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  1. I’m typing this on my phone, so I apologize if there’s spacing errors. I’m also sorry since this is going to be long. November 5th of this year, I lost my mother from a combination of a cold, Lupus, and Interstitial Lung Disease. (Talk about no immune system.) She was only 56. I’m 18 and in a big transition in life, even bigger now without her here. I just started college in August, and it feels like just yesterday I was making the four hour drive with her and setting up my dorm room, despite the fact she had to wear a portable oxygen tank. I never minded her being sick; it was an everyday thing. I actually thought she was well enough so that I could go to school far from home. I was severely mistaken. I held her hand as she died, said what I know I needed to, and told her I loved her, yet I don’t feel any better. I had the luxury of being with her on and off for three months, but now I feel lost. Lost most likely because I don’t have anyone who can relate to me, in person at least. I feel like I’m drifting, floating as I’m trying to catch up in school, since I know she wanted to see me do well. I can smile, but at the end of the day I’m torn apart by tears and I just wish someone could vent to me like I need to vent to them. I feel like my friends/schoolmates don’t know how to react to me. It’s almost as if I’m expected to be okay. She was the only person I would turn to for help; the only one who I let see me cry. She was my world, and I think many of us who lose a parent so young feel a greater loss, perhaps because as we are just beginning our life, theirs are coming to an unjust end. These milestones (marriage, children, etc.) are pushed back later in life, keeping young adults close to their parents longer, still children in a sense. I’m still a child, even if legally I’m considered an adult. And I still need my mom. Feel free to vent or give your own experience. I’m mainly searching for someone to relate to, because this is a lonely path I’m on.
  2. Really have no idea where else to put this rant so I decided to do it here. Yesterday made it five months since my mother died. I was tremendously depressed and actually felt suicidal. I started thinking about how I can just go drown myself in a lake two minutes away from us walking distance. Then I thought about how my close friends and family would be affected. Then I just continued crying. Had no appetite so I didn't eat much. Today I felt sort of better. A lady who was best friends with my mother (and I'm close to their son), called me today. I told her what happened yesterday and how I really felt. She went straight to saying how I should have gone to church or read the Bible. I got furious and started saying how I feel and how I don't believe in worshipping a god who did not even listen to any of our prayers the whole time leading up to my mother's death. Then she said it was God's plan for what happened and he had a better reason for why things turned out the way they did. That basically makes it seem as if god shortened her life even though my mom never deserved it to be shortened. Being told that death isn't permanent makes it feel like my pain is useless and I'm mourning for no reason. When really I do have a reason to be depressed over the death of my mother. I'm starting to feel as if she is really just trying to comfort HERSELF. I told her how serious it was and how the depression prevented me from even doing my usual activities and that is when she decided to tell me I should speak to a counselor at my college. That is what she should've said in the very beginning. She knows how I feel when people bring up god and that he will make things better for us and we will see my mom again on judgment day. Literally makes no sense how since your body rots with time after you die. Still, she continues. She said she wont bring up god in our conversations anymore but I know that is a lie since she does every weekend we speak on the phone. It's really annoying and doesnt help me in any way. What helps one person wouldn't help the other person and she refuses to understand that and actually live by it. I'm tired of being preached to. I need people to rant to that wouldn't use a magical being as an excuse for what happened to me. She always says that she is suffering from her loss as well. She was her best friend, I was my mother's daughter pretty much all my life. There's a difference between our bond with my mother and it seems as if she is trying to minimize my pain. Just wanted to get that out even if nobody will respond.
