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Found 11 results

  1. I've been married 30 yrs. 2 years ago, my inlaws asked us to come back to FL to help them as they were aging. We did. The day before Thanksgiving 2016, my father in law had a stroke. He was sent to rehab. Dec 29, 2016 I took mt Mother in law to the ER, she had to have a triple bypass. They both went to the same rehab/nursing home for 3 months. My FIL also had Alzheimer's. Hospice was involved with both of them after they came home and their health degraded so quickly. I think the rehab did something or didn't do something to cause this. My MIL had a stroke while in rehab because they took away her blood thinners. My FIL came home around Feb 25 2017 (give or take) and I was his caregiver all day everyday. He was a wonderfully funny & entertaining person. On May 4, he told me "I'm gonna miss you Tricia". I broke down in tears & ran out of the house. It hurt cause I knew! He then asked for my youngest son, I won't reveal what he said to him but it was nice. The next morning, he passed away. I was broken hearted. It was a joy & a pleasure to care for him. My MIL came home May 3,2017, I was her caregiver too. On June 14, 2017, I talked her into the light. She was suffering, had the "rattle" so I to,d her to head towards the light. She passed while I was talking to her & rubbing her arm & forehead. I dressed her in her favorite dress so she'd be pretty when she got to heaven. My heart was broken again. These people were like my own parents & now in 6 weeks they were both gone. I was caregiver for both of them. I don't know if I'll ever get over this. I'm 55, hubby is 61. I'm taking this loss a lot harder than he is. It really hurts. We didn't even get a chance to grieve the loss of my FIL and now she's gone too. I feel responsible though hospice said I went above and beyond. I did treat them both with love, care & respect. I loved these two people. Recap FIL passed May 5 2017 & MIL passed June 14, 2017 How do I get over this? How can I stop blaming myself? Is it my fault? I can't sleep, I can't eat. My stomach is in knots. I feel sick every time I try to eat. I'm hoping someone here can at least commiserate with me. Thanks to all! The pic of them was 1 1/2 yrs ago. It's unbelievable
  2. My father passed away on May 03, 2017. He fought prostate cancer for few years and when he died something in me died with him. I think of him all the time and don't know how to get out of my depression. My superman should still be here with me. I am also feeling mad at God for the pain and my mother's pain. My mother re-lives his death everyday due to Alzheimer's. My parents didn't deserve such pain.
  3. loss

    Wednesday my world (and my DH, and our Golden Annies,) lives changed. Its a colder, darker, somber, empty existence. No, I am not exagerating. We have had a very rough year. Always one step away from being homeless BUT Emma was the light. Yes, Annie, too helped. Annie is a rescue from a bad man (mean, neglectful) so she's ver sweet n gentle and quiet. Emma, who rescued us 6 years ago when a care-giver of our 2 y/o Golden killed her. 2 months after Hannah's death we got Emma. What a spitfire! We almost took her back. A Golden who was aggressive? A puppy, yet. But we kept her. How glad we've been. Everyday has been an adventure. She was a stinker. We played games. She was so smart. She knew my moods. She knew the inflection of my voice. She and I were connected. I am unable to write any more now. I have been drunk, sick, unable to funstion. I wail and weep. My husband is grieving also. I'm scared to be alone. Trying to be thoughtful of Annie. As she is upset. Emma was having "zoomies" and slipped, fell and died. Possibly a stroke, the vet said. We declined a necropsy. We will receive her ashes soon. Has this happened to anyone else? So suddenly. My Faith is gone. I blame myself. I blame God. Any replys will help.
  4. I can't believe its almost a year already. And what a year its been... This has by far been one of the most toughest and hardest years of my entire life and the worst.... People always say that it will get easier.... Time is a great healer.... Not I'm my world... Not at all.... If anything its gotten harder.... I have given up smoking but in turn I have began taking pills to cope.... I don't know and don't care what they are.... So tomorrow when I drop my son to school I'm going to go and get cigarettes. Call me selfish call me whatever you want to, but this is what I want to do. My husband told me tonight it'd time to get over my mam. That I need to be there for him and our 4 year old son. I'm constantly there for them both. I never do anything for myself. So from now on every night starting tomorrow I'm am going to have a few drinks after I pit my son to bed. Say what you like cause tbh I couldn't care less anymore.... I wish when I took all those pills Sunday that today my funeral had been planned and instead I'm still here.... I just want to die and be with my mam. Its not fair. I have no support from my husband or my dad. My mam was my best friend I could literally talk to her and tell her anything and shed never judge me, all my husband and dad ever seem to do is constantly judge me. They critasize about me smoking. Its my business, if I want to do it I'll do it, and when I want to stop.for good I'll do that too. I don't tell anybody what to do but its like they seem they can tell me what to do. I just want to be with my mam and for everyone to leave me alone. For gods sake if I snap at my husband for something he's say "its healthy, your grieving" he has no idea what I'm going through, everybody greives differently. I'll do what I want - and what I want is to be with my amazing mam
  5. On Friday it was a year since my beautiful mam passed away. Friday night I drank, Saturday night I drank, got drunk and last night I went out to my cousins 30th birthday surprise party and got absolutely gee eyed. I was so drunk. Today I am perfect I'm not hung over and plan to do it all again tonight. Once my son is looked after and we talk him trick or treating and he has his bath etc then we'll go out. Anyway, I got a telling off for talking about how I feel. I got told that I don't ask anyone how they are and I do. I always ask. All I want is people to be there for me not to judge me and everybody does. I need to be admitted because I can't deal with this anymore. Apparently I'm selfish. I know I am. No one has any idea how hard this is for me. I'm constantly trying to be there for everyone and then bring told if I break down to get over it. I just want to be with my mam why won't anyone just let me do that.
