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About Me

Found 43 results

  1. Hello everyone: This is going to be along story, but it is something I need help with. My name is Creighton, , and I am a blues musician. I have been through so much the last 7 months, some things including anxiety, hypochondria, paranoia, death, and depression. It all really hit hard for me when I lost my Adopted uncle in October, but before then, I had went through a period of being upset over the rejection of a girl I had feelings for. After his death, it began a period of bad anxiety, hypochondria, self diagnosing, and shock. My adopted uncle and I were so close, he was someone I could turn to for advice, and who I could share my bad sense of humor with, and discuss music, history, and politics with. Here is the story of everything I have been through. October 17th, 2017, it was a day that I will always remember in my life. It seemed like every other day, I was in class at a usual day of high school, I was feeling better then the day before as I had my mom pick me up from school due to me feeling worried I was having a stroke, my doctor told me I was fine and my adopted uncle Jon, he called my mom and asked if I was ok and wanted to come over that day, but, my mom told him not to come over that day. But, during my last class of the day, my mom texted me that my uncle wasn't picking up his phone, and that he had not shown up at work. Afterschool, we decided to go to his apartment, and we talked with the manager of the apartment, he said he saw my uncle last night. we knocked on his door and no one answered, we could here his phone on and we could hear his faucet on. bad thoughts arose in my head. the manager got the key, the door blocked his kitchen. my mom and the apartment manager went in, he looked in the kitchen and closed the door, and my uncle was there lifeless, dead on his floor, against the wall, with the sink on, and his phone on the table, I remember how I jumped up and down and freaked out in the hallway and screamed that he was dead. my hands were going numb and at the sight of him dead. My mom and I were there for quite a few hours while the cops asked us questions. I was shocked. I had lost my best friend and my adopted uncle that day. Then, my paranoia and cyberchondria got worse, I would self diagnose on a daily basis, thinking I was going to die, I thought I was going to die next. It got so bad and I had problems with sleeping and problems with functioning in school correctly. This is not the normal me, I am usually very good. December 22nd, 2017, winter break had just begun, I was feeling better about life, my cyberchondria was going away, I was not having freak outs anymore, and I was going to my dads house to visit my dads family and see my uncle. Then, things got real bad, my dad was driving in the car, he began cry and told me that my uncle had esophageal cancer and had a slim chance of living, I was shocked and sort of angry. How could my dad tell me this right now? After all the crap I had been through my adopted uncle? I remember seeing my uncle Jimmy as all skin and bone, like a concentration camp survivor, and I remember telling him How much I loved him and he told me he loved me so much. I couldnt believe it. What really tore into me most was December 24th, Sunday, I was on my way to leave to go back home, and my uncle told me that if he didnt make it through this, he would see me on the other side. I broke down and cried when I got home, then, december 27th, , I got a text that my uncle had died. Ever since then, I have nothing but extreme paranoia that I am going to die, I have the knowledge that I got from self diagnosing in my head telling me I'll die. I have barely cried at all and today I just cried. All through this time, I have had dreams where my uncle Jon has visited me. my family has been real supportive of me, but I have let this dominate my life. I am accepting that my Uncles are gone, I am accepting that I have to move on with my life and leave an impact on the future. It is just hard when I am a hypochondriac and cant get the idea of death out of my brain. I am hoping to find someone who can relate to my struggles or someone who can help me on here Get through this. thank you Creighton
  2. Okay so I'm not sure if anyone n here knows anything about dreams but if you do please help! So i lost my mother in late august 2017. During that same time i had been trying to figure out if me and my off and on boyfriend of 4.5 years were going to stay together after his first time cheating. Since then we broke up. Hes started dating right away and well i have been dealing with grieving and a new career choice. One my mom would be so proud of by the way! lol But anyways! So we broke up. It bugged for a bit but i was busy trying to figure this whole adult thing without help from my mother. During that time i had decided to really tell myself that if i'm not pregnant or have a baby by the age of 25 i wont have any at all. A goal of mine for years but never been so hard about it before. Even joked with my ex saying if i'm single by 25 with no baby hes gotta cough up the sperm! lol But the past couple of nights my mom appears in my dreams. and i want to say the past 3 or 4 nights i reveal i'm pregnant. Each on with me panicking. Which is a way i never thought i'd be when finding out i'm pregnant. But in the dream my mom is there and she is calm and tells me that its okay. And how happy she is is all over her face. That's another thing! I can see her face in my dreams! But only hers. I'm unsure if this has to do with the fact that me and my ex still sleep together randomly or if it has to do with the fact that everyone around me has been announcing their pregnant or they just had a baby. Or if its the fact i now say i'm probably never going to have kids. Which for me is crazy. Crazy because during the breakup my ex spilt he was going to buy me a ring. and i spilt once settled in our new home (which was going to be in January) i was going to ask if we could start trying for a baby.Both of us reacting shocked and upset at each others plans for the future that now wont happen. But yes someone please help me out here. I'm so confused with it. I want to know what my mom could possibly trying to tell me.