  3. My mother passed away from cancer 2 years ago in July 2015. It is July now and at the end of the month it will officially be the 2 year mark. I have been a mess all of July, even a few weeks before July came about, and it's been very hard for me to deal with. Along with dealing with my grief I also have anxiety, minor depression and some OCD tendencies. It is my own fault, but I don't think I have allowed myself enough time to grieve. I always have plans and I am always working and running around from one place to another. It is rare I ever put aside time for myself, I have been this way all my life. Approaching this month of July, for 2 weeks straight I had horrible knots in my stomach 24/7. This had never happened to me before and they would not go away. My throat also felt a lot tighter and it still does. Then, I started having all these negative thoughts floating about my head, a lot to do with my boyfriend, who I love very much and have been with for almost 3 years now. They were thoughts that I don't agree with at all, thoughts like "do you really love him?" "your stomach hurts because you don't want to be with him anymore" and stuff like that. I love my boyfriend so much - he has been nothing but a constant source of support and love for me, especially in this difficult time. I've also been 100% honest with him about these thoughts and what I've been feeling. I was just wondering if this has ever happened to anyone else and if so, what steps did you take to make it a bit easier? The last thing I want is to lose my boyfriend, and I truly don't think I will because he's been so understanding, but having these thoughts is so frustrating and upsetting to me. Part of me feels like I am just so emotionally bottled up and drained that I am feeling so many things and worrying about so much that I don't even know what to feel anymore. And of course, with it being July, I've been even more upset than usual. Anxiety and depression doesn't help, either. Any thoughts or input would be much appreciated - it's hard to feel strong and get through my everyday when I feel like I'm going crazy and questioning things I feel like I don't need to be questioning.
  4. Ever since my mother's funeral on Saturday, each day just feels like a nightmare. I write down my good and bad things each day and I notice that I'm lucky if I even get one good thing to write down. The bad part, fills up really quickly. I feel as if this depression is causing health problems. I've been having chest pain and back pain on my left side for three weeks now but ever since my mom died, it just got extremely bad to the point where I can't even sleep on time, bend, stretch, or find a comfortable position to even just lie down and relax. I have no health insurance and I'm over 18 so I cannot be a dependent of my sibling. I don't want to go to a hospital and it ends up being something small , but I also don't want it to be something serious after what happened to my mother with her leukemia diagnosis and many other health issues people prior. It literally feels as if I was stabbed in the chest and it went through me. Everytime a thought crosses my mind about my mom, it gets worse. I just do not know what to do and I'm tired of everyday feeling like a punishment. I miss my mom so much and I would never want anyone, even an enemy, to experience what I am right now.
  5. My mothers wake is later today in the afternoon and I am really scared of how it is going to go. I'm not ready to see her embalmed dead body in the casket, unable to respond to me or anyone else. I'm not ready to see other people, especially my family, cry uncontrollably. But I know I will regret it heavily if I don't go. During the past week of fundraising and gatherings, I still have a part of me that refuses to believe any of this is true, even after seeing her lifeless body in the hospital where everything went wrong. I'm not ready to accept or think about how she will never see me graduate, attend my pinning ceremony, wedding, be there if I have my first child, move into my first apartment, or many other things a lot of my friends get to experience with their mothers. I can't call her on the phone in college to check up on her, rant about my roommate or professors, ask for ideas on assignments, or food when the college one gets too disgusting. No more fun family vacations she planned. I will never hear her laugh again. I would even prefer getting to have her yell at me over something like the dishes, if it means hearing her voice again. I will never hear her wonderful singing voice at random times of the day. Many more things I will never experience with her. I feel robbed. I prefer to never have been born so I wouldn't have to go through this pain. It's unfair. Really unfair. Especially those who I know do not appreciate their healthy mothers, makes this harder for me to handle. I am nowhere close to my father and do not want to be because he was nowhere to be found most of my life, including the last hard weeks of my mom's hospital experience. How can I deal with this and get through the wake and funeral in one piece? How can I find the strength to get through the rest of my days after the services? Sorry for the long rant...
