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About Me

Found 29 results

  1. Hi All, Since I lost my mom, 7 months ago, I’ve been searching for a haven where I can share my thoughts and emotions, without being judged. She is buried nearly a 6+ hours from me, so I’m not able to visit her as much as I wish I could. No one seems to understand why I’ve still been upset. I lost my best friend, mother, guider, therapist, all at once. The one person I went to for everything, is gone. I recently found this website called Mourners Lane. It allowed me to create a virtual memorial just for her. I could create her a headstone, write her messages, and even add her favorite music. When times get hard, which they do, I know have my mother with me anywhere I go. I’m able to visit her grave, morning, noon or night. I know I have a long way to go before I feel even remotely close to whole again, but I have a safe-haven for my thoughts and emotions. I thought, if it has helped me this much, it could help some of you, too. If you need help finding an uplifting place to honor and enjoy the memories of your loved ones, or need a place that allows your loved one to be with you, try out www.mournerslane.com Please suggest anything else that may help. Thank you xx
  2. I've never done this before but it was recommended by some friends to try and find some people online who understand. Growing up I had an amazing life, both parents always around, I was always daddy's little girl and Moms little angel. At 13 my parents got a divorce. My dad got really depressed and started using drugs. We always stayed in touch and hung out pretty often, even when things got rough. My mother and I were living house to house for about a year. We found a nice apartment and lived there for 5 years. When i was 18 on 5/8/2015 I lost my father he was 45. It was a very rough 2 months for my family and I. He went into the hospital for shortness of breath. The next night i get a call saying he went into cardiac arrest, after that in was in an induced coma for 2 months. They would wake him up once a day for me to be able to visit with him, He couldn't talk due to the tube in this throat but he was still there. He had multiple surgeries all of which were my choice (since i was 18 and the oldest child i was next of kin) and after his last surgery he lost all function of his brain. It was my decision to let him go. I know he wouldn't have wanted to be like that. It's almost been 2 years since that's happened and i still think about it everyday. I don't think I will ever make it through that. At age 20 on 2/24/2017 I lost my mother she was 50. In December she went into the ER because she wasn't feeling to well and the doctor had told us she had stage 4 breast cancer. I was completely destroyed. My mom was the healthiest woman ever, didn't smoke, didn't drink, ate healthy, took all her vitamins. She started chemo not to long after that, after her 3rd session she had come home and called me, she said she wasn't feeling to good and of course we all thought it was just the chemo. The next afternoon my 15 year old brother came home from school and called me saying he couldn't wake her up. He called 911 and we all met at the hospital, They pulled us into the "family room" and i knew at that point that this couldn't be good. The cancer had made its way into her stomach, she bleed out so much that her heart completely stopped. My mom was my best friend, my person to run too. We had a very close relationship from beginning to end. We were there for each other in the hardest of times. Now I am a 20 year old, with no parents, a 15 year old brother and no support. I am completely lost and broken.. I feel like giving up myself but i can't do that my brother needs me right now and i can't even hold myself together.
  3. My beloved cat, Starbuck, died on Monday, January 16th. He was diagnosed with cancer about a week prior, and the vets at his care center gave him his first chemo treatment the day after diagnosis. Starbuck's full story can be found here : Starbuck's GoFundMe Page (we are no longer seeking donations). Long story short (unless you followed the link), Starbuck got better, then worse, then a little better, then even worse, and through it all, the doctors continued to give me hope, saying things like, "If we can just get him over this hump, the chemo can do its work", and "If we can just get food in him for a few days, he'll be much more stable." I just wanted my kitty to live a little longer, and it seemed like a real possibility, the way they explained it, and all the research I did online seemed to support what they were saying. But after we'd spent $6000 on blood transfusions and a feeding tube and meds and oxygen and ultrasounds and centesis and hospitalization, we ran out of money. The vet called me Monday morning to check in, and let me know Starbuck was doing about the same. I informed him that we had to bring Starbuck home at this point, because we were flat broke. He said he'd write up some detailed instructions for home care. My dog died in November of 2016, we'd had to have her euthanized at this same veterinary facility. The cost was $900. My four children and I got Starbuck home around 1pm. He was MUCH worse off than I'd been led to believe. He was pitiful, and it was obvious he did not have long. My kids were seeing this first hand, and with the exception of one holdout, we agreed that Starbuck needed to be put to sleep, as a kindness. The one holdout, my oldest son, was fully on board with euthanasia by the time of Starbuck's death, which was at 2:30. Until the last minute, he'd still had hope we might find some more money, or that one more dose of medicine might help, or maybe if we waited long enough, Starbuck would improve. He was grasping for any straw out there, he wanted his kitty to live, and I love him for it. Unfortunately, we never had time to act on the euthanasia plan, even though I had found someone to come to our home and do it, at a price my parents were willing to pay, due to our current financial situation. I had read up on ways to comfort a sick and dying cat, and we'd prepared our home in every way we possibly could. He had a cozy bed and blankets in a warm, quiet, draft-free part of the house. His water dish and litter box were right at hand. We had quiet nature sounds playing, and soft, indirect lighting for him to see by. There was room for all of us to gather around him and pet him. We had tried to see to Starbuck's every comfort, and between the five of us, we were ready to provide round the clock care. It wasn't enough. His ending was awful. We were all there, petting him, telling him we loved him, saying that it was okay to stop fighting and let go. He gasped his last breath surrounded by loved ones, but it wasn't peaceful, it wasn't dignified, and I wished to god I'd had enough time to arrange a better ending for him. He was such a good kitty, he was so sweet and gentle and funny, he was so LOVED, and he didn't deserve to die like that, to spend his last moments on earth in distress and pain. I can't stop seeing it over and over in my mind, and it hurts more than anything I've ever experienced. How do I get past this? I can't sleep, I can't eat, and everything I see reminds me of Starbuck. I'm a useless person while I'm consumed with this much grief and guilt, and I want to get better. What do I do?
