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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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  1. My painful truth!

    Tonight, oh this very cold and lonely night for me. I sit by my computer pouring out my feelings. It's been four months since my boyfriend Scott left my side. I still can't believe he is gone. All these four months I've been battling with random sadness. The first month which was September was exhausting! I would cry every morning and night. I was reading some article it said you cry so much you run out of tears! I ran out of tears several times, its very true. The second month October, I thought I was doing better or so I thought! I was able to smile and my heart did not feel as heavy. I lasted only a week and than I started sobbing one night. I cried once or twice a week. I reread our messages, listen to his voicemails and look at his pictures and as weird as this sounds I get tired of it and fall asleep! I can't believe I get tired of looking at his stuff?! It's probably because I cry non-stop! The third month November, I did the same thing. I cried every night, looked at his things and went to sleep. I kept thinking about Christmas and I wasn't as excited for Christmas. Finally December the fourth month, I kept thinking about him during Christmas. I still cried every night, wish he was here to hug me and to tell me its going to be alright. I noticed that I didn't see him in my dreams as much. And I hate that because we can communicate through my dreams. When I dream about Scott it feels like he is still alive. I want to be the old happy person I was. I know that I won't be the same because there is an enormous wound inside my heart that only he can cure! His return is my cure, my happiness but I know it is impossible. So, here I am sad, cold and lonely wishing upon him. As I was brainstorming I thought I was going to be okay and not cry while typing. Currently, I'm wiping the tears out of my eyes because I keep thinking and remembering him. I cry in silence because I don't like telling people I'm crying for him. I do express that I miss him but crying in silence feels more comfortable. I try to find comfort, however knowing he is not around breaks me into pieces and I'm back to square one. I'm writing down the good times we had. This way I will never forget him! I have become a quirky person I like, reading Buddhist quotes, talking about ghost, talking about death, and going to spiritual stores. If a dog barks at me my first thought is Scott must be near me! HAHA, I am so ridiculous! Thank you for reading my sorrowful story! Here's a bittersweet quote I want to share with everyone: " Life asked death, "Why do people love me but hate you?" death responded, "Because you are a beautiful lie and I am a painful truth""