  6. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer years ago and opted for natural treatments (diet change, ect.). It was barely detectable by imaging so it wasn't too concerning years ago and after the initial scare our lives resumed to normal shortly. I moved about an hour away and began pursuing my dream of becoming a paramedic. After finishing medic school and getting ready to start clinicals in the ER my dad calls me and say something her back had been hurting...he kept telling me to come see her but nothing prepared me for her condition. The once barely detectable cancer cells had grown into a massive tumor and my mom was almost unrecognizable. Five days later she passed away and I was barely able to have a conversation with her. I put school on hold and moved back home for a little while but it's been 6 months and I feel like my boyfriend doesn't understand why this is still so hard for me...I started clinicals and working in the er and seeing people die everyday is harder than I thought and some days I just can't bring myself to go. I really care about him but he doesn't understand how hard it is to see people suffer after what I went through with my mom and I feel depressed and withdrawn a lot. Some days are really good and I'm able to spend time with him and enjoy my life but other times the grief hits me all at once and I feel like no one else understands...most of the time he just tells me that I need to find a way to deal with it and not let it affect me but I just can't. Idk if it's because he's a guy or because his mom died when he was younger and he's found a way to deal with it but it just feels like he's dismissing how I feel and doesn't truly understand. Has anyone else experienced this or have advice???
  7. Hi all. My name is Stephanie. I lost my mother almost 8 months ago to ovarian cancer. I saw her suffer with it (silently b/c she would never complain) for about 2 1/2 years. She did chemo for 2 years and did responded well to it. Then the chemo stopped working and she slipped away right in front of my eyes. I managed as best as I could after she passed. I was enrolled in college at the time and stayed busy with that because I made her a promise that I would not drop out again. Because of school I stayed very busy and I guess my mind did not have much time to really process what I saw and what actually happened. I mourned her death but kept myself occupied. I worked out almost every day. I would hardly ever rest. I was constently doing something. Anything. I would do anything to try and fill the emptiness I felt. I even tried crossfit. Crossfit didn't work out well b/c I ended up in the hospital b/c of a very serious migraine, which was caused by heat exhaustion and dehydration, which in turn caused a very intense panic attack. I had an eye sguiggle b/c of the migraine which caused the anxiety to begin with. It made the left side of my body go numb and I thought I was having a stroke. I was driving my son home when the migraine started happening. I could not even remember how to get home. My 4 year old son had to tell me how to get there. I thought I was going to wreck. It was the most terrifying experience I've ever had. Ever since the day I went to the ER, I've been having issues. I started having panic attacks daily after that. Every time a bright light or something would interfere with my vision, I would start to have a panic attack. In fear of having that awful experience again. Eventually I couldn't sleep or eat.. I had a pounding heart with no relief for about 24 hours when I decided that enough was enough. Something is wrong. I need to call the doctor. I lost 10 pounds in 5 days and could not manage to get out of bed. It was the weekend at the time so by Monday I made an appointment to go see the doctor and he prescribed me klonopin to take at night to help me calm down so I could sleep. I was prescribed this before with post-partum anxiety/depression/insomnia. I absolutely hated it but It helped tremendously. I hated taking it but it eventually worked and I didn't have to take it anymore. I have tried Ativan and am currently taking xanax b/c the other too just made me more anxious. He did not diagnose me with PTSD officially b/c he's not a pysch dr but a OBGYN, but he seemed to think that is what is going on with me. I am doing better but I get this overwhelming pang of fear every now and then that causes me so much distress. It comes out of nowhere. It's a feeling like I am afraid to be alive. Like this is, or I am not real. Like I am stuck or claustrophobic in my own body. Saying out loud makes me laugh because it sounds so ridiculous but it is causing me a great deal of anxiety. And I CANNOT make it go away. I cannot get my mother out of my mind either. I was doing pretty decent before that experience in the ER. So, I don't know if going to the ER was the cause of this, my mother, or maybe it triggered something b/c of the overwhelming loss of my mother but It's absolutely horrifying and I'm at a loss. Benzodiazepines (klonopin, ativan, xanax, valium) so I'm told, is given to people sometimes to help with PTSD and severe distress and anxiety. It can take a few weeks for it to be therapeutic. Basically I am writing this to see if anyone else has ever dealt with these feelings before? I am at a complete loss as how to handle this. I hate the meds but what if they help me in the long run? I know this is a lot to read. I understand if no one wants to take the time. I feel better banging it out on the keyboard. Much love to you all who are suffering. (sorry for the typos)
  8. My mother died in January 2013 after fighting cancer for 20 years. The weeks and months that followed, my friends disappeared. I did not receive one bereavement card, flowers, or visits. Nothing. So, I returned to work and have been distracted ever since. I feel like I lost my faith in humanity along with the loss of my mother. I had invested years of my time and energy and support in their lives only to be abandoned in my time of need. I am still depressed and no one seems to care. I feel like the light has gone out of my life. Even people at work just gloss over my loss-and I've been there for 8 years. What makes it worse is that whenever anyone else experiences the loss of a loved one, everyone seems to fawn all over them. But i am alone. I will forever be shocked by the apathy of those around me.
