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Showing results for tags 'new years'.
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Ash posted a topic in Loss of a Parent (Mother or Father)My parents passed away very close together (October and November) and I've already had to experience my first Christmas and Thanksgiving without them around. I've been feeling numb on and off ever since this all happened and now I keep crying on and off. I went bowling tonight with my godfathers family among a couple family members of my own, and that distracted me for awhile. But now that I'm home my emotions are starting to settle in... Christmas wasn't good this year, but this feels even worse. If things had worked out for the better, I'd be sitting in my grandma's dining room playing Dominos with my mom and a few other family members, while my dad lays on the floor and just chills with us. I don't even know anymore. Their absence hits even harder bc usually I'd spend New Years with fewer family members than Christmas. We'd go out to dinner and then watch the ball drop on the TV at my grandma's. I'd be with my brother, grandma, grandpa, mom, and dad. Including me, that's six of us. But my grandpa passed away 3 years ago and now that my parents are gone, that means half of our New Year's crew is missing. I'm home all by myself with my brother who I have never gotten along with, and my grandma went to bed when we took her home from bowling. I don't know what to do because frankly, whenever I cry I feel like I'm wasting my time. I'm also not sure whether I want to be alone, or with someone. I'm capable of driving, but I'm not sure if I'd want to go anywhere to see anyone as the weather is sorta crappy and I'm a bit of a new driver. I also can't really think of anyone who's really worth spending this holiday with. I don't know I just feel really alone but also stuck and I'm probably just being depressing but I seriously can't believe I'm going into 2018 without my parents.