  3. auntie wanting to do what I can

    I'm writing as an auntie of a 2-y-o who was diagnosed with cancer in June. She and her whole immediate family (my sister, BIL, nephew) have all been amazing at taking things day by day and keeping a positive attitude. Unfortunately, it is looking like we will lose her very soon. I want to reach out to all of you to ask what I can do to support my sister and her family as they go through these next few days, weeks, years. What did family/friends do or not do that was important or helpful? I don't want to be asking her, I would like to be able to do things that she doesn't even have to ask for. Up to now I have been somewhat the intermediary between her and my family, updates, etc. as well as wrangling my mom, when needed. I know that nothing I can do will make anything "better" but I would like some ideas of how I could help. Thank you in advance, and my heart is with all of you, as well. Thank you.
  4. Six years ago, my family went through a traumatic event. We were split apart. my mom had gotten colon cancer and had to go away. But not before my parents decided to get a divorce. I dont know all of the details, its still a touchy subject for my mom to talk about. After her cancer was gone, my mom came back and took my twin sister and my baby sister to live with her in Nebraska, and a year later she came and got me and my other little sister from my dad's house. Since then I have visited my father three times. It is now the holidays which is hard, especially since I lost my grandfather a few months ago to cancer. I am grieving hard, and my heart hurts every time I think of the ones I love that I cannot be with.
  5. Six years ago, my family went through a traumatic event. We were split apart. my mom had gotten colon cancer and had to go away. But not before my parents decided to get a divorce. I dont know all of the details, its still a touchy subject for my mom to talk about. After her cancer was gone, my mom came back and took my twin sister and my baby sister to live with her in Nebraska, and a year later she came and got me and my other little sister from my dad's house. Since then I have visited my father three times. It is now the holidays which is hard, especially since I lost my grandfather a few months ago to cancer. I am grieving hard, and my heart hurts every time I think of the ones I love that I cannot be with.
  6. Video Support Group

    Hi! We're starting a video support group on spousal grief. This is part of our project, Campfire. We builds group of 5-10 folks who share the same challenge. Members form a bond over weekly video meetings and keep the connection strong using our group messaging app. We hope Campfire can be a way to build more deep and lasting support networks for tough times, and complement communities like this!
  7. Support Group forming

    I'd like to invite you all to join us for our upcoming video support group on spousal grief. Campfire builds groups of 5-10 peers who share the same challenge. Members form a bond over weekly video meetings and keep it strong using our group messaging app. We hope Campfire can be a way to build more deep and lasting support networks for tough times, and complement communities like this!
