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Found 9 results

  1. I am heartbroken. I am 31 years old and I lost my mother a month ago on 1/7/18. It was sudden and unexpected. She was vacationing in Colombia with my family who lives there. Somehow during the holidays she contracted meningitis and was gone within a week of feeling ill. It was so hard because no one knew what was really going on with her until it was too late. I was unable to make it to her in time due to Avianca airlines canceling my and my sisters flights. I had to have doctors disconnect her from life support via facetime. That was how I had to say goodbye to my mom. The images of seeing the doctors turn off the machines replay over and over in my mind. I begged her to forgive me for not being there to say goodbye to her. I have this incredible sense of guilt because I encouraged her to go to Colombia for the holidays. I also feel guilt because had she stayed here in the U.S. she would still be alive for me to hold her, kiss her, joke with her, hug her even as silly as it sounds, fight with her. There is also the guilt over feeling like more could have been done for her. I work in a hospital and I feel I could have had a trove of doctors and specialists do everything humanly possible to save her. I don’t feel like the doctors in Colombia caught on to what was happening with her fast enough. Maybe its just me telling myself that but it’s how I feel. And then last week, on the 28th I lose my dad... He had been living with COPD for the last couple of years but on the day my mom passed away I was given the news that my dad was at end stage lung disease and that they also found cancer in his lungs. It killed me because while my parents were estranged it would have destroyed my dad to learn my mom had died. Were given less than a week or two before he would pass. It was a nightmare after another. I kept the news of my mom from him untill before he passed away. I wanted him to know that my mom would be waiting for him once he was ready to let go. He passed away two hours after I let him know. I was able to be there for my dad they way I wasn’t able to for my mom. And that too kills me. There is so much more that I can write but I can’t because all I do is cry as I do. I am devastated. I feel as if this is not really happening. As if it was a figment of my imagination or a bad dream I will wake up from. But then as I wake up to another day I have to face the fact that they are both gone. Pratically in the blink of an eye. I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel as if my heart is physically breaking. The sorrow is indescribable. While its four of us sisters who lost our parents I feel so alone. I can barely face a day more without my parents and thinking that I have the rest of my life ahead of me to face without them is almost unbearable. I don’t know what else to do but cry and cry and cry.
  2. New tonthe Forum

    Hello Everyone, I’m new to the forum. I lost both of my parents a day apart 2 weeks ago. It was Monday September 18. My son was eating breakfast and I was getting ready for work. My phone rang and I looked to see who it was. It was my aunt (my father’s older sister). I felt my stomach drop because it was unlike her to call so early unless something was urgent. I answered the phone and heard the fragility in her voice. My father had died earlier that morning. My world as I knew it had been shattered. We talked every singles day several times a day. That was my best friend. I’ll never forget the feeling I felt. That night I received a phone call thst my mother was actively dying in the nursing home she’d been living in for the past 5 days (in Utah)I called into the wee hours of the night to find out her status. In the morning I called to check on her again and was told she had the “death rattle.” I knew it wouldn’t be long until she passed. I asked the nurse to put the phone to her ear so i could speak woth her one final time. As we made our way to TN (where my father resided) later thst morning, the nursing home called to tell me my mother had died. Words can’t really give justice to my emotions. My mother was a drug addict and she died as a result of the disease. I don’t she ever realized how wonderful she was and that she deserved better. I know there is someone out there that can relate/understand what it’s like. If you’re out there, please talk to me. Today has been a rought day on this journey and i could use a companion. If you got this far in the post, thank you for reading. I pray we are all able to move forward.
