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  1. Just over two weeks ago my mum passed away from cancer at the age of 48. She was diagnosed in 2015 and that news destroyed her and she suffered depression for a long time after that. Just this last year, she had an operation in July which we all thought would save her. She spent over two months in hospital and she'd completely lost the ability to use her legs. Eventually, she'd had enough and came home. She wasn't home for very long before my dad had to rush her to emergency in the early hours of one morning after she'd spent the whole night throwing up. The doctors had to run tests, and seemed to think it was some sort of issue involving the bowel. It was supposed to be fixable. We later found out the cancer had returned and she would not be curable. In her last days she became completely unresponsive and that is what destroyed me. It felt like I'd already lost her, and I think at that point I'd already started grieving. On the 20th of December she passed away. My dad, my brother and I had just arrived at the hospital when we got the call and we went up to see her. She was just lying there, her eyes half open, cold. But she wasn't there. That wasn't my mum. Where the **** did she go? I've struggled with that a lot. I can't even comprehend how she can just be gone. How can someone be gone? I hate cancer. I'm starting uni this year and my mum should be here with me. She should've still been here with all of us. We all seem so lonely without her. So broken. And there are some things that I just so desperately want to tell my mum... Tell her about a film she'd love.. tell her about something silly I did today that we'd both laugh at... I just want to have her here with us, go to a cafe with her, be like the other daughters and mothers at the shops together. I am so jealous of them. My mum lost her own mum when she too was very young, and her mum died at the age of 49. She lost her mum, and then she too got handed the death sentence. How is that fair? If there is one thing I know about this world that I barely understand, it's that it is damn cruel. I just miss my mum so much. I'm 18, and to go the rest of my life without her now seems daunting. And my poor dad.. and brother.. it's so lonely. I want nothing more than for her to be back with us, and I just want to tell her how much I love her and I can't even do that. And it's not just her that is gone. It's all her hopes and dreams, all her unique quirks. All her silly unrelated emojis she would text me that now I miss so much. Just all gone. I have no religious beliefs but I do hope I will see her again, because I simply can't comprehend just not ever seeing her again. And this life seems so so pointless, do we all just live to die? I miss her so so much.
  2. Hi Everyone, I am new to this site and just needed somewhere to talk with people who are going through grief at the same time as myself. I am 24 years old and I found out my Mum died on 1st August this year. I had not seen my Mum for nearly 5 years. She had been getting worse with her drinking for a number of years, leading her to become an abusive parent, both emotionally and physically. I did not want to leave her all alone, but I made the decision to cut ties for the sake of my own sanity when I was 19 years old (really, I was still a child and had no idea how to cope with a parent with a drinking problem). The last time I spoke to my Mum was on the phone in 2014. I can't even remember the last thing I said to her. I know she lost her phone (as alcoholics tend to do) and I never heard from her again. I had no idea where she was living and I knew nobody that she was friends/in contact with- I couldn't find her, even when I physically went searching for her last year. The day I found out she died was the worst of my life. The post mortem results said that the main cause of death was 'chronic alcohol abuse', with secondary causes of 1st stage liver disease and alcoholic ketoacidosis (because my Mum wasn't eating anything for days at a time, apparently). I have read many stories online of people whose parents are alcoholics or drug users and their children despise them and want nothing to do with them etc. I have not read anywhere about the children who, although estranged from their parent(s), still love them. This is me. I have so much love for my Mum and I am absolutely distraught that she has died at the young age of 51 through her drinking habits. The guilt I feel is immense. I feel that I left her to die alone (she was found by a friend, on her knees, leaning on to her sofa- nobody knows the exact time she died that day, but she was completely alone). I am angry, so angry- sometimes at myself, sometimes at my Mum for leaving me/abusing herself so much, my 'friends' (most of whom haven't been there for me at all), my family (the majority have gotten over it already) and random people in the street who still have a Mum and don't realise how lucky they are. The main 'feeling' I feel is numbness; because I hadn't seen her for so long, nothing about my daily routine has changed and I had not physically seen her body before she was cremated. In my head, it's not real. It's a cruel joke that someone has played on me and I will wake up to find it has all been one big nightmare. I wish that were true. I haven't got anyone even close to my own age to talk to about this- I don't know anyone who's lost a parent. How on Earth can people my own age empathise when they have no idea what this feels like? I am on the 'waiting list' for a Cruse 1-1 counselling session, but they say it could be 5 months before it happens. I don't think I can hold on to my sanity for that long, but I don't want to speak to my doctor, either- I don't want 'happy pills'. I want my Mum back. If there's anyone who's been through anything similar to myself, I would be so grateful if you could reply to this post. Even if it's not similar to my situation, I'd welcome anyone's advice/opinion.