  4. My partner is currently going through a grieving process and undertaking professional help following the suicide of his ex partner. The event happened at the very start of our relationship almost a year ago and he has been in denial and pushed it to one side for some time in order to not have to deal with it. We have been together for a year now and we have both admittedly been in denial as to what happened. He said it wasn't hurting him, or causing him guilt and I was happy to to believe this, but we both knew it wasn't true. Today he will start his first class with a professional to talk through what he is going through. Is anybody going through the same thing? Its the hardest thing to see someone hurt so much and know that I need to give him space and understand its not something he can talk to me about. (Talking about it has caused huge difficulties and at times pushed him to feel that we would need to separate in order for him to deal with it.) More than anything I want him to be happy and deal with all the pain he is feeling, and I want to be there for him when and if he needs me. I can't bear the thought that he could decide that he feels we can no longer be together if he is going to deal with this, I don't want him to push away the people that he loves and who love him unconditionally.
  5. I lost my husband and soul mate suddenly in a car accident on Nov. 28th of this year. We met when I was 14 and married when I was 16. We were married for 13 years and had 2 beautiful little boys together. They're 12 and 10 now. We were a very close family. We did absolutely everything together and I mean everything. My husband and I were fortunate enough to spend almost every waking moment together and never got tired of each other. I was always excited to see him and talk to him. I was always wrapped in his arms or holding his hands. I just don't know how to live or function without him. This terrifies me because like I said we have 2 boys together. I know I have to be strong for them and keep it together, but this is the hardest, most painful thing I've ever even imagined. Please tell me how to make this pain even a little better. I'm so lost now and no one seems to be able to relate or understand.
  6. It is a confusing story none the less. I am 21 years old and unsure what my life will hold from here because I am in fact scared of death. The story starts with me meeting my love. He was a lost, deep and passionate soul. We met right before I was leaving for my freshman year of college and he worked hard since the very first day to win me over. at He eventually became my boyfriend that May. We were in different locations and the long distance was hard but when we were together it was incredible. Eventually, I could not handle the long distance and broke up with him in the beginning of my junior year. I moved on to my current boyfriend who has been there for me through this whole process. During my Junior year that thanksgiving break, I went out with friends and decided to text and find him the night before Thanksgiving. I did in fact and I was then torn between two boys. He was the most passionate person there was and would do anything in the world for me. We fooled around thanksgiving break and then spontaneously I got a free trip to Flordia to go work for a week after my finals were done. We went on vacation in secret and it was the most incredible week I have ever had. Following that week in Flordia was Christmas, New Years and then I would be leaving to Study Abroad in Cape Town Africa for a few weeks. Christmas he was in Mexico but we spent New Years together and something was not right. I was torn between two guys and that was not fair to them so I had to pick. The night before I left for Cape Town, Africa was still the most tears I have ever had to this day. A lot of fighting, crying and contemplating went on that night but we ended things. We for the first time addressed all of our problems and the long distance and why we broke up. All the questions we both had were answered. We ended things peacefully, maturely and with mutual forever love and that we would figure things out in the future. I boarded that plane the next day, had a layover in Germany and the moment I landed in Cape, my life changed. I had to turn around immediately and spend a total of 40+ hours of flying in 3 days to grieve the loss of my ex-boyfriend. He died in a drowning accident. I miss him everyday. The situation has been confusing to explain to my current boyfriend because of the fooling around that went on. For the most part, I am okay. Life has to move on. I had a few moments of complete despair and one resulted in a suicide attempt. I am sad though and do not know how to ask for help. I am confused on how to grieve. Was he someone who was suppose to walk into my life and go or was he suppose to stay? That’s the tragedy that I will never know. Regardless he taught me lessons. He taught me about forgiveness, the power of being loved and being devoted. He taught me passion and he also taught me sorrow.