  8. This June I lost my mother. She overdosed on pills in her bedroom above mine. She had struggled with depression, anxiety, and ptsd for as long as I can remember. The past 3 years though have been really tough. She was a lot more volatile and mean, but just for short periods then she'd go back to the amazing caring kind hearted person she was. It was always hard to tell if she was serious when she'd get that way. She'd always talk about running her car off a bridge or something along those lines but in a angry revenge way not a suicidal way. We had gotten even closer the past few years which I'd think would be hard to do with how close we already were. She was my best friend. The week of her suicide started off great. We found I was going to graduate college early after several dropouts and hardships on my end. Then I found out I was going to lose my scholarship and she didn't have enough money to pay my tuition. Which triggered not only her guilt of thinking she was a bad mom but her ptsd of my abusive biological dad. Every solution my adopted dad and I came up with wasn't good enough. She started to get in this cycle and couldn't get out of it. The night she killed herself was the worst. She had taken her sleep medicine to sleep through out the day. So when I had come home from class she was asleep. I woke her up and offered to get us dinner which she accepted. I then went out to get food, when I came home I woke her up again and she didn't remember our conversation and got really angry at me saying that she was going to leave me and my dad and that we'd be happier without her. I told her that was stupid and that I'd leave her food out for her. When she finally came down stairs several hours later I went into the kitchen to talk to her. When I walked by her she tried to flip my drink out of my hand. To which I got angry and lashed out asking what her problem was. She replied me being alive was her problem. To which I told her maybe I'd go crash a car somewhere and stormed out of the house where she followed me and told me not to take the nice car then. That was the last conversation I had with her. When I got home I had found she'd locked me out of the house and had to call and wake up my dad to let me in. I then spent 2 hours debating calling 911 cause she had been acting so weird. I decided to wait till morning to avoid her wrath. I woke up 5 hours later went up to her room. By the time the EMTs arrived she was gone. Everytime I walk into my house all I can see is how she looked when I found her. I blame myself so much its consuming my life. Everyday gets harder not easier and I don't know what to do.
  9. BEREAVEMENT AND RECOVERY SUPPORT GROUP FORUM GRENFELL TOWER FAMILIES, RELATIVES AND FRIENDS Please post whatever you need to share (within reason) God bless x
  10. Hi All, I just registered today and am in need of some advice. My aunt lost her husband last July in a car accident. Our family was devasted by the loss, but none more-so than her of course. She handled it surprisingly well for the first few months, but now that things have all but settled down she's really struggling and shes been drinking heavily, spending excess amounts of money... My mother moved in with her to be there for support, but my aunt spends her days berating my mother and treating her terribly, then turning around and acting overly nice to her. Our family has a hard time being at her house now because it gets uncomfortable listening to her yell at my mother over little things. My aunt was never like this prior to losing her husband, and our family doesn't know how what to do. She thinks no one can help her and that no one cares. Does anyone have any advice on how we can support her? We don't want her to hurt herself but it seems to be inevitable right now. We're all lost and unsure about how to act with her. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
  11. I lost my mother at the age of 22. She battled cancer for 3 years and her last 6 months were painfully slow. It was hard losing her and I suffered from very deep depression during and after her battle with cancer. My father struggled a lot to be by her side always. He drank a lot after she died. Our whole family was in pain. Half a year after my mother died they found a tumor in my dads kidney that they thought was cancer. They removed the tumor and everything seemed well. Now I found out a few months later that he needs to start chemo therapy.. He has lost a lot of weight and I am very afraid of what will happen next. I am terrified. I am 23-years-old and the second oldest from all my siblings. I have an older brother who has been constantly living off my parents and needs more care taking than our youngest sibling. I have three younger siblings aged 22, 19 and 7. One of my siblings already stuggless with their mental health and is constantly on medication. I am basically the one who has to take care of my younger siblings and support them because I know my older sibling can't. We are all still not that mature and I am really scared. I am so sad.. I don't even know what I need. I just needed to let this all out.. I have to be so strong for my siblings yet I am suffering. How do people do this? How are people capable of living knowing they will not have their parents there? I just need some reassuring words that everything is going to be okay.
