ago, I had to put down my best friend of 14 years, Titoy. Titoy was a blessing to our family. Around Christmas 2002, we lost my Uncle Larry, or Titoy as his family called him, to a tragic accident. As a part of our grieving, my parents decided to consider getting a puppy to bring some joy back to our lives. My parents took me to the breeder just to see what kind of puppy we might get in the near future. As soon as I sat on the couch, this little guy crawled into my lap and looked up at me with that crooked look of his as if to say "You're taking me home, right?" That's when I knew we were meant to be together. It's as if HE chose ME. That day, we unexpectedly came home with a puppy and decided to name him Titoy. From then on, we were inseparable. Titoy was my very best friend. He was with me through everything from ages 9 to 23. He was like my shadow, following me absolutely everywhere I went. As a young pup, he was full of so much energy, playing fetch and jumping over the obstacle courses I'd make for him for hours. Titoy was a funny, sweet, quirky, feisty, loving spirit until the day he went to rest. As he got older, Titoy began to slow down as all dogs eventually do. His hearing and eyesight got a bit worse and he wasn't as spritely as he used to be. The most notable difference was that after a few rounds of fetch, he would start coughing. I wish I had known at the time that coughing was an early sign of heart failure. A little over a week ago, I noticed that Titoy was acting funny. His breathing was rapid and he wouldn't eat or move. I took him to the vet where we found out Titoy suffers from a heart murmur and his heart was twice the size it should be, making it hard for him to breathe. After two days of treatment, he came back home with us. Although his heart failure was irreparable, we put him on meds in hopes of managing his symptoms and making him more comfortable. After a week of meds, Titoy declined rapidly over night. Poor thing was essentially suffocating. I took him into the vet and I told them that it was time to put my baby to rest. I knew it was the right decision by the way he looked at me. Throughout his life, Titoy would get seizures. Right before his seizures would happen, Titoy would find me and look at me with panic in his eyes as if to say "Please help me". He looked at me that day and I knew that was it. Among many other things, Titoy has taught me unconditional love. Even when he knew it was time for him to go soon, he was the one comforting me. As I held him, he looked up at me, JUST as he had the first day we met, and kissed my tears away as if to say, "Don't be sad, mommy! It's not goodbye, just see you later. But it's time for me to go now." He went down peacefully and I'm happy he's finally free now. As I came home to my empty house, I never could have anticipated the loss I feel. I feel like I've lost a best friend and a child all at once. I keep expecting him to see him waiting at the top of the stairs waiting to greet me when I come in the front door. Expecting to hear his footsteps right behind me. To wake up with him cuddled next to me every morning. My heart physically hurts. I can't stay asleep because my chest is so heavy, sometimes it's hard to breathe. However, I know that over time, thinking of Titoy won't be as painful as it is now. In a way, I consider myself lucky to have gotten to say goodbye to him the way I did. The last thing he experienced was me holding him and he did not go in pain. It brings me solace knowing he's running around in doggy heaven right now, peaceful and care-free. I hope you know how much I love you Titoy. Thanks for choosing me to be part of your life. I can't wait to see you soon.