  7. Hello everyone, It has been about a year now since I posted on here, however after identifying all those needing help like I did I wanted to share my grief blog with you all. Last year not only did it reach people around the world, but the response I had was really meaningful and just showed me how much it helped others. So I want to help you. Here is the link below https://believement.wordpress.com All my love xxxx
  8. Hello everyone, It has been about a year now since I posted on here, however after identifying all those needing help like I did I wanted to share my grief blog with you all. Last year not only did it reach people around the world, but the response I had was really meaningful and just showed me how much it helped others. So I want to help you. Here is the link below https://believement.wordpress.com All my love xxxx
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  10. I am a 20 year old college student and an only child. I am not close to anyone in my family other then my mother who I lost at 50 years old 3 days after Christmas 2015 to a heart attack. My mom and I were very close. We had our differences but the love was always real. I am having trouble coping and I'm trying not to be sad all the time, but it only works when I'm keeping busy. The point of this topic is I need advice with this situation: I just moved into a friend's house since school is out of the summer. Most of mine and my mothers belonging are in this house and as I was unpacking I found a bag of old papers for my mom. Some of them were bible study notes- this was not a shock- among them were notes from school. But the date was wrong. My mother was born in 1965. This school notes were dates 1992. Four years before I was born, making my mother 26 years old. Too old for high school and I knew she was not a college graduate. Amongst those notes were papers from out states GED department of a scheduled test in 1992 and her test results of a fail. She never told me she didn't graduate high school. And I never asked. I never saw cap and gown or prom pictures. She never talked about it. Well, she talked about high school, just not graduating it. But some how I always assumed she had. I never saw a diploma. I do know that she attended high school. I don't know if she graduated. But the thing that hurts most is knowing that she never told me. And now I feel pressured to keep the secret because she didn't want anyone to know. Especially not me. And I do. And I wish I didn't.
  11. I have shared my blog once or twice on this forum to reach out to those of you who may need it. The responses i receive are overwhelming and have shown me that my writing can really help others. Here is the link for my blog http://www.believement.wordpress.com All my love LJ xx
  12. As some of you may be aware I have posted this link once before however I will place it here again as I have recently been overwhelmed by the help my writing has given people. I can't quite put into words how much it means to know that I can do my part to help those in similar places as me. Please find my blog here: http://www.believement.wordpress.com For any of you who wish to personally reach out to me I am also contactable via my email: lydiaellejay@yahoo.com
  13. I lost my mom to cancer 1/16/15. She was my best friend, my entire world. I dropped out of school to take care of her around November of last year, before that I was trying to take care of her and go to school when she was diagnosed in August around her birthday. I miss her more and more everyday. I wish I could've taken better care of her, I wish she was still here. It's getting close to her birthday and life is getting increasingly rough. Mostly I would greatly appreciate taking to people that understand what I'm going through, I feel alone.
  14. I have shared this blog a few times before. It is raw and real. Although I will never pretend to understand anyone elses grief or claim to be able to help or guide people I have been told that this has aided many peoples grief and loneliness even in the smallest parts. I therefore want to reach out and continue this. Go to : https://believement.wordpress.com/ all my love xxxxxxxxx
  15. I lost my 24 yr old Brother on 2-23-14 to suicide and I am having the hardest time accepting this I can barely function the pain is almost unbearable! I have so many questions that can never be answered. I can't sleep I have been told that every night I cry and scream for him but in the morning I don't remember...I really need help and advice please??
