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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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Found 6 results

  1. My girlfriend just passed away

    My girlfriend and I met in late may of 2017, and we hit it off , we clicked, it was her first relationship and mine too, we had not been with any other person before us. We got really close , we cared for each other we loved each other....I will always say "I love you so much babe" and she would always say " I love you plenty " but I knew she really did love me so much. As we got closer we shared our secrets to each other, it was so perfect like a match really made in heaven. I knew I always wanted to be with her always. She gave me inner peace and peace of mind and I always told her that, and she told me that she never wanted anything to come between us. She ways definitely my bbestfriend and buddy.. we would talk everyday on the phone when we were apart ....I mean we spoke morning, afternoon and night. One day she revealed to me that she was sickle cell , that she had SS genotype after I noticed her falling ill quite regularly, after she told me this I looked at her into her eyes the next morning and I felt so sorry for her and I teared a little while I gazed into her eyes which was quite green cos she had jaundice as well. I took it upon myself that what she needed in this life is definitely love and genuine love . From that point I put her health condition to side and I never brought it up ...I would always tell her I love her and would not leave her because she started to feel I would leave her because of her health. She trusted me with it and I loved her really with my soul, she really tapped into my soul. As our relationship went on she feel ill from time to time and I noticed she wasn't so proactive about her health as someone with that illness would be...but she never wanted it to bother me and she would get upset when I get so emotional about it...so I slowed down about the health issues. Couple days before she died she fell ill with herpartitis and it was so high .....I remember one of our last conversations about her health where I got mad for her vomiting in her room and no one was there and she told me that I need to stop worrying so much that it was not as if she was dying or something.....and she told me that she appreciated me for standing with her through her illness without running away or leaving her...I mean how could i....I loved her so much. On the 13th of November 2017 I had tried calling her throughout the day and her phone was switched off...so later at night she called me around 10pm and said she was at the hospital.....I tried to stay calm due to our previous discussion about her health and acted so calm telling her she was gonna be fine and stuff like that...then I wanted to talk more to her ...ask her how her day was..then she told me that she didn't want to talk ....she just wanted to reach out to me after a whole day of no conversation....so I said I was gonna call her back but she didn't not reply me ....so I felt she probably didn't hear me and dropped the call since she was not so well at that moment. So I called her line like an hour later but it was switched off again ....so for the second time I said a prayer for her before I went to bed ....that was our last conversation on the phone....on the 14th the next day I receive a call from her sister telling me to be strong and that she was already dead as at the early hours of 2 am ....I felt so shut down that day I cried in pain...even some days later.....I was also completing my last exams in college the day she was buried..it was such a bitter graduation for me...I also did not get to see her lying in state as well....I miss my baby so much she was all that to me and the favorite in her family....she was so precious to me .....I think of her every time even when I try to exercise to get my mind off a little bit...I feel so heartbroken and sorrowful about her and she was just 18 years while I'm 22 years old...I was kind of like a brother a friend and her lover too.... LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY......YOU WERE DEFINITELY WORTH EVERYTHING TO ME RIP Sophia....see you again
  2. Mum died 2 years go when i was 12

    So, despite my spelling and display name I am 14, my mom died of a 2 year battle with cancer- and I still feel lonely and lost without her. Those two years were extremely hard, firstly, my mom was diagnosed with cancer after being sick frequently and we had to cancel all our holidays but after around 1-2 years she got the all clear which I definitely took for granted. It was then a thursday afternoon when I got back from school with my long term best friend that she told me she only had 6 months left. I cried all night and the next day too. After around 3 months, she had surgery that failed and she was paralysed which she would cry about (she was depressed at this time). She didn't feel herself. She said she felt ugly. She was very smart too, and she said she felt as if the old her had gone. She couldn't do things with us anymore and I'd felt angry and sad and upset the whole time, there'd be times where I would collapse and not be able to breathe because I couldn't physically comprehend what was about to happen. I went to a netball match on Wednesday 12th November, and when I got back my grandma told me she was gone. I didn't cry the whole night. Me, my brother and my sister whom are both older than me all sat in the living room not really talking and I was awkwardly finding and saving pictures of nice houses as possibly a coping mechanism? I don't know. Before this, I'd fell into depression. I was self-harming, and not for attention in fact I hid it. I never talk about this, but it was the one time. After my dad noticed I explained it was because of the pain I was going through, after he forced me to talk to my mom in the hospice she was crying and felt guilty and I wanted to curl up in a ball and never talk or speak or live. After her death, I was okay. But I still have anxiety and depression disorder (GAD or the down side of Bipolar, without the mania). Year 7 was horrible, I was shy. Year 8 was gruel as I was trying to be pretty and seem normal. I have always felt ashamed of the way I look, and it was only recently my grandma and I were talking about my mom. She said she went through exactly what I did in terms of social situations, no one but my dad knows of my issue, no one (my brother does pick on me for being mentally unstable). Anyways, a couple years on and I still feel lonely and ugly. I still wish she was here so she could help me, she knows what I was going through and I just sometimes sit in bed and wonder who cares about me? Who actually do I have? My family fell apart after her death. My brother drinks and does drugs as well as being emotionally abusive to all of us, like I said with the comments, and is constantly breaking this family. My sister and I never get on. My dad is upset and moody and has a girlfriend who I like, but never spends time with us. I don't know, the sadness I've come to know and almost love. It's warming to be alone and not to have anyone, apart from my two stray cats. (I know, I'm a loner). I just don't know how long this will last. Will I ever get over her death? The memories and anger always come back, and the thought of her being so afraid before she died makes me want to too. Any comments or help will be much appreciated. - Bea.
