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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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Found 5 results

  1. Okay so I'm not sure if anyone n here knows anything about dreams but if you do please help! So i lost my mother in late august 2017. During that same time i had been trying to figure out if me and my off and on boyfriend of 4.5 years were going to stay together after his first time cheating. Since then we broke up. Hes started dating right away and well i have been dealing with grieving and a new career choice. One my mom would be so proud of by the way! lol But anyways! So we broke up. It bugged for a bit but i was busy trying to figure this whole adult thing without help from my mother. During that time i had decided to really tell myself that if i'm not pregnant or have a baby by the age of 25 i wont have any at all. A goal of mine for years but never been so hard about it before. Even joked with my ex saying if i'm single by 25 with no baby hes gotta cough up the sperm! lol But the past couple of nights my mom appears in my dreams. and i want to say the past 3 or 4 nights i reveal i'm pregnant. Each on with me panicking. Which is a way i never thought i'd be when finding out i'm pregnant. But in the dream my mom is there and she is calm and tells me that its okay. And how happy she is is all over her face. That's another thing! I can see her face in my dreams! But only hers. I'm unsure if this has to do with the fact that me and my ex still sleep together randomly or if it has to do with the fact that everyone around me has been announcing their pregnant or they just had a baby. Or if its the fact i now say i'm probably never going to have kids. Which for me is crazy. Crazy because during the breakup my ex spilt he was going to buy me a ring. and i spilt once settled in our new home (which was going to be in January) i was going to ask if we could start trying for a baby.Both of us reacting shocked and upset at each others plans for the future that now wont happen. But yes someone please help me out here. I'm so confused with it. I want to know what my mom could possibly trying to tell me.
  2. 2017 was a bad year

    In 2017 I lost two of my pets. (a) My wife and I had a beautiful black cat with vampire teeth. We rescued him from the Wisconsin humane society, and he was called Jynx when we got him, iut was perfect. We had to put him down in August, as he was in somepain, had weight loss, despite eating like a horse, and he seemed to be unhappy. I do not regret it. But I held him as he passed. I speak to his ashes daily. It comforts me, (b) We lost our Dog, who we had to leave with family when we moved back to my home country (New Zealand). I only saw her once (may last year) when we travelled back to show off our son who had been born in January. I told her it was OK, and thank you for waiting for me. December 30th she was euthanized with cancer that had spread everywhere. What is hitting me hard, is these pets (and one of our remaining cats) were our kids. We had thought we would not be able to have any human children, so I invested my heart in them. I don’t regret this, but I HAVE just lost two kids. My wife does not get it, so we’ve had hard moments, where she does not get I am grief stricken. OR that I need to write and blog this out, to feel better.
  3. My Dad died a year ago on my birthday. It was very hard on me, because we were very close and like minded, and I had to take him off of life support. It took 6 months for me to stop spontaneously crying. Yesterday was the one year mark. I feel like my heart has shattered all over again. I'm angry, broken, and lost. I tried to rely on my fiancee, but he has proven to be...unreliable. My mom relies on me for everything now, and I have to be her rock. It feels like the world is caving in around me, and I don't know what to do.
  4. Hi, My life cut short is as follows. I am 26 years of age and my Nanna was my world. She raised me from being little but unfortunately in 2011 she went from the person allowing everyone to lean on her to a person that needed someone to lean on. She suffered 2 strokes and had to be placed in a care home as I could not meet her needs at home whilst working and going to university. I was still a very active part of her life visiting her regularly, taking her to every hospital appointment, taking her on days out, paying her personal expenses ect. She would usually get seriously ill around winter time with conditions such as pneumonia and I would cry all day and cry myself to sleep every night for weeks if she was hospitalised, i'd take time off work to just sit with her in the hospital from morning until night even if she wouldn't be awake, I just did not want to be without her and feared her leaving me forever. On 2/4/17 my life changed forever. I received the phone call that I will never be able to erase from my mind, my Nanna had sadly passed away in her sleep in the early hours of the morning. I couldn't breath travelling to the care home assuring myself that someone had made a mistake and it was not my Nan who had been perfectly fine since Dec 16 but I opened her door and there she was in bed, perfectly still, eyes and mouth wide open. Unfortunately thats just where the torture for me begins. I had to wait with my Nanna for 6 hours whilst the out of hours doctors can out to see her and certify her as deceased, then a further 2 hours for the police to come and take statements as her death is classed as sudden/suspicious and then an added 1.5 hours for the coroner to come and take her away. I could not leave her on her own in this time, all i could do was get in bed with her and cry whilst over time i watched the signs of her death show in her physical state. I was a complete mess for the first two days as you can expect but I am deeply upset now as I found from day 3 onwards that I can carry out every day tasks such as cleaning, cooking, watching a little tv, i have even had a genuine laugh and smile. I have cried very little since the first two days and I simply do not understand why. Why am I not crying for my best friend and person I loved most in the world? I cried alot more for her when she was alive! I started funeral arrangements the very next day trying to keep distracted as much as possible, I can not stay in the house all day because then I begin to think of her and then I get upset so i quickly put my mind else where or go out for walks. I am looking for peace anywhere I can and have found myself going to church looking for comfort and signs that she is ok or waiting for the moment where so many people claim their loved one comes back to them at the end of the bed or in a dream but I am receiving little comfort from either at the moment. She is having to have a post mortem done and thoughts like " that will mean that she really is dead" come into my head or when I was discussing embalming with the director i thought "they can't take all her blood". Have I actually acknowledged to myself that she's dead? I feel the loss of her but only when I allow myself to think about it which is not often. My main question is 'Why am I not crying for her?" I am a very emotional person and will often cry but why not now. Has anyone ever had a grieving experience like mine? Thanks
  5. My mother lost a battle with Scleroderma on Dec 20, 2014. She was very sick for the last 3 months. She was in a nursing home the last month. She started out in the Nursing Skilled Unit in hopes that we could bring her home. She initially got better but then she started declining. She was worse at night but would perk up during the day. She passed away the morning of Dec 20 and I was not by her side. I thought she had more time and I made the decision to go home and get some sleep. I was blow drying my hair to return to the nursing home when I received the call that she had passes. I rushed to her side but only found a lifeless mother. I feel so much guilt that I was not with her. The pain is unbearable.
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