  16. Hello, I lost my dad 2 years ago to alcohol issues. I am 22 years old, male and I've been struggling to cope. My story: My dad was never around for my family and i hated him for years, it was always my mum who did everything for me and my family. He was a violent drunk and attacked my mum in the past. He died 2 years ago on the 3rd of May 2013. It was only at his death when I found out a lot of things about my dad. My dad didn't leave us because he didn't love us, he did it for the complete opposite reason, he loved us too much. He knew that his behaviour was unacceptable as a human especially as a parent. He stayed away and kept his eye on our family from a distance, constantly checking in with my Grandmother to see how we all were doing. My birthday is on the 25th of February, on my birthday I rang my dad up. I was 20 years old and I wanted to make my own choice, I rang him to speak with him, get to know how he is and other chit chat. I asked if I could meet with him soon. I wanted him to be a dad regardless, and we had arranged to meet in 2 weeks from my birthday. We didn't meet 2 weeks later but it was planned, we would speak about arranging it with my Granddad. I woke up one day at about 12 in the afternoon, I was staying at a friends house which was quite a distance from my home. I woke up and saw 8 missed calls from my mother, sister, friends mother, etc. I knew something was wrong. I rang my mum, and she told me about my dad. A piece of me died as well and all I wanted to do was go home to my family and hug, cry, love them. Instead, I told my friend about the news and I was received with "my dad was never there, my dad was an ass" and I got this from his whole family. I was with his family for over 3 hours because they refused to take me home before a certain time. I was furious. I finally got home, was greeted to hugs, crying and love and my body went into protective mode. I didn't show any emotion, I was looking after everyone else in my family. I didn't want anyone to worry about me because I was too busy looking after all of them. We all went out to the pub to celebrate my dads life, have a drink for him. Later that evening, me and my sister went to see a family friend who were also my dads friends. Me and my sister went round and we spoke for hours about my dad. Me and my sister were drunk already due to the pub earlier in the day but our family friends had been giving us drinks too, mainly vodka. My sister was crying her heart out, the family friends were crying their eyes out but I wasn't. Finally my sister had had way too much to drink so we got her a ride home. As soon as she left, I went back inside the house and kept talking to the family friends. This was the point I started to cry because I had no family members around. It took months later for me to cry again, it was whilst I was on a trip with the Princes Trust and I was speaking with (basically a stranger) someone who I had only known for a week. I was talking about my dad and I just collapsed and cried. Ever since my dads death, I haven't been drunk. I have an occasional drink but 2-3 drinks are now my limit. I think that's a subconscious thing. I wanted to put my story out there because over the years I have told myself and told everyone else that I am fine. It has finally come to a point where I am no longer fine. I decided to get in touch with a bereavement support to place an appointment. I was told that it's easy to talk about these things with strangers so I figured, why not? I contacted them almost 6 months ago and still had no reply back from them after telling me to wait 3-4 months for an appointment. I found this appalling, making somebody wait for help especially with such a subject as depression. I'm not going to lie but just writing this has helped me out. It's been nice, like I am releasing something. I thank you for reading my story and I hope this gives you an understanding of my story. Thank you.
  17. I'm new to this, but feeling like anything is worth a go right now. I'm 20 years old and struggling to cope with the loss of my nan, still. This year will mark the 7th anniversary of my nan's death. We were very close and before she became ill with cancer, I was wanting to go and live with her. Since her passing people have said the usual, "it'll become easier with time" and all the rest. I don't feel like it has become any easier, if anything, worse. Since having you little boy 2 years ago, all I can think of every night when I lay and watch him sleep is how unfair it is that my nan wasn't around to meet him and watch him grow. I cry for hours on end, to the point I make myself sick. Surely this isn't normal? I find it extremely hard to talk about her with anyone because whenever she's mentioned, I cry. I'm an emotional person anyway but this is becoming out of hand. Short of seeing a professional, I'm not sure how else I can move forward from this. Any help or suggestions from anyone whose been in the same sort of situation would be greatly appreciated.
  18. I was thinking earlier today that I wanted to start a conversation on here about websites and/or blogs that anyone else has found helpful? I use my personal blog as kind of a journal for myself, and hope that other grieving mama's find it helpful in some way, does anyone else have a blog? If not I highly recommend starting one, it's a great way to share your story and is really a great outlet for when your mind gets going at warp speed and you just need to let it out. I've also found other websites, this one included that have been helpful. Another one is stillstandingmag.com and there's also a group on Facebook for bereaved mothers (and also named "Bereaved Mothers.") A couple other Facebook pages that I spend a large chunk of time on are "Grief the Unspoken" (https://www.facebook.com/grieftheunspoken) and "Angie Cartwright," (https://www.facebook.com/AngieCartwrightGrief) Angie is actually amazing if you read her posts and her blog, very insightful, she's holding a live event in December called "Freedom to Grieve.: I highly recommend her page also. Does anyone else have any websites or books that they have found helpful? Oh, and speaking of books, I read Heaven Is For Real the day after Khyri's funeral and it is honestly the only thing that got me through the few days right after the funeral, an amazing read, renewed the faith in God that I thought I had completely lost...I still struggle with it some days, since I still don't have answers and I don't understand why my baby was taken from me, but that book brought me back from giving up on God completely.
