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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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  1. Last November I came back to my dorm room to find my sweet little boy Pudge in some serious distress. He was yowling, his back legs lost circulation, he couldn't move, and he was so so scared. I immediately started crying because I knew he was going to die, and despite my pleading with him not to as I drove to the vet, he did just that. The doctor told me that he was in a lot of pain, his heart was weak, he had a blood clot in a major artery, and there was nothing to be done. I had to make the most difficult decision I've ever made and I'll never forget the way he looked at me as he went. His little head was resting in my hand as I cried. He looked at me as if to say it was okay, and it was his time to go. As his eyes finally closed, and his breathing stopped, it felt as though the whole world went silent. Pudge was the sweetest little boy in the entire world and I loved him with all of my heart. I am a college student living with Major Depression and a General Anxiety Disorder. In the Fall of 2016, I decided to bring my cat to school with me as an emotional support animal and it was the best decision I've ever made. I am an RA and I live alone, so it was perfect. He helped me sleep, or calm down during a panic attack. He was there for me and loved me unconditionally. He was an older cat, 14 at the time of his death, and he LOVED attention. I would look forward to coming home every day because he would be there waiting for me. We spent hours doing homework, cuddling, watching Netflix and YouTube videos, and taking naps. You name it! He was the sweetest cat I've ever known. He never hissed at, scratched, or bit me. Many of my friends and residents commented on how close we were. He really was like a son to me. He lived a happy and beautiful life with me, and now he's gone. I just... I thought we had more time to be together. I thought he would be there for my graduation. We were going to make Christmas cards, I bought him a little sombrero to throw him a quinceñera this year, etc. I don't know what to do without him. I can't sleep, I just lay in bed and stare at the ugly white box they put his ashes in. Sometimes I start crying and I hold it wishing that he were there. I need to find an urn for him but they're all so expensive, and I'm on a college student budget. I miss him, I miss everything about him. Even the way he would cry to be held at night, the way he would rub against my face when I was sleeping and he wanted attention, or how he would walk all over my laptop and disrupt my work. Now I have no one to hold, to cuddle with or kiss on the cheek. My room is silent, empty, lifeless. I could barely open the door to my room and spend five minutes in there after it happened. Now it's more bearable but I still feel an overwhelming sense of dread when I go home. I recently went to my actual home for Winter Break. I used to cry every day, but the entire week before I went home I only teared up a little. When I packed my car and put all of his stuff in it... the litter box, the food bowl, his toys, his treats... it was all too much. I broke down crying. Now I cry every night, despite my best efforts. I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss because of my loss. I realize that getting better and moving on isn't a straight line. I'll have setbacks, take one step forward and three steps back, etc. But I feel like I'm grieving INCORRECTLY or something. He was my best friend, my little son, my love bug. We were co-dependent. He wasn't just a cat, he was my family. Now he's gone.
  2. Hello, I am really seeking help for my boyfriend, sorry for the long post My boyfriend is 19, just months ago in August his mother, who he was close with as an only child, passed away. He was away at college basketball camp, and she became ill, he came home and she was admitted into the hospital and in a matter of 2 weeks many complications arose and she passed away. The 2 weeks after her death he spent planning her funeral, having a graduation party, and packing to start college. He is a freshman at the same college as me, and also is a division 1 basketball player, so from her death he had a lot to deal with. He went to three therapy sessions, but quit as he got busy with basketball and school. He has only cried to me twice about her in the past 8 months. We were very close, best friends, very open honest, and in love, but in the past month things went downhill. The school did a video capturing the story of her death, this came out last month. The weekend that came out he got a lot of people reaching out. He then got extremely drunk, and cried and went over her death more than he ever has, even saying he wants to kill himself. The next morning he went to talk to his coaches and assured me he was okay and it was just drunken thoughts. His motivation for school and basketball slowly dropped, and i began fighting with him and found myself nagging him to do is homework and such. 2 weeks ago, he randomly broke up with me, ending our 2 year relationship which he had plans to marry me and such. He said that I needed to focus on myself and take care of my anxiety and depression, and stop arguing with him about little things, but he still loved me. Within the 2 weeks he has completely changed, he is short and angry with me. He isn't really talking to his friends, and only plays video games all day. I have been trying to talk through things with him, as he was never one to give up on a relationship, and he refuses. He also refused to go home saying "there is no one he wants to see at home" and will not go back to therapy. Today he revealed to me he dropped a class and quit his major, which he was very passionate about. I am just very worried that all of this, the breakup and everything is apart of something bigger related to his mothers death, since he did not have much time to grieve. He as suddenly turned into someone I do not know. I am very worried about him and was just seeking clarity and advice.