  3. Hi, My mum died about 6 months ago quite suddenly and I feel like it's my fault. My mum had mental health issues and would drink when it got very bad, and one night I came home and she was drunk and having issues. She went to bed to sleep it off and I went downstairs to watch television. Usually my mum would get u a couple times throughout sleeping to go to the bathroom and I'd hear her walking the landing, but that didn't happen this time. I realise a few hours after she went to bed she was being quiet and I thought that was strange (and I can't remember if I thought "what if something is wrong") but I didn't do anything, didn't go check, just went back to doing whatever I was doing downstairs. Later my dad came home (he had been home earlier and helped my mum to bed) and had something to eat and then went to check on my mum because he thought she was being quiet (not walking on the landing etc) too and when he went to check she had passed away in her sleep. I feel bad. I feel awful. I feel like it is my fault for not checking on her, especially if I did have the thought "what if something is wrong" though I can't remember if I did think that. What if I had checked and she had still been alive and I could have helped her? I literally thought it was weird she was quiet but didn't do anything. I don't know what to do now. I'll never know so I'll never be okay with it I guess. What do I do?
  4. Hello All, I have just signed up to this forum as I want to try and help people if I can just by chatting to people (god knows it helped me!) as I know it helps to chat to someone who can relate to what that person is going through. I lost my mum when I was 10 from cancer and it's fair to say it messed my schooling up and being at that age, I didn't really understand what was happening and it started to hit me as I got older the fact that I wasn't going to have that "Mum" influence as I was growing up in my teens. I'm now in my 30's and my step mum has a heart of gold but she still will never replace my mum, I don't think anyone's mum can ever be replaced. I will always miss her and would give up everything I have even just to spend a day with her.
  5. Hello everyone, I lost our beautiful mum on the 4th of Oct 2016. It all started suddenly with fever, 103.6 degrees, nausea, diarrhoea after that she did not pass Urine for a day or bowel movement. She was totally fine except type two diabetes and hypotension. We were in India at that time and unfortunately there was a dengue and chucungunya epidemic. We went to family doctor he didn't order bloods and by symptom he told us it sss chucungunya which my aunt recently had.!she had a real bad joint pain also which is a symptom. On the fourth day she started getting worse and had a severe abdominal pain and was short of breath. She did t want to go to the doctor or in emergency. She was so bad that she could not move we finally called the ambulance who took her to hospital. The local doctor ordered tests on day four and everything was OK according to him and he now said it was a viral and the only issue was low platelet count. She had stopped eating and drinking water by day 4 -!; 5. When we reached hospital they said her platelet count was dangerously low 95,000 they ran tests and said her creatinine and potassium were sky high which meant her kidneys had failed they were only working10%. They said this was due to some infection but it'd take time to figure out until then she was put on anibiotics inserted a catheter to mesusrd Urine output and was given meds and food through pipes in her neck. The only was to purify her blood was through dialysis. On second day X ray came and they said she had air leaking out of her Intestine. Even when we reached hospital they did tell us she was really really sick, her kidneys were bad transplant was not an option as she was I poor health. They did emergency surgery to fix air in the intestine and discovered she had a bowel perforation (peritonitis) The surgeon told us her chance of survival with surgery was 10% and without surgery she'd not make it either it was 0%. They removed infected part of large I testing, found 1 litre of pus which they removed and put a temporary STOMA in her tummy. My poor mum was unconscious she didn't know what was going on at all! So we consented. Surgery went fine and st night she was stable but they put her on non invasive ventilator to help her lungs and heart and so she could sleep. In the morning, we were told her blood pressure had dropped to a dangerously low point. They gave her all meds to pump it up but nothing working she was in SEPTIC SHOCK now, around 5 pm it was almost ok she was maintaining around 90 but after that it suddenly Dropped further. They called us from ICU and said the last resort was a blood transfusion and if that didn't elevate her BP she would not make it. They tried this but it had no effect on her blood, eventually after a three day struggle at hospital and a living nightmare she passed away, I could not take the sight of her monitor and her vitals dropping anymore I went out, I told her how much I loved her but I don't think she heard me, I just didn't have the courage to stay with her until her last breath she was on ventilator and her vitals kept dropping until her pulse showed 0.. I let my father and her brother stay as only two people were allowed, it haunts me to think that perhaps she was looking for me and my brother and we were not present when she was counting her last breaths. this was the worst day of my life, I would do anything to bring her back but I think I failed as a daughter whom she always trusted blindly, I told her she would get better but she did not. I should have been more proactive but my mum was very weak, she was also overweight 97kgs that's why it was so hard to take her down from a fifth floor apartment in a shitty lift. Her result for chucungunya done at hospital came back positive. She kept saying she was fine, none of us realised the fatality of the situation p I don't know what killed her, doctor said she must have had diverticulitis or Crohns which got worse but no one had any specific cause. Her cerfticicate said MOD PERFORATION PERITONITIS ANF SEPTIC SHOCK. Do not ignore severe abdominal pain she fell sick on the 26th with fever only, got wide on the 29-30th Sep and passed on the 4th Oct. I will never forgive myself I should not have listened to the family doctor I should have made him order bloods sooner rather than listening to his viral and chucungunya logic, I hope it never happens to anybody's loved one. I missed the chance to give her life, I hate myself I will never forgive myself me and my brother lost the most loving and beautiful mum withi a span of eight days ... I wish.. I didn't say goodbye I didn't tell her I love her I am lost without her life has lost its meaning what Devil attacked her. We celebrated her birthday just a week ago and mine too :(it was too late I am not sure if she would have had better treatment in U.K. Or Usa not sure if the doctors in India treated her properly ..
