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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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Everything posted by ModKonnie

  1. I work with people every day who are estranged from their families because either they are alcoholics or drug addicts or one or both of their parents are. Trust me, most people love their mothers even if they have suffered tremendously because of them. So, you are not alone in feeling absolutely horrible about all of this and feeling guilty. Even feeling numb and/or angry is perfectly normal. Of course you are angry at the abuse and neglect! You have every right to be. One way to get through this while waiting for a counselor is to simply write about how you feel and to talk about how you feel. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  2. Don't tell anyone

    I am very sorry about your friend's terminal illness and the closeness of her death. I think you are doing the right thing by being supportive of her adult child. You've tried to sort through finances and you are supportive in every way possible. Continue to be supportive; listen to him/her when the time comes. Reach out to your friend anyway; can you still contact her? Let her know what you are thinking, and have a discussion with her about all of it. It may help to deal with things, and it may help you to help her child. Unfortunately, the world isn't going to stop. This time of year is especially difficult. If you don't feel like celebrating the holidays, then don't. They will be here next year. Do what you need to do to get through all this. Change your routine if you have to. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  3. I miss my sister everyday

    I'm so very sorry about the loss of your sister and her husband, and I'm sorry you are angry at those who didn't let you have your moments. It's so tough to know how to deal with all this. Of course you miss her and love her! I can tell you that while right now the pain is unbearable, it will get easier in time. It actually is quite normal to feel very angry, not necessarily at her but just angry. You will never forget her. Ever. You will find a way to help her children deal with all of this. Give it a little bit of time. Just love them and her. Grieve, cry and talk. Just be there for them. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  4. New Baby

    Awww. Congratulations on the birth of your niece; how very sad for your family he can't be here for her. As she grows, you will find many ways she is like him, I'm sure. And you are right--she's a part of him that continues on--his legacy. I bet she does look like him--why would she? Let us know how you felt when you met her! We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  5. I am so very sorry about the loss of your uncle and how difficult it was for you to experience his particular situation. You are right; death can be just horrible to watch. Please try to talk about all of this with your friends and other close people. It may help you to deal with how horrible it was. The nurses know what they are talking about; if they say he wasn't suffering, then he wasn't. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  6. Jeeper41, I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend, and I thank her for her ultimate sacrifice. I have a son and daughter in the U.S. Army; when my son was deployed to Afghanistan, I never slept. I don't want to even try to imagine the pain and anguish Sam's parents suffer. Many people feel guilty for living when a loved one dies, especially when it involves a young person. You sound like a great friend. Thank you for being that kind of good person. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  7. I am so very sorry for you loss. I would suggest it is time to talk with her about getting professional help. Start with her doctor and go from there. I'm sure she is dealing with a slew of issues, but I'm certainly no expert. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  8. Can sickness be related to grief?

    Craig319, I am very sorry about the loss of your mom. I would seek the advice of a professional grief therapist who may be able to answer your questions with knowledge and experience. I know that some people can develop all kinds of serious illnesses and physical conditions due to stress, so it is possible your dad is ill from his grief. I'm just not an expert or medical doctor, so I can't tell you where to go from here. A professional therapist may be able to direct you. We will be with you, ModKonnie
  9. Death of my 34 year old daughter

    Gina, I am so very sorry about the loss of your beloved daughter. Please consider posting your story in our forum, "Loss of an Adult Child." You will find many, many parents who have also suffered severe tragedies and lost their precious children. They will be able to offer you sage advice and support as you get through this. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  10. Left Behind

    Louby, I am so very sorry for the loss of your partner. It is not selfish to be angry at him. In fact, it is normal. I would suggest you seek out help from a professional, and definitely lean on your family and friends for support. You did nothing wrong in this situation. Please believe this. We will be with you, ModKonnie
  11. Webby

    Webby, I am very sorry for your loss. The shock and trauma of a sudden death is extremely difficult to deal with. Have you considered joining a support group in your town or possibly reaching out for some professional help? Sometimes, keeping a journal or simply talking about your feelings with others are ways to move forward from such a profound loss. If you feel like talking. what exactly happened? We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  12. Funeral

    Are you working with doctors about your illness? Are there counselors or people of that nature available where you live? What normally happens to people with terminal illnesses where you are living? What do others do that have no means of support? Are you a religious person? Could you talk to a leader of your particular faith and ask about support and help? Do you have a friend from the area versed in tradition and culture you could be frank with? ModKonnie
  13. Brother passed this year - No feelings

    Sole-mate, I am so sorry for your loss of your brother. It is so honorable and awesome you took care of him. It's okay you are feeling as you do. When my father died, I was immensely relieved on the one hand because of his severe suffering, but I still loved him. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  14. Petricia01, I'm just going to tell you exactly what I think--divorce him. If he can't accept you just the way you are, you don't need him. He doesn't love you. Get rid of him. Period. Find someone who loves you for you, not your physical attributes. ModKonnie
  15. Loss Father & Job

