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Found 13 results

  1. I never imagined to be typing words on a grieving support group site today... July 27, 2017, A day I will never forget. The day I lost my mother to death. You know what pains me the most? The fact that she died alone in our room. I am an only child, 27 years of age and my father passed away on October 20, 1989. I was born on October 15, 1989, therefore I was only a mere 5 day old infant when I lost him to death. Basically, my whole life is just my Mama and I. She took care of me, educated me, fed me, gave me EVERYTHING, did EVERYTHING. She sacrificed 27 years of her life for me. I saw the moments of hardships, pains, and disappointments she endured just to give me a life that is comfortable. We would always go to bed at night and watch music videos of my favorite artists, or watch her favorite movies. We would laugh and cry together while watching, haha. Days before she died, she told me she was not feeling well. We were eating then and after she finished her meal, she suddenly felt not too good. She lied down on the bed and rested. For the first time, we didn't watch any videos because she rested instead. I was worried, but not too much as I thought it was a simple flu. I gave her meds when she woke up, even talked to her. She said she is going to be fine anyway so no need to get so worked up. Next day, I went to work. I couldn't leave her because it felt like my feet were too heavy. She said she was fine and just needed a cold glass of water, which I gave her. She told me "Go, or you'll be late", and I did go. That was the biggest regret of my life. If onlys and what ifs filled my existence now. If only i didn't leave, If only I had taken the initiative to call a doctor, if only I called an ambulance, If only I was by her side before she took her last breath. I was worried the whole day at work. It's like something is bothering me for some odd reason. I decided to take an early out at work. I needed to go home that's what I thought. I passed by a vendor who sells banana cue (it's a popular snack in the Philippines, it's basically sweetened bananas on a stick), it was her favorite snack and figured she will be happy if I buy three sticks of it for her. I went home and it's like time suddenly became so slow. I unlocked the door and I saw what will be the biggest nightmare in my life. I...saw my mother, leaning on the side of the bed, frozen and not breathing. I literally just looked at her. I did not know what to do. After a minute or two, panic sets in and I saw my hands shaking while dialing the numbers on my mobile phone. My phone even froze on me and I screamed the biggest curse I have ever said in my entire life. Minutes after, Medics came in, saying no heartbeat and no pulse. Nothing. She might have died at around 9AM. I saw her at 4:24 PM. Upon hearing what the medics said, I shook her, I poured water on her face, I slap her, I beat her chest, EVERYTHING out of desperation. I then broke down and cried. The reality slowly creeping on me that YES, she is gone, Christine. Our lives together suddenly flashed in front of me. I couldn't even grieve properly because I have to process her death certificate and cremation permit file the next day. Who would have thought I would process that damn death certificate?! I was angry and bitter. It felt unfair. She, at the age of 54, died of a heart attack. That's what the coroner said. Up until this day, my head is still swimming around that day when I found her body. I still work, eat, take a bath, doing what Humans normally do but it all felt pointless now. Waking up everyday is a pain. The only motivation I have is that I know my mother wouldn't want me to waste my life away. She suffered 27 years and for me to just throw that all away is like being an ungrateful child. The least I can do to her is show her that her sacrifices didn't end up to nothing. I guess this void in my heart will always be in here now no matter what. I'd be happy one minute, but sad the next. I know time will heal me, but I also know it wouldn't heal me completely.