  3. I lost my mother at the age of 22. She battled cancer for 3 years and her last 6 months were painfully slow. It was hard losing her and I suffered from very deep depression during and after her battle with cancer. My father struggled a lot to be by her side always. He drank a lot after she died. Our whole family was in pain. Half a year after my mother died they found a tumor in my dads kidney that they thought was cancer. They removed the tumor and everything seemed well. Now I found out a few months later that he needs to start chemo therapy.. He has lost a lot of weight and I am very afraid of what will happen next. I am terrified. I am 23-years-old and the second oldest from all my siblings. I have an older brother who has been constantly living off my parents and needs more care taking than our youngest sibling. I have three younger siblings aged 22, 19 and 7. One of my siblings already stuggless with their mental health and is constantly on medication. I am basically the one who has to take care of my younger siblings and support them because I know my older sibling can't. We are all still not that mature and I am really scared. I am so sad.. I don't even know what I need. I just needed to let this all out.. I have to be so strong for my siblings yet I am suffering. How do people do this? How are people capable of living knowing they will not have their parents there? I just need some reassuring words that everything is going to be okay.
  4. Still.

    My mom passed away 12.12.14. I'm still pissed off, I'm still hurt, I'm still sad. I don't cry like I used to but I do cry. Currently I'm just trying to pick up the pieces. I miss her so very much. Since she passed, I just can't get on track. My life has changed in so many ways, I don't think I'll ever be the same. I do know time is a great healer, I know these things take time. I just had a birthday and I couldn't get into it, nothing seems right. The loss of a mother is so profound, it's true what they say "You only have one mother." I pray all the time now, I ask G-d for strength because I need it. My mother was everything to me, most days I just wished she was around. I just need her advice, her perspective and most importantly her love.
  5. So I lost both of my parents in a car crash. I was very close to both of them - some might say too close - but I considered them to be some of my best friends as well. The enormity of this loss is actually inexplicable. It has been just over a year and a half, and while I have very loving family, partner, friends, etc i still feel very alone. I'm functioning quite well, but go in and out of pretty dark moods and sadness. And am very quick to be angry (misdirected) and am hyper critical. I'm trying to give these feelings the space they need, but I'm also afraid of grief taking too big of a chunk of my day to day life. And i don't necessarily trust my feelings or judgement about other things because it all feels clouded by grief. And I find it hard to separate the loss - everything is Mom&Dad tied together ... It's like they are a unit and I cant pull them apart to experience the loss of each one of them as separate individuals. It's really weird. And just hard hard hard. I don't know. Anyway there is so much to say.
  6. I don't know where to start but I do know that I need to get a lot off my chest. I need help. I am currently in grad school at the moment. Just last week I had to return to my hometown to say my goodbyes to my grandma who passed a week before that. Her and I became absolutely close during my years at college. The reason why? I had lost my mom (her daughter) during my senior year of high-school to lung cancer. My dad died during my senior year at my undergrad, and my brother one month after graduation. I am utterly at lost here, being that these were the only people who I was really close to. I have older siblings, two sisters. But, I have never been able to get along with them as they are excessively jealous, dangerous, and angry all the time. My mom and my grandma trusted my sisters to do the right thing, to help them in their time of need...but they didn't want to. My oldest sister physically fought my mom and disrespected her all the time, made my mom pay her to take her to her chemo sessions or to the hospital. This sister did the same thing to my grandma as well. My other sister was granted power of attorney over my grandma, but she had never been concerned with my grandma's health until then. In fact, she always talked about how she couldn't wait for my gma to die so that she could move on with her life. Now mind you, both sisters don't have any income...jobs or that matter, but they we're very successful in the past. I am the only one that has graduated from college and gone to graduate school. My sisters have been angry at me for this reason, because they feel that they had given their lives away to raise their kids and to help my mom and grandma out. They also grew very resentful of having to care for my disabled brother who passed. However, I just remember growing up....that my mom did all of the the work by herself...My siblings are much older than me by the way, by twenty...thirty years. I could understand their anger in that regards, but I have been feeling quite alone in this journey through grief and loss. My sister who was granted POA blocked me from seeing my grandma while she was in the hospital, she didn't include me in making any of the funeral arrangements and so forth. A bunch of crazy, petty mess. I decided to attend my grandma's viewing instead of the funeral, because I wanted my time to say goodbye to her to be special. I wrote her a very long letter about my favorite memories together, my frustrations with not getting a chance to see her, and all of these things. I left behind two rings and a handmade bracelet that she liked of mine. I don't know....I'm just feeling angry and disappointed in this situation, feeling that it's not fair that I won't get the chance to talk with my parents, my brother, or my gma anymore. I feel hopeless, empty, and just emotionless? I am angry at my family for abusing my mom and my grandma (physically, mentally, and verbally) I am angry for having to watch this vicious cycle unfold for my entire life. I am angry that I could not do anything to help solve the situation, or to find the courage to speak up when things weren't right. I will write more, but this is enough.