  9. I'm new here and really new to grieving forums, or grieving in general This is the first time I've lost someone. I'm 23 (the baby of my family) and lost my mom a little over 2 months ago. It was really sudden. A scooter on truck accident. She was gone instantly. I still have anxiety inducing flashbacks to the day I found out. A few weeks ago I lost my cat as well. I'm devastated. I have the support of my family but they all live apart from me and are all married with loved ones to support them through it, and I am stuck with an emotionally manipulative and abusive roommate who is constantly making any of my pain about her. I don't have the emotional energy for this. I was already feeling in a rut and dealing with long term depression and anxiety among other things and feeling very unlovable. But I always knew I could call my mom and make it better. Now I don't have her anymore and I feel at such a loss. Its hard for me to want to keep going. I don't care about anything. She was so passionate about everything. She went back to school after raising a family and graduated just a couple months before. My oldest sister just had the first grandbaby and she was so happy. She only got 10 months with him. She didn't get to go to my brother's wedding, the only wedding in the family. I haven't seen her in 2 years, come Christmas, and now I never will. I feel bad even though I know we were both busy, and both thought we had more time. My birth was complicated and cause both my parents so much pain and fear but they stood by me and loved me and my mom said in a letter she wrote a long time ago that she'd "Do it all over again for me". I've never seen someone so devoted or forgiving. I don't really know what the point of this was except to get my story out.
  10. I cannot believe its already the 13th of December. In a little over a month, it will be three years since my mom passed away. I STILL cannot believe it. I mean I can, but it brings me so much sadness and grief when I think about her. It is almost as though I have to find the hidden corners of my memory to remember her in health, where as in reality all my life that I spent with her, was when she was healthy. Why does this happen? I am not sure. But recovery is not something that happens over a year, ha! its close to almost 3 and I still am not even halfway. I lost my mother to ovarian cancer in 2012. The world did not end, but for me, a huge part of what I knew and understood about the world and life did end. The source of love, not just any love, but UNCONDITIONAL love was gone. To think that I will never see her again hurts me so much. I cannot fathom that concept. I am not sure how i go about life everyday and how I have done that since the last three years. All I know is, my mom would not want me to feel this way, but it really so damn hard to be happy when she is not around. My mother, sister and I have been through so much in life. The loss of my father, very suddenly, in 2001 being one of them. I was 14. very young, understood death enough to know that he would not come back, but definitely was not mature enough to process it well. I was so young and so was my sister, ( oh my god, i still remember the horror of hearing about death of my father, some parts of it very vivid ( almost as though i had an outer body experience of watching myself cry with eyelids swollen to extreme, waking up at night) and others very blurry ( apparently I tried to jump off my terrace ( or so I have been told by a family friend who I met couple of months after mom had passed) but all I remember is a bunch of women surrounding me telling me " what is wrong with you? think about your mother". ) As I am writing this, I can feel a huge lump in my throat and im crying profusely. I was not able to think- to be honest- i do not even know how i managed it all. But now after having lost my mother, and married to my wonderful amazing husband, I cannot fathom how she managed it. "those women" surrounding me were right- THINK ABOUT YOUR MOTHER. I will just have to forgive myself because I was really young, and distraught and I eat all my sadness, to the point that its manifested in many ways- PCOS, im sure if I see a shrink they will diagnose me with depression ( i refuse to give into any labels that defines me sick because I see it as a process of healing, and it takes time) I most definitely have PTSD ( I am still trying to cope with it- I will talk about what I am finally doing to take care of myself- later) and it has affected my emotional wellbeing, and even my skin now. ( i am breaking out in rashes/ eczema/ psoriasis like) that the doctors