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About ModKonnie

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 08/10/1964

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Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Interests
    Fitness, Reading, Internet, My Children, Martial Arts
  • Loss Type
    Father, Brother
  1. Sweetheart346, What you have described is exactly how I felt and what I experienced when my father died. As I kept reading, I begin to feel the tightness in my chest, my breathing became erratic, and I thought I was going to have a panic attack. When those attacks occurred after my dad died, I found it was debilitating, scary and horrific all at the same time. I can tell you that those anxiety attacks slowly faded with time, and I only have them occasionally now, like during anniversaries (my dad's is coming up next week), holidays, etc. I've learned how to refocus my thinking on something positive while in the middle of them. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious mom. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  2. Chasnrosa, I am so very sorry about the loss of your husband. You begin by just breathing, and getting through a little at a time. Cry, vent, eat, sleep, whatever you need to do. The soul-ripping anguish you are feeling will fade in time. You will be able to keep going. For now, surround yourself with people who will support you. Take care of yourself. Talk about your feelings. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  3. NUhura, I am very sorry about the loss of your mom. You can't blame yourself for her passing. We can dwell forever on the "what ifs," but it's not going to change anything. You did nothing wrong. Please stop beating yourself up. One thing you can do to move forward is to keep talking about how you feel. Talking helps the healing. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  4. Maggy, Stop! You will drive yourself crazy like this. If your doctor isn't worried, try to calm down. Go ahead and get the second diagnosis if you need to, but try not to stress like this. If you are self-diagnosing because of what you are reading on the internet, please stop doing that. I think if your doctor was worried, you should be worried, but if he/she isn't, then you shouldn't be. That's what I think. So, try to calm down and take a warm lavender bath or something to relax. It should all be okay. If you turn out to have a problem, you've obviously caught it extremely early and will get it taken care of. But, I'm betting that's not the case. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  5. jisnotmyname, I am very sorry about the loss of your father. Your drinking is not good at all, and I am glad you have recognized this. Your girlfriend's response to your grief and emotional turmoil is, in my opinion, extremely selfish and horrible. I'm certainly no expert, but WOW! To be with a person who treats you this badly is allowing yourself to be emotionally abused. Perhaps you need to re-think the relationship. Your child needs you healthy and whole. You don't have to be with her mom in order to be a good father. But if you continue on this path, you are going to self destruct. I think you need to seek the advice of a professional counselor who can help you through this relationship and your emotional pain. Also, you may want to consider a self-help group for your drinking. You have to take care of this issue immediately, or you will end up losing everything and everyone in the long run. Alcoholism is not an easy thing to beat. It takes time and support. If your girlfriend is not supportive, you still have to get help. You have to think about yourself and your emotional well-being. You owe it to yourself and those you love. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  6. More, Of course you should not feel guilty, although that is an emotion many people struggle with as they continue to live after the death of their loved ones. Your fear of forgetting her is normal too, and I can tell you that you will never forget her. Ever. So, try to relax about that piece of grieving. Being able to write pieces that do not tinge on sadness is wonderful. Writing is a great way to heal, isn't it? We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  7. Nami, I am very sorry about the loss of your father. In response to your questions--I didn't fall apart until the first anniversary, and even then, I didn't fall completely apart. I was quite frankly too busy and too overwhelmed to allow myself to fall apart. I did let myself cry my heart out. I went through anxiety, but I managed it. I went through depression, but I exercised, and I took care of myself physically, which definitely helps with the emotional well being. My mother wanted to dispose of my father's things immediately. She gave them out to all of us, and or gave them to charities, etc. We cried as we went through them. But now I cherish the things I have. My best strategy for mitigating the pain was to cry and talk about my father. I even talked to him (I'm convinced he could hear me). I went for long walks, etc. Sometimes (almost 8 years later), there are still those moments. I let myself cry and feel awful, but then I pick myself back up and move forward again. I hope this has helped a little. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  8. You are not abnormal. It sounds as though you need to talk with people about her death and how it has affected you. Talking is the best way to heal from a loss. Don't focus on other peoples' reactions; focus on your own feelings and figuring out how to move forward. It is hard to say goodbye to those we cared about. An unexpected loss shocks our core and is very traumatic to some people. I'm certainly no expert, but it sounds as though your friend's death has traumatized you, and you haven't properly dealt with it. Is there a school counselor you can talk to? Your parents? Your friends? Talk to someone about all of this. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  9. The pain does go away in time. I lost my older brother in an auto accident many years ago. At first, it was horrible, but in time, the pain dulled and receded. People handle grief in many different ways. Some people need to get back into their daily routines as fast as possible in order to feel better, while others need more time. Grieve in your own way, and don't try to stuff your feelings away. Just be you through this, and you will be okay. When the anxiety hits, try deep breathing, counting slowly to 4 and then slowly exhaling several times or finding an object to focus on and continue to breathe while you only think about that object.Sometimes that will help with the anxiety and the feeling of not being able to breathe. (I'm not an expert, but I have seen this work many, many times for lots of people). We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  10. It truly does help, but don't overwhelm yourself. Just start by drinking more water, taking a stroll around the neighborhood or even turning on some music and just dancing. Some people clean their houses and find they feel better. Moving releases the "feel good" chemicals your brain needs to help you. ModKonnie
  11. CPM, You are feeling what is very normal when someone close or someone you know dies suddenly. I had a very close friend die in a terrible accident when I was a senior in high school. It was a complete shock, and I felt so very bad for him and his family. I walked around in a daze for a long time. Talking about how you are feeling is the best way to heal. Talk to your mom. Tell her what you just told us. Feeling guilty that you get to go on and she doesn't is very normal. You are not alone if feeling this way. It will get better. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  12. I am very sorry about the loss of your grandfathers. I am no expert, but I've seem many people have this same sexual intimacy issue when their loved ones have died. Low libido is one effect of grief. It will get better. You probably should try to relax and just take some time to grieve. I'm sure your system has undergone a shock, and it's going to take a little while to recoup. One month is certainly not any time at all to grieve. Perhaps you should do some research (I just love google), and find how others deal with this. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  13. I don't know what your physical abilities are, but I find exercise--brisk walking, slow jogging, bicycling, etc., help me deal with emotional pain and issues more than anything else. You could consider adding that to your "list of things to try."
  14. I am very sorry about the loss of your mom. Your thoughts and feelings are very normal from what I've seen, heard and observed. I've been the moderator of this site for about 7 years. I see people suffering with what you are going through all the time. One way to deal with your anxiety and racing thoughts is to talk more about them. Perhaps a supportive self help group, like a grief and loss group would help. Many funeral homes offer grief and loss groups; check with one in your hometown. Also, if your anxiety is overwhelming, perhaps learning some deep breathing and meditation techniques will help you to work through those issues while it's happening. I know this is all so tough, but you are going to be okay. We will be here with you, ModKonnie
  15. I'm so sorry. It's very difficult. I've had several fur babies pass on, and it's always heart-breaking. I don't know about others, but I try to focus on their relief from suffering, and I try to focus on the happy memories when I know their time is near. That may not work for everyone, but it works for me. Also, don't be afraid to cry, cry, cry and cry more. We will be here with you, ModKonnie