  2. Hello, Everyone: I just heard on the radio that today August 30th is/was National Grief Awareness Day: https://nationaldaycalendar.com/national-grief-awareness-day-august-30/ I signed the petition to make it an official National Day: https://www.change.org/p/declare-august-30th-national-grief-awareness-day Founder Angela Cartwright explains the need for such a day in her video talk. When the radio hosts briefly mentioned National Grief Awareness Day you could sense the awkwardness in their conversation about it, which only emphasizes the need to lift the taboo about grief. Love and hugs, MissionBlue
  3. Hi everyone,Last year I lost my father very suddenly. After losing my dad, I had a difficult experience in returning to work - in part due to the organisation's handling of this. When looking into bereavement practices and policies further, I found that my bad experience is not that uncommon.I'm currently studying occupational psychology and have decided to complete my dissertation research on young adults (18-25) returning to work after the loss of an immediate adult family member. I really want to look into how organisations and managers can make this incredibly difficult period easier.This post is to ask if anyone who has recently lost someone in their immediate family (up to 5 years ago) and returned to work would be willing to discuss your experience with me and answer some questions? All of your information and responses will be kept confidential, with only myself having access, and you will have the right to withdraw at any time during the process.It is important to note that I am *not* a trained counsellor, but I will do my best to support you and provide you with resources, should that be necessary.I am in the London area and I am looking to speak to around 8 individuals in the next few weeks either face to face or via telephone/skype - whatever works best for you.Please feel free to message me privately where you are welcome to ask any questions with no obligation to take part. You are also welcome to message me if you just need to talk - my inbox is always open. Take care everyonexo
  4. Hey! Came across your grief support forum and thought I would recommend a great film that helped me in the grieving process. It's film about healing after loss called "Death as Life." It's very inspirational and helpful to me when I was going through a tough time after loosing my Memo. Go here to find out more of where to get it: http://sofiawellman.com/inspirational-products/coping-with-death-film/ Best regards, Jay
  5. Hello everyone, It has been about a year now since I posted on here, however after identifying all those needing help like I did I wanted to share my grief blog with you all. Last year not only did it reach people around the world, but the response I had was really meaningful and just showed me how much it helped others. So I want to help you. Here is the link below https://believement.wordpress.com All my love xxxx
  6. Support for those who feel alone

    It's hard not to feel alone, and forums are helpful. I have tried to put my own experiences into my own blog, website, and book, if anyone is interested. I would also love to share ideas, as I am involved in research group studying sibling loss. I'd love to connect. http://www.turningthepage4u.com/
  7. As some of you may be aware I have posted this link once before however I will place it here again as I have recently been overwhelmed by the help my writing has given people. I can't quite put into words how much it means to know that I can do my part to help those in similar places as me. Please find my blog here: http://www.believement.wordpress.com For any of you who wish to personally reach out to me I am also contactable via my email: lydiaellejay@yahoo.com
  8. My name is Orchid, and I am a 21 year old woman. I don't have many friends at the moment thanks to what happened below in my story and I also have mild Autism. I am looking for support, preferably older people since I crave a big sibling figure. My only friend I guess is a therapist I see who is trying to get closer with me like a mom and it makes me uncomfortable :/. But I hope I am welcomed here with open arms in ways that I have had a hard time finding any support system (my family still thinks everything that happened was my fault). Hugs are needed, advice is okay too but I am not really looking for advice since most of the advice I got I cut out people who weren't giving me what I wanted to hear. I was best friends with this guy a few years older than I was when I was 5 years old. We lived in the same neighborhood and from what I later now know, he lived in temporary housing and was homeless in between. His dad died from heart disease when he was 7, shortly before he met me. And his mom had bipolar, and could barely hold a job to support herself and her son. The whole family of this guy were all low income and lived simply by the day, whereas my family was upper middle class, at least until my parents divorced when I was 8. But even after that, I never had to worry about survival tactics the way he did. At first, he took a liking to me, and at age 5, I was repulsed by his apathetic casualness and his intimate connection with nature and the flexible intuitive side of looking at the world. I for one, was a scientific thinker and knew it for myself at that age and I was struggling to make friends my own age and hopefully be the academic champion and social capital girl of the school. He on the other hand was a lot older, very sensitive and effeminate (at the time, I felt more tomboyish and rigid and forward) and thus got teased by other people (and yes both children and adults that weren't his family) "for not being masculine enough". Despite my upper middle class status, and my grades, I had mild Autism and bouts of tantrums where I had a hard time forgiving