just cannot figure out what its about after draining a gallon of blood and numerous allergy tests). I lost both my parents when they were away from me. I did not get a chance to see them. the horror and pain that brings me is out of control. There are days when I can cope with it, and other days I am spiraling in sadness and as soon as i hit the very bottom- somehow I can rise up. I feel so guilty about some of things i said to my mother when she was sick, pushing her to eat when she didnt want to, being frustrated because I couldnt help her. and acting out because of it. It is so absolutely hard to think about those times and not see how I could have been a better person, more understanding, more loving, more supportive but now that it is all gone, I do not know how to forgive myself anymore. I know for a fact that my mom wouldn't want me to feel this way but then, I cannot hear her say it so how do i know for sure? I just celebrated by 27th birthday last month and i was so sad because ma would call me to say happy birthday. Its been 3 birthdays and she hasnt, and she won't. its funny to also think how selfishly we celebrate our birthday as though it is something that only belongs to us! shouldnt it actually be my mothers day? she birthed me. when my friend talked about how birthdays can be so selfish, i realised how for most of my life, it was about me, but now it is all about her. Ma, i miss you so much. She wanted to see me graduate from school and next week I am graduating but shes not going to be there. I got married two months ago, and I took my mom and my dad's photo to the city clerks office because i couldnt believe that they wouldnt be there. and upon asking my husband to take a picture of me, my sister who was present, with our parent's photo- both of us starting crying. It is still so hard. I do not even talk about it with my friends or people I know. I can only talk about death with people that have a real understanding of it. Or it feels like I am talking to a wall. who looks back at me, but does not see me. or how I feel. Some people say that a sudden death is worse than an anticipated death. hahaha! what a strange thing to say. I have been on both side and neither of them is easy. at all. neither! infact waiting for my mom to (not) die was one of the hardest things i have been through in my life. I can actually say this with certainty as of now- the hardest thing that i have been through. But that opened up the concept of what losing your spouse or your child would mean. I want to take this chance ( if anyone will ever read this) to say that if you have lost your child, I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. i cannot imagine how hard that must be. To me that is the greatest pain a person can go through. Losing your spouse/lover is probably the other hardest. Now I am talking like everyone who tries to create a hierarchy for loss. I do not mean to. I will keep writing, I guess, but I really just want to help everyone that is dealing with loss too- i feel like if i can be of any help or insight to anyone- it will help me out in the process. I hope that everyone who is going through loss has faith and patience. Only time and you yourself can heal it. And you ought to love yourself enough to heal yourself. Life is too short and its not a cliche. It is the truth. Couple of things I have been doing lately to heal myself ( mostly because now that my skin is physically reminding me of my inner state) is - Pranayama ( breathing exercise) 30 mins a day. I split it into two or three parts so its easier to do so. I do anulom bilom/ bhrastika/ shitali/ and kapalbhati - I am drinking a lot of juices/ fruits and vegetables and taking herbs ( tulsi/ and different ayurvedic herbs for liver and blood cleanse, like tumeric/ ginger and garlic) ayurvedic herbs are really good as supplement to get rid of toxins in your body. Stress and energy blockages can create toxins too, so this should be taken if you know adequate information about it, and also if you are not allergic. I have begun doing this since three weeks- i will keep posting more when i learn more. - I am doing 20 minute workout just to keep myself physically fit. - drinking green tea/ tulsi tea. Herbal tea and cut out coffee/ alcohol and taking a break from smoking. - meditating. For those who have the means to travel- i suggest go to asia/ nepal or india or around that region.Or travel the world. meeting people from all walks of life teaches one a lot! I am from Nepal. We deal with death very differently back home- its all in the open. nothing is hidden and death is not a taboo. much love.
