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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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Found 4 results

  1. Saturday

    Yesterday was such a bad day. I thought of my brother a lot. That made me sad, so in turn I became irritable. I stayed in my room all night after I got home. I argued with my husband over simple stuff. I was so "snappy". I had this overwhelming feeling of just numbness, depression. I got up this morning wondering how it had gotten so bad last night. Then I hop on facebook to see my "DNA donor" had posted a link to a song for his mother who passed last year. "One Sweet Day" (Mariah Carrey and Boys II Men). It was the last of four songs played at my brothers funeral. I'm going to church this morning. After arguing about it with my husband last night. I don't feel ready to take that step even though I've made the decision and began the process of trying to be better in my faith so I can see my brother again one day. I feel like he's pushing me. Then I also feel guilty for not wanting to go. Isn't that part of strengthening your relationship with God? (Going to church to worship and praise His name) It's what's expected eventually right? So why am I so against it? What harm could it do? The church is 15 minutes from the cemetery. I think I'll go talk to my brother after we leave. I feel like I'm gearing up for another bad day and it isn't even 8 am yet...
  2. Hey guys I lost my Dad in November 2016 after he battled cancer for a year. Since his diagnosis and up till now I've been completely emotionally numb. I've not come to terms with things at all really and I have held back any emotion I've had for the last year. This might seem extreme in an ordinary scenario to be numb this long, or maybe not, but it was normal for me because I've had an anxiety disorder since 2013, depersonalisation and derealisation to be precise. So naturally the prospect of losing my Dad plunged me deeper into the detached numb state that this disorder creates. The only problem is I didn't make it any better because I actively numbed myself too. The result is now I feel nothing like myself, not one cell in my body feels like my own or like me, and I haven't done since basically 2015. I want to be who I used to be, who I am deep down, who everyone knows me to be, the nice compassionate human being that used to exist before all this but right now I feel like a venomous devil. So I know that I need to release the emotions but I find it almost impossible. It's hard for me to focus or to not get too scared that I distract myself. Having to feel these immense emotions after a year of feeling nothing I imagine will be like being smashed in the face by a 100 ton boulder. But I can't live like this anymore, anyone who suffers from DP/DR will understand the horrifying state it puts you in. On top of this state I have lakes of emotion trapped inside of me which feels like acid burning up my insides. So anyone who has been through something similar, where emotional expression seems damn near impossible, what would be your advice? How did you get through the thick wall of denial and numbness and release the pain? I just need to know it's possible! Thanks!
  3. I am sixteen years old, and I lost my dad about six months ago. January 14th. He had been battling cancer for two years when it happened, and he had only been in hospice for a week and a half. I guess I felt kind of relieved. I only missed 3 days of school because I just wanted everything to go back to normal, but that can't happen.. I made myself seem stronger than I actually was, my mom and brother, who is 15, think I don't miss him. I cry every day and he is all I think about, and I don't know why I can't just tell them that, but I can't. My mom thinks I am a heartless bitch. I'm not. I just don't cry in front of her, and she cries all the time. She doesn't have a job and she's depressed along with my brother. I can't talk to her about anything without her bringing my dad up, and I'd rather just not talk about him. It hurts me to talk about him, but she doesnt know that. It's been six months and it hasn't gotten easier. I almost feel nothing while I'm feeling everything, if that makes sense. I can't talk about what happened without feeling like crying which is why I can't talk to my mom, but she doesn't see it that way. Just because I'm not dealing with it the same way as her, she sees it as a bad thing. I don't know what to do or how to talk to her. I'm just so sad inside and I miss him so much. He was my best friend and he always had my back. My mom and I aren't much alike, she's like my brother and I was like my dad, but now I'm all alone. My brother and mom gang up on me saying I don't care about them and that I'm not sad, which isn't true at all, but they don't listen to me. I miss my dad so much. I feel so alone.
  4. I am doing research that relates to how others feel about there greatest loss.Additionally, I am interested in comparing how others react differently to death. So if anyone could answer these five questions i would really appreciate it. What was your greatest loss so far in your life? What exactly happened? Were there any unusual thoughts or feeling you had as a result from this loss? How were your sleep patterns affected by this loss? What words best describe exactly what you lost from your life?
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