those who made mistakes that hurt my feelings even if they apologize. In fact I even alienated my own parents if they did something out of love that I didn't recognize but I saw it as it wasn't in my best interest for me. He therefore didn't have a lot of friends growing up and I somehow learned to tolerate his Thoreau-like passiveness and his love for arts and humanities. We were both pretty shy but in different ways, I being cautious of how to approach people in as proper of social manner as I could and he, preferring to get away in nature. Eventually at age 8, I started noticing how my Autism made me different from others and how self conscious I was when people talked behind my back. He became a victim of intense bullying by the rich kids and would come home beaten and worn out on one hand yet holding me and talking me through for hours about why this popular kid didn't talk to me. All while he tried to hide the fact that his mom and he were attacked multiple times for being poor/homeless. We grew on each other and eventually came to love each other, him like a parent, I as a child, both of us as siblings yet doing all the activities such as hiking, yoga, meditation, cooking, baking, journal writing, singing, and skipping in the park that he opened my eyes to many times to help me cope with my anger and now he and I did them together like lovers. He adopted my sense of direction and goal oriented mindset while I adopted his empathetic compassion for the less fortunate and the "worst human beings of society" that my bourgoeis mom would look down on but now is better about. This bliss lasted until I was 15 or 16. I moved to Nevada for two years in 8th and 9th grade. We wrote regularly but not as much as I got immersed into the popular crowds and started partying a lot. I was "too busy" for someone who was of a lower social standing like him, I thought, and continued focusing on my "friends" that age. Well I returned back to California at age 15 for my mom's job and it turned out he was homeless again part of the time I was away and tried to take his own life twice since he had no one around and his mom was emotionally abusing him day in and day out. I fell into an immediate guilt and apologized for not replying to prior messages he sent me, but told him it was because I was busy in school even though I had all the time to be there for him through phone (which I never answered) and email. Nonetheless he told me it was all okay and asked me out. I thought I could promise to be there but I never owned up to my actions of not being honest with how high school was changing me into a queen bee personality and I sort of let him slide to the periphery while I watched and even joined others in making fun of him behind his back. I cut off contact with him through time and eventually found out through his mom he had muscle cancer. Then on 1/18/2011, he took his own life through swallowing overdose on meds despite the prognosis of the cancer being good for a few more years enough to see me graduate college. I was a 17 year old freshman at UC Berkeley. Different environment than high school and would probably have more friends had he decided not to take his life and had he just believe that I didn't mean to hurt his feelings by joining the rich high school crowds in jeering him (it was said by his mom, who now resents me, that he took his own life after finding out I was saying hurtful things behind his back for the first time ever). I admit I still do have guilt. But I never owned up to it and never changed my ways. I started meeting more people everywhere I go who reminded me of his personality and mannerisms as described above, which meant for a while I dissed the social science and humanities and environmental studies majors. Although policy in my mind has changed to now only be wary of those who have his forgiving, nature passionate loving, and love of words, I still haven't changed my thoughts of him. I still believe the people I were with were right to hurt him because he was unmotivated, he couldn't get a job, he told me to breathe instead of spoiling me rich, etc. any advice he gave such as being grateful that people help me even if they don't help me the way I want, I have resisted and dumped anyone I dated who isn't into hugging me when I am sad. In fact, last Sunday, I nearly drove someone I tried to date to tears after she gave me unhelpful advice about a situation and I told her she was the worst person for not telling me what I want to hear. Yet for those who are like myself in that they like science or they give me hugs, I idolize them on a pedestal. But no one since 2012 has come that close to the pedestal. Currently I am in therapy since 2012. Therapist today suggested I may have borderline personality, emotional dysregulation, or histrionic personality. Even when the friend I made last Sunday told me it wasn't my fault, we are all human, and high school kids are mean anyways and high school is hard (none of the statements helped at all), I still felt someone should at least be upfront and say what I did was not okay and help me prevent it from ever happening again. My therapist is a little bit on the "oh you are only human" side but I am currently working on finding what works for me. I have not since confessed that I once loved a person on a lower social economic standing and "opposite" personality than I have. It is just an irrational fear I have and I fear if I did admit it, I might lose my own status despite not having many friends since a lot of people "are like him in many ways". I know I am not inherently mean but I know that my self consciousness since I became popular and my desire to have more than 5 friends and be rich is somehow preventing me for seeing the enlightened poor guy I loved as a child, a time I wasn't so caught up in the riches. Thank you for reading my story.