  11. My mother passed away suddenly from a brain aneurysm in 2006, when I was in 6th grade. All of these years I have thought I dealt with it okay, but now I'm 19 and i'm completely out of touch with my emotions. I feel like I just shut them off to deal with the pain, but now I feel so alone even if i'm surrounded by people. I am seeing a counselor but I joined this website because counseling is very expensive and I can only go to so many sessions, but i'm in need of a lot of help. To anyone who can offer me any words of peace or advice in this time of need, thank you.
  12. Hi, I loss my mother in September 2013 after a long battle with breast cancer that metastasized to her brain. She was only 54. In January my dad started having a new 'friend' hanging around and while I want him to be happy and be able to have a life and move on since he is only 53 years old, it is very difficult for me to be around him when she is there. I am just learning how to deal without my mother and now I feel like I am losing my father to this new woman. I am 28 years old and an only child, so until now the 3 of us were very close and now I feel very alone. Any suggestions on how to best deal with accepting your surviving parent who is moving on?
  13. I lost my mother (56 years old) less than two weeks ago, and I've been reading a number of ways to deal with the seven (others say five) stages of grief. I am a writer so jotting down my thoughts should come easily — and hopefully provide some relief. I was my mother's only child, and my parents are divorced, so I had to put her funeral together over the past week. While she wasn’t exactly 100 percent healthy, her death did come as a surprise. She also battled financial problems throughout her life, so her passing also left a large paper trail. I also became a pillar of strength for her friends and my father, despite their relationship ending a number of years ago. Needless to say, the stress of the situation came to pass during her service as I experienced a spell of anxiety for the first time in my life. A number of people in her life, including myself, attempted to help her with her health and financial problems, but her aforementioned issues were never resolved. She spoke often about what she wanted for her funeral after she passed away, and, despite the fact nothing was ever put into writing, I feel confident I did everything possible to honor her wishes. Her passing hasn’t inspired pity or guilt, but, of course, I wish I could have done more for my mother — who wouldn’t in retrospect? Since her service, I have made a commitment to myself to deal with the grief of her passing properly rather than fill up my days with routine and routine only. Simply put, I don’t want to ignore her passing, especially after experiencing anxiety, which I don’t care to go through again. Frightening stuff, really. It goes without saying, I will always miss her and carry a heavy heart. But, I wanted to share my feelings with a different audience outside my immediate family.
  14. as of yesterday, november fifteenth, it's been three and a half years since i lost my mommy. the date was may fifteenth. she was my absolute best friend. i was barely thirteen, it was thirteen days after my birthday. she had went out of state to see my aunt and i had went to a friends house the night before she was gone. i woke up and called to ask my dad if i could stay longer but he made me come home. i come home to see my aunt and brother, and knew something was off. my dad was too upset to talk, and it was the first time i've ever really seen him cry. i asked about my mom, because she was in poor health, and they told me she was gone. i was heartbroken and i forced myself to not cry and let it consume my life. after not sleeping for more than about an hour at a time for about a week, maybe two, i went on with life. in the year that went by i made questionable decisions i wish i could say i never did again. mostly, i didn't, but some repeated. after about a year and a half, the grieving kicked in again, but lasted a couple days. i went to see her as much as i could, but since my dad was the only way i had there until this past may when i turned sixteen, it wasn't as often as i liked. now that i have my license and her car, i go there whenever i can. more often than i did. but since junior year has started, it's like my life took a turn for the worse and everything has gone wrong. i want her here so bad, and this grieving has come back, and with a vengeance. i'm just so upset and i've cried so much today. i've been depressed so much the past several days and i just want to be happy again. i want to feel better. what can i do?