  6. I lost my mum about 8 months ago now. It was completely unexpected and I couldn't quite believe it had actually happened. I was only 20, approaching my 21st birthday and my younger sister only 15. My mum fell and hit her face and her heart just stopped. There was absolutely nothing wrong with her. She was fit, healthy and only 44. It was diagnosed as Sudden Adult Death Syndrome (SADS) and I wondered whether anyone had any experience of this happening to people they know? I'm starting to heal slowly but still have days where I feel so low I won't do anything. I'm dreading Christmas the most.
  7. Hi Everyone, I suddenly lost my mum just over 5 weeks ago to a brain haemorrhage, and I'm still really struggling to come to terms with what's happened. She was only 56 years old, and I'm 26. I'm still living at the family home with my younger brother and my dad. I was at work the day she collapsed. Everything was fine, it was just a normal day. She had sent me a message on Facebook that lunchtime about a holiday I was planning to book for the end of this year. Just before 5.30 as I was getting ready to leave work, I got a phone call from my brother saying 'Mum's collapsed, you need to come home now'. That's the last thing I ever expected to hear when I picked up the phone. I panicked and asked my colleague to drive me home straight away. Luckily I only live 5 minutes drive away. When we pulled up the ambulance was in the driveway. I ran into the house, and the paramedics were with her in the bathroom (downstairs) where she had collapsed. I went into the living room and helped my brother write down some information for her, date of birth etc, as he was in a panic and couldn't think straight. A few minutes later they pulled her out of the bathroom on a stretcher and put her into the ambulance. I went with her, and I called my dad at work so he could come home and get my brother. They both followed on to the hospital and met me in the family waiting room in A&E. They did a CT scan, and a doctor came in to tell us that unfortunately she had a significant bleed on the brain, and that she probably wouldn't wake up. At that moment I felt like I was in my worst nightmare. I didn't know whether to cry or scream, I just felt numb. This couldn't be real, it had to be some kind of joke. My lovely, funny, vibrant mum, who was absolutely fine one minute, had had a massive brain haemorrhage and wasn't going to make it. My whole world came crashing down around me. The doctors said they would be moving her to a specialist neurological unit at a hospital in Central London, but unfortunately she was too unwell to be transferred. Instead they moved her straight upstairs to the intensive care unit. We spent the first night at the hospital as a family. Me, my dad and my brother all in the poky little relative's lounge with two hard sofas and some thin blankets. None of us managed to sleep for more than 5 minutes. They thought she might go during the night as her blood pressure was very unstable, so we didn't want to leave her. The next morning they said that her blood pressure had stabilised, and that she would be kept on the ventilator while they carried out some tests to determine if there was any brain activity. Over the next two days they did several tests, and they all confirmed that she was completely brain dead. She was an organ donor, so they kept her on the ventilator until we decided the time was right for them to start finding the recipients for her organs. We decided not to keep her hanging on as she was already gone, and there were people desperate for organ transplants and it wasn't fair to keep them waiting. We said our individual goodbyes, then one last goodbye as a family, and went home. They called us once they had found the recipients and the operation had been completed. This didn't take very long, maybe about 12 hours. For the first couple of weeks I was in complete shock, just going through the motions doing what needed to be done, informing people that she had died, registering the death, making funeral arrangements. When I would talk to people about what happened it felt as if I was talking about someone else, not my mum. It took me two weeks before I was able to leave the house on my own without my dad and my brother, and I nearly had a nervous breakdown in my friends kitchen. Slowly it has become easier to cope with day to day tasks, but I still just can't believe she's gone. I keep expecting to go downstairs and see her sitting on the sofa in her fluffy purple dressing gown, or pottering around in the garden. I can still see her face, hear her laugh, feel her warm embrace. Although I know deep down that she has gone, she is still completely alive in my head. She was the one person I could talk to about absolutely everything. I looked forward to coming home every day and seeing her, giving her a cuddle and talking to her about my day. I loved her with all my heart and soul. She was my mummy and I was still her little girl. She was everything to me, the centre of my universe. The funeral was this Wednesday just gone and it was a really lovely service, it couldn't have been more perfect and was exactly what she deserved. She was a truly amazing and beautiful person who was loved my so many people. I am due to go back to work tomorrow and I just don't know how I am going to be able to go back to my normal life when my rock, my best friend, is gone. I'm worried it will suddenly all hit me once the shock wears off, and I will have a complete breakdown. How have all of you coped with adjusting back to normal life after the death of a beloved parent? Will it ever get any easier? Thank you for listening, and if any of you could offer any advice or words of encouragement I would be truly grateful x
