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About Me

Found 6 results

  1. Hi All, Since I lost my mom, 7 months ago, I’ve been searching for a haven where I can share my thoughts and emotions, without being judged. She is buried nearly a 6+ hours from me, so I’m not able to visit her as much as I wish I could. No one seems to understand why I’ve still been upset. I lost my best friend, mother, guider, therapist, all at once. The one person I went to for everything, is gone. I recently found this website called Mourners Lane. It allowed me to create a virtual memorial just for her. I could create her a headstone, write her messages, and even add her favorite music. When times get hard, which they do, I know have my mother with me anywhere I go. I’m able to visit her grave, morning, noon or night. I know I have a long way to go before I feel even remotely close to whole again, but I have a safe-haven for my thoughts and emotions. I thought, if it has helped me this much, it could help some of you, too. If you need help finding an uplifting place to honor and enjoy the memories of your loved ones, or need a place that allows your loved one to be with you, try out www.mournerslane.com Please suggest anything else that may help. Thank you xx
  2. I have a lot of favorite memories of my mom, whom I lost just over a year ago on October 4th. As mom and I have been together for some 52 years, I have a long list of memories...and just thought I would start off by mentioning a few. Sometimes when I get books from Amazon, I think back to a long time ago when I was a tot. Mom was already ordering books for me, most of which were from Dr. Seuss, and I always used to enjoy opening up the boxes and flipping through the pictures. (Even at 52, with multiple degrees, I still like to flip through a book for pictures, LOL: I just did this with a book on the economics of war!) It was even better when Mom read them aloud to me. I remember all of those wonderful visits to downtown Bronx--going to the local department store, which then was Alexander's: even if I got bored looking at Mom's clothes and shoes. We'd either have lunch at Woolworth's or later on, when I was in 2nd and 3rd grade, the local pizzeria. The latter was a real treat on half-days, particularly Fridays; it was such a delight having mom pick me up at school at noon before walking over to have pizza or Kentucky Fried Chicken enroute to the library, where I'd find new books, before heading downtown. Sometimes, we'd head to the zoo (yes, the famous Bronx Zoo!) or the botanic garden. How I remember the elephant rides and what passed for a petting zoo. But there was nothing like the thrill of heading down to Manhattan on the subway, especially on bright, sunny days...what fun it was to go to the Guggenheim and natural history museums....and yes, more shopping. How I remember the Macy's (still there) and Chock Full of Nuts. I think what made all of these outings so special was being able to bond with mom. I'll always remember the times when she held me as I got too tired; this is when I was about 3-4. And when I was older, it meant mom would talk with me there and back. (She was usually too busy when we were at home.) Need to get back to work....but I hope others join in with their favorite memories. It doesn't have to be a childhood memory; it can be as recent as the week before she/he passed.
  3. I am still in shock and really really devastated.. My world, my heart has been ripped apart and it does not get any easier.. I am trying to hard to cope with this but it is really difficult to process... i feeel like i been robbed my kira was only 6 and kayla was 12.. they were never ever sick and in the blink of an eye everything just turned bad and went wrong with no signs... i miss them so much... i feel so hopeless, i feel like there's nothing here for me... I know they would want me to move on ... they knew how much i loved them.... How to deal with this??? i can barely concentrate on class work... this is so overwhelming for me
  4. I will never forget the first time I heard Lily sing. She was around 18 months old and sitting in her car seat behind me as we drove home. Josh Grobin’s “You raise me up”, came on the radio and it was so inspiring that Lily felt compelled to sing along with the golden voice of an angel. I remember having a little tear in my eye at the time. I was so proud and honoured to have such a treasure to call my own daughter; a soul so pure and beautiful. Three weeks after Lily died, we visited my brother and were at his girlfriend’s family home when the same Josh Grobin song came on the radio. I had been being as cheery as possible with all these lovely people I was spending time with and concentrating on feeling Lily in spirit alongside me. But this song came on and I simply could not contain my emotion. I cried, I balled, I wailed, right in front of a room full of people which quickly became silent except for my hysterical crying. There was no consoling me. The looks of shock and helplessness on these friends faces is permanently etched in my mind. They simply had no idea of the sheer desperation and utter emptiness I felt without my precious Lily with me. At that point I realised, yes I am spiritual but I am also human and the human heart is a deep and vast place. If you feel like wailing do it. Don’t try to hide from the tears, they are cleansing and can wash away the sadness leaving you refreshed and able to take a few more steps forward towards healing. So I’d like to say “Here’s to you my lovely Lily. You raise me up every day, in my attempts to feel you with me as I know you are. You raise me up in the stories I share in my desire to ease other’s grief in honour of you. You raise me up in my determination to make something meaningful from my loss. And my darling Lily you raise me up in my expectation of seeing you again when I am finished with this beautiful life.” "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Grobin When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary; When troubles come and my heart burdened be; Then, I am still and wait here in the silence, Until you come and sit awhile with me. You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains; You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas; I am strong, when I am on your shoulders; You raise me up... To more than I can be. You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains; You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas; I am strong, when I am on your shoulders; You raise me up... To more than I can be. There is no life - no life without its hunger; Each restless heart beats so imperfectly; But when you come and I am filled with wonder, Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity. You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains; You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas; I am strong, when I am on your shoulders; You raise me up... To more than I can be. You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains; You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas; I am strong, when I am on your shoulders; You raise me up... To more than I can be. You raise me up... To more than I can be.
