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Hey guys, My therapist suggested that I try to find a support group either online or near me. This seemed like the best option. My story: In December 2006, my little brother Peter, my buddy and best friend, was diagnosed with a tumor in his brain stem. For 16 months I watched him deteriorate until March 2008, when he passed away. He was 8 and I was 11. I had no idea what to do with the grief I was left with and so for the longest time I didn’t process it, going through middle school and high school with this weight on my back. I had seemingly random outbursts of anger and sadness, I felt alienated from my peers, and I developed apathy toward things that didn’t seem vitally important (which made passing classes hard since homework often fell into the “unimportant” category). Despite all this, overall I was doing okay. Not great, but okay. After graduating high school, I went to BYU for one semester and then went on hiatus to serve a Mormon mission. During that first semester at BYU I started to notice some depressive tendencies but they got better after I left on my mission. However, about 8 months into my mission I started to truly feel depressed. There were days where I couldn’t leave the apartment, let alone adhere to the rigorous schedule of a Mormon missionary. I was prescribed an antidepressant and I tried some free counseling that was available to me, but after two months my depression and anxiety were so bad that I had to be sent home. It’s been over a year since then and I’m still not doing very well. I attempted another semester at BYU but I started getting alarmingly suicidal and so I came home once again. I’ve tried several different antidepressants but none have seemed to work. I’m in therapy right now and my therapist and I have talked about Peter a lot. The effects of his death and the things I “learned” from it (my parents are fallible, the world is scary, I am powerless, I am alone) seem to be inextricably connected to my current state of depression and anxiety. I have never been as afraid of the future as I am now. Thus ends my tale of woe (for now).