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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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  1. I've been married 30 yrs. 2 years ago, my inlaws asked us to come back to FL to help them as they were aging. We did. The day before Thanksgiving 2016, my father in law had a stroke. He was sent to rehab. Dec 29, 2016 I took mt Mother in law to the ER, she had to have a triple bypass. They both went to the same rehab/nursing home for 3 months. My FIL also had Alzheimer's. Hospice was involved with both of them after they came home and their health degraded so quickly. I think the rehab did something or didn't do something to cause this. My MIL had a stroke while in rehab because they took away her blood thinners. My FIL came home around Feb 25 2017 (give or take) and I was his caregiver all day everyday. He was a wonderfully funny & entertaining person. On May 4, he told me "I'm gonna miss you Tricia". I broke down in tears & ran out of the house. It hurt cause I knew! He then asked for my youngest son, I won't reveal what he said to him but it was nice. The next morning, he passed away. I was broken hearted. It was a joy & a pleasure to care for him. My MIL came home May 3,2017, I was her caregiver too. On June 14, 2017, I talked her into the light. She was suffering, had the "rattle" so I to,d her to head towards the light. She passed while I was talking to her & rubbing her arm & forehead. I dressed her in her favorite dress so she'd be pretty when she got to heaven. My heart was broken again. These people were like my own parents & now in 6 weeks they were both gone. I was caregiver for both of them. I don't know if I'll ever get over this. I'm 55, hubby is 61. I'm taking this loss a lot harder than he is. It really hurts. We didn't even get a chance to grieve the loss of my FIL and now she's gone too. I feel responsible though hospice said I went above and beyond. I did treat them both with love, care & respect. I loved these two people. Recap FIL passed May 5 2017 & MIL passed June 14, 2017 How do I get over this? How can I stop blaming myself? Is it my fault? I can't sleep, I can't eat. My stomach is in knots. I feel sick every time I try to eat. I'm hoping someone here can at least commiserate with me. Thanks to all! The pic of them was 1 1/2 yrs ago. It's unbelievable
  2. I have flown several states away from where I live now to see my dad. He is eating very little, still drinking fluids, but that comes and goes as well. He has lived a long life, but I don't think he was ready for his body to give out on him. He has been in a nursing home for a while and a relative, that lives close to where he is, took care of him until she could no longer do it anymore. It was tough to see him end up in a nursing home, but he needs 24 hour care and lots of people to help him. Now, I do not think he has long to live. He suffers from severe gangrene on his feet due to vascular issues and he also has alzheimer's disease. He recognizes me, but sometimes has days when he is really out of it. He sleeps a lot and is on pain meds around the clock. I have been visiting him everyday, holding his hand when he is in pain, trying to talk to him even though he only answers questions and almost always with one word answers. He is so weak and it's so hard to see him this way, but I want to be there for him. I want to stay until he decides to leave this world. But I feel so powerless. I try to give him healthy juices to drink and anything full of vitamins so he gets enough nutrients to at least have some energy. I've shown him pictures. I'm doing anything I can think of to give him comfort. I'm scared that I might lose my job. I have been up here a few times now and spent a long time away from it - even using up sick time in the past. I'm scared that I might decide to go back home for a while and that's when he'll die. I'm scared that he will leave this world without anyone by his side to send him off and tell him that he is loved. I went through that with my mother. She ended up in a nursing home, but it was only supposed to be for a little while. I thought she was going to be OK, even when she started to have swelling from excess fluid. In fact on the day she passed away, my aunt had called and the home said that she was doing better. She wanted me to visit her for father's day. I hadn't called her in weeks, but was planning to visit a few weeks later for the 4th of July. She loved that holiday, but she didn't make it to the 4th of July and I never got the chance to tell her about my plans. She had a heart attack. From someone that has been around many people that are dying, that's what I am told will most likely happen to my dad. His heart will probably just give out and it will be unexpected. I know my mom would have wanted him to be here for my dad. However, I have such a mixture of feelings - somewhat conflicting - about my dad. I want to stick around and comfort him. I want him to pass away soon so he no longer has to be in pain. I want to help him feel better and be healthier. He was an alternative health practitioner, so sometimes I think he would have wanted me to try any natural solution possible. Then, sometimes I think he is just tired of the pain and would prefer that I let his body simply die. He is so miserable. Then, it all just seems so overwhelming and I want to just get away from it and not face it. I am dealing with this largely by myself. My aunt is here, but she is going through different emotions than I think a daughter would. Other family members do not want to be here. They cannot bear to deal with it directly - only through phone calls. I often feel so alone. I need to hear from other people that have gone through this and have them help me figure out ways to cope and, also, bring comfort to him. Thank you for any advice or comfort you can offer, L