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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

ModKonnie

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Everything posted by ModKonnie

  1. My baby

    I am so very sorry you have lost your baby. Perhaps talking to your significant other about how you feel or some other close person in your life could help you deal with this. Don't be afraid to bring it up to people. Perhaps your loved ones just don't know how to respond or what to say to you. If people knew you were pregnant but then you haven't seen them for awhile, just tell them you lost the baby as briefly as possible. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  2. I'm too young to die

    Kylie, I am so very sorry for the loss of your sister. I am glad she did not appear to suffer. I am sure you miss her! We will be here with you if need us, ModKonnie
  3. Ruthanne, You actually sound so much better today. I'm glad you've found a few things to focus on while you are waiting for your home to get ready. Let us know how you are doing, and I hope your house ends up getting done faster than what they thought! We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  4. Grief and massage therapy

    I am very sorry about the loss of your mom. One month is certainly not even close to the amount of time it's going to take for your father to process through his emotions. His entire life has been turned upside down, and his life partner is gone. He now has to be alone, and if they were married for a long time, he is more than likely scared silly and completely lost. Group therapy will help in time. I'm not sure how massage therapy could help with grief, but it would definitely help his muscles to relax, which could help him sleep better. Exercise, moderate exercise in which he gets his heart rate up, is the best way to deal with depress. Brisk walking, house cleaning, etc., are all ways to do that. Get him some books to read on grief. Let him talk about his feelings. Let him cry. Talk to his family doctor about what he is dealing with. Again, your loss is so fresh it's going to take some time. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  5. Ruthanne, Have you tried counseling or group therapy to quit smoking pot? Do you want to quit smoking pot? Again, the Bible says that none are perfect, and we have all fallen short. While smoking pot is definitely illegal (in most states and countries) and not healthy for you, God still loves you. All of us are sinners. Not that I am making an excuse for bad behavior, but I feel as though you see God as a negative punisher, while I see Him as a Guide, Deliverer, Helper, Protector and Lord. I have had many struggles over the years, including several rough ones lately, but I don't see them as God trying to get me. Instead, I see it as a time for me to renew my relationship with Him again and again and trust He has my back and a plan. I'm no expert, but I would guess your panic disorder may have something to do with your pot smoking. And again, the Bible says that having done all you can, you should put on the armor of God and STAND. So, you've asked for deliverance, now believe you have it and do something about your smoking. Get to meetings, therapy, counseling, and whatever else is available. Take a proactive stance and get up and do something about it. Don't just sit back and be reactive waiting for a miracle. While miracles happen, they don't always happen. As for your son's family, let them work things out. People argue. Two weeks is completely doable; try to take the time to work on a few issues. Perhaps you could offer to help with the chores or cooking or something constructive. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  6. Crownholder2, I am so very sorry about your loss of Larry. I am no pastor, but I am spiritual. I'm a little confused with your post. Why would God be trying to knock you down? So that you can grieve or cry? Aren't you already grieving? There certainly is no rule that we have to cry when we grieve. You've certainly had a bunch of unhappy situations happen in the past year, but I'm just not sure that's God trying to knock you down. Instead, it seems as though your suffering and incidents are simply life's ways of letting you know you are still alive. In each of those situations, God helped you pull through; perhaps He is letting you know you are not alone, and you still have Him. As far as the quote about being chastened, I have to ask you why you think God would chasten you at a time like this? You need Him! You've done nothing wrong, so I don't see your series of unfortunate events as a chastening. To me, that seems like God would be almost cruel to one of His who is already down. Again, perhaps you've misinterpreted what's going on here. Could that be possible? ModKonnie
  7. You were there

    I am glad you are working on being okay. That is really quite a spectacular dream; what a wonderful way to let you know! ModKonnie
  8. Concerns on miscarriage

    I would rely on the experience and expertise of my doctor in all things concerning pregnancy. If your doctor is not concerned, try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy. Congratulations! ModKonnie
  9. One year anniversary, 3:06am

    I am so very sorry Fallon died when she did and how she did. I can't answer for why things happen the way they do. I just know that if I dwell on "why?" or "what if..." all the time, I'll go crazy. Instead, I try to think of positive things about my lost loved ones--like happy memories, smiling pictures, important achievements. I feel I can honor them better by dwelling on the positive instead of the negative. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  10. Do I have PTSD?