  9. First of all, I want to say how relieved I am to have found this community. I admire each and every member's courage to reach out, share and heal each other. Sorry for your losses and sending my warmest thoughts to everyone. My mom got sick on the 30th of December 2013. She was submitted to the hospital but insisted that I didn't worry (since her illness - pancreatitis - didn't seem like it was going to be in any way severe). However, 2 says later I got on a train and went to see her. She was really happy to see me, and feeling fine. She was released home only to come back to the hospital the next day for respiratory and heart distress. While mildly sedated, just before falling asleep in the hospital, the last words we said to each other were "Mom, I love you." "Me too". It's like we both anticipated it but didn't want to admit that she was never going to wake up. 10 days later, after continuously fighting and hanging onto life, she passed away while my dad and I held her hand and told her not to be afraid. That was January 13th - ironic, isn't it. Nobody is ever ready for this. I'm 23, have moved away from home 4 years ago, but used to call my mom every night. Not because I had significant stuff to share, but because I knew it would make her day. I'm not worried about her anymore, she is definitely somewhere better. She was a doctor and dedicated her life to saving thousands of people, so all her kindness and dedication must have sent her somewhere good. I admit that my pain comes from knowing that from now on, I will live in a world where I'll never get to hug her, see her, or ever talk to her again. I am angry at everyone, have a very hard time talking to my significant other as he has not been through something like this, and though it's not his fault, and I truly love him, I can't send any positive messages or be kind as I used to be. To sum up this post, I'm hurting and I'm scared. Scared of ruining my relationship. Scared of not being able to honor her memory as I should. Scared that I won't know how to pull myself together. I'm a strong person, but this pain seems like it's going to stick for a while. PLEASE tell me it gets better. And maybe offer some guidance on how not to mess up my relationship. Thank you for taking time to read this.
  10. Judy Hefren is a doctoral candidate at Florida State University, College of Social Work, whose only son died in 2007 at the age of 17. She is conducting research in hopes of gaining a better understanding of how and to what extent the significance that parents place on the belongings of their child who has died impacts the grief process. Her hope is that this research may in some way help parents make these difficult decisions about belongings following the death of a child. If you are comfortable in doing so, Judy would appreciate it if you would consider completing this survey which may be found at https://fsu.qualtric...a9RgmjSubZrWS9f . This link will take you to a webpage that will give you additional information about this study. Once you’ve read this, you will have the opportunity to consent to be part of the study.
  11. Hello! My name is Kelsey and I am a junior at Luther College. I have personally lost my mother to breast cancer when I was 6 years old. I am writing a research paper on how losing a mother to cancer at a young age (6-12) impacts female's relationships later in life. To participate you must be female, over the age of 18, have lost your mother to cancer between the ages of 6 & 12, and have been in at least one intimate, romantic relationship. If you personally have experienced this, or know someone that does, and would like to participate in a short phone interview, I would greatly appreciate it! All names will be changed for confidentiality protection as well as any information you provide me during the interview. This research project has been approved through my college's HSRB board. Just message me on here or email me at gundke01@luther.edu if you are interested. Thanks!
  12. Below you will find many memorial and remembrance ideas that you can use to keep the memory of your loved one alive. After the funeral, memorial service or life celebration many people wish to have something permanent as a reminder of the person that they loved and lost. It may help to think about what was important to the person you lost. What did they value?What made them smile? Perhaps by beginning there, the appropriate memorial will present itself. Here are 10 ideas that may help to guide you. 1. You can plant a tree in their memory. You can find tree seedlings on the internet. You could also buy a tree at a local nursery. 2. Have your love one’s photo placed on a stamp. This also would be ideal for the thank you notes you will be sending for the flowers, donations and the help you will be receiving. On the anniversary of their death or on their birthday, consider sending a card or a memorial gift to close friends and relatives. 3. Donate a memorial bench If they loved golf, their favorite golf course may welcome the donation of a memorial bench. You may also consider purchasing a plaque or a brick in their name to help fund a community project. 4. Have a star in the sky named after your loved one. 5. Plant a section in the garden each year with their favorite flowers, you also may want to add a stepping stone or rock with their name on it in their special section of the garden. Consider each year sharing flowers from that section of the garden with the family and friends of your loved one. 6. Start a college scholarship in their name. 7. Create a video or DVD from photos and video or movie clips. This video can be played at family gatherings and on the person’s birthday or anniversary of their death. You can also easily make copies to share with close friends and relatives. 8. Create a book of memories for the deceased’s family. Have friends and family write on note cards and include the note cards with photos in the book. You may also want to include newspaper articles about the deceased, the obituary etc. 9. Create a memorial on the web – there are several websites that allow loved ones to memorialize the deceased through video, pictures, and voice recordings. 10. Keep a journal of your memories, your thoughts and what you learned from your loved one. Dealing with a loss of a loved one is so difficult. It’s important to do what brings you peace-of-mind. Focusing on a memorial may help you through the grief process and allow you to focus on the unique and positive aspects of your loved ones life and how that life can be remembered and celebrated for years to come.
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