  8. My mum lost her 3 year long battle with breast cancer on 30th December 2014. She was my best friend, I could talk to her about anything and everything. Although we were prepared for her passing, it still does not feel real. I am always half expecting that she will walk through the door and give me a hug and ask me how my day was. I have never lost anyone close to me before and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle it or what I should be doing. Every day something happens that I want to tell her about. What can I do to try to get past this? I am supposed to be going back to work tomorrow after having 2 weeks off but I don't even know if I'm ready for that. I am just looking for answers. A way that I can keep moving on with my life without feeling torn and in pain every single second of the day.
  9. Hi, my name is Dan I'm 24 and my mum has died. Although the details of exactly what happened are vague because I don't want to cause my older sister (who lived with her and found her) any more grief but ultimately my mum suffered a major head injury and was a tragic accident. She was taken to A&E near to where they lived and was transferred immediately to St Georges in Tooting where she was taken to their neuro ICU, this was the early hours of Saturday morning on 25 January 2014, she died 10 days later. At the time of the accident, my sister called me to let me know the situation and because of my profession (medical insurance) when she said she was being transferred to St Georges neuro ICU I knew then just how serious this was. I was drinking heavily with friends at the time but left straight away and jumped in the taxi and just managed to get to Frimley Park A&E before she got transferred - she saw me, and said "Dan" I said "mum" and that was it, the last time I spoke to her - she never regained consciousness although there were moments during the 10 days that followed where she did open her eyes again briefly and moved her right side now and again. The reason I mention this specific part is because in a way I'm happy she saw me and she knew I was there for her but on the other hand I'm heartbroken I didn't get the chance to say goodbye or even tell her how much I loved although I know she knew I did. When I was 13 my nan, my mums mum, died. The three of us were very close but for my mum she was everything, we used to spend every weekend with her until she died because her and my dad had a very bad relationship and I guess it was her way of escape, every Friday after I finished school we would head up there. When my nan passed my mum was never the same, she had lost her most important person and turned to drink. She was an alcoholic in the years that followed which when I was young I hated her for. She was diagnosed with liver cirrhosis in 2010 but this didn’t stop the drinking but now I was older I loved her so much I just wanted to make her happy and I tried because I knew time with my mum may well be precious. We'd go out for meals when I could afford to and I would always do as she asked of me, gardening, hovering ect, we spend a lot of time together and I'm proud to have her as a friend. I was a good son I hope and in light of her premature death that is my greatest achievement and my only respite. However to counter this I feel incredibly guilty because I only moved out 6 months ago and feel that I should of never left and I would of been there for her. My mum was simply the best person I will ever know and she loved me unconditionally every single day despite some very bad behaviour on my part and I cannot believe I have to go on the rest of my life without her. She was the most caring, loving person with such class and dignity despite all that life threw at her. I'm so lucky to of had her as my mum - all beit for too shorter time. I've lost all my desire to do anything, to work, to study which I did for myself of course but also to make my mum proud and now she's gone I just don't see the point. I always promised her I would take care of her which to me meant earning enough money to be able to do that - more meals out, maybe a few holidays, to create some happy days for her. I'm so sad that I won't be able to that. Up until my nan died my mum was the envy of many people; successful business women, beautiful, smart, confident, funny and the fact she went out the way she did causes unbearable pain because she deserved better. I find myself feeling very angry towards my immediate family, my sister, my dad and my auntie all of whom a feel should of made more effort and have not spoken to them since she passed. I'm not sure what I'm looking for from this but even to have written this post has made me feel a little better. It would be nice to here from people that may be in similar situations I guess. I'm too young to give up on life and pray it does not break me the same way it did my mum when her mum died. Ann 'Noreen' Johnson 1957-2014 RIP mum