    Sweetheart346, What you have described is exactly how I felt and what I experienced when my father died. As I kept reading, I begin to feel the tightness in my chest, my breathing became erratic, and I thought I was going to have a panic attack. When those attacks occurred after my dad died, I found it was debilitating, scary and horrific all at the same time. I can tell you that those anxiety attacks slowly faded with time, and I only have them occasionally now, like during anniversaries (my dad's is coming up next week), holidays, etc. I've learned how to refocus my thinking on something positive while in the middle of them. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious mom. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  11. my husband passed away monday morning

    Chasnrosa, I am so very sorry about the loss of your husband. You begin by just breathing, and getting through a little at a time. Cry, vent, eat, sleep, whatever you need to do. The soul-ripping anguish you are feeling will fade in time. You will be able to keep going. For now, surround yourself with people who will support you. Take care of yourself. Talk about your feelings. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  12. Guilt

    NUhura, I am very sorry about the loss of your mom. You can't blame yourself for her passing. We can dwell forever on the "what ifs," but it's not going to change anything. You did nothing wrong. Please stop beating yourself up. One thing you can do to move forward is to keep talking about how you feel. Talking helps the healing. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  13. Maggy, Stop! You will drive yourself crazy like this. If your doctor isn't worried, try to calm down. Go ahead and get the second diagnosis if you need to, but try not to stress like this. If you are self-diagnosing because of what you are reading on the internet, please stop doing that. I think if your doctor was worried, you should be worried, but if he/she isn't, then you shouldn't be. That's what I think. So, try to calm down and take a warm lavender bath or something to relax. It should all be okay. If you turn out to have a problem, you've obviously caught it extremely early and will get it taken care of. But, I'm betting that's not the case. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  14. in need for advise

    jisnotmyname, I am very sorry about the loss of your father. Your drinking is not good at all, and I am glad you have recognized this. Your girlfriend's response to your grief and emotional turmoil is, in my opinion, extremely selfish and horrible. I'm certainly no expert, but WOW! To be with a person who treats you this badly is allowing yourself to be emotionally abused. Perhaps you need to re-think the relationship. Your child needs you healthy and whole. You don't have to be with her mom in order to be a good father. But if you continue on this path, you are going to self destruct. I think you need to seek the advice of a professional counselor who can help you through this relationship and your emotional pain. Also, you may want to consider a self-help group for your drinking. You have to take care of this issue immediately, or you will end up losing everything and everyone in the long run. Alcoholism is not an easy thing to beat. It takes time and support. If your girlfriend is not supportive, you still have to get help. You have to think about yourself and your emotional well-being. You owe it to yourself and those you love. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  15. Do I feel guilty?

    More, Of course you should not feel guilty, although that is an emotion many people struggle with as they continue to live after the death of their loved ones. Your fear of forgetting her is normal too, and I can tell you that you will never forget her. Ever. So, try to relax about that piece of grieving. Being able to write pieces that do not tinge on sadness is wonderful. Writing is a great way to heal, isn't it? We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  16. Death of my Father

    Nami, I am very sorry about the loss of your father. In response to your questions--I didn't fall apart until the first anniversary, and even then, I didn't fall completely apart. I was quite frankly too busy and too overwhelmed to allow myself to fall apart. I did let myself cry my heart out. I went through anxiety, but I managed it. I went through depression, but I exercised, and I took care of myself physically, which definitely helps with the emotional well being. My mother wanted to dispose of my father's things immediately. She gave them out to all of us, and or gave them to charities, etc. We cried as we went through them. But now I cherish the things I have. My best strategy for mitigating the pain was to cry and talk about my father. I even talked to him (I'm convinced he could hear me). I went for long walks, etc. Sometimes (almost 8 years later), there are still those moments. I let myself cry and feel awful, but then I pick myself back up and move forward again. I hope this has helped a little. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  17. why am I the only one still crying?