  15. We lost my mom in October 2012, unexpectedly. She passed away early in the morning so we were at home with her when it happened but could do nothing for her. Needless to say, I feel like I have a jagged, gaping hole in my chest still. Here is my problem: I have an 8 year old sister that witnessed this as well. I am 28 and still lived at home, feeling I could never leave her behind. My parents weren't always the best with her but my mom was better than my dad. With my dad, he is constantly talking down to her, stating he "needs a break" from the responsibility of her constantly. He says things in front of her that make her feel horrible. He constantly tells her she needs to be more responsible with cleaning, homework, etc. She is 8 years old!! I could see her being more responsible if he was an example. He really just wants her to clean up after him. I have confronted him on this on numerous occasions but it has done nothing. He is selfish. Before my mom died he made comments on regular occasions about "putting a bullet in his head" because she wouldn't let him get his way on petty things, like buying new toys (golf cart, guns, etc) He made comments like that when my mom would be angry with him for talking to my 8 year old sister in a demeaning way, much like he does now. He joined match.com and other dating sites almost immediately after my mom passed. The week my mom passed away, he felt the need to tell me a story of how my mom had cheated on him when they were just beginning dating with explicit details down to what type of condom was used. This whole time I am thinking "Why the hell are you telling me this?" But I was in shock still and thought maybe he was just dealing with her death in his own way. My sisters and I repeatedly requested if he did start dating that he not include our 8 year old sister in ANY of it. He disregarded this and has now been drug through the mud with him in his numerous outings with random women. He even told her that we asked him not to tell her anything to which she approached me and said "It's okay. I'm okay with daddy talking to girls. He told me you had a problem with it, but its okay." SHE IS 8!!!!!!! I find it difficult to deal with, I can only imagine how she feels. But daddy says its okay, so it must be okay. He takes her out to dinner with these women and MAKES her talk to them on Skype and whatnot. He has also had these women bring their children along and she has made "friends" with them. He had a long distance relationship with a woman he found on Facebook. My little sister said of her son, "He is almost like my stepbrother." Since then they have parted ways. And on to the next one. He does not take care of her basic needs but I am in the home and fill in where he lacks. She has poor hygiene but as her sister, she will only listen to me so much, as I am "not the boss" My dad will back me up on some things but others he is lax. She had a horrendous toothache for 4 days that kept her awake at night, screaming (literally) in pain. He refused to take her to the dentist and demand they pull it or whatever. She misses school regularly for no reason and is tardy often. He has received letters from the school about this and yelled at her for it, saying things like "Well, I guess they can just take me to jail!" Granted, she is not in a hurry in the morning but when he wakes her up 30 minutes before the tardy bell and expects her to shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, and get out the door in that amount of time I see it as his fault. He needs to be the adult and the parent and take the lead and responsibility! When she cries and talks about missing my mom he says "She's just trying to get attention." Granted she does use my mom's death to try to manipulate people at times she often times just wants someone to hold her, especially at bedtime. He yells at her often, especially when she interferes with his tv, facebook, or phone calls with random women. I have contemplated contacting child protective services to investigate. I am afraid they would take her away from him and put her in foster care. My other sisters live in a different state. We are all willing to take her in but since I live with him still that will not be an option. He is attempting to buy a house and land in the middle of nowhere in the state my sisters live in, but an hour away. He complains now that my little sister is too much for him to handle by himself but now he will have no one nearby to help with her and she will be bored out of her mind even more! He had a heart attack 2 years ago and his health isn't very good. He refuses to go to a doctor to ensure things are okay. My fear is that something will happen to him and she will be alone with him to deal with it until someone else gets there. She already went through that with my mom! But you can't tell him anything. What should I do? I worry about her and her well being but I also know that being ripped away from her daddy would be detrimental as well. But as detrimental as growing up with him and his lack of responsibility, emotional support, and basic interest in her?
  16. Hello! My name is Kelsey and I am a junior at Luther College. I have personally lost my mother to breast cancer when I was 6 years old. I am writing a research paper on how losing a mother to cancer at a young age (6-12) impacts female's relationships later in life. To participate you must be female, over the age of 18, have lost your mother to cancer between the ages of 6 & 12, and have been in at least one intimate, romantic relationship. If you personally have experienced this, or know someone that does, and would like to participate in a short phone interview, I would greatly appreciate it! All names will be changed for confidentiality protection as well as any information you provide me during the interview. This research project has been approved through my college's HSRB board. Just message me on here or email me at gundke01@luther.edu if you are interested. Thanks!