  19. I have been following grieving.com on Facebook ever since I discovered it a couple of months back in the middle of the year while I was coping with my mom's passing. She was 69 and her death came as a shock to the entire family as she was hardly sick and was never once admitted to the hospital before for as long as I can remember. Then came one day on May 13, she was complaining of tummy bloatedness and we admitted her to the hospital immediately. They found a mass in her uterus but what unfolded after that was more dreadful discoveries. She had tumour in her rectum and the hospital was running one test after another to determine her primary cancer. However, she couldn't wait no more. She had an episode of sepsis when her colon ruptured on 28 May and the faecal matters entered her blood stream. She fell into a coma and never woke up. She finally left us on 30 may. It was a rude shock for the family having no time at all to react much. We didn't have a chance to care for her and take care of her like how other children could, taking care of their elderly parents. It's been months and I found comfort reading the postings on grieving.com to ease the pain at time. Recently, I took up the courage to enter a photo competition organised by a local cafe with the theme "making a difference". I had to submit a selfie taken with someone who made a difference in my life. I submitted a photo of mom and me, the one and only selfie that I had with her. I hope to win this contest in memory of my mom. This is my little way of managing my grief and also remember her. I wonder if I could trouble all of you to help support my effort? It is really simple. All you need to do is to like the organiser's page on FB and like my photo on FB. Below are the links. Step one- Like Cedele's FB page https://www.facebook.com/cedelesingapore Step two- Like my photo (Finalist 1) https://www.facebook.com/cedelesingapore/photos/ms.c.eJxl0MkRwCAMQ9GOMpY3TP~_NZblkkK5v~_MYAQ~;kUYhlsEn3hF8s4pPfeLEPVIyliXPXwmbcjWYc8RTnPKalKNix5RYKraJFicdnZ5fZwkjGZ099v3BcITAc~-.bps.a.10152851367913416/10152851369328416/?type=1&theater Once again, thank you for reading my lengthy post. Sometimes, sharing our thoughts and feelings is also a way of managing our grief. May you all find strength to go through the difficult episode you are facing and we will definitely meet our loved ones again someday. Hugs and kisses from Singapore
  20. I never truly understood depression until my Dad killed himself. I always thought it was some dramatic way of making it "okay" to just not give a ****. That somehow putting a label on your behavior gave some sort of justification that made it "okay" to act that way. Well, little did I know, I had no freaking clue what I was talking about. Depression is VERY real and it does take over your life in many ways that you are physically unable to get over. Some days it takes me over so badly, with questions of why, and what could I have done differently? What could I have done to help my Dad? Probably nothing. Aside from having him committed, there's nothing that would've prevented this from happening. But, you never would've thought he needed help. Hell, you never would've thought in a million years that he had been experiencing such dark thoughts. There were no warning signs. No bouts of anger or excessive upset. He was just, Dad. Loving, caring, and an honorable man of God. He was stronger than anyone ever gave him credit for. He was incredible. I don't know what is going to come of my life, or how I'm going to get over this, but what I do know, is I have to get control of my life back. I'm making the decision to own my own life again. His burdens have to be taken off my shoulders. The weight is unbearable.
  21. Hi, Im new to this forum and am trying to reach out to the community for help. My wife recently died on metastatic breast cancer in June of 2014 (about 3 months ago). We are/were a young couple (mid-30's) but she was diagnosed with breast cancer 9 months after we were married; which was 8 years ago. I've gone through the ups-and-downs of the grieving process but one thing that has been a constant is my motivation (or lack there of) or zest for anything. Everything that I used to love to do is now just BLAH to me. I can deal with that but one thing that makes me nervous is my lack of motivation at work! I own a small company that I am the main contact/operator. I work from home a great deal; mainly in part of needing to be available to my wife; but now I've noticed that I will look for anything to do other than work! This concerns me because with all the mounting bills, funeral/wake expenses; I need money coming in more than ever. (you'd think that would be all the motivation I need). My question is: Has anyone else experienced something like this? If so, what did you do to break out of that funk? I feel like that is exactly what I'm in, a big funk!!! Any tips, advice, kind words would be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks!
