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I'm only 24. Went to the hospital last month for breathing problems and that's when they told me I have cardiomyopathy. I have 1-2 years left at the most, I haven't done anything with my life. I haven't talked to anyone about it, I don't really have anyone in my life, and I still haven't really cried about it yet. My parents are alive and wealthy but won't admit anything is wrong. We don't have a very good relationship to begin with though. I just don't know how to deal with any of this.
From the time my dad and mom got married, she had heart problems. She had three open heart surgeries and countless strokes. She was in so much pain by the time I was 21 and I never stopped to realize how much pain she was in, I was so naive. She finally got a heart transplant in October 17 2012. it was so exciting. she had been in the hospital since August and was going to miss my wedding (which ended up falling through and we broke up). She had such peace going into the heart transplant, it was our only option and something she wanted for a long time. after she came out, 10 hours later, she was awake and alert. then after weeks and weeks of her going from conscious to unconscious, the drs told us the Tuesday before thanksgiving that they couldn't do anything else. Her bad heart had destroyed her kidneys and liver. her body was too weak to survive, November 30 we pulled the plug after waiting and waiting for her to just wake up. I worked third shift and your the call at 2 that she had passed away. I bawled my eyes out as I drove to the hospital to say goodbye to her dead body. I blame myself so much forhow I treated her, not fully understanding the pain she was in. Also I admire her for being so strong and at peace. she was a wonderful mother, to say the least. And now I still spend every day grieving. I miss her so much and it hurts to think of her suffering. She is in a better place, I do believe in God and that she was a believer and is in heaven, but selfishly I want her here with me. Reality keeps sinking in that I can't just go to the hospital to see her like I did every single day she was in there. My dad sometimes cries, they were happily married 30 years. My sister seems to be over the matter. The week after her death she would have turned 50. I don't know how to deal, or if I will ever stop crying. people say I will but, even just a simple memory of her makes me choke up. I have never been much of a crier and now I can't stop. I was hoping that this forum would be an outlet for me to possible be able to move on. My father and I have a very distant relationship. We rarely speak yet live in the same house. I love him dearly but we never saw eye to eye and my mom was the mediator, now she is gone and I feel so alone. My boyfriend listens but he does not know how to comfort me, never experiencing this. one of the worst part is knowing that she suffered for so long and that we as a family made the decision to unplug the dialysis. Did we give up on her? were the doctors wrong, would she have pulled through. I made no part in that decision and had no say, I didn't want to feel this way. That we gave up on her, I drive past the hospital and cry. I look at her pictures and tear up. I can't talk about her, I just miss her.