  6. HELLO, I AM SEARCHING FOR ADVICE OR HELP IN MY SITUATION THAT I AM IN… IF ANYONE COULD OR WOULD OFFER THEIR THOUGHTS THAT WOULD BE GREAT OF YOU, THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH IN ADVANCE. WE HAD A HORRIBLE TERRIBLE LOSS IN OUR FAMILY (WE ARE A SAME-SEX-COUPLE) AND WE HAVE LOST HIM TO THE ANGELS ABOVE AND HE IS NOW WATCHING OVER US AND SHINING BRIGHT DOWN ON US EVERY DAY, HE WAS HURTING ON EARTH TO MUCH HE THOUGHT AND HE TOOK HIMSELF OUT OF OUR WORLD DOWN HERE ON EARTH AND HE WANTED TO GO FLY HIGH WITH THE ANGELS AND LAY DOWN ON THE CLOUDS ABOVE, HE IS MY LOVE OF MY LIFE, MY EVERYTHING IT IS SO VERY HARD TO GET THRU EVERY DAY WITHOUT HIM HERE WITH US, AS WE DID EVERYTHING TOGETHER, WE WERE TOGETHER FOR OVER 13 YEARS, AND I THOUGHT WE HAD AN AMAZING LIFE TOGETHER AS WE JUST ADOPTED TWO CHILDREN AND BOUGHT A NEW HOUSE AND WERE GETTING SETTLED IN THE HOME WHEN THIS HAPPENED, AND NOW IT IS SO HARD EVERY DAY, NOT ONLY FOR MY, FOR THE KIDS ALSO, THE MOST HORRIABLE THING IS OUR YOUNGEST SEEN “ “ EVERYTHING “ “ SO IT REALLY BOTHERS HER ALLOT, AND WITH OUR OTHER DAUGHTER SHE WAS AT A DANCE CLASS, WHEN IT HAPPEND, AND IT BOTHERS HER ALSO JUST NOT IN THE SAME WAYS AS THE OTHER. AND WITH MYSELF- I TRIED MY HARDEST MY HARDEST I TRIED SO HARD TO HELP HIM DOWN AND I COULD NOT DO IT, I TRIED, AND TRIED, AND WHEN I FINALLY GOT HIM DOWN IT WAS TO LATE, AS WHEN HE DID IT I WAS DROPPING THE OLDEST OFF AT HER DANCE CLASS - WAS GONE FOR NO LONGER THAN 40 MINUTES. AND WHEN I GOT HOME I COULD NOT FIND HIM ANYWHERE, AND THEN I FOUND A NOTE THEN I STARTED SEARCHING AND FOUND HIM IN THE GARAGE, IT WAS AND IS THE MOST HORRIABLE THING I HAVE EVER IN MY LIFE SEEN AND CAN NOT IMANGE THIS ON ANYONE AND I WISH I WOULD HAVE KNOWN ANYTHING I WISH I DID, I WOULD HAVE HELPED AS I LOVED HIM WITH AND STILL LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND MY EVERYTHING, HE WAS AND IS MY EVERYTHING, AND NOW IT IS JUST SO SO SO HARD TO BE IN THE HOUSE THAT WE SHARED TOGETHER, DRIVE THE CAR WE SHARED, DO ANYTHING ON MY OWN ETC… MY QUESTIONS I NEED ADVICE ON ARE; SHOULD I MOVE AND START OVER? SHOULD I GET NEW STUFF AROUND THE HOUSE? GET RID OF THE OLDER STUFF AND GET NEW STUFF (FURNITURE, CAR, ETC.) WHAT CAN I DO TO HAVE THESE FLASHBACKS GO AWAY? HOW CAN I COMFORT THESE AMAZING KIDS THRU THIS IN THIS HOUSE IF WE STAY HERE(AS MY YOUNGEST WILL NOT GO IN OUR BACK YARD AT ALL OR NEAR THE GARAGE AS I DONT BLAME HER AND I DONT WHAT SO EVER FORCE HER TO DO IT EITHER) HOW CAN I HELP THEM FEEL BETTER TO GET THRU THIS? NOW MY THOUGHTS; I THINK I SHOULD MOVE. START OVER FRESH, AND GET NEW STUFF AND HAVE NEW SURROUNDINGS AND OF COURSE HAVE PICTURES AND MEMORIES OF OUR FAMILY TOGETHER BUT BEING SOMEWHERE NEW I THINK WOULD HELP COPE WITH THINGS AND GET US MOVING AND STAY POSITIVE THOUGHTS GOING. WHAT DO YOU THINK? ANY THOUGHTS? AND ANY ADVICE WOULD BE HUGELY APPRECIATED I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO GET ADVICE ON THIS FROM SOME OTHERS AND