  22. My father was an incredibly successful, kind and loving parent. In 2011 he passed away from pancreatic cancer. We only discovered his illness 6 months before he passed, before which he was a very happy, involved and energetic parent. I lost him when I was 21 and I am now 24. For the past three years I have been trying to cope with the death of my father, who was always a great source of comfort and encouragement to me. After his death me and my mother have started living together, since I very much want to be with her and include her in my life. I have never fully been able to realise my loss because of the support I have been required to give my mother. He was everything to her and she was everything to him. I am still not fully able to realise the fact that we will never truly be one big happy family again. I am not able to recognise my loss because I often see my mother defeated and lost without my father. Some days are extremely normal while otherwise I am required to be beyond my years and almost like a parent to her because she is fraught with depression and loneliness. I feel incredibly guilty because I am not naturally able to fill the void my father left. Since I am still quite young, I am sometimes out late at night and away from home. This leaves her especially vulnerable and sad. She often reminds me of how alone she is during these situations, during which I end up feeling very helpless and upset, since I am myself so inept in these situations. Somewhere, I require her to be supportive of me and my loss as well. She is very insecure about the fact that she is now alone and that I will eventually have my own family. I have no intentions of abandoning her and I am very much seeing a future full of happy times with my mother. However, sometimes I feel emotionally blackmailed and forced into sacrificing my decisions to be with her. I am unable to express my sadness at the loss of my father because I need to be strong for her. But when i go out and spend my weekends out doors, she will call me crying, demanding me to come home. While I often cave and cancel my plans, sometimes, this becomes difficult as I am myself escaping my depressing thoughts and venting my frustrations. I want to be supportive of her and show her that I truly care about her and our life together, but this is proving to be more and more difficult as she demands and orders me to come home every time I step out with friends, or choose to spend a day outdoors. She is resentful that I want to spend time with friends, and she feels as though she must always have me home to acknowledge the fact that she is alone and that we are alone. While the death of my father has changed our lives forever, I want my own grief to be recognised and acknowledged. My own ways of moving on might be different from my mother's but this does not mean that I do not have valid reasons for doing what I do. How do I help her recognise my grief? How can I involve her in my decisions without feeling as though I am being blackmailed into spending time with her? How do I stop feeling guilty for the fact that I will never be able to fill the void that the loss of my father has left? I have stopped feeling self-confident and self-assured because I always feel guilty for everything I do. I feel under-qualified and overwhelmed by this. Any advice is appreciated.
  23. Hi everyone. I’m not sure where to start or if I’m doing this right. I’ve never done any type of grief counseling/support groups and I probably should have. I’m 24 years old right now and just relocated to Chicago, IL. When I was 15 I lost my mother in March and my father in June of the same year. It was rough. But I think it was for the best. My entire life my mother had been a struggling alcoholic but at the same time she was the strongest woman I’ve ever met. She was a single mom (there was only me) and she managed to waitress and bartend, all the while putting herself through school to become a registered nurse. She did it. She graduated with her BSN and got a job as a registered nurse in the emergency room of our local hospital. The only downfall was her getting fired a few years later for showing up to work drunk. From there on out we lived off of welfare and random help from my grandmother to get us by in subsidized housing. Our rent was 35.00 a month. I spent the rest of my childhood watching her, babysitting really. Making sure she ate, showered and got to bed okay without blacking out on her way there. Her battle with alcohol induced pancreatitis didn’t help matters. I was sitting at the hospital with her more times than I sat in my classes at school. I heard the doctors tell her that “if you don’t stop drinking now, you’ll die” more times than I can count. And they were right. She died on a snowy Michigan morning before I made it to the hospital to say goodbye. I remember her boyfriend of the time calling the friends house that I was staying at to tell me to be out in the driveway in 10 minutes. He picked me up, drove to the hospital as fast as he could and she died minutes before we got there. My entire family was there to say goodbye but me. They watched as I panicked, asking for my mother, only to tell me that she had already died. At this time I went to live with my Grandmother. I loved her like crazy. Throughout my childhood she would pick me up from my mom’s when I called her crying because I didn’t want to be there anymore. She would let me stay the night, we’d bake cookies and go plant flowers and pull weeds out in her garden. She’d even take me to church with her and I remember the first time she taught me how to pray and told me what feeling God’s presence should feel like. She was my person. I did have a father through all of this, technically. His name was on my birth certificate at least. Great guy but a kid at heart. Never had a full time job, never owned a home, never graduated high school. He would stop by and see me, calling me on or a couple days after my birthday every year and tell me he loved me. He’d always ask to speak to my mom but she wanted nothing to do with him. He had no money to send to help her and he was always calling collect from somewhere else. I do remember him making it to my mom’s funeral though. I remember because I saw