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  1. Hi, I lost my mother one month and two weeks ago, 2 days before her 54th birthday. I just turned 27. She was violently murdered by her ex who refused to leave her house. We were best friends who travelled together and laughed together. In the last 2 years, we had never had a bad day with each other. No matter how much I strayed, I always saw her as my metaphorical candle in the darkness. Now she's gone I feel so lost and alone. I'm having trouble coping with the unfairness of this loss. I haven't slept in weeks and although I sought counselling, I still feel incredibly lonely. I've gone back to work, but nothing seems to have any meaning anymore. I worked as hard as I did to make her proud of me, now I can't find the motivation anymore. If I knew conclusively there was an afterlife, I think i'd be able to move forward, but now all I want is to be with her again. I've even started googling how to do it and I'm scared of these thoughts. Thank you for listening.
  2. July 22nd 2016, 3 days before my 20th birthday, a day that shattered my world. I got woke up at about 9 from my best friend wanting to me to go to a chiropractor appointment with her. I told her maybe since I had just woke up but all I could think about was an intense horrifying dream about my dad overdosing. About an hour later I got another call from my sisters mom (we share the same dad not mom) saying something happened to my dad. But as soon as I saw her calling I had already knew what happened. She just kept saying something happened. I was asking where is he? In the hospital? What happened? She finally said your dad died. I asked her how? And I never expected what I was about to hear. Your grandpa shot him and killed him. I told her I had to get off the phone I would call her back. My whole body started shaking and I ran to my grandma and said my dad is dead. I had a dream my dad died and he really died. I knew I needed to call my work so I ran to my room and let them know I wasn't able to come in that my dad was murdered by his own father. I told them I didn't know when I would be back. After all of that I called my sisters mom and asked her some more questions and finally heard what happened. My grandfather shot my father multiple times in their home. My grandfather thought My dad was in drugs. My dad had his back turned because he saw the gun and was trying to run away. He made it all the way into the road where a woman ran out of her house to try to help him and call 911. The sad thing is the first 911 call came from my grandpa. Saying he shot his son and he thinks he's dead. When the ambulance got to where my dad was laying in the road he was still conscious but all effort to save his life had failed by the time they got to the hospital. He was pronounced dead at 8:08 in the morning. Leaving too many people with broken hearts and questions that can never be answered. And here I am 3 months later. In debit up to my ears from funeral costs and all of that, being the next of kin I had to be in charge. Waiting for crime reparations to help pay for a fathers funeral. Sad broken hopeless. No Father and absent Mother. Wondering how people start to cope and grieve with this kind of pain. My anxiety attacks have been non stop for days at a time. Stress is eating me alive. I don't know what to do. If anyone wants to share what helped them get through a loss I would greatly appreciate it.
  3. Murdered at 4yrs...

    My baby brother was murdered at the age of 4, he was suffocated to death with a plastic bag in 1999 and i never met him... I feel like sometimes i dont have a right to be upset because i never knew him but its exactly that... i never knew him and i never will because some savage monster took a little boys life... 2 little boys lives because he was jealous! And now in 2018 he'll have chance of Parole. Wtf does that mean?!! He KILLED my brother.. How dare he be able to try and live a normal life!
  4. I wrote an article for my college writing platform about my mother's death and not being able to say my last goodbyes to her. I also interviewed a variety of people who have lost their loved ones from different reason. It's all very touching and personal. Please read, share and comment. https://medium.com/substance/the-last-goodbye-8ad262a27502?source=tw-7d302ffef0e5-1417214533254https://medium.com/substance/the-last-goodbye-8ad262a27502?source=tw-7d302ffef0e5-1417214533254
  5. Hello, I am a Master of Arts in Liberal Studies degree candidate at Indiana University Kokomo. My intent is to analyze the existing writings of survivors from a wide range of traumas to see if they hold the key to creating a writing framework to help future victims. The research is confidential, the writings volunteers to the study send to me will not be shared or revealed in any way. I'm looking for trends across many texts. Below is an overview. I've also attached the consent form with all details. Please email me at nvanworm@iuk.edu with questions or to participate. My husband died suddenly in 2000. After three years, I went back to school. The grief and feelings of loss were awful. But, I survived. I'm now working on my graduate degree and because of my experience, decided to write my thesis on grief/trauma and writing. If you have written about your experience, you can help. I am seeking volunteers for a confidential research study on grief/trauma and writing in hopes of developing a framework to help future victims. If you have written about your experience, you can help. **What is trauma?** For this study, trauma is broadly defined as a uniquely individual experience that resulted in feelings of powerlessness with or without a physical threat to life. A traumatic event may involve a single incident or a prolonged experience that overwhelmed your coping abilities and impacted your quality of life resulting in post-trauma psychological or emotional distress. Examples of a single incident trauma includes but is not limited to rape, natural disaster, violence, accident, or the death of a loved one. Examples of prolonged experiences include but are not limited to domestic or child abuse, sexual abuse, major illness, or war. **What to expect?** To review the details, consent statement, and survey questions please CONTACT ME by e-mail @ nvanworm@iuk.edu. Please put “I am interested” in the subject line. If you want to participate, you will * electronically sign and return the consent statement * send your existing narrative (or whatever form your writing took) to the e-mail address shown in the consent statement. After I receive your consent form and narrative, I will send you a link to the survey (hosted by university-approved Qualtrics). After you complete the survey, your involvement is complete. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Please forward this information to anyone who may be interested in participating. Respectfully, Navi Vernon Consent Statement--please review.rtf