  12. I lost my dad less than 2 weeks ago very unexpectedly. I've had terrible anxiety and panic disorder since I was 7, and have been on Zoloft since I was 11. It has always helped me a lot, but after this, I can't seem to quit having panic attacks and having constant anxiety. I have so so many unwanted, fearful, intrusive thoughts. Everything just seems so overwhelming and unbearable. I'm just so terrified of everything and nothing makes sense anymore. I'm having thoughts like "why are we all just happily living waiting to die?" And I know that I certainly would die if something ever happened to my mom. People are like "no you won't, it just feels that way." But they don't know me, they don't know how I feel. She is and has always been my entire life. She's what's helping me get through this. Since I'm already on 100mg of Zoloft and am trying to prevent seeing a therapist, as I talk everything I'm feeling over with my mom and I try to look up self-help things online or in books, and considering my anxiety was well under control before this happened, do you think time will help me? Has anyone else suffered anxiety or worsening of it due to grief? What helped you? How long did it take? I suppose the main question, is how long does the worst of grieving last? I know it's different for everyone and there's no set time, and you never "get over" it, you just accept it and move on, but in general terms, how long does the worst of it usually last? Thank everyone for their answers.
  13. Helping to bring the number down

    Hello, my name is Anthony barela. I am so sorry for everyone's loss here. To date in the United States teen suicide is the number two cause of death among teens. My brothers and I would like to help bring that number down as significantly as possible. We are doing an informal survey right now in hopes of starting a nonprofit organization that will help bring counselors to schools every single quarter to just simply ask our children how they are doing. To give them help. Today, schools are stretched thin and many counselors have as many 600:1 ratios to help our young people. We would like to bring our counselors in and bring that ratio down for a few days and help our teens. Another aspect would be to lend our ears to stopping social media bullying. Today kids are not simply bullied at school they are bullied 24 hours a day 7 days a week. As parents ourselves we understand how difficult it is to constantly protect our children when it feels we do not have the weapons to protect them. If anyone would volunteer to answer these questions on this forum or in a direct message it would be of great help for us to move forward and start to find better ways to help our children. I truly appreciate your time and again I am truly sorry for your loss. 1. Would you support counselors going to your child's school and talking to them individually every quarter? 2. Would you as a parent take a social media course to help navigate your child's social media without compromising their privacy? 3. Do you as a parent feel the school system is doing enough about bullying? Please explain either yes or no. 4. At what age do you believe bullying becomes the biggest problem? 5. Finally do you believe that there are enough programs in place to help you and your child feel happy and safe? thank you so much for your time. Let's end teen suicide and protect our children together. Thank you, anthony barela
  14. Hi everyone. I am now 32 years old, my mother passed away when I was 13 she was only 40. I listened to people say how that was a young age not knowing myself how young it really was. For the 20 years I have both unconsciously / consciously making decisions that are, well needless to say weren't very good one's. I wrote this when I was feeling extremely lost and alone. I hope it helps in some way. - Life she can be a cruel mistress, she takes just as easily as she gives. We live we die, but all that in between and all that we try that is the gift in disguise. The darkness is where we go. This is where we are safe, this is what we know, we find comfort in knowing the enemy, This is our solice, darkness is my friend, Where we are alone, no one to disturb our fears and insecurities. No one to tell us what is right from wrong. Our drug of choice is our confidant it numbs the pain it distorts our memories, it takes us to somewhere else, anywhere else. We carry things for so long that eventually forget what it is like to let go of ourselves and shine. We live in the pain because - that of course is what we deserve, we reject all that reminds us that there my be hope, a glimmer of light THAT, frightens us. That is not meant for us, we are alone, we wallow in guilt and shame, we mask our sadness with jester like humor making sure no one else will ever fell like this. All of the choices we make all of the steps that we take - another step closer to the end, after all isn't that the present? When does it stop? Does it get better? Why did I do this? Why me? Question after question. Here's one, why do I do this to myself? Is it what they would've wanted? Another. Does my suffering offer anything to those that we suffer for? Selfishness, is that what she would have wanted? I push and I shove just to feel alive to have some sort of meaning - we drift, we observe just to see how the rest of the world carries on, I analyse the world take it apart just to find why it keeps spinning, why it just won't stop. Take one step towards the light and ten steps back, I am afraid, I do not belong there no one will understand, they will all judge they will reject me. I do not need help, I am comfortable here with my self pity and guilt. I am alone in my prison that is my mind, only a "select few" may enter my world bringing their lights and their candles along with them as they enter. Not for too long though, too long and it is time for them to leave. Leave me in peace, they couldn't possibly handle what I have to offer, being in the dark would destroy them, they are not strong like me OR is it weak like me? The difference eludes me. It has been an eternity, it should be over now? Surely? I should be successful. I should have everything I need (who I need) I should be a fully functioning pillar of society. I should be this, act this way. No. I am lost. I know now I am not alone, I am not the only one to suffer, everyone is suffering in one way or another.. No now I am now inspired, those "select few" we chose to enter our domain. They have left a breadcrumb burning trail from their torches, They are waiting for me. I will escape my safe haven/prison. I will say it was for others but it will really be for me and that is okay. With my strength growing and my fears overcome. I will be a light for someone else, such as those who have helped me. . . I thank you whole heartedly. I will live through you. And she will live on through me" I asked a friend - "does it get ever go away?" His reply - " it never goes away my friend" Take solace in knowing you are not alone. We are survivors - let go [ just a little bit ] Move forward, the world does not stop, so keep up be a beacon for someone else.