  3. I am sixteen years old, and I lost my dad about six months ago. January 14th. He had been battling cancer for two years when it happened, and he had only been in hospice for a week and a half. I guess I felt kind of relieved. I only missed 3 days of school because I just wanted everything to go back to normal, but that can't happen.. I made myself seem stronger than I actually was, my mom and brother, who is 15, think I don't miss him. I cry every day and he is all I think about, and I don't know why I can't just tell them that, but I can't. My mom thinks I am a heartless bitch. I'm not. I just don't cry in front of her, and she cries all the time. She doesn't have a job and she's depressed along with my brother. I can't talk to her about anything without her bringing my dad up, and I'd rather just not talk about him. It hurts me to talk about him, but she doesnt know that. It's been six months and it hasn't gotten easier. I almost feel nothing while I'm feeling everything, if that makes sense. I can't talk about what happened without feeling like crying which is why I can't talk to my mom, but she doesn't see it that way. Just because I'm not dealing with it the same way as her, she sees it as a bad thing. I don't know what to do or how to talk to her. I'm just so sad inside and I miss him so much. He was my best friend and he always had my back. My mom and I aren't much alike, she's like my brother and I was like my dad, but now I'm all alone. My brother and mom gang up on me saying I don't care about them and that I'm not sad, which isn't true at all, but they don't listen to me. I miss my dad so much. I feel so alone.
  4. Some days are definitely harder than others without you Mama!.. We (meaning A LOT of people) lost Terri Therese Sheridan on November 23, 2014 to glioblastoma brain cancer after the fight if a life time that last lasted a very long year and a half; which was a roller coaster with highs and lows, sharp and steady turns. I think the strangest moment for me was about a month and a half before Mommy passed I was told I had a lump in my breast and due to her dementia, phone calls were not a coherent conversation ability she held any longer. It was the first time I was never going to be able to call her again to tell her something bad had happened, that I was scared, worried, needed her support. Luckily the diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound a couple weeks later showed no tumor! Again, I wanted to call Mama but realized I couldn't ever again; besides that who wants to tell they're dying mother that they found a lump in the breast just so she can have a heart attack or go completely insane but she was well on her way on her own to that. But, thanks to the supposed hospice care at a 24 hour facility who would thank me not to mention them - she was completely drugged up into a sleep coma the last three weeks of her life anyways. Thanks Medicare! So here I am today, probably several bottles of whiskey, wine, prescription pain killers, six-packs, cigarette packs, jobs later with a depression that just seems to kick in whenever it feels like. Good news is I have attended one AA meeting recently, cut way back on the drinking with more to do there, recovered from the two motorcycle accidents I needed meds for, and quit smoking thanks to a zero mg tobacco vaporizer. Everything just seems so damn harder and sometimes overwhelming without you here. Today was one of those days I usually give myself permission to have about once a month. One of those days where I make an obnoxiously large quantity of popcorn and sit alone at home all day in my living room watching movies. I don't think this is good for me because the high lasts until the credits come and I'm back to a reality check that I didn't accomplish much today and it's directly related to being overwhelmed, depressed, exhausted, feeling alone, worthless, old, fat, ugly... Basically a bunch of crap in my head that Mama would shake out me. One thing I do that helps me not repeat days like today is GRATITUDE first thing when I wake up in the morning I must list to myself somehow all the simple wonderful people, places, things, dreams, etc. I am grateful for. Also, I really need to remember what my Mama would say to me if she was here and knew how I'm feeling. You know what that INCREDIBLE Lady would say? Get over it! Life is WONDERFUL! So I will try to remember that next time the dark cloud appears. But for now, she prayed for a 'bu' for me And he has been here with me since I moved back home from Hawaii to be with her three months before she passed. J has been my rock and lost his Dad to suicide 10 years ago. We will be together two years in September 2016 and the anniversary of my Mom becoming