SEE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO HANDLE THE SITUATIONS I AM IN…. please any advice would help and thank you much in advance i do say again,. RIP MY LOVE, YOU WILL BE FOREVER MISSED AND ALWAYS N’ FOREVER LOVED. ~FLY HIGH ABOVE AND REST WELL MY AMAZING EVERYTHING, PLEASE WATCH OVER US DOWN HERE ON EARTH AND GUIDE US INTO THE RIGHT WAYS OF LIFE PLEASE, OUR GIRLS LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND STARS N BACK AND TO THE MOON AGAIN, AND THEY MISS YOU AND TALK ABOUT YOU EVERY DAY MY BABY, FOREVER LOVING YOU!!!!
  7. My mom passed away last week sunday at around 08.30pm. She was sick for about three weeks, being an hardworking person, she used to be sick but always always pulled through. I saw her 8 days before she died and she was quite alright and I was even relieved that she'll be okay this time too. I still don't believe she's dead and this scares me, when I finally believe. What will I do? Although she was buried on Thursday 25th February. That too was the worst day of my life, going to pay for the casket and identifying my mother's body at the Morgue. She was 49. I am 22. I'm her first child, we are three. I have 2 younger brothers. 20 and 17 year olds. I'm in my third year in the university studying Psychology. Her biggest dream was to see me graduate and she said that to me over and over and over again. I was doing this for her. I'm confused and tired and afraid and scared. I feel sorry for my dad too. It hits him hard but he has to be strong for us which will make it harder for him. Dealing with his grieving process privately. Life is unfair. My mother do not deserve death, she deserved to see her grandchildren. She deserved to see me succeed. My life has been miserable, I thought joining a support group would help and I hope it does. It's hard. Words can't explain. It's really hard. Nobody will understand. I will miss her forever. Her 7am calls asking if I slept well, her calls at night. This was my biggest fear, losing my mother, I won't wish that on my worst enemy. It's bad. It's hard. It's difficult. It feels like death. But I know I will pull through. I will. I will. I have to. No girlfriend either, to talk to. I'm vulnerable at the moment, and I don't want to be dated out of pity, so most times I'm on my own. Friends come around but I still feel alone. Thanks for reading. Love, Dayo.
  8. I have lost both my brothers.my older brother was a drug addict and died in 1997.he comitted suicide.he was a very angry abusive person, I don't know why.4 months ago my little brother was found dead in his flat, he was also an adict but was trying so hard to come away from the drugs.i am gutted by the death if my little brother.we were always so close and I'm heartbroken without him.i wish I knew he was at peace but I just feel like he's lost.he was always there for me no matter what.i can't believe he's gone to join all the others, my dad, uncle, ex boyfriend, our baby son, big brother....and now my special little bro.i don't know where he is.
