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Found 8 results

  1. I found this forum using google... My name is Lindsey. I lost my Father, whom I was very close with on June 11th 2014, and now I have recently lost my Mother who I was caring for on February 19th of this year. To say that I feel lost is the very least. My anxiety, among my mental state are kind of all over the place. I have no siblings, I am not married and no children of my own, and only a few people I can turn to who are honest and constant in my life. My parents both had illnesses, and I was there to help them along their way. My Fathers loss was very sudden, as he didn't wake up one day due to drug abuse, hypertension and diabetes at 50yrs old. I tried to resuscitate him, thought he would make it to the hospital fine, but he passed. My Mother was diagnosed with Follicular Lymphoma and passed in a three week span after a go at chemotherapy through January & February. I, myself am thirty years old... I was very close with my parents, and now I just feel this over whelming dread that I am putzing around in my life with no real compass pointing me where to go because it was always us helping each other. My Father suffered from mental illness so I stepped up to the plate at being an adult at a pretty young age. I've always helped take care of them, and them me, along with taking care of other people in my life. I miss them so much and I feel it's something it's going to take me the rest of my life time to come to terms with, and I feel like this cycle of grief is damaging me, pushing away those who I have left in my life because they honestly don't understand what is going on with me, and I'm left here trying to keep myself together... but it's something I must go through. I'm terrified of what the next year brings, and what will happen in the future when Holidays roll around, and I have no family to share it with. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I am now an adult orphan, and it's just not something I think I can fully grasp at this time, but am trying my hardest. I feel like after my Father passing, my grief was put on hold to continue taking care of my sick Mother, who at the time I only thought had a hereditary disease called Multiple Cavernous Angiomas ... Now it feels like I'm experiencing grief and so much more. I am seeing a doctor as of recent to try and get help, and suggests a support group for grief, but I feel if I go in public to speak I will just fall to pieces over it, and that is more anxiety I do not want to face head on right now. If anyone else is experiencing anything similar to this, I would like to know tips and techniques for helping to deal with it, please share them with me. Thank you for reading.
  2. I am an only child of two only children. My grandparents are deceased, my parents are deceased. Mother just died two weeks ago. I have no one who remembers anything about my childhood but me. I am 46, married, 2 children. Very lonely and lost. Is there anyone out there who is in my situation? How do you deal with this since of isolation?
  3. My mom died last September and my grief gets easier some weeks and harder other weeks. This is a hard week. I am an only child and was raised by my mother. It was just the two of us my whole childhood. She moved 4 years ago to live close to me and my husband and kids, and I am so glad that she did. We spent lots of time with her over the past 4 years. I was able to spend everyday with her during the 7 weeks between an unsuccessful surgery and her last breaths. It was just the two of us when she died in my arms......just as it had been during my childhood. I cannot believe that I will never see her again, that she will never give me that adoring look that she used to give me, that she won't see my boys grow up past their teenage years. I feel like I am changed forever. I witnessed the end of her life. I feel like my insides have shifted and that there is a huge hole in me that that can never be filled. The loss is profound and gut-wrenching. I wear her ring. It is a ring that she wore everyday for 60 years. I want to wear the ring and it makes me feel closer to her, but it is also hard because it is a constant reminder that she is no longer here. I suppose all these feelings are normal, but they sure aren't easy. I have a wonderful family, but I feel so alone in my sadness. Mom, I miss you. Love you forever.
  4. Hi all. I'm new to this site, looking for some support. I'm an only child of a divorced couple who were both such awesome parents. When I was 15, my mom moved out and it was just me and my dad for the next 5 years. My dad, Ron, was a people person- he was hilarious, sensitive, level headed, open hearted, goofy, hard working and had a huge soft spot for me- his only daughter. My mother had always told me she left my father because she needed to stop drinking and althought they remained on good terms, my father was devastated. My dad drank a lot of beer, never hard liquor. I only have a few memories of my mom being drunk when I was younger- she just now celebrated eleven years sober which is awesome. At the time, me and my dad just thought it was her "mid life crisis", it was always me and him vs her. As I grew my dads house kinda turned into a party house, big, semi secluded, my dad was cool with me smoking cigs weed and having parties, but I never let them get outta control. Soon, he was partying with us, tending to our drunk/hi munchies and making us all food having a blast. Those were really the best years of my life. When I was about 19, I stopped going to college and attended cosmetology school in the city. Living in NJ, my dad would take me to the train in the morning and lick me up at night. At about that time he lost his job. He drank more. He smoked more cigs, he encouraged me to drink and smoke with him. Soon he wasn't able to wake up and take me to the train he'd be so hung over. Or I'd get home at night and no one would be there, so I'd walk half a mile to the bar and he's be there usually in the middle of a story with a crowd around him making people laugh. I couldn't hate him. I told my mom and approached my fathers sister about my concerns for my dad. My mom would never speak badly about him and just tried to be the stable parent- plus I wouldn't want to bad mouth him too much to her either. My aunt