  5. For those of you who have been around for awhile, I apologize for the repeat information I am about to share, but for those of you who do not know about this, I will share some of my story. In August of this yaer, I came home to dinner one night after work. MY wonderful husband, dennis, who stayed at home due to health problems, had made a wonderful spaghetti dinner for the two of us, and we sat down to the mel, and we talked and laughed, while we watched a little bit of the news on tv, before his Friday night wrestling show came on. during the meal he rubbed at the centerof his chest a few times..and I asked if he was ok..and he told me he was fine..just indigestion from sampling the sauce. We continued with the meal, and he got up to leave the room to go get something... something. As he was returning, I heard him make a choking sound, and what sounded like my name..and turned to see him starting to fall....his heart failed..and I couldn't revive him with CPR, but later his heart was restarted artificially...and 42 hours later..I lost him. He was my life, everything I ever wanted. He was my best friend, and the most beautiful and loving man I ever knew. Romantic, and sweet, funny and intelligent- gorgeous blue eyes, and a smile to steal your heart away. And a musician to top it off..he could play anything on a guitar, and he could sing....and I loved him so much! For awhile, I could not really remember all of that night, time was distorted, the memories were confused..and I was a total mess..could not sleep, could not eat, could not think, could not stop crying. I am in counseling. I tried a couple different meds, because I have been suffering panic attacks again..a problem I have had a couple times in my life, but never this terribly severe. I am no longer on any anti-depressants..they were actually having a reverse effect for the time I was taking them..and I am afraid to try any others, to ell the truth. I have a PRN med for the panic..but it has lessened in severity..and I can usually control it now with technique, instead of pill. I am trying to focus on the memories of the good in our life together as much as I can. Happy memories, things he did to make me smile, sweet days we spent..things that soothe my troubled heart. As I grow calmer, more things are coming clear..and I am abler to deal with the other memories that surface in a different way.. Yes, I still hurt, still cry, still miss him being here, all the time. But I am not shattered and destroyed by every thought of him. I can sleep better now, and my focus is starting to improve, and I am starting to hope I might be able to survive this loss, and build another life over the one I lost that day. No I don't always feel that way..and sometimes.. the pain overwhelms me again...and it probably always will, from time to time. A memory will cross my mind..or a song will play..and the sense of loss hits me with a new wave of grief, for all the days we won't see together. But I can see him now, in my mind. I can see him as he was, and I can still feel the love. I remembered, that as he got up to leave the table, and walk by my chair, to leave the room that night... I reached out and put my arm around his waist and hugged him to me for a bit, something I did often, an affectionate thing, so common between us. I laid my head against him, and he stroked my hair, and kissed me on the top of my head, and laughed as he left the room....I can feel that..and I am so comforted by the memory of that one moment.....a moment just before the light went out of my world. But just that one memory will warm my heart and bring me some peace for all my days. It wasn't really an extraordinary thing. Just an everyday second in time..but so very important, in light of what came after. Small maybe to anyone but me..but a start to healing, I think. Find a moment in time, that brings you joy to think of, and let your heart feel the love in that moment. Focus only on that, and see if it helps you. See if it helps to calm and see if it can give you just a few seconds of peace to regroup. I hope this works for some of you, who are out here, who are hurting, like I do, who feel like you'd give anything for just one minute of peace. That's what I found..a moment of peace. May you find yours, too. Wishing you all the best- Silver
  6. Sorry, didn't realize it posted twice