  15. What Can Help?

    Hi All, Since I lost my mom, 7 months ago, I’ve been searching for a haven where I can share my thoughts and emotions, without being judged. She is buried nearly a 6+ hours from me, so I’m not able to visit her as much as I wish I could. No one seems to understand why I’ve still been upset. I lost my best friend, mother, guider, therapist, all at once. The one person I went to for everything, is gone. I recently found this website called Mourners Lane. It allowed me to create a virtual memorial just for her. I could create her a headstone, write her messages, and even add her favorite music. When times get hard, which they do, I know have my mother with me anywhere I go. I’m able to visit her grave, morning, noon or night. I know I have a long way to go before I feel even remotely close to whole again, but I have a safe-haven for my thoughts and emotions. I thought, if it has helped me this much, it could help some of you, too. If you need help finding an uplifting place to honor and enjoy the memories of your loved ones, or need a place that allows your loved one to be with you, try out www.mournerslane.com Please suggest anything else that may help. Thank you xx
  16. I've never done this before but it was recommended by some friends to try and find some people online who understand. Growing up I had an amazing life, both parents always around, I was always daddy's little girl and Moms little angel. At 13 my parents got a divorce. My dad got really depressed and started using drugs. We always stayed in touch and hung out pretty often, even when things got rough. My mother and I were living house to house for about a year. We found a nice apartment and lived there for 5 years. When i was 18 on 5/8/2015 I lost my father he was 45. It was a very rough 2 months for my family and I. He went into the hospital for shortness of breath. The next night i get a call saying he went into cardiac arrest, after that in was in an induced coma for 2 months. They would wake him up once a day for me to be able to visit with him, He couldn't talk due to the tube in this throat but he was still there. He had multiple surgeries all of which were my choice (since i was 18 and the oldest child i was next of kin) and after his last surgery he lost all function of his brain. It was my decision to let him go. I know he wouldn't have wanted to be like that. It's almost been 2 years since that's happened and i still think about it everyday. I don't think I will ever make it through that. At age 20 on 2/24/2017 I lost my mother she was 50. In December she went into the ER because she wasn't feeling to well and the doctor had told us she had stage 4 breast cancer. I was completely destroyed. My mom was the healthiest woman ever, didn't smoke, didn't drink, ate healthy, took all her vitamins. She started chemo not to long after that, after her 3rd session she had come home and called me, she said she wasn't feeling to good and of course we all thought it was just the chemo. The next afternoon my 15 year old brother came home from school and called me saying he couldn't wake her up. He called 911 and we all met at the hospital, They pulled us into the "family room" and i knew at that point that this couldn't be good. The cancer had made its way into her stomach, she bleed out so much that her heart completely stopped. My mom was my best friend, my person to run too. We had a very close relationship from beginning to end. We were there for each other in the hardest of times. Now I am a 20 year old, with no parents, a 15 year old brother and no support. I am completely lost and broken.. I feel like giving up myself but i can't do that my brother needs me right now and i can't even hold myself together.