an Angel is two years November 23, 2016. I thank Creator every day for the love he has shared with me. I'm also very grateful that at 41 unable to get pregnant, that he has a beautiful six year old daughter who has been my best friend from the moment we met, I still have my Dad at 74 years old I have to accept that he won't be here forever but for now he's two miles away and I get to see him much more often than the 12 years I spent over 3,000 miles of open ocean, a busy brother, a difficult relationship with my sister - but at least we try, and many more wonderful friends and family. I have learned the hard way living in paradise (California ain't to shabby either) People are more important than places! God Bless all of you in your loss and grief... This is my first time here, but surely not my last. Thank you for giving me a place to get through this day and the next. I LOVE YOU ALWAYS & FOREVER Mama!!!
  5. I am a 20 year old college student and an only child. I am not close to anyone in my family other then my mother who I lost at 50 years old 3 days after Christmas 2015 to a heart attack. My mom and I were very close. We had our differences but the love was always real. I am having trouble coping and I'm trying not to be sad all the time, but it only works when I'm keeping busy. The point of this topic is I need advice with this situation: I just moved into a friend's house since school is out of the summer. Most of mine and my mothers belonging are in this house and as I was unpacking I found a bag of old papers for my mom. Some of them were bible study notes- this was not a shock- among them were notes from school. But the date was wrong. My mother was born in 1965. This school notes were dates 1992. Four years before I was born, making my mother 26 years old. Too old for high school and I knew she was not a college graduate. Amongst those notes were papers from out states GED department of a scheduled test in 1992 and her test results of a fail. She never told me she didn't graduate high school. And I never asked. I never saw cap and gown or prom pictures. She never talked about it. Well, she talked about high school, just not graduating it. But some how I always assumed she had. I never saw a diploma. I do know that she attended high school. I don't know if she graduated. But the thing that hurts most is knowing that she never told me. And now I feel pressured to keep the secret because she didn't want anyone to know. Especially not me. And I do. And I wish I didn't.
  6. Hi, my name's Ady, About 11 1/2 years ago, my cat Charlie's only remaining kitten Hope was knocked down and put down at an animal hospital before I could get to her. She was a gorgeous cat and only six months old. I got a rescue cat to take the place of Hope and after a week or so, she got on fine with Charlie. They'd even cuddle up together sometimes! Well, a few months ago, Sophie began to overgroom herself, then about three weeks ago, she started climbing onto my lap about 12 times a day (she'd normally do this about twice a day.) She was also coughing up hair and mucus, but I just put this down to her overgrooming. Just under three weeks ago, she began weeing on my bed (I thought it was the visiting stray cat doing it.) She did this three times. The next time, she wee'd on some bedding on my bedroom floor, just as I was about to go to sleep. I got really angry with her and picked her up by the scruff of the neck and shouted at her. She always went outside to do stuff, even in really cold and snowy weather. I now cry at how I did that to her. A few days later, she wee'd right in front of me over loads of my clothes on the floor and then I realised she was very ill. That night she curled up at the top of the stairs and didn't move or go outside for three days. She barely ate anything and didn't even drink much. By last Thursday, after three visits to the vets over the past two weeks, and a final diagnosis that she had kidney failure, she was very weak and looked like she was in discomfort and pain. She wouldn't eat or drink anything, except some natural yoghurt off my finger. That evening I decided she had to be put down within two days, so on Friday I got her put down at the PDSA in Wolverhampton. The thing is, I live alone, suffer from Bi-Polar Disorder, am at home most of the time (unemployed) and my cats are like children to me. I miss her little ways so much. Charlie also wonders where she is. I am under so much stress and I am crying so much and having nightmares. Hardly anyone understands what I am going through and very few offer any comfort and sympathy, let alone empathy. She's the younger black and white tuxedo cat in the photo below...
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