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About Me

Found 4 results

  1. I lost my beloved sister 24 days ago. She was my only sibling. We had a rare bond, so close, like twins. We did everything together. By giving a look, we knew what the other was thinking. Although both adults with grown children, we continued to giggle, laugh, and call each other by childhood nicknames. A huge portion of my life died with her. I'm grateful and remember my many blessings (healthy kids, wonderful husband, a great dad, 89yrs old). but the pain is so all encompassing. I will never again have a relationship so unconditional. Who will I tell my deepest, darkest secrets to? The kind of secrets you share with the person who grew up with you? I just stumbled upon this site and it has been very comforting. I'm so sorry for all of your pain but I thank you for posting your stories. It is encouraging to see that others have survived and even found joy. It's also good to know that there are others who understand what you're going through. Right now the pain is so horrible it's hard to believe I will survive.
  2. July 24th 2012. I found her 30 minutes too late. She was till warm and I gave her CPR & the EMTs said she was DOA. She had jut turned 14, June 2nd. I was 17. I raised her. We had a shitty childhood, it was ALWAYS us against the world. I let her use drugs with me...I thought it was safer than with her friends. She overdosed on methadone neither of us had never touched heroin. I quit cold turkey and begged to be sent to rehab. I was clean for 8 months...then I stuck a needle of heroin in my arm and haven't stopped. I hate myself. I want to give up. I can't do it without her. I'm scared iff I get sober I'll kill myself....
  3. Hi. My brother died Dec.8,2015 about a month ago and I am so lost. He was gay and we were not even two years apart in age. We were very close. He was 54 and died from lung cancer and yes he smoked. He moved in with me in August and I took care of him until he died. We had a great 7 months and got to say everything but I feel very guilty for several things I told him before he died that I would do but could not. I feel like someone chopped off m y arm or leg. His birthday is coming up. What do I do for my mom? What about Mothers Day? I don't want to cause her more pain. In not sure how I will handle it but have to work that day anyway. Any advice would be so appreciated.
  4. I'm not exactly sure what to write on here. My younger brother, Cody, passed away on March 31, 2011. He had just turned 20 the month before and I was 22. My brother was killed from an accidental gunshot wound to the abdomen. How this happened, i'm not 100% sure. The police report wasn't definitive. They say either my brother was cleaning the guns at his grandfathers house and it accidentally went off on him, and the other theory was that his step brother didn't realize the guns were loaded and shot Cody unintentionally. Personally, I think it was the step brother and it was covered up. But, i'll never know. I could think this because I don't want to believe my brother made a stupid mistake that ended his life so young. Or it could be the gut feeling I have, i'm unsure. Whenever I have to mention how my brother passed....I always decline to say. How do you tell someone your brother died from an accidental gun shot wound and not get judged for it? I've read some of the other posts and saw how some of you mention the feelings of lonliness from being the last remaining sibling. I get it. Whenever I don't do something my brother would have done from my mom, I hear about it from her. Whenever I visit her she tells me how she thinks of suicide almost on a daily. She tries to then guilt trip me to moving back home so be closer to her. If I were to do that, I'd be more depressed than I already am from the situation. I miss my brother terribly. He was the jokster. Always making everyone laugh. In school he was the one getting in trouble for wearing inappropriate shirts that said stuff like, "girls don't poop." Now was my brother an angel, no. We fought a lot, but always made up and would laugh at our stupid fights. I miss his laugh. I miss his big bear hugs and going out to lunch with him on a whim and just hanging out. I miss playing video games with him and watching stupid zombie movies. It's been 4 years since he's passed, almost 5. I still cannot speak of him without crying. I can't talk about him to others. I get depressed and have panic attacks around holidays up until the day he left me. Thankfully I feel like it's getting somewhat easier. But, will the pain ever really go away? Again, not sure the point of this post. I told my girlfriend I would write on here to see if it helps. So I guess we'll see.