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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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Found 7 results

  1. It is a confusing story none the less. I am 21 years old and unsure what my life will hold from here because I am in fact scared of death. The story starts with me meeting my love. He was a lost, deep and passionate soul. We met right before I was leaving for my freshman year of college and he worked hard since the very first day to win me over. at He eventually became my boyfriend that May. We were in different locations and the long distance was hard but when we were together it was incredible. Eventually, I could not handle the long distance and broke up with him in the beginning of my junior year. I moved on to my current boyfriend who has been there for me through this whole process. During my Junior year that thanksgiving break, I went out with friends and decided to text and find him the night before Thanksgiving. I did in fact and I was then torn between two boys. He was the most passionate person there was and would do anything in the world for me. We fooled around thanksgiving break and then spontaneously I got a free trip to Flordia to go work for a week after my finals were done. We went on vacation in secret and it was the most incredible week I have ever had. Following that week in Flordia was Christmas, New Years and then I would be leaving to Study Abroad in Cape Town Africa for a few weeks. Christmas he was in Mexico but we spent New Years together and something was not right. I was torn between two guys and that was not fair to them so I had to pick. The night before I left for Cape Town, Africa was still the most tears I have ever had to this day. A lot of fighting, crying and contemplating went on that night but we ended things. We for the first time addressed all of our problems and the long distance and why we broke up. All the questions we both had were answered. We ended things peacefully, maturely and with mutual forever love and that we would figure things out in the future. I boarded that plane the next day, had a layover in Germany and the moment I landed in Cape, my life changed. I had to turn around immediately and spend a total of 40+ hours of flying in 3 days to grieve the loss of my ex-boyfriend. He died in a drowning accident. I miss him everyday. The situation has been confusing to explain to my current boyfriend because of the fooling around that went on. For the most part, I am okay. Life has to move on. I had a few moments of complete despair and one resulted in a suicide attempt. I am sad though and do not know how to ask for help. I am confused on how to grieve. Was he someone who was suppose to walk into my life and go or was he suppose to stay? That’s the tragedy that I will never know. Regardless he taught me lessons. He taught me about forgiveness, the power of being loved and being devoted. He taught me passion and he also taught me sorrow.
  2. I don't even know where to start, so I guess I'll tell my story in a nutshell. I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer this past summer. He was diagnosed in mid-June and was gone by the end of July. I still can't believe how quickly everything progressed. I was lucky to be able to spend a lot of time with him before he passed, but I am angry that he (and our family) was cheated out of quality time. After his emergency surgery (during which the cancer was discovered), he changed. It was like he had started checking out already. In retrospect, I realize that this is part of the dying process, as he knew his illness was terminal. The doctors kept assuring us that he'd have quality time before he passed - that he could do the things he loved again - but that didn't happen. During his last couple days, his sense of humor did return, and that was such a gift. It made saying goodbye a little easier. He was surrounded by family as he passed, and I feel blessed to have been there with him, holding his hand and comforting him in his last moments. I miss him terribly. Since his passing, I feel like I have made a lot of progress. I talk to my mom daily, and keep in touch with other relatives via Facebook, email, etc. We had a beautiful celebration of life for my dad, and it was very healing. Now that the holidays are here, I feel like I am back to square one. We are going to have to figure out how to celebrate and enjoy Christmas without my dad. He was the life of the party, organizer (and rule follower) of holiday game nights, and lover of traditional English Christmas music. We had decided as a family (before my dad's illness) that we would have an early or late Christmas this year, simply to avoid the holiday travel nightmares. We stuck with our decision, but now I am second guessing that choice. Many grief sites advise changing traditions after a loved one has passed, so I guess it isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's just hard to adjust to the fact that it's my first (and only) Christmas in 37 years that I have not been in my home state with my family AND my first Christmas without my dad. I know that my husband and I will have a lovely Christmas at home, and I am trying to honor my dad's memory by enjoying the season the way he would have wanted. Now on to some things that are really making me angry lately. I feel selfish admitting them, but I need to vent. First of all, does anyone else who has lost someone to cancer get really mad at TV ads for cancer hospitals? I realize that the ads are promoting a sense of hopefulness (which is certainly not a bad thing), and I am truly happy that there are some people who have beat cancer and live a full and healthy life after a diagnosis. However, some of the wording in those ads really makes me mad! There was one just today where a man is talking about his battle, and says "I didn't give up. I didn't let cancer win." Oh yeah? Well my dad didn't give up either. He was the most non-giving-up person I have ever known in my life. The implication that people who die of cancer have given up really eats me up inside. My dad's body was destroyed by cancer and the type of cancer he had was untreatable. How such a strong and energetic man got so weak so quickly is still shocking to me. He DID NOT GIVE UP. Another thing that makes me angry/frustrated is that I feel like people around me don't get that I am not finished grieving (and will never be finished). As I mentioned before, I'm having a hard time with the holidays. Over the past month or so, I have made a couple of Facebook posts referring to missing my dad during the holidays. This is terribly selfish and petty, I know... but I get upset if I don't get enough comments or likes on those posts. I realize that with the crazy settings Facebook has set up - not everybody will even see my posts or have the opportunity to comment. I don't feel like I'm "looking for sympathy" (though maybe I am), but I like to post little memories about my dad...or pictures of us together. It helps me. Well it helps until I start feeling like nobody cares. Like why did 40 people like or comment on somebody's stupid post of a cat riding a Roomba, but I only got 2 comments on my post about missing my dad? Aside from Facebook, I have had several people make comments that anger me as well. Again, it seems very selfish - but here goes. A few weeks ago, one of my coworkers (who knows the full story of my dad's illness/passing) was going on and on and on about how horrible her year was because her accountant and her aunt's friend died. I don't mean to diminish another person's grief, and maybe she was very close to these people - I don't know. However, the entire time she was going on and on about her worst year ever, I felt so angry. Knowing all too well how it feels to lose somebody, I listened to her story and offered sympathy, but walked away feeling like she shouldn't have dared to tell me, of all people, about her awful year. I feel very guilty for having felt this way, but I can't help how I felt. That felt GOOD to get out. Thank you to anyone who reads this. I am so happy to have found this forum. I look forward to sharing my journey and being a part of others' journeys as well.
  3. For many of us new here this will be our first thanksgiving, Christmas, hanukah, etc after our loss of our beloved children. Are we skipping holidays or we gonna try to put up decorations and stuff. I just cant make up my mind if I want to attempt it or not. I usually host Christmas for my husbands family of about 20. What. Are you going to try and do?
  4. New Years