    A lovely new friend of mine called Deborah recently commented that she was extremely afraid that as time goes on she will forget or not be able to remember the sound of the voice of her son in spirit. She said she cries just thinking about it. I completely understand this and have felt the same way. But I have learnt that this kind of thinking is just a worry that is caused by a feeling of disconnection. It is a fear and only a fear. Nothing is ever lost. All our memories are imprinted in our souls, eternally. I remember standing in my kitchen not long after Lily had died and I too had been worrying about losing memories of her. Then out of the blue, I felt her with me. I stood there holding on to both the tea towel and to the feeling that surrounded me. It was my daughter. And in that moment I realised that if you stay present and open, easier said than done – but possible, then you don’t need to “remember” them. They will just “be” there with you. All at once who they are, their essence, their beingness will surround you and everything will come flooding back. I do not believe that we need to hold on tight to the memories of our loved ones; I believe we need to take the time to breathe, to relax, to sit and wait for them to come along and sit beside us. I believe we can wait in that stillness until we feel a familiar presence with us. We can “zone out” with them, tuning into them like we would a radio station that we wanted to listen to, delicately turning our attention to the frequency of them or if that is too hard, tuning into the frequency of our love for them. Sitting and contemplating how much we love them actually connects us with them. Sitting there basking in that love we receive inspired messages from them. Sitting there basking in that love we receive inspired memories of our togetherness that they particularly want to enjoy with us. And they will sit with us until we remember. Lots of love. xx
  8. Judy Hefren is a doctoral candidate at Florida State University, College of Social Work, whose only son died in 2007 at the age of 17. She is conducting research in hopes of gaining a better understanding of how and to what extent the significance that parents place on the belongings of their child who has died impacts the grief process. Her hope is that this research may in some way help parents make these difficult decisions about belongings following the death of a child. If you are comfortable in doing so, Judy would appreciate it if you would consider completing this survey which may be found at https://fsu.qualtric...a9RgmjSubZrWS9f . This link will take you to a webpage that will give you additional information about this study. Once you’ve read this, you will have the opportunity to consent to be part of the study.
  9. Hey everyone, I'm writing today to try and find some answers/support dealing with the grief that I feel over the loss of my parents. Feb 2011 at the Funeral of her younger sister, my Mom told the family that she had been diagnosed with stage 4 renal Cell Carcinoma( Kidney Cancer). The doctors had told her to start making her final arrangements because it had spread to all over vital organs and her spinal cord. Needless to say they were right because by early June 2011 my mother had passed at the tender age of 58, in the Hospice Care unit of a local hospital. My Father was sick also (congestive heart failure & COPD) they were even hospitalized at the same time around April of 2011. But my father and I buried my mother and went through all sorts of BS with here siblings. They were under the impression that my mother had a secret fortune stashed away because of her frugal nature. But for the next year my dad was my rock, even though he was grieving immensely he helped me through the rough spots. My parents had divorced when I was 5 but after about two years they got back together but didn't remarry. So they had been together roughly 40 years, with me being the only offspring. Long story short my dad needed to get a defibrillator and a pace maker, received it in early July and died August 9th 2012. I'm crushed on the inside, but keep it together when I'm out in public. I'm angry alot and that is not healthy, I don't want to negatively influence my two kids.