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Approaching the 1 year anniversary of my brother's death. He struggled with addiction since high school. At 35, he died from a fatal mix of cocaine and fentanyl. My parents found him a day later. Devestating to us because he was on 2 years of (mostly) sobriety. My 4 year old daughter was devestated. A year later she talks of him daily. It pains me that he cared more for drugs than for us. He added so much drama to our lives, he was our love too. My little brother with such a great smile, laugh. All my childhood memories. His beautiful face smashed by hitting the table after he died so no open casket. It hurts so badly a year later. Does it ever stop hurting? We had a very rocky relationship (stealing, insane voicemails, threats etc...) but he was my brother and I always let him back in whenhe was sober again. I miss him so terribly but wonder if he knew how important he was to us while he was alive. I wish I had done more to help. Wish I was nicer. And it is true that there is very little acknowledment of sibling.loss. It is an immense gap in my life. Nothing will ever be the same. So much of life npw has a shadow of sadness. I suppose that just grows as more pass. Sometimes I really struggle with why we are here when it all ends in pain. I have only my children keeping me sane. I want them to know a happy life and happy parents. Mentally, I am exhausted and lost and just beaten down. When does this feeling end?