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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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  1. Ive known for a long time that he was not the one for me. I emotionally and physically checked out a long time ago, now is the hard part. Here is the short version of my situation: When we met it was instant attraction. He was handsome, kind and liked my family and friends. There were a few red flags early on. He moved in to my home within months, and we quickly got in to the domestic roles. The friends of mine that he at one time enjoyed, eventually annoyed him. He was not as empathic to me or anyone else, and seemed to sort of live in his own little world. Then I got pregnant, not even by accident. I was completely alienated. He was possessive, did not want me leaving the house and would ridicule be for wanting to have a social life, calling me immature. Although I noticed it, I think that I chose to look past it. There was some other very terrible things happening in my family at the time, which played as a smoke screen for his bad behaviour. I blamed my feelings of depression and anxiety on the other issues, as well as my pregnancy. We have since had 2 children, and now that life has slowed down, and I am far more stable, I can see that he has been very emotionally abusive. I moved to a different room a few months ago, and cannot move until we get documents signed off by lawyers. Living with him right now is terrible! He reads my emails, texts and checks up on my history of what I look up online. He alienates me from my kids by inserting himself into everything that we do. I find myself trying to escape by drinking booze or actually leaving the house to do just about anything. I felt strong when I made the decision to finally end our marriage, but Im starting to feel depleted and weak. Good luck to all of you out there who are experiencing this during the holidays!
  2. How does one learn to heal after a very long marriage which was filled with lies, selfishness, emotional and financial abuse? I am divorced for 4 years already, yet I think i am emotionally scarred. The longer you are in an abusive marriage/relationship the longer it takes to heal. I am now engaged to what i thought was a wonderful gentle type of man. However it seems i am being taken advantage of again...why? Am i a doormat? Tooo nice too giving. If a man expects to use your car and doesnt pay his portion of petrol. Needs an operation and fails to buy his needed medical supplies and rather buys beer, then expects me to use my money to buy said supplies? Which leaves me in a moral dilemma of...how can i leave him to be in pain or bleeding. Yes I am quite angry with myself for not saying the word NO, when I should be, when your gut is telling you??? Wait something feels off here. So my present issues seems to now be drawing out my past trauma. And its got to the point where i am suffering from severe anxiety attacks, that i am now on medication for it. Quote: I do so much for my boyfriend but get treated badly in return! It's in your nature to be nice Is it also in your nature to be a doormat? If you keep acting like a doormat, why are you surprised that he/she wipes their feet on you? See: Co-dependant no more
  3. Hi, I have a question that I've been struggling to find the answer to for years; maybe someone can help. Some years ago, my father --- who I counted as one of my best friends --- was involved in a car accident; he lingered for a week and after that, when he showed no signs of brain function, I had to remove him from life support. It was horrible, tragic, and the worst time of my life. During that week, a cousin of mine --- who I also counted as one of my best friends --- began to be horribly, shockingly emotionally abusive to me, even as I was griefstricken. She was ostensibly very "helpful:" she helped me organize the funeral (while my father was still alive), found a great doctor for my stepmom, who was in the car at t he time of the accident, and these good actions are what she hangs her hat on. In fact, there were things that she did that were shocking in their cruelty: she refused to let me have my father's obit --- the only copy from the newspaper, which came to her house the morning of the funeral --- until I begged her for it. She told me and my spouse to go back to our home and have a shiva (we're Jews) on our own, away from the rest of the family. And a year later, I found out that she bought up all the plots around my father's grave, so I can't be buried with my family when my time comes. Over the years, I've asked her to talk about it, and she dismisses me and sees nothing wrong in her actions. This has result in the memory of my father's last days being clouded in anger over my cousin's cruel actions. And over the years, she's painted me to be the ungrateful one. So here's my question: does anyone ever talk about people who emotionally abuse the griefstricken? Who kick us when we're at our worst? Why does this happen? My cousin's sister died when she (my cousin) was a child and my father once told me, years ago, that she "never grieved sufficiently" and actually asked for her sister's room right after her death. So, I'm stuck: I want to feel compassion for her limitations and emotional stunting, but I can't. All I can think of is how horrible she was to me when my father died, and how sad and angry he would have been at her treatment of me.