though, showed no concern and said he was just going through a hard time and I needed to let him do his thing. A month later I found our house was being foreclosed. I had to move out. I had just been hired by one of the best salons in NYC. I got a place and moved out all on my minimum wage pay. My dad ended up living in filth. In someone's basement on a pull out couch next to a boiler room. I stayed there on Christmas. He was drinking and smoking so much. after my best friend passed away of a heroin overdose/suicide, we all went to a bar in my hometown where I ran into my father at 11 am after the funeral. His health deteriorated and he was a shell of a man. I was horrified and kept my distance- the man I loved so much had become so frail and anxious- literally shaking. Two years later my aunt who had dismissed my concerns is now asking me to lie to my father to stage an intervention literally on my birthday. This plan was never acted on, but I was horrified at her request and coldness. Regardless, my dad got well and quit drinking and got an amazing job where he was making 100,000 a year. He got promoted. Then while I was at work, I had 6 missed phone calls from my aunt j. I called her back no answer. No answer. No answer. I called my cousin- she hadn't heard from my aunt- so it wasn't my gramma- I knew in my gut then. I knew. She called me back finally- and said "your father had an accident today. This morning. It was fatal" those words. I collapsed. My friend came and got my from work. It was night. How had he been dead all day? But he just got better? He's been better. Like a year sober. A while anyway. My friends have supported me and my boyfriends tried but he's at the end with my depression. It's now June and I feel worse than ever. I've lost so much weight. Being a stylist I front all day like I'm happy when I'm dying on the inside. Plus my boss just found out his mother has terminal cancer and the other co workers mother died two years ago. I feel like people always tell me I'm so strong. But I feel it catching up. I'm scared. I want to die. I don't know what to do. I go to a psychiatrist. I don't understand why I'm so not myself anymore. Will I ever be happy again?
  5. Hello everyone. This is my first time at these forums. Is it okay if I ask about grieving in advance or worrying about the future regarding the loss of a parent? My beloved mother has brain cancer and it is not looking great for long term survival. As an only child, I am terrified of being left alone and what Mom's death will represent this large void in my life. At this present time, I am spending as much time with her as I can and hopefully bringing her peace of mind on this bizzarre journey from this illness. I find that I am mourning not only for myself but for my mother's life as well. Grief is a multi-faceted thing. I am sad for the life she did not have and how she deserved so much more. Mom has a tendency to be depressed (even before the cancer) and this affected her self-esteem and was illustrated by her procrasination in many areas of life (marriage, money, etc.). It breaks my heart to see Mom suffering now and not having the best quality of life. No one deserves this. I know other people lose their parents but I am truly terrified that I will not be able to get over this. Yes, I know I can't think this far ahead but I can't help it. Does anyone recommend first steps or have stories to share? I want to build a wonderful legacy for my mom and make her proud of me. She always tells me how proud she is and we have a very close/best friends relationship.
  6. Hi, My son (only child) was diag w/ rare cancer in May '11, passed away 12/20/13. His birthday is this coming Lincoln's birthday - 12th. My grief has so many compounding factors: (1) only child so not motivated by need/desire to live for other children or grands. my future was to be a grandmother (I wanted 5 grands and would help them), I didn't choose to be childless which is fine for those who do (I almost did choose that when we got married - I was 21- but then wanted him so badly as I matured towards 30/31). (2) he was an adolescent w/ unresolved issues of entitlement and need to separate (as is norm for those who go off to college these days). With little kids who die they say those relationships are unsullied and that's true. They do what you say, they adore you/you adore them and nothing complicated. With mature adults who are 25 or older they have matured (hopefully) beyond their issues w/ parents, starting to have appreciation more and more for them as they see how important family is and become grateful. So little ones and big ones go through cancer w/ gratitude for what they get. Adolescents do too but not always and not without having some issues. (3) cancer magnifies whatever you bring in to it, good or bad (grateful people become even more so, those who blame parents do so more) So he got cancer w/ issues and wouldn't work on them. For 2.5 years I moved mountains, east to west, north to south for him medically and to bring him joy while he mistreated me but I knew he was not likely to beat it based on diagnosis and not curable they said (they had no known treatment that works)., so I had to do everything so I could look back if this day came and say "at least I did everything". (4) he would not ever let us talk w/ him about feelings to have closure. to go over any wishes. to look in each others eyes to say all the things needing to be said. With sudden lose there is no opportunity for that. Usually w/ terminal illnesses the flip side of dealing w/ protracted care for years on end is that everyone gets to say what they need to so there is comfort, peace, closure. We had torture of cancer care AND no closure. I feel like my life will be all about "busying" myself w/ activities to create a life for myself but in reality it will not be a life - it will be the shell of a life. A shallow, hollow empty life that only looks real or okay to those on the outside who have not suffered loss of an only child. I will go about my day coming home to my pain every day. Waking to it. Only getting break from it when distracted. Unable to feel real joy again. Unable to feel real anything again. Fake. I loved him so much. It's unbearable the thought of future without him as described. Anyone else have these complications, even just some or one? Thank you.
