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  1. In september this year I took my dog Harvey-Moon to the vet as I was worried he was struggling with life, my vet thought he had suffered a stroke a few days before, whilst we were away. Harvey was holding his head to one side, was afraid to come downstairs and kept falling over he was also almost blind and had an inner ear problem. On the vets advice I decided to Have him PTS, I also decided to have it done straight away, as I did not want him to suffer and did nto know if I would be brave enough to take him back knowing what would happen. So I looked into his eyes and told him I loved him and that it was time for him to go and play at Rainbow bridge and run free with the angels, I hugged him and spoke to him until he was gone. We brought him home and buried him in a soft fleecy blanket in the garden he loved, I don't think I have ever cried so much as I did the next two days, I could not eat or sleep and seemed to have no energy. my boss gave me the day after off work and then I went back to work, the staff knew but not my clienst. I cried all the way to work and when my collegues expressed their sympathy, but managed to keep my tears at bay, mostly. The next few days are a blur, little things kept reminding me that Harvey-Moon had gone and I cried a lot. At the weekend I went out with my daughter and grandchildren and actually had a lovely day, but then I felt guilty for enjoying myself and was worried that I was getting over it too soon and was a heartless person. I had decided to make a memorial garden to help me deal with my pain and now it is a beautiful enclosed area, with lights and flowers and is very peaceful and beautiful place, this has bought me a lot of comfort as I sit and talk to Harvey-moon often. I also wrote him a letter, explaining everything and telling him how much i loved him and I wrote several peoms to him. I thought I was starting to come to terms with losing Harvey-Moon and had even managed to buy some christmas decorations and start making plans, although I knew this would be a sad time without him. I would have bad days, like what would have been Harvey-Moon's 15th birthday a month after he died. But I really thought I was improving. However this week has been terrible again, I keep crying and feel overwhelmingly sad several times a day. I had hoped to feel his presence or dream about him, but all I keep seeing is his face when I held him as the vet injected him. I alternate between feeling guilty incase I let him suffer or sent him off to soon, neither of which I really believe, until the doubts creep in. I have two other dogs, one is Harvey-Moon's grandson and I really love them, but Harvey-Moon was my soulmate and I am finding it very hard to come to terms with losing him. He helped me through some very tough times over the last almost 15 years and I feel like my heart has been torn in two. I am not sure how to move on. Pictures are Harvey-Moon and his memorial garden.
  2. Will this horrible pain stop?

    I lost my dog on Friday. She was 13, we shared 13 beautiful years together, 24/7 always side by side, she was my priority above everything else. Now the house is not just empty, it's unnatural, it feels "wrong" not to see her around. I feel like the love she gave me has been far more intense than most relationships with humans I've ever had (sorry if I sound a bit extreme here, but it pretty much describes how I feel) and now I feel totally empty. No tears left in me. Is there anyone out there who has ever felt like that? It'd be nice to know that at some point, in the future, this pain will stop or decrease. Thank you in advance for taking some time to read this. Love Anna & Mini (she's still with me)
  3. So, I adopted Toby 3 years ago, one day when I was leaving for school. I was 17 years old. We found him in our street, passing by infront of our home. It was pure chance. My sister went near him to pet him, and ehen she opend the car door, he just jumped in. It was amazing. Long story short, it was me who was exited as hell and started taking care of him and everything he needed. He realized that, and became my shadow. Where I went, he would go with me. We were one and the same. When we took him to the vet the day we found him, the doctor told us he was already an old dog (8-10 years) and that he had been mistreated, so he had health and trust issues. At home we loved him, and treated him like our king. I made sure he got all his heart and arthritis medicines in time, I fed him, walked him, he even slept with me. And so, 3 wonderfull years went by. About a week and a half ago, he stoped eating, and my dad noticed while I was at my university's campus that he had diarrhea. With blood on it. That day in the evening we rushed to the doctor and he told us he would run some tests an would have the results next monday (october 30). He gave us some suerum to feed him with, and pills for a possible intestinal infection. Then my precious boy had the worst weekend he ever had. He didnt move at all. Just to poop an impressive amount of bloody diarrhea. Then, he would just crumble and lay on the floor. I was scared af and feard the worst, I knew this was the end. On monday the results came in and confirmed my fears: renal and hepatic failure. Toby was beyond repair. For three years I did everything to make sure he was happy, healthy, comfortable, well fed. I did everything I could to make sure he knew how much I loved him. And now, the only thing I could do to help him was letting go, giving him a quick and painless death. I was devastated. I still am. I spent tuesday at home with him. I hugged hin as much as I could, I talked to him, thanked him for everything, told him I loved him and that I didnt know how to live without him. On wednesday morning, november 1st, my dad and I took him to the vet to be euthanized. We remained by his side until the bitter end. I was scratching him behind his ear (he loved it) when he stopped breathing. We asked him to be cremated, and I picked up his ashes just yesterday. This is the first time I lose someone so close to me. I had never cried this much, nor had I ever felt this broken and lonley. I cant stand getting home without Toby waiting for me, exited and happy because I was finally here. I cant stand waking up without him by my side. I cant stand going to bed and not hear his heavy-sleepy breathing. He followed me all over the place, so every room holds endless memories that leave me in tears when I walk in. My parents and sister dont understand why am I still so sad, but my conection with my dog was very different from what each had with him. Every time I start crying over Toby, they ask me to stop. It's only been a few days and they already expect me to live as if he had never been there. I really dont understand why are they reacting like this, nor why they cant understand or even respect my pain. As I said, I feel broken, empty, sad, angry and lonley. I know that by letting Toby die, I did the right thing. Not doing it would have been selfish and inhuman, as it would only had prolonged his suffering. I feel like Ive fallen to a bottomless pit and theres no way out. I dont know how to handle this. I dont know what to do. I dont know how am I supposed to live without mybest friend.