    The thought of 2014 being only a couple of hours away makes me uneasy. I lost my boyfriend on the 24th of November to cancer and I’m honestly surprised at how time has passed since it has been more than a month now since he passed away. If anything, I want this year to start over, so I could have done and said things differently. I don’t want to welcome 2014, because it’ll be a year without him. We spent welcoming 2013 together and now I have to face the new year on my own... My plan is to sleep through it and hopefully wake up the following day feeling refreshed and not too depressed. Since his passing, I believe that he has given me the strength to overcome whatever daily trials have come my way and I'm hoping the same happens for tonight, tomorrow and the rest of the upcoming year. --- What are your plans for this coming New Years Eve?
  5. My mom passed away on November 10th of this year. This evening my dad came over for the eve of Chistmas eve dinner and he called me Rosie twice. Rosie is my mom's name... It felt like a punch in the gut both times. If it hurt me that much how must it make him feel?! This is all so hard.
  6. holidays

    Today I was thinking that of all of the holidays, Thanksgiving especially would be depressing, with my dad gone (he died earlier this year). In earlier years when their deaths were more recent I thought about my mom and my sister especially on Thanksgiving. For years it was my dad and two sisters, that was my family, and we would have dinner at me and Dad's house. And now I lost my dad. I would miss these people all the time but Thanksgiving probably would be the hardest day. Because to me Thanksgiving is very serious in mood for a holiday and greatly involves the family, and maybe something about it being in the fall when it's starting to be cold. Actually my mom died around Thanksgiving and then my sister died around Christmas a year later. It seemed like it was to ruin my family's biggest holidays. But we were not defeated by that fact. We still enjoyed those holidays, for the most part, and I was not thinking of my mom's death occurring around Thanksgiving when I was sad on that day.
  7. I wrote a long post, that was too terrible to post. It had to go. I'm having an incredibly bad day, now I know what's bugging me, and you really didn't need to hear all that depressing stuff. Let's just say, I am not looking forward to any of the holidays ahead, and ask if anyone has a suggestion for getting through these "events" that helped keep it together for you. I'd appreciate the advice. Thanks.