  9. Hey everyone...long time no see...went on hiatus for the holidays.... After Khyri left, Jason got us a dog...so I would have a small thing to snuggle and so Khaily would have someone to play with.... Today, while Jason was doing laundry, Spencer (our dog) ran under his feet, and Jason stepped on him. He seemed fine after, played with us, ate dinner, snuggled...after dinner Jason and Spence went outside as usual, and Spencer died on Jasons lap, appearantly of an internal bleed. So now, in less than three months, Khaily has lost her sister and her dog, and we have lost our daughter and our dog. What am I supposed to do? How do I handle this with Khaily? How do I handle this with Jason? He is so guilt stricken that he is at the cemetery visiting Khy right now...which wouldnt be a big deal but it's after 1AM and freezing here in Idaho. I'm so lost. It's so hard to have to be the strong one through everything. Please help...I'm hanging by a thread... Khaily and Spencer Khy Khy's sleeping place
  10. Almost 3 weeks ago I lost my best friend, my soulmate to suicide. My boyfriend was a young 26 year old veteran, who served in the ARMY and deployed to Afghanistan for a year. I met him earlier this year. He was not my type I stayed away but eventually his big smile, kind heart, hardworking, happy self swept me off my feet. We started dating, spending every day every moment together, and eventually got to talking about kids and marriage. I started noticing his PTSD as the time passed. He would get startled and get jumpy, especially as he slept. He was also having issues with his mom and sister. They never supported him while he was overseeas and left him alone, when he needed them the most. On his own he came back from Afghan, started his career as a correctional officer, got promoted within a year, and bought his first home. I told him every day how proud I was. He had days where he was down and sad about his mom and sister, he'd cry to me to never leave him. I adviced him to talk to a counselor because I knew this depression state was getting to him and it was affecting his health. The day he passed he left work early because he wasnt feeling well, we went to urgent care where they prescribed him anti deprssants. I lfet his house devastated, he told me not to leave but I didnt want him to see me so broken. After not hearing from him I went back to his house where I found him. He had taken all of his medication and shot himself. You can see why I feel guilt. These days without him have been the hardest. Finding out he had bought our engagement ring breaks my heart, my future was all in him, us together and now hes gone. Although I know hes no longer suffering im left with so many unanswered questions. I miss him more and more everyday.
  11. Hi, my name is Dan I'm 24 and my mum has died. Although the details of exactly what happened are vague because I don't want to cause my older sister (who lived with her and found her) any more grief but ultimately my mum suffered a major head injury and was a tragic accident. She was taken to A&E near to where they lived and was transferred immediately to St Georges in Tooting where she was taken to their neuro ICU, this was the early hours of Saturday morning on 25 January 2014, she died 10 days later. At the time of the accident, my sister called me to let me know the situation and because of my profession (medical insurance) when she said she was being transferred to St Georges neuro ICU I knew then just how serious this was. I was drinking heavily with friends at the time but left straight away and jumped in the taxi and just managed to get to Frimley Park A&E before she got transferred - she saw me, and said "Dan" I said "mum" and that was it, the last time I spoke to her - she never regained consciousness although there were moments during the 10 days that followed where she did open her eyes again briefly and moved her right side now and again. The reason I mention this specific part is because in a way I'm happy she saw me and she knew I was there for her but on the other hand I'm heartbroken I didn't get the chance to say goodbye or even tell her how much I loved although I know she knew I did. When I was 13 my nan, my mums mum, died. The three of us were very close but for my mum she was everything, we used to spend every weekend with her until she died because her and my dad had a very bad relationship and I guess it was her way of escape, every Friday after I finished school we would head up there. When my nan passed my mum was never the same, she had lost her most important person and turned to drink. She was an alcoholic in the years that followed which when I was young I hated her for. She was diagnosed with liver cirrhosis in 2010 but this didn’t stop the drinking but now I was older I loved her so much I just wanted to make her happy and I tried because I knew time with my mum may well be precious. We'd go out for meals when I could afford to and I would always do as she asked of me, gardening, hovering ect, we spend a lot of time together and I'm proud to have her as a friend. I was a good son I hope and in light of her premature death that is my greatest achievement and my only respite. However to counter this I feel incredibly guilty because I only moved out 6 months ago and feel that I should of never left and I would of been there for her. My mum was simply the best person I will ever know and she loved me unconditionally every single day despite some very bad behaviour on my part and I cannot believe I have to go on the rest of my life without her. She was the most caring, loving person with such class and dignity despite all that life threw at her. I'm so lucky to of had her as my mum - all beit for too shorter time. I've lost all my desire to do anything, to work, to study which I did for myself of course but also to make my mum proud and now she's gone I just don't see the point. I always promised her I would take care of her which to me meant earning enough money to be able to do that - more meals out, maybe a few holidays, to create some happy days for her. I'm so sad that I won't be able to that. Up until my nan died my mum was the envy of many people; successful business women, beautiful, smart, confident, funny and the fact she went out the way she did causes unbearable pain because she deserved better. I find myself feeling very angry towards my immediate family, my sister, my dad and my auntie all of whom a feel should of made more effort and have not spoken to them since she passed. I'm not sure what I'm looking for from this but even to have written this post has made me feel a little better. It would be nice to here from people that may be in similar situations I guess. I'm too young to give up on life and pray it does not break me the same way it did my mum when her mum died. Ann 'Noreen' Johnson 1957-2014 RIP mum