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I lost my mother a month ago to a sudden heart attack in bed. She was fit and healthy and had no health conditions, so this came as a huge shock to us all. I was visiting my parents for the weekend and was sleeping in the room next to them, and my Dad woke me up saying that he couldn’t wake my mother up. We both then tried to wake her, called 999 and the paramedics did all they could to save her, but were unable to do so. One of the problems I have during my grief is that because my Dad and I were the ones first on the scene, we saw her at the most horrifyingly worst - blue lips, helpless body and eyes all over their sockets, and then we saw her being given CPR for around 45 minutes on the floor of the bedroom. I just can’t get these images out of my head at night and they come back each and night as soon as I decide to go to bed. I’m sure there must be some link to the fact that it happened just after I went to bed that night and they therefore come back at the same sort of time. I don’t live in the same house where it happened, but that hasn’t really made much of a difference with this. I’m curious to know if anyone has had any similar experiences to this and whether they found a solution that stops this regular recollection of what I saw that night. I’ve tried reading more books than usual, especially in bed at night, which helps a bit but it hasn't solved the problem. It wouldn’t be so bad if I was recalling the best memories I have of her but it’s always these absolutely terrible ones. I’d also like to know how people have got through the first few months in general. I was numb for the first 2 weeks, and then going back to work I’ve felt a bit more normal but some days are very painful indeed. I’ve heard people say that a sudden death like this takes longer as the numbness and shock need to get over first before the proper grieving starts, and now I feel like I’m right in the full grieving process. I’m not religious, but I still like to feel my mother will always be by my side in some sense and always there to offer an opinion and answer a question - which is good because she was always right!