  10. Hi All 1 week ago last night I lost my mum. It wasn't a surprise. It had been a 9 month battle against an agressive brain tumor and an inoperable spinal tumor (causing her to lose the use of her legs). This was all following her fighting small cell lung cancer and pulling through that but unfortunately the disease didn't stop there. After her legs gave out, we had to put her in an aged care facility as she now had high care needs. She was only 62. I'm so unbelievably sad yet so glad she is no longer in pain. I've been emotional for months trying to prepare for the inevitability of losing her. I hate it. I hate the crying. I hate the trouble getting a restful sleep. And I want her back! How did any of you go about handling the emotional rollercoaster? Its so tiring. Did you try counselling, meditation......sleep.... Oxfordaussie
  11. I lost my mum to cancer nearly a year ago now she was only 42 and i am now 21 it feels like there is a part of me missing. It hurts so bad sometimes i just dont want to go on. I dont know what to do without her. Does it ever get less painfull? Thankyou for taking the time to read this
  12. Hi In 2006 I was 13 years old, my Mum was 9 and a half months pregnant they were going to induce the baby the next day, however she went to go pick my little brother from school. On their way back they had to cross the road next to my house to get home but they got hit by a car. So I lost my Mum my little brother and my baby brother it was a terrible time. Since then I have received a great deal of help from fantastic charities it really helped to talk to people even though it took a while for me to figure that out. After all of this help I really do feel a lot better about everything but there has always been one thing that really bothered me. I'm sure that we all at some stage of the grieving process feel alone but I've always felt like nobody can understand what I have been through with losing so many loved ones in one day. So I was wondering if there is anyone who understands? Please get in touch it would really be great just to know that somebody out there can relate to what I've been through. Thanks
  13. Hello all, This is my first post..so hi! I've just decided to join as I'm looking for some support and guidance with a grief-related issue and my upcoming wedding. For 7 years now I've been close to a lovely young man called Matt, we've been romantically involved with one another for 5 of those years and next week, I can finally say I most definitely do! However, that's not without it's catches as there are a number of people who won't be there on our wedding day. The most significant, of course, being his Mum. As much as he and I only wish he had memories of her she passed when he was 4 and he has no memories of her at all. His Dad has not fared well to his loss and Matt has had to play man of the house for 22 years. Even when I first got involved with Matt, we'd spend extra amounts of money on making sure his Dad had a hot meal and we frequently hear from him because he's so confused by life these days. With the wedding coming up, a number of people have tried to get involved with helping Matt remember his Mum. Although Matt wishes he could remember her, he wants to have his own memories and hear stories only when he asks for them. So far this month, my Mum has rang around after his grandparents to source video footage of his Mum that she can put on a DVD for him, wants to make a photo album of his Mum with memories from other people and pledged to be twice the grandmother she wants to be to make up for her grandchildren only having one Gran. Matt hears from two of his Mum's friends who both share stories about his Mum with him without prompting them. One of these lovely ladies spoke to him on the phone earlier and told him the the first thing he said to her after his Mum had passed away. Now, whilst all of these ideas are lovely, it's really proving to be counter-productive in the final week to our wedding. We've got a first dance to finalise, packing for honeymoon to finish and a room to decorate. Like I say, these people clearly mean well but these things are not helping Matt. His emotions are already all over the place with becoming a married man and with his Dad having his own difficulties and Matt being an only child, he's not really got anyone else to talk to. We are remembering those special people in a special way. I've got my Nan's locket wrapped around my bouquet and pinned into place with my Grandad's artillery badge. Matt has glass cufflinks with a photograph of him and his Mum in them. At the reception, we have a memory table next to the top table which was very popular at our engagement party. Can anyone offer me some advice please? I want to allow Matt to grieve naturally and want to help him remember his Mum, but I don't want him to feel forced to remember her right now or feel like I'm preventing him from remembering her. Is there a nicest possible way I can ask these people to hold off their ideas, at least until after the wedding? The lovely ladies who are full of stories sometimes seem to forget that Matt is a grown man now and they tell him how proud his Mum would be of him (and I wouldn't blame her!). He's a man now, not a boy. I'd understand if he looked and behaved like a lost and lonely child but he's a great family man who lets nothing stand in his way. Obviously these ladies have known Matt longer but I do think their best intentions might be dragging him down a bit. Thanks all FoosBoo88