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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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  1. Hi, I'm a student and I'm trying to find out how to help people who are dealing with their loved ones possessions. I'm working with a university to look at this, so hopefully what we find will have real impacts and be able to help others dealing with similar things to what you have gone through. I've dealt with loss before, so I know how hard it can be to get rid of the things that belonged to someone you love. The goal of this study is to work on finding ways to make this process easier for others. Please, if you have a few minutes, click on the attached link and tell me a little about how you dealt with your loved one's possessions. Anything you can tell us helps. https://msstatebusiness.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_4UBcnnk63Ck7wS9
  2. I lost my mom in July of 2014 to ALS or Lou Gerig's disease. During the 4 years of her being sick, we did not know exactly what she had. My dad took her to numerous Drs. all over the states and diagnosis seemed to be inconsistent. She was treated for all sorts of things, including Lymes Disease. She was not the typical case for ALS because she did not match the usual signs and some skills she had wouldn't necessarily be present in someone who did have ALS. Therefore, she was labeled as having an auto immune disease.. and they all seem to blend into each other. I'm 1 of 3 siblings. 2 brothers, and older (26) and younger (22) with me the only girl in the middle (25). As you can assume, being the only girl definitely placed a lot of responsibility and pressure on me to pick up the house duties my mom took care of. I think it made me for a better person & I would do it all over again if needed. My dad is a true superman..I do not know how he manages to get by as he does but I guess he doesn't have a choice. He suffers day in and out with her loss. We all do, in our own different ways. I definitely talk about my mom on the regular. I had her for 23 years of my life and that I am blessed for. She truly was my best friend, we talked about everything, we did everything together. We truly had a wonderful relationship. She was only 53 when she passed. It definitely haunts me that I'll never see her in old age, or that I am older now and can't go to the bar with her or just talk about adult things going on in life. It hurts that I just got married last November 2015 and she was absent for one of the biggest milestones in my life, and yet another one now that I am pregnant with my first child. My first child which is a girl (my heart feels like it can heal some through this). My mom never had an opportunity to become a grandmom, my children will miss out on the wonderful person I had raise me and I will suffer raising a child without her help and guidance. My now husband, at the time boyfriend, came into the picture when my mom first began losing her motor skills and needed assistance walking so he never truly saw the brilliant, loving, and beautiful person she was under the sickness. I know that hurts him. He is very understanding with my feelings towards anything mom related--as much as someone who has never experienced that type of loss could be. His family never had an opportunity to meet my mother as my dad felt the timing was never right & he didn't feel as though my mom wanted people seeing her that way. Yes, we thought the treatments were going to work. We thought we would be able to restore her back to health. That's the worst part about sickness, you truly believe that you will be able to help them get better. You never really see what is happening and how bad a situation is when you are so closely involved. She was diminishing little by little yet so fast at the same time. So a few days ago, the dreaded Mother's Day passed. This was our 2nd year with her gone. The weeks leading up to any holiday always feel worse. It's the reminders that float all around from the supermarket isles filled with cards, to emails for purchasing that perfect present, to friends discussing what their plans are. All reminders of something that I no longer have yet desire for so badly. Last year, dad, my brothers, and I took a trip to the beach to escape for the day. We didn't have contact with anyone, we didn't purchase cards.. that is how we choose to deal.. and similarly this year as well. Sure my dad talks to his mom but that is literally it. That day, we grieve how we want. I do not buy cards for the women in my family or gifts, or make phone calls, including my husbands side-- that is his job, it is too devastating to read those cards. My husband spent the day with his own family. The day passes, and it passes just as any ordinary day does. The next day, I receive a text message from my mother-in-law saying how she is "disappointed that I did not call or text her to wish her a happy mothers day." Left in shock and rage I calmly reply that I am "sorry" she feels that way and that I did not call, send cards, or purchase gifts for any women in my family. That it is simply how I choose to deal with it and how it is not easy for me. Many minutes later she responds that she "knows it is a difficult day for me." What I refrained from saying next was that she CLEARLY does not have a clue of how difficult of a day it is for me nor does she care, otherwise she wouldn't have felt the need to say that to me. I am not ill mannered; I always call and send cards for holidays and occasions, but am I not entitled to feel as I do and acknowledge or NOT acknowledge that day as I wish when I suffer?? I am not asking everyone around me to be miserable, but why couldn't she just respect my feelings and how I handle myself on that ONE day. When my husband brought up the subject she refused to understand my situation and felt as though it was about "respect." But where was her respect towards me? I am suppose to wake up being concerned about wishing her a happy mother's day when I myself am in agony over what I do not have? As a new mother figure in my life you would think she would be sympathetic towards me and how it feels but instead she felt being selfish and worrying about me sending her a text or calling her was more important. Perhaps I will feel different next year when I am a mother myself and sort of have to celebrate the day... but I don't think it was fair for me to feel shamed and embarrassed in feeling how I do and mourning as I choose to. In fact, she lingered on my sadness by needing to say something, and she won't admit she is wrong and apologize. Has anyone dealt with something similar? and what is a good way to handle something like this? -M