  7. Mom died August 5, only a couple of weeks after an initial diagnosis of advanced small cell carcinoma. She was only 65. She was admitted to the hospital through the ER on July 17th and never left. Each day leading up to her death felt like a terrible car wreck that would happen each day. I am an only child and the main support for my father. His world revolved around my mother. We are thankful to have been with my mom when she passed and that she had the opportunity to communicate her love to us, and the few that were closest to her. It is very hard to know that she had to leave and was not ready. I dont think it has really sunk in that she is no longer with us. I deal with awful visions from the hospital mostly centered around her suffering and guilt for not insisting she be more attentive to taking care of her health sooner. Right now the hardest part is being the sole support for my father who is devastated. I think this has stopped me from being able to acknowledge my own grief. My dad is completely dependent on us (my husband and i) and unable spend any amount of time alone. I have so much guilt for even feeling overwhelmed about trying to resume my own responsibilities while taking care of dads needs. I can tell that is also very hard on my husband who is trying so hard to be everything for us. Does anyone have a similar situation? Is it too soon to be so concerned about dad? In many ways this tragedy has strengthened a bond between us and I would never want him to feel that he is a burden to me. I have contacted a local bereavement group and hope he will be willing to try it.
  8. to say this has been a tough year is an understatement. in june my dad, 82 at the time, was diagnosed with his second primary cancer-metastatic bladder. mom had chronic kidney, chronic heart disease, copd-you name it. so the summer was spent taking dad to radiation, hospital, etc. mom was doing ok, with some brief episodes of kidney/heart/breathing problems. on august 16th-his 83rd birthday, dad completed radiation. on the 17th, dad got the news that he needed chemo- the same day that mom's cousin was buried. i am a teacher, and a week later, the day before school opened, mom was in the er, for kidney failure, and released a few days later. on october 1-my aunt died (dad's sister in law). mom went back into the hospital several days later-regular room, icu, regular room. on oct. 26th she was sent home to rehab and hospice if needed, due to stage 5 kidney disease and chf-given less than 6 months to live and was on oxygen, needed a walker, and was retaining fluids. While mom was in the hospital, her brother died and the funeral was set for 9 days later- Nov 2. on monday, the 28th, hurricane sandy hit. i lost power for nine days (i have a well) but luckily my parents did not lose it. i had a week off of school, since there was no power and severe damage to the town i work in. this also meant that the nurses and therapists did not get to see mom in a timely manner, because of trees being down, and communication almost impossible. mom did not attend the funeral, because she had serious diarrhea, but i did. during that week, we saw the cardiologist, who said mom looked great, and to call the dr. that gave her the hospice orders. on the monday before thanksgiving, mom had a serious bout of diarrhea and vomiting-probably due to kidney or lactose intolerance. on thanksgiving she ate a chicken wing, some rice and corn saw my son and spoke to my daughter on the phone. that sunday, my cousin's 22 year old son died in a motor vehicle accident. the next day, i got a call at lunch time, from the visiting nurse that mom should go to the hospital, as she was retaining too much fluid, so i drove her there-exactly one month from the time we left. she saw the same dr. who suggested comfort measures, as there was no more that could be done. i asked mom if she wanted to stay at the hospital, dad, was also in the emergency room, at the same time, that day, due to problems with a catheter. i made calls and texts to my aunts-i am an only child, but have several cousins and aunts and uncles. i stayed with mom until about 10 that night. on tuesday i spoke to hospice and told my aunts that if they wanted to see mom, they should come sooner, rather than later. and stayed with mom until about 11 that night. my family from california came on wednesday at about 7 am. i ran errands, and planned to bring mom's dog to see her later that morning. at about 11:50 i got a call to rush to the hospital and picked up dad and the dog. mom was gone when i arrived. her sisters were all there, my daughter was flying in from the west coast, and my son was in the next state. i sent my dad home with my aunts, and stayed with mom alone-about an hour later, my honorary aunt and her daughter walked in and said her mom died an hour before mine did. mom's family had three funerals/wakes to attend in one week. fast forward to christmas week, and my dad was bleeding profusely and ended up in the hospital with his brother in a hospice room down the hall. on 12-29 dad was released and we went to his brother's room on the way out of the hospital, and as we walked in the room, he passed. since august, i have lost 2 cousins, 1 aunt, 2 uncles and my mom- and taking care of my dad. i took off work from the nov. 26th-dec. 12th. and went away with a guy friend for two days the weekend after the funeral. Oh and I forgot to mention that we live 10 miles from Newtown, where the shooting occurred. My daughter got in a car accident with my dad's car on that same day-she is ok but the 92 oldsmobile wagon is a loss. last friday was the first time i cried walking in to work. it just hits at certain times and there is usually no one to turn to for comfort. i miss being able to call mom and tell her the latest-and wish i had a brother or sister to share memories-it is hard being an only child and taking care of everything. i am wondering if there are any other people without siblings that can offer advice... -rox ps-wow this is reallly long
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