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Everything posted by ModKonnie

  1. You are not abnormal. It sounds as though you need to talk with people about her death and how it has affected you. Talking is the best way to heal from a loss. Don't focus on other peoples' reactions; focus on your own feelings and figuring out how to move forward. It is hard to say goodbye to those we cared about. An unexpected loss shocks our core and is very traumatic to some people. I'm certainly no expert, but it sounds as though your friend's death has traumatized you, and you haven't properly dealt with it. Is there a school counselor you can talk to? Your parents? Your friends? Talk to someone about all of this. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  2. The pain does go away in time. I lost my older brother in an auto accident many years ago. At first, it was horrible, but in time, the pain dulled and receded. People handle grief in many different ways. Some people need to get back into their daily routines as fast as possible in order to feel better, while others need more time. Grieve in your own way, and don't try to stuff your feelings away. Just be you through this, and you will be okay. When the anxiety hits, try deep breathing, counting slowly to 4 and then slowly exhaling several times or finding an object to focus on and continue to breathe while you only think about that object.Sometimes that will help with the anxiety and the feeling of not being able to breathe. (I'm not an expert, but I have seen this work many, many times for lots of people). We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  3. It truly does help, but don't overwhelm yourself. Just start by drinking more water, taking a stroll around the neighborhood or even turning on some music and just dancing. Some people clean their houses and find they feel better. Moving releases the "feel good" chemicals your brain needs to help you. ModKonnie
  4. CPM, You are feeling what is very normal when someone close or someone you know dies suddenly. I had a very close friend die in a terrible accident when I was a senior in high school. It was a complete shock, and I felt so very bad for him and his family. I walked around in a daze for a long time. Talking about how you are feeling is the best way to heal. Talk to your mom. Tell her what you just told us. Feeling guilty that you get to go on and she doesn't is very normal. You are not alone if feeling this way. It will get better. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  5. I am very sorry about the loss of your grandfathers. I am no expert, but I've seem many people have this same sexual intimacy issue when their loved ones have died. Low libido is one effect of grief. It will get better. You probably should try to relax and just take some time to grieve. I'm sure your system has undergone a shock, and it's going to take a little while to recoup. One month is certainly not any time at all to grieve. Perhaps you should do some research (I just love google), and find how others deal with this. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  6. I don't know what your physical abilities are, but I find exercise--brisk walking, slow jogging, bicycling, etc., help me deal with emotional pain and issues more than anything else. You could consider adding that to your "list of things to try."
  7. I am very sorry about the loss of your mom. Your thoughts and feelings are very normal from what I've seen, heard and observed. I've been the moderator of this site for about 7 years. I see people suffering with what you are going through all the time. One way to deal with your anxiety and racing thoughts is to talk more about them. Perhaps a supportive self help group, like a grief and loss group would help. Many funeral homes offer grief and loss groups; check with one in your hometown. Also, if your anxiety is overwhelming, perhaps learning some deep breathing and meditation techniques will help you to work through those issues while it's happening. I know this is all so tough, but you are going to be okay. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  8. I'm so sorry. It's very difficult. I've had several fur babies pass on, and it's always heart-breaking. I don't know about others, but I try to focus on their relief from suffering, and I try to focus on the happy memories when I know their time is near. That may not work for everyone, but it works for me. Also, don't be afraid to cry, cry, cry and cry more. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  9. Heyit'sme, I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend and mentor. Go ahead and cry and be sad. When people ask what's wrong, tell them exactly what you just told us. Have you told your parents how you feel? Have you talked to anyone? Losing a mentor is very difficult. I can see why you are hurting. Please reach out to your loved ones and tell them what's going on. You may be pleasantly surprised at the support you receive. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  10. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had several fur babies die over the years, and it's never easy. Do your best for now by just getting through a little at a time. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  11. Brandykins, I was in a similar situation a few years back. My mother and father were married for 54 years. They had a good marriage. My father died, and me and all my siblings thought mom would simply live her lonely little life all by herself because dad was gone. We were dead wrong and shocked to the core! My mother started briefly dating a man MY AGE. While it didn't last, it caused an uproar. My brothers were so angry, they wanted to confront her and tell her it was wrong. My sisters and I, however, realized that while we were stunned, upset and not okay with it, mom had a RIGHT to be happy and not alone. She fulfilled her "Til death do us part" vow. She didn't want to be alone. She still doesn't. Who does? She has a right to live and go on. While that truly was hard, we all dealt with it. Mom is currently alone, but she's had a few dates over the years, and now, I honestly wished she had a companion to keep her company. She deserves happiness too. I hope you begin to realize that people need people. Your mom is no different. She deserves happiness, and if this man can make her happy, what is wrong with that? It's not like she's done anything wrong. It's just hard to deal with at first. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  12. Pixie, You may want to join a support group such as Al-Anon. While it is for families of those who are alcoholics, drug addiction is the same disease--the disease of addiction. Al-Anon helps family members understand why their loved ones do what they do despite the risks. Quite simply, the drug is doing the thinking for the addict. Your brother didn't care about the risks because the drug was doing the talking, walking and leading. Same with your mom. She understands what could happen, but again, the drug(s) are controlling her, not the other way around. Of course you are angry. You have every right to be angry, but by researching and educating yourself on addiction and its impact, you may find you can come to some kind of peace about what has happened and what is happening in your family. Drug addiction has decimated many, many families and communities, and it's on the way to destroying our country if we don't come up with some real plans to combat it. Just know you are not alone. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  13. Coffemouse, I am very sorry about the loss of your sister. Don't beat yourself up over yelling at her; it's terribly hard to care for terminally ill people, and the stress can get to you after awhile. Many people experience extreme guilt, anger, loneliness, and every other emotion you can think of after a profound loss. I've led many grief and loss support groups, and I personally find them very helpful to those who attend. Most people find it comforting to talk with others who share similar stories. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  14. I am so very sorry about the loss of your father. He sounds like a wonderful man and father. It will be very tough for your mom, but she has a wonderful support in you. Right now, just mourn and grieve. Cry all you want. Try to just get through a little at a time; don't look too far ahead. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  15. Mattytaffy, I am so very sorry for your loss and what you are experiencing. What are your family members saying about the accident? What have you found out? Can you make contact with one of the authorities on the case and communicate with that person? Is there an investigator? You can come here to talk, vent, rage or what ever you need to. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  16. StruggleBus, I am so very sorry about the loss of your mom. When my father died, I, too, had horrible panic attacks. I'd never had one ever before. They scared the life out of me. I tried Xanax, but it didn't work for me. Instead, I started using deep breathing techniques, prayer and meditation. I began talking to others and writing out how I was feeling. I started getting better. It's just going to take some time for you. Just try to breathe and focus on something different when you begin to have anxiety attacks. Try journaling and meditation. It may help. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  17. Ani, Isolation is never a good thing. So, I would suggest that a new job would in the long run be the option you may want to consider. It will take some time to re-establish close relationships, and maybe the first job you take won't be the one you stick with, but keep trying. There are people out there waiting to have a friend like you. Have you tried places other than work to find close family-like people? I'm a member of two different gyms and a running club. I have wonderful friends, close friends in all of those places. I don't have lots of close friends, but the ones I do have are like my family. Where could you look to find someone?
  18. Brinybay, I agree with Reader. I believe she may be happy to hear from you. My father died 7 years ago. I love when people tell me wonderful stories about him that I didn't know. It makes me feel like he hasn't been forgotten. ModKonnie
  19. Ani, I am very sorry about your loss of love and the loss of your friends. Any loss is hard, and we all grieve in different ways. Talking or writing is a great way to move forward and sort through things. As far as the job--what do you like? What are you good at? Do you need to go back to school? Do you need to consider relocating? What about trying something totally new and a little challenging? You move forward like you are doing. You take it a little at a time.Step by step, day by day. Ask yourself some questions and set some small (very small) goals. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  20. I am so very sorry about the loss of your friend. Yes, being in denial is part of the grieving cycle. It is always hard to accept when someone dies. Waiting for them to "show up" as normal is normal. It will take some time for reality to sink it. It's okay to feel angry, confused, hurt, sad, lonely, and everything else you can think of. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  21. Music101, I am very sorry about the loss of your father. I'm sure your mother would want to know how you are struggling. Others, too, would be willing to help. The very best way to heal is to talk to people. You've suffered a tremendous loss in your life, and the impact is huge. It's okay to be feeling how you feel, but you do need to tell others. You may be surprised that they already know you aren't doing okay. They may be waiting for you to reach out. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  22. I am very sorry for the loss of your father. He has only been gone 1 and 1/2 months. That's just so fresh and raw. Of course you are feeling emotionally drained and exhausted, unable to see how to move forward. Perhaps for now, just concentrate on trying to take care of yourself. It's okay to keep crying and to feel disoriented and lost. It's all so normal. In time, you will begin to heal and move forward. As for your boyfriend, he truly may be dealing with this badly because it all scares him. I mean, it scares all of us, doesn't it? While of course you are overwhelmed, he probably is too and trying to sort through everything. Try talking to the rest of your family for support. Continue to move forward as best as you can. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  23. Hi Catrice, While I'm somewhat computer savvy, I'm not sure what you mean? What kind of data breach would you be talking about and what kind of control would you want over administrator access? I do not have access to your password. I can reset it for you, but I can't see what your password is. So, can you give me a little better picture of what you are asking so I can pass this on if needed to our Tech Department? ModKonnie
  24. I do not think you are over-reacting. Your friend should be more sensitive and aware of how you are feeling. Have you thought about telling her you understand she is happy, but right now you are in a very painful spot and it's hard for you to deal with your own loss, which is magnified when others point out what they have? Or, you can go home and deal with your grief in your own way in your own surroundings. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  25. I am so very sorry about the situation you find yourself facing. You are a smart person to seek some professional advice. You may also want to consider joining a self help group. Many times, you will meet people going through the exact same thing. We all do things in our life we wish we could take back and redo. Instead, we have to accept the past and move forward. Do you have children? Do you have other family members you can talk to? Please keep talking to people. It will help. We will be here with you, ModKonnie