    I am so sorry about the loss of your father and how terribly your ex-employer treated you. What you are feeling certainly sounds familiar. Many people experience fear and every other emotion while trying to regroup after a profound loss. Would seeking professional help be out of the question? How about an emotional support group? So, what are your plans for employment in the meantime? I believe you could use some face-to-face help to get things sorted out. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  16. Hi, So, to sum this up, I believe you broke up with him because he was reeling from the suicide of his ex, and it was something he couldn't quite get through. You felt as though it had become a dark cloud that was seriously bringing both of you and the relationship down. Let me ask you a question--what happens if he contacts you in a year from now? How will you know he is over all this? He definitely went through a horrific trauma, and I'm sure that had to be a very dark cloud above his head. It is going to take some serious time and probably some professional help for him to work through all the myriad of emotions that he is feeling. And then there is his child. Wow, he has a lot on his plate. I hope both get the help they are going to need. In the meantime, are you planning on dating? Is he? What do you hope happens? We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  17. CarlJo, I am so very sorry about the loss of your father. Yes, your parents cared for you and did a great job; however, your father required care and resources you simply did not have. Stop beating yourself up. You did the very best you could. I'm sure he loved you and will always continue to love you despite the fact he had to get care outside of his home. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  18. You have the right to refuse chemo and surgery. As for your children, I'm very sorry. Many people find that writing letters (even if they aren't sent) is a way to get some type of healing. Talk in the letters about how you are feeling, your thoughts, wishes, desires, etc. I don't know if that will help you (I'm no expert), but it's just a suggestion. ModKonnie
  19. My Brother Committed Sucide

    I am so very sorry you are going through this awful tragedy. First of all, you can't blame yourself. I, too, have family members struggling with addiction. I'm a certified drug counselor, so I have tried everything I can think of to help. I've bullied, cajoled, loved, got them to treatment, ignored, prayed for their incarceration--everything. It's very tough when nothing works. Sometimes, they have to hit rock bottom to get better. Unfortunately, for some, suicide seems to be a solution they find acceptable. This disease is exhausting and life shattering for everyone involved. My best advice for you is to start talking about how you are feeling to everyone and anyone who will listen. Let your loved ones know how you feel. Go to a group self help meeting. Get some counseling. Go to an Al-anon meeting (you'll learn so much, and you'll find others who have experienced what you have). Please don't try to bottle this up and "be strong." We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  20. Fruitloop60, I'm very sorry to hear of your long-term battle with cancer. Have you talked with your doctors and told them your decision? Do they believe you can recover from this current round? As far as your children, I am not an expert, but can you tell them how you feel? Would it help? Would counseling help you to deal with your physical battles? We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  21. My baby

    I am so very sorry you have lost your baby. Perhaps talking to your significant other about how you feel or some other close person in your life could help you deal with this. Don't be afraid to bring it up to people. Perhaps your loved ones just don't know how to respond or what to say to you. If people knew you were pregnant but then you haven't seen them for awhile, just tell them you lost the baby as briefly as possible. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  22. I'm too young to die

    Kylie, I am so very sorry for the loss of your sister. I am glad she did not appear to suffer. I am sure you miss her! We will be here with you if need us, ModKonnie
  23. Ruthanne, You actually sound so much better today. I'm glad you've found a few things to focus on while you are waiting for your home to get ready. Let us know how you are doing, and I hope your house ends up getting done faster than what they thought! We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  24. Grief and massage therapy

    I am very sorry about the loss of your mom. One month is certainly not even close to the amount of time it's going to take for your father to process through his emotions. His entire life has been turned upside down, and his life partner is gone. He now has to be alone, and if they were married for a long time, he is more than likely scared silly and completely lost. Group therapy will help in time. I'm not sure how massage therapy could help with grief, but it would definitely help his muscles to relax, which could help him sleep better. Exercise, moderate exercise in which he gets his heart rate up, is the best way to deal with depress. Brisk walking, house cleaning, etc., are all ways to do that. Get him some books to read on grief. Let him talk about his feelings. Let him cry. Talk to his family doctor about what he is dealing with. Again, your loss is so fresh it's going to take some time. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  25. Ruthanne, Have you tried counseling or group therapy to quit smoking pot? Do you want to quit smoking pot? Again, the Bible says that none are perfect, and we have all fallen short. While smoking pot is definitely illegal (in most states and countries) and not healthy for you, God still loves you. All of us are sinners. Not that I am making an excuse for bad behavior, but I feel as though you see God as a negative punisher, while I see Him as a Guide, Deliverer, Helper, Protector and Lord. I have had many struggles over the years, including several rough ones lately, but I don't see them as God trying to get me. Instead, I see it as a time for me to renew my relationship with Him again and again and trust He has my back and a plan. I'm no expert, but I would guess your panic disorder may have something to do with your pot smoking. And again, the Bible says that having done all you can, you should put on the armor of God and STAND. So, you've asked for deliverance, now believe you have it and do something about your smoking. Get to meetings, therapy, counseling, and whatever else is available. Take a proactive stance and get up and do something about it. Don't just sit back and be reactive waiting for a miracle. While miracles happen, they don't always happen. As for your son's family, let them work things out. People argue. Two weeks is completely doable; try to take the time to work on a few issues. Perhaps you could offer to help with the chores or cooking or something constructive. We will be here with you, ModKonnie