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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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  1. Hey guys, My therapist suggested that I try to find a support group either online or near me. This seemed like the best option. My story: In December 2006, my little brother Peter, my buddy and best friend, was diagnosed with a tumor in his brain stem. For 16 months I watched him deteriorate until March 2008, when he passed away. He was 8 and I was 11. I had no idea what to do with the grief I was left with and so for the longest time I didn’t process it, going through middle school and high school with this weight on my back. I had seemingly random outbursts of anger and sadness, I felt alienated from my peers, and I developed apathy toward things that didn’t seem vitally important (which made passing classes hard since homework often fell into the “unimportant” category). Despite all this, overall I was doing okay. Not great, but okay. After graduating high school, I went to BYU for one semester and then went on hiatus to serve a Mormon mission. During that first semester at BYU I started to notice some depressive tendencies but they got better after I left on my mission. However, about 8 months into my mission I started to truly feel depressed. There were days where I couldn’t leave the apartment, let alone adhere to the rigorous schedule of a Mormon missionary. I was prescribed an antidepressant and I tried some free counseling that was available to me, but after two months my depression and anxiety were so bad that I had to be sent home. It’s been over a year since then and I’m still not doing very well. I attempted another semester at BYU but I started getting alarmingly suicidal and so I came home once again. I’ve tried several different antidepressants but none have seemed to work. I’m in therapy right now and my therapist and I have talked about Peter a lot. The effects of his death and the things I “learned” from it (my parents are fallible, the world is scary, I am powerless, I am alone) seem to be inextricably connected to my current state of depression and anxiety. I have never been as afraid of the future as I am now. Thus ends my tale of woe (for now).
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