  17. How Do I Get Past the Guilt?

    My beloved cat, Starbuck, died on Monday, January 16th. He was diagnosed with cancer about a week prior, and the vets at his care center gave him his first chemo treatment the day after diagnosis. Starbuck's full story can be found here : Starbuck's GoFundMe Page (we are no longer seeking donations). Long story short (unless you followed the link), Starbuck got better, then worse, then a little better, then even worse, and through it all, the doctors continued to give me hope, saying things like, "If we can just get him over this hump, the chemo can do its work", and "If we can just get food in him for a few days, he'll be much more stable." I just wanted my kitty to live a little longer, and it seemed like a real possibility, the way they explained it, and all the research I did online seemed to support what they were saying. But after we'd spent $6000 on blood transfusions and a feeding tube and meds and oxygen and ultrasounds and centesis and hospitalization, we ran out of money. The vet called me Monday morning to check in, and let me know Starbuck was doing about the same. I informed him that we had to bring Starbuck home at this point, because we were flat broke. He said he'd write up some detailed instructions for home care. My dog died in November of 2016, we'd had to have her euthanized at this same veterinary facility. The cost was $900. My four children and I got Starbuck home around 1pm. He was MUCH worse off than I'd been led to believe. He was pitiful, and it was obvious he did not have long. My kids were seeing this first hand, and with the exception of one holdout, we agreed that Starbuck needed to be put to sleep, as a kindness. The one holdout, my oldest son, was fully on board with euthanasia by the time of Starbuck's death, which was at 2:30. Until the last minute, he'd still had hope we might find some more money, or that one more dose of medicine might help, or maybe if we waited long enough, Starbuck would improve. He was grasping for any straw out there, he wanted his kitty to live, and I love him for it. Unfortunately, we never had time to act on the euthanasia plan, even though I had found someone to come to our home and do it, at a price my parents were willing to pay, due to our current financial situation. I had read up on ways to comfort a sick and dying cat, and we'd prepared our home in every way we possibly could. He had a cozy bed and blankets in a warm, quiet, draft-free part of the house. His water dish and litter box were right at hand. We had quiet nature sounds playing, and soft, indirect lighting for him to see by. There was room for all of us to gather around him and pet him. We had tried to see to Starbuck's every comfort, and between the five of us, we were ready to provide round the clock care. It wasn't enough. His ending was awful. We were all there, petting him, telling him we loved him, saying that it was okay to stop fighting and let go. He gasped his last breath surrounded by loved ones, but it wasn't peaceful, it wasn't dignified, and I wished to god I'd had enough time to arrange a better ending for him. He was such a good kitty, he was so sweet and gentle and funny, he was so LOVED, and he didn't deserve to die like that, to spend his last moments on earth in distress and pain. I can't stop seeing it over and over in my mind, and it hurts more than anything I've ever experienced. How do I get past this? I can't sleep, I can't eat, and everything I see reminds me of Starbuck. I'm a useless person while I'm consumed with this much grief and guilt, and I want to get better. What do I do?
  18. I lost my husband and soul mate suddenly in a car accident on Nov. 28th of this year. We met when I was 14 and married when I was 16. We were married for 13 years and had 2 beautiful little boys together. They're 12 and 10 now. We were a very close family. We did absolutely everything together and I mean everything. My husband and I were fortunate enough to spend almost every waking moment together and never got tired of each other. I was always excited to see him and talk to him. I was always wrapped in his arms or holding his hands. I just don't know how to live or function without him. This terrifies me because like I said we have 2 boys together. I know I have to be strong for them and keep it together, but this is the hardest, most painful thing I've ever even imagined. Please tell me how to make this pain even a little better. I'm so lost now and no one seems to be able to relate or understand.
