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Found 3 results

  1. BEREAVEMENT AND RECOVERY SUPPORT GROUP FORUM GRENFELL TOWER FAMILIES, RELATIVES AND FRIENDS Please post whatever you need to share (within reason) God bless x
  2. Lost My Cats to Housefire

    Hi, I'm new here and just joined. The night of December 3rd our car suddenly caught on fire shortly after my husband returned from a work call, and it caught our garage door on fire. The fire quickly spread to the study above it and the basement, igniting an old fuel tank we never used but still had a little fuel in it in the area under the study. It exploded. Needless to say, the study is nothing but a charred mess. The curtains on the windows gone, all my books burnt to a crisp, all my music I stored in there just melted wax. But this room was special, too, as several of my 10 cats loved this room. It was where I kept the kitty furniture. It had large windows and my old daybed, so it was a comfy place to sleep and look out. The fire went from there throughout the rest of the house, mostly in the attic. Much of the furniture in the other rooms are okay but damaged by water and smoke. Firemen ruined several things, there are doors broken down, holes in the walls, etc. It's impossible to live in the house. We had to leave. Until last week we were staying with my parents, which was rough and only heightened my anxiety. I couldn't grieve the way I needed to, and my parents didn't seem to understand. We've been in a rental home now for over a week, and I was doing okay. Some crying here and there - until yesterday. I lost 8 and possibly 10 of my cats to this fire. 8 of them were all found under the couch by firemen, and they brought them out and placed them under our pine tree. My husband buried them the next day in the back yard with the kitties I've lost in the past. I never got to see them - probably a good thing. The other 2, my Tadpole and James, have yet to be found, even though my husband and various other family members have looked in the mess in the house for them. I was sitting in the neighbor's yard and watched the whole thing happen for 3 hours. The fire kept reigniting and was hard to get out. I say possibly, though, because we caught wind that someone (never did find out who) said they saw 2 cats running from the house. My husband and neighbor knocked out some of the windows as fast as they could for the cats, but I'm afraid it didn't help. So on top of the loss of my 8 cats, I've been going back to the property every evening and calling for my cats, searching with a flashlight, walking around in the surrounding area. I've put up posters offering a reward for each cat found. We've had a few people report seeing cats that looked like them in the area, but I myself haven't seen them. We also have some traps out but have only caught the strays that have been there since long before this happened. We continue to feed them though this may be detrimental to catching anything in the trap on the porch near the food. The second night after the fire, while out with a flashlight I saw 2 sets of glowing eyes sitting near each other, and as I called to them, one was coming toward me. I'm almost convinced it was them, but the neighbor's wife came out and called to him - he was in the yard talking to my husband - and this scared them away. I've not had a trace since. Yesterday seemed to be the turning point. I'm starting to lose hope and feel desperate. I'm getting angry. I feel this is an evil game by God, and I'm ready to quit playing. I just want my cats back!! Yesterday morning and afternoon I cried and cried. The rest of the day just felt so down. Same today but not as badly. I really need to talk to someone, but I'm in a rural area. We have no support groups here for pet loss, and I don't think we'd be able to afford going to a counselor. The rental home is costing us so much. I want to take in my sister's cat that she wants to get rid of; and I think another cat to care for would help me, but it would cost $200 to do that here as well as $20 added to the monthly rent. If I were to find one or both of my cats on top of that, it would be outrageous. It just seems everything is against me. Plus I'm just missing the cats I lost so badly. They were my life. My world revolved around them despite having one son. I've lost cats before to illness but have always had my other cats here. Now I have none. It's the first time in 25 years I've not had a cat inside with me to take care of and love.
  3. 2013 has not been my year. It started going badly in late Spring, when I started experiencing some serious conflict with my partner of 12 years. The reasons are extremely complicated, but the end result was that she stopped spending time on our relationship and gave her energy elsewhere, so we were essentially living in the same house, but not interacting or being loving. Around the same time, my grandfather, who was 94, began a slow decline into death. We were extremely close (I was basically his caretaker for a year), and it was very hard to see a man who was so able-bodied decline the way he did. He died on July 18th, and although it was as peaceful as could be, it felt like I had lost the only person who ever loved me just as I was, with no conditions. Unfortunately, due to the ongoing issues with my partner, I wasn't really able to get the support I needed in grieving, and was again left to process fairly alone. Add onto that some physical health issues (a severe knee sprain/muscle tear that required I use a cane or walker for 2 months, and a 5 year old spinal injury that flared up dramatically), a history of depressive episodes and anxiety (which flared again shortly after the marital problems started), a high stress job, and a 17 month old baby boy, and you can imagine that I already wasn't in a good place. Then, on Sept 18, the universe decided to give me way more than I could handle. I was away on business, and received a call from a veterinary hospital in my town. He told me that there had been a fire at my house, that he had found my phone number via my dog's microchip, and that my cat, Pepper, who I'd had ever since I got my first apartment, had died of smoke inhalation. My dog, Ellie, was in critical condition, but they were trying to give her fluids and pain medication. I immediately cancelled the rest of my trip and got in a car to drive to the airport. I called and checked in with the vet several times, and Ellie's condition was improving. They said she was up and walking around, and doing much better than when she was brought in. I called right before my LA to Sacramento flight took off, and he told me her condition was "fair to good". By the time I landed, she had died, from a combination of smoke inhalation damage and burns. Compounding the grief for my beloved animals, our local newspaper made the decision to publish photos of them in their last moments, when they were burned and being treated by firefighters. Despite our requests, they refused to take them down. I will never get that image out of my head. As for the fire, it gutted our house and destroyed 95% of our belongings. The things we could salvage were mostly in the garage, so i have plenty of tools, but no housewares, kitchen things, clothing, etc. That evening, I took a shower (we were staying with friends) and had to borrow clothes to wear to bed. The fire started outside while neither of us were home, and the cause is still "undetermined after investigation". We will never know what caused it, only that something sparked, hit our eaves, ignited the attic, then hit a gas line and blew dramatically. It will likely be a year or more before we are back in it. We are currently in a rental house, with rental furniture, and while it's fine, it just doesn't feel like home. My current problem is that I need support. My wife is also going through the same grieving process, and she still is focusing a lot of her energy elsewhere, so she has essentially notified me that she can't support me, hold me while I cry, etc. She believes, at a very deep level, that the amount of grief I'm experiencing or the way I am grieving (I probably average 45 min to an hour of crying a day, while being totally functional, working full time, helping take care of a 17 month old etc), is wrong and excessive. I do have a pair of very close friends, but their reaction seems to be much the same..."I can't deal with you crying, come back when you're not upset anymore and we can hang out". This, of course, compounds the sadness, because now I'm not just grieving, I'm lonely. It feels like all of the foundations on which I built my life have disappeared all at once...the security of my marriage, my grandfather, my home, and my wonderful animal family members, who would always listen to me cry if no one else was willing. Does anyone have any outside sources of support that they use? I am feeling extremely alone, and I'd love to make friends here to talk through this with...it's hard not to have anyone I can talk to that will take the time to listen. Thank you for reading (this was a novel) and I look forward to meeting you soon.
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