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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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Found 5 results

  1. Loss of my boy cat

    2 years ago on July 2nd, 2015 an angel came into my life. I had had cats my entire life but this one was unlike any I'd ever known. I rescued him from a horrible situation-he had a broken leg and was scarily malnourished. He was under a month old. I raised money to pay for his surgery on his leg, I nursed him back to health, and I took him back East with me for my senior year of college. He was my best friend. In college I was depressed, lonely, isolated, and angry. But he was there with me through it all, helping to make my life easier. I got him another kitty to spend his days with, and she loved him as much as I did. They were my children, my angels, my best friends, and best friends to each other. They spent 9 months with me in college, and then moved back home with me when I graduated. Everyone loved him, though. She was a sweet kitty, but he was special. I named him Lumière, because he was the light of my life. We live in a coyote populated territory. But they loved the outdoors more than anything. I didn't want to deprive them of a life they enjoyed. So I allowed them access to the outside world, and they had the most amazing life. She's still with me, but she's not the same. We're both trying to cope. He went missing exactly a month ago. I can't cope. I feel guilty every second. I feel like a part of me is gone. I haven't talked to anyone about this because people judge it being a pet, but even typing this I feel a little better. I'm not a good mother, I should never have let him outside. He was too slow, too friendly, too domestic. I should've been smarter. I can't deal with this pain. I will never feel whole again.
  2. My father had just turned 50 a month before he died. He was a dedicated athlete and monitored his diet closely. He got frequent checkups at the doctor and never heard anything of concern. The morning he died, I woke up to the sound of him having a heart attack in the bathroom. I won't go too heavily into the details, but my mother and I tried to save him and there was just never any chance. He was dead the second we found him, I just didn't understand. It was a truly horrific event that will probably haunt me the rest of my life. I'm in college and my friends here are not very supportive. None of them have experienced what I have, so I try to be patient and hopeful that their insensitivity comes from a place of pure misunderstanding. I'm so angry, however. I am so so so so so angry. Everyone around me makes me feel like I am sad for no reason. If I try to mention my dad or my grief, I am quickly shut down by uncomfortable faces and lackluster "Yeah, that really sucks. I'm sorry" before the subject gets changed. I just want to grab all my "friends" by the shoulders and scream that someday something like this will happen to them and that behaving like it hasn't just happened to me isn't going to stop that. Sometimes I get so far into my box of putting my head down so I can get everything done for the day as well as keeping my place in my friend group (I'm scared I'll be completely alienated if I keep pushing it or act too upset, which I know is bull*****) that I start to forget why I'm so sad, just that I am constantly sad. I'm not sure what I'm hoping will happen by me posting here, just wanted to maybe talk to some people who have experienced what I have. Thanks
  3. Hi everyone. I'm new here. Just needed somewhere to reach out. Hope that's ok? I lost my Dad two weeks ago, I am 54, he was 84. Although in retirement he moved away with my Mum we remained so very close. He was my rock, my go-to person for any problems, also the person I laughed so much with. I am not coping. The funeral is the day after tomorrow. I have to write the eulogy and deliver it. I just don't know how I'm going to do it. emotionally I am very unstable, one minute ok next minute in tears. One minute happy, the next grumpy and snappy. Physically I am exhausted, feeling confused and dizzy. this is horrible. How do we get through this? Susie x
  4. I don't really know how to start this but here goes, on the 5th of May this year after not hearing off my father that day and he didn't respond to any calls or texts, me (24) and my brother (19) went to check on him around 7pm, when we arrived we found my dad had passed away (56). I tried everything in my power to ressusatate him but I knew it was too late but continued until the paramedics arrived. when the paramedics arrived minutes after, they made no attempt of resuscitation and made contact with the police. It took from 7pm to 1:40am for my dad to be taken by private ambulance to the coroners office. Which was so difficult as the layout of my dads home meant we could see him the entire duration, which was really distressing. My dad was with the coroners for 3 weeks before they finally released him to the funeral home so we could visit him in the chapel of rest. When we went to visit him I was apprehensive as I've always opted not to visit family in the chapel of rest (I've never been sure why) but this time I knew I needed to. When we arrived we were warned due to how long it has been we had to expect some changes. When we entered it didn't look like my dad, there was similarities but he looked so different, it really shocked me. I fell to the floor in tears. Me, my brother and my sister arranged his funeral and it was beautiful. It really was so fitting for a wonderful man. We still have no answers as to why my dad is no longer with us and its really difficult at the moment. I've taken a 6 month interruption of university, I was 12 weeks away from qualifying as a nurse but I have lost absolutely all confidence in that career, as the first time I've had to put my CPR skills was on my dad and I failed. The paramedics said there was nothing that could have worked as they believed he passed away during the previous night. But I still feel so guilty. ive barley been able to sleep, I keep getting flashbacks of the event and when I do get some sleep it's usually nightmares. I've trying to hold it together around everyone else as I've been there to support them but when I find night creeping in, and everyone is asleep I fall apart. The only thing bringing some light at the moment is my son. I feel like a passenger in my own life right now, I have no goals, no productivity and no answers. I just feel so so alone. Sorry for the long post.
  5. I am experiencing some unusual emotions after losing my mom about one month ago. I lost her extremely suddenly and unexpectedly. I lived with my mom and dad and not having her here has been very very hard. I have been with my boyfriend now for about 2 years and he really is a great guy. We are both 21 years old. He has been at my side during my moms death and he is considered part of the family. Unfortunately, after my mom passed, i have been feeling very insecure about myself. I can feel myself becoming unreasonably irritated with him and i know i start arguments with him for no reason. I do not know why and i wish i could control myself but i really cant. I do not feel like myself and i think that if i were to break up with him i would be able to grieve my moms death without having to worry and stress over my relationship. i feel like a burden to him because he can go on in his life and be happy and i cannot. I really try to be my cheery self but i am a different person now. He does not ask me how i feel about my moms passing and i know he does that because he doesn't want me to be upset, but it just makes me resent him. I know he loves me and i love him too but this just feels like it is blocking me from being able to grieve. Even if i do break up with him, i don't know what my reasoning would be. I feel confused and I don't know why i am having these feelings. Has anyone else been in a relationship while grieving and felt this way too? Would it be beneficial for my mental health to be on my own?
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