    You are not abnormal. It sounds as though you need to talk with people about her death and how it has affected you. Talking is the best way to heal from a loss. Don't focus on other peoples' reactions; focus on your own feelings and figuring out how to move forward. It is hard to say goodbye to those we cared about. An unexpected loss shocks our core and is very traumatic to some people. I'm certainly no expert, but it sounds as though your friend's death has traumatized you, and you haven't properly dealt with it. Is there a school counselor you can talk to? Your parents? Your friends? Talk to someone about all of this. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  18. Lost My Brother

    The pain does go away in time. I lost my older brother in an auto accident many years ago. At first, it was horrible, but in time, the pain dulled and receded. People handle grief in many different ways. Some people need to get back into their daily routines as fast as possible in order to feel better, while others need more time. Grieve in your own way, and don't try to stuff your feelings away. Just be you through this, and you will be okay. When the anxiety hits, try deep breathing, counting slowly to 4 and then slowly exhaling several times or finding an object to focus on and continue to breathe while you only think about that object.Sometimes that will help with the anxiety and the feeling of not being able to breathe. (I'm not an expert, but I have seen this work many, many times for lots of people). We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  19. Grief & Anxiety affecting my thoughts.

    It truly does help, but don't overwhelm yourself. Just start by drinking more water, taking a stroll around the neighborhood or even turning on some music and just dancing. Some people clean their houses and find they feel better. Moving releases the "feel good" chemicals your brain needs to help you. ModKonnie
  20. Lost a friend

    CPM, You are feeling what is very normal when someone close or someone you know dies suddenly. I had a very close friend die in a terrible accident when I was a senior in high school. It was a complete shock, and I felt so very bad for him and his family. I walked around in a daze for a long time. Talking about how you are feeling is the best way to heal. Talk to your mom. Tell her what you just told us. Feeling guilty that you get to go on and she doesn't is very normal. You are not alone if feeling this way. It will get better. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  21. Struggling Hard

    I am very sorry about the loss of your grandfathers. I am no expert, but I've seem many people have this same sexual intimacy issue when their loved ones have died. Low libido is one effect of grief. It will get better. You probably should try to relax and just take some time to grieve. I'm sure your system has undergone a shock, and it's going to take a little while to recoup. One month is certainly not any time at all to grieve. Perhaps you should do some research (I just love google), and find how others deal with this. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  22. Grief & Anxiety affecting my thoughts.

    I don't know what your physical abilities are, but I find exercise--brisk walking, slow jogging, bicycling, etc., help me deal with emotional pain and issues more than anything else. You could consider adding that to your "list of things to try."
  23. Grief & Anxiety affecting my thoughts.

    I am very sorry about the loss of your mom. Your thoughts and feelings are very normal from what I've seen, heard and observed. I've been the moderator of this site for about 7 years. I see people suffering with what you are going through all the time. One way to deal with your anxiety and racing thoughts is to talk more about them. Perhaps a supportive self help group, like a grief and loss group would help. Many funeral homes offer grief and loss groups; check with one in your hometown. Also, if your anxiety is overwhelming, perhaps learning some deep breathing and meditation techniques will help you to work through those issues while it's happening. I know this is all so tough, but you are going to be okay. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  24. My 19 year old fur-baby is dying!

    I'm so sorry. It's very difficult. I've had several fur babies pass on, and it's always heart-breaking. I don't know about others, but I try to focus on their relief from suffering, and I try to focus on the happy memories when I know their time is near. That may not work for everyone, but it works for me. Also, don't be afraid to cry, cry, cry and cry more. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  25. i don't know how to talk about it

    Heyit'sme, I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend and mentor. Go ahead and cry and be sad. When people ask what's wrong, tell them exactly what you just told us. Have you told your parents how you feel? Have you talked to anyone? Losing a mentor is very difficult. I can see why you are hurting. Please reach out to your loved ones and tell them what's going on. You may be pleasantly surprised at the support you receive. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
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