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bjc posted a topic in Loss of a Parent (Mother or Father)I am 18 and I lost my mom February 16th to metastasized breast cancer to the bones and liver. I knew she wasn't going to live to see the age of 60 and I had just (literally two days) before come to terms with the fact that my mother was going to die before I wanted her to. I bawled my eyes out to my counsellor but she said I had taken strides in accepting my moms fate. Still, she was always so positive and had a bright look on the future, which in turn caused all of us to. The week before she died even while she was in the hospital she was the one reassuring me to take each day at a time. That was one of my last conversations with her actually, as I had called her the day before she passed (we thought she was coming home). When she went to the hospital, she was very yellow and had yellow eyes, and she was throwing up black more towards the end. The doctors apparently didn't know what was wrong with her but even before she went into the hospital I remember crying to my dad telling him these were signs of liver failure. I truly believe she kept her fate from us that week to spare us misery well we spent our last moments with her. Still, I was so scared but I had kept my positive energy until the very end. The last time my mom was conscious when I saw her, we talked about what life would be like without her, and we talked about personal things I've always wanted to tell her. She hugged me goodbye extra hard that night and now that I am looking back on it, it felt like she was saying goodbye. On the actual night she passed away, I was at soccer and my dad came in and looked at me and said we have to go. My stomach turned into a pit and I went into shock in our truck (I went into literal shock, I didn't not cry but my body was seizing up, I couldn't move and I was going numb). I gathered myself up, because I have a twin sister and a younger brother a sister. They were all crying hysterically, but I couldn't cry because I was in shock. When we got to the hospital we all sprinted up to my moms hospital room and seeing her like that made me start to cry hysterically. I couldn't believe the family rock, our spark and the love of each of our lives was actually leaving us. She was put into a sleeping state and we all said goodbye to her then. She passed three hours later and I was the last to kiss her goodbye. My immediate family is very close and because my mom was such a big presence in the community we have a lot of support, but ever since that day it feels as if my soul has been sucked out of me. I literally can't breath properly and I talk with my family about my feeling but my body still feels incomplete and soulless. I feel the lack of her presence every second of the day. she won't see my brother and sister graduate high school, she doesn't even know if I got accepted to the university of my dreams, I don't know her secret recipes, shell never see any of us fall in love and ill never see her eyes sparkle or hear her laugh. There are so many reminders of her everywhere, all over town and in my home, that it makes me ache so badly. Its so hard and its so confusing and scary all at the same time. I was so shocked that she left us so fast and that we had so many unanswered questions. I wish I could have one more minute to talk with her and tell her I love her and just to see her smile, I know this is all silly talk but my mom was the most ravishing sparkle and bad things arnt supposed to happen to pure and good people. I miss her so much and I don't know how I'm going to live the rest of my life without her. Im not saying that to be emo, I know we have to go on but I mean like I don't know how ill ever be able to laugh or build a family or stuff like that without my mothers love and guidance.
I was 10 when my mom died of breast cancer. She had cancer for 7 years so even my earliest memories of her were of her being sick. I take solace in the fact that I have memories of my mom, including her walking me to school everyday and our summer road trips. My sister was 13 at the time of her death and I always felt that we dealt with her passing independently, which is probably why we no longer have a relationship- she moved to another country, got married and stopped contact with my dad and I. In my family we never talked about my mom because it was too painful for any of us. My dad never remarried, and is a quiet, religious man. He has done his best to maintain a stable household. I find it very hard to have a deeper connection with him as he is very reserved. We often talk of trivial things like household chores and weather. Going through adolescence, my teens and through university, I was very numb about her death. Growing up, many people assumed I was doing fine because I was doing well academically. Truthfully, I was ignoring everything that had happened to me and focused on something to keep my mind distracted. My extended family thought I had an easy life since I was doing so well in school, and I always felt that was unfair. Out of my mother's side of the family, no one gives me any recognition that what I went through was extremely difficult, and it angers me that they completely ignore my sister and I, even though, we, of all people need their support. My life has been lonely; I find it hard to make friendships or even meet new people. I've notice that as I am getting older (I am now 24), my anxiety, depression and overall emotions are growing stronger. Since graduating, I have been feeling lost and lack any motivation. It's hard for me to get out of bed, mostly because of family problems. If my mom was around, I think she would bring our family together, but for now my family broken. No matter how much older I get, I think that the pain I feel from the loss of my mother will never go away.