my grandmother make a b-line to him to get him to sign the court papers giving her custody of me. And he did. Right away. That is when I knew he was my dad. Not because he signed away rights to me because he wanted nothing to do with me, but because he knew that this was what was best for me. He knew where I belonged. I belonged with my grandmother. I remember a few months after that, coming home from school to my grandma sitting at the kitchen table. She told me to sit down and pulled the chair out for me. I remember her pouring me a glass of chocolate milk and asking me how school went. It wasn’t really out of the norm for her to ask me about my day because she was the first person to genuinely and routinely ask me about my day. But something still didn’t feel right. I guess that’s because the next thing she did was tell me that my father had fallen off a boat in Lake Michigan and drown. They found his body and it was confirmed. I was now technically an orphan. His funeral went by, or it didn’t, I’m not really sure. I wasn’t invited. This left my grandma and I. She was my rock. I loved her more than anyone. I didn’t have any family that I could have in my life on my dad’s side and my mother’s side never seemed to want much to do with me either. My grandma talked to her other kids here and there, but didn’t see them and most of that seem to be because of their own issues. But in my opinion it was just my grandma and me against the world. I got through high school alright and I even started college at a local community college. Everything was going well for once. I was working full-time at Kmart and even had enough money to get my own car. A 2009 Nissan Sentra. Black. Life was great. It didn’t last for long though. My grandma, a seemingly healthy woman was diagnosed. I say diagnosed so broadly because it was really a spectrum of things. Lupus, emphysema, kidney disease. It all started to unravel. She was on meds for Lupus, given an oxygen tank for emphysema and started peritoneal dialysis for kidney disease. It gave her a better chance than hemodialysis which is what you’ve probably heard of. Hemodialysis is the more common type of dialysis and it’s where patients go to a clinic for a few hours three times a week. Anyway, because of her arthritis, her hands were basically unusuable. So I went with her to her appointments just like I always had and got certified in performing her dialysis for her. She had a port put in her abdomen and we did the dialysis 2-3 times a day. Everything was going smoothly. At least as smoothly as it could have gone in her situation. Except she ended up going to the hospital for breathing issues, caught an infection when a nurse who wasn’t informed on proper peritoneal dialysis let her port get infected and she went septic. I watched her shrivel in severe pain for three days before her heart stopped. Here I am, a year later. I’m trying to pick up the pieces but I don’t even know where to start. I have no one left and no where to go. I just need a friend or two while I try and put my life back together and fix my broken heart.
  24. Dear pet owners I wanted to share my missing cat story with some helpful tips, so that I can give both hope and direction to pet owners who are in the situation that I was in, as I am fully aware of what a distressing situation it is to be in. We are a family of 4 and we had our beloved Siamese cat, Fudge for approximately 14 years before one day he suddenly went missing. We live in a house on the outskirts of London, where there is plenty of open space, and he was a cat who enjoyed playing throughout the neighbourhood gardens. He lost his eye sight due to a genetic problem when he was 11 years old, but this did not deter him from roaming the gardens and he could navigate very well. In fact, it had taken us a while to realise that he had lost his sight because it was almost as though nothing had changed for him. Although he was rather timid, he was a very intelligent cat with an excellent memory and losing his sight heightened all of his other senses. Each evening after his daily adventure, without fail, he would come home to have some dinner and to relax in the warmth of the house, but one evening he did not come back. We thought he may have got stuck in somebody's house, so we decided to wait another day before taking action. After another day without him showing up, we feared the worst. We decided to take action with a number of approaches to get him home safely. Time is of the essence in these situations, and I have put an action list below to help all pet owners trying to find their loved ones: 1) Create a 'Missing' poster - ensure that key information is put on the poster, including:Name - calling your pet's name will help them come to whoever finds them. Breed/type - this will help finders easily identify your pet.Description of their characteristics - again this will help finders identify your pet.Two recent photos - it is useful to put a close up of your pet's face, as well as a full body length photo, so that any potential finder can be sure that it's the right one.Tell people to check their garages/sheds - when your pet is lost, it may well be trapped in someone's garage or shed, so asking your neighbours to check may help your pet be found sooner. Reward - if you want to entice people to help find your pet, you may want to inform them that there will be a reward for their troubles. It is important not to state any price, as you do not want people bargaining with you should they find your beloved. Only hand over a reward once your pet has been safely returned.Contact information - this is essential to put on the missing poster. Ensure that you put your name and a number where you can be easily reached on.After you have designed your missing poster, print off several 100 and post them through the letter boxes of the surrounding houses in your neighbourhood (you can see the one I created in the attachments of this post). It is also worth posting them through the houses on streets adjacent to you. Additionally, you should post posters up in areas that lots of people are likely to see, such as lamp posts, post boxes etc. It is also worth asking local shops and vets to put the poster up in their shop. 2) Post an advert in the local newspaper - ensure that key information is captured from the missing poster and this will be an effective way of raising awareness. The cost of placing an ad for us was £50 and we did get quite a few calls with people thinking they had seen Fudge. If you have pet insurance then contact your provider, as they may provide financial assistance on advertising for your pet. 3) Inform local animal organisations, such as the RSPCA. If anybody calls their local animal authority it is important that they are aware that your pet is missing. This can be an effective method of retrieving your beloved pet, so please make sure you have done this. If you are unsure of the contact information of your local RSPCA, then enter your location with 'RSPCA' on a search engine to find out. The RSPCA can reach a wide audience quickly to help you find your pet, as they often tweet to raise awareness to help bring pets back to their owners. 