  19. It is a confusing story none the less. I am 21 years old and unsure what my life will hold from here because I am in fact scared of death. The story starts with me meeting my love. He was a lost, deep and passionate soul. We met right before I was leaving for my freshman year of college and he worked hard since the very first day to win me over. at He eventually became my boyfriend that May. We were in different locations and the long distance was hard but when we were together it was incredible. Eventually, I could not handle the long distance and broke up with him in the beginning of my junior year. I moved on to my current boyfriend who has been there for me through this whole process. During my Junior year that thanksgiving break, I went out with friends and decided to text and find him the night before Thanksgiving. I did in fact and I was then torn between two boys. He was the most passionate person there was and would do anything in the world for me. We fooled around thanksgiving break and then spontaneously I got a free trip to Flordia to go work for a week after my finals were done. We went on vacation in secret and it was the most incredible week I have ever had. Following that week in Flordia was Christmas, New Years and then I would be leaving to Study Abroad in Cape Town Africa for a few weeks. Christmas he was in Mexico but we spent New Years together and something was not right. I was torn between two guys and that was not fair to them so I had to pick. The night before I left for Cape Town, Africa was still the most tears I have ever had to this day. A lot of fighting, crying and contemplating went on that night but we ended things. We for the first time addressed all of our problems and the long distance and why we broke up. All the questions we both had were answered. We ended things peacefully, maturely and with mutual forever love and that we would figure things out in the future. I boarded that plane the next day, had a layover in Germany and the moment I landed in Cape, my life changed. I had to turn around immediately and spend a total of 40+ hours of flying in 3 days to grieve the loss of my ex-boyfriend. He died in a drowning accident. I miss him everyday. The situation has been confusing to explain to my current boyfriend because of the fooling around that went on. For the most part, I am okay. Life has to move on. I had a few moments of complete despair and one resulted in a suicide attempt. I am sad though and do not know how to ask for help. I am confused on how to grieve. Was he someone who was suppose to walk into my life and go or was he suppose to stay? That’s the tragedy that I will never know. Regardless he taught me lessons. He taught me about forgiveness, the power of being loved and being devoted. He taught me passion and he also taught me sorrow.
  20. Hello everyone, It has been about a year now since I posted on here, however after identifying all those needing help like I did I wanted to share my grief blog with you all. Last year not only did it reach people around the world, but the response I had was really meaningful and just showed me how much it helped others. So I want to help you. Here is the link below https://believement.wordpress.com All my love xxxx
  21. Hello everyone, It has been about a year now since I posted on here, however after identifying all those needing help like I did I wanted to share my grief blog with you all. Last year not only did it reach people around the world, but the response I had was really meaningful and just showed me how much it helped others. So I want to help you. Here is the link below https://believement.wordpress.com All my love xxxx
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  23. I am a 20 year old college student and an only child. I am not close to anyone in my family other then my mother who I lost at 50 years old 3 days after Christmas 2015 to a heart attack. My mom and I were very close. We had our differences but the love was always real. I am having trouble coping and I'm trying not to be sad all the time, but it only works when I'm keeping busy. The point of this topic is I need advice with this situation: I just moved into a friend's house since school is out of the summer. Most of mine and my mothers belonging are in this house and as I was unpacking I found a bag of old papers for my mom. Some of them were bible study notes- this was not a shock- among them were notes from school. But the date was wrong. My mother was born in 1965. This school notes were dates 1992. Four years before I was born, making my mother 26 years old. Too old for high school and I knew she was not a college graduate. Amongst those notes were papers from out states GED department of a scheduled test in 1992 and her test results of a fail. She never told me she didn't graduate high school. And I never asked. I never saw cap and gown or prom pictures. She never talked about it. Well, she talked about high school, just not graduating it. But some how I always assumed she had. I never saw a diploma. I do know that she attended high school. I don't know if she graduated. But the thing that hurts most is knowing that she never told me. And now I feel pressured to keep the secret because she didn't want anyone to know. Especially not me. And I do. And I wish I didn't.
  24. I have shared my blog once or twice on this forum to reach out to those of you who may need it. The responses i receive are overwhelming and have shown me that my writing can really help others. Here is the link for my blog http://www.believement.wordpress.com All my love LJ xx
  25. As some of you may be aware I have posted this link once before however I will place it here again as I have recently been overwhelmed by the help my writing has given people. I can't quite put into words how much it means to know that I can do my part to help those in similar places as me. Please find my blog here: http://www.believement.wordpress.com For any of you who wish to personally reach out to me I am also contactable via my email: lydiaellejay@yahoo.com