4) Search, search and search. Search your pet's favourite hiding places, search your garages and sheds, search high and low in your local area and don't give up hope. Leave items of your clothing in your garden - this will help your pet navigate home through their strong sense of smell. Some cats will go into hiding when they find themselves in strange surroundings or if there is a sudden change to their environment, for example, if an outdoor cat is chased off their territory by another animal. They switch into feral mode and may not initially reply to you if you call them, so please bear this in mind and persevere in your search. 5) Micro-chipped Pets - Although Fudge was not micro-chipped, if you are lucky enough to have had your pet micro-chipped then contact your providing company and inform them your cat is missing - make sure your contact details are up to date, so that they can easily get in touch. Even if your pet is micro-chipped you should still continue with all other actions in your bid to find them, as the chip will only be of use if it is actively checked. After we had carried out all of these tasks, we got lots of phone calls about Fudge's whereabouts. A lot of them proved to be false sightings, but we did not give up hope. Each day before work I would set my alarm 1 hour early and walk in the surrounding roads and parks in search of our beloved pet. After 10 days of Fudge being missing, it was difficult to keep on going with the search and although we had read other stories of pets being missing for months before showing up, we thought that it would be extremely difficult for him to survive with no food and no water, since he was blind. When all seemed to be lost, we received a call from someone saying that Fudge was in their garden. I did not want to get my hopes up until I had seen him, so I left work and went to see whether it was really him. I was greeted by a very friendly lady, who lived half a mile down the road from our house. She said that a Siamese cat had been in her garden for a few days and that she had heard about the missing poster through some of her friends who had seen it. I can't explain the feeling of joy that I got when I saw that it was him! She informed me that she didn't feed him in case he was someone else's cat, which is understandable. I offered the reward money to her, but she politely refused despite all my best efforts to hand it over - this act of kindness truly warmed my heart. Fudge was very very thin; a shadow of his former self and to this day, I have no idea how he managed to survive without easy access to food or water, let alone how he managed to safely get into this lady's garden, as he had to cross at least two roads! I gave Fudge a big hug and lots of kisses, hugged the lady who had found him and then rushed him home and cooked him chicken breast (his favourite dish). I then informed all of the local pet authorities and places where his poster was that Fudge was found and then I dashed back to work. From this day Fudge became much more relaxed around everyone; opting to become a sweet indoor cat surrounded by his loving family. This day changed all of our lives for the better and taught us to never give up. Fudge lived 2 more happy years full of love, before peacefully passing away from old age on 15th February 2014. I have written this post in loving memory of my little prince and I hope that Fudge's story helps illustrate the importance of generating awareness in the community and word of mouth when trying to find a lost pet. I hope that his story will help other pets find the same happiness in being reunited with their owners. Thank you for reading. "Gone from this world, but never absent from our hearts"
  25. I am new to this.. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. I have known him for about a year and a half. He has been battling depression for the past 3 1/2 years. He has been to many different therapists. He has been on many different medications. When I met him, God knew exactly what He was doing because I was in a tough place. My boyfriend took all the broken pieces of my life and put them back together. He showed me how to trust somebody again. He showed me that life has meaning. He showed me that I have a meaning. Every once in a while he will get his phone taken by his parents (I'm 15 he is 16) for low grades or back-talking to his mom.This is when he says his depression kicks in because he feels like a horrible person because his parents are 'mad' and he doesn't talk to many people about it. (We talk ALL the time when he has his phone). He got his phone taken. Then I got a call from a good friend of mine (his cousin) saying that he is in a suicidal facility and won't be out for another week and a half... I got the call during class and immediately started crying in front of everybody. Apparently the day after he got his cell phone taken away he got yelled at by his mom and ran into the kitchen to grab the knife, but his older brother stopped him THANKFULLY! (his brother now has about 20 stitches). I feel like it's my fault. I normally call him after school on his house phone to talk when he gets his cell phone taken, but I didn't. I was studying. I feel horrible about it all. I don't know how to deal with this. It's not fair. PLEASE help me I really need some advice