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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

Egreenwood

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About Egreenwood

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  1. What if it never gets easier?

    I feel like friendships are incredibly hard after losing my sister. It feels like this elephant in the room that I won’t bring up and they could never understand. It’s even hard with my husband, who I’ve known since high school and who was close to my sister too. He cannot comprehend the depth to which I feel the loss so acutely. There are very few people in our lives who I think will hurt us this deeply when they are gone, so it’s rare to know young people who’ve lost anyone like that. I was 28 when she died, I’m 35 now and I still don’t know anyone who has lost the person closest to them in the world, or who has see what the dying process from cancer is really like. My sister was in hospice at my parents home so we cared for her and I was completely unprepared for what that woukd be like.
  2. What if it never gets easier?

    I struggle with that question a lot. Would she? The impossibility of knowing for sure makes me reluctant to say she would. Towards the end she was often very angry, and that was targeted at me, maybe because she knew I was the one who could understand and forgive it, or maybe because I failed her. She refused to talk about her impending death and she was often really out of it on medication. In life, I sought her opinion, approval, and validation more than anyone else and the lack of closure and the murky emotions at the end make it very hard to settle on anything I can claim to know for certain.
  3. Next month will mark 7 years since my sister died. She is the only person I’d unironically call a soulmate. It was a long illness and a raw, ugly experience beyond anything I could have imagined. But despite an excellent therapist and support system, I am still barely holding it together 7 years later. Her absence is an acute pain made up of guilt and anger and sadness and lack of closure- a wound that never heals. I read about grief changing or becoming bearable, but mine hasn’t. Instead it feels like I believed I couldn’t live without her and now I’m trapped in the more horrifying truth that I can and I have to. It feels like I can’t connect with other people or get out of my grief. Part of my problem is the idea that I SHOULD feel this way because if she mattered as much as I say she did, living without her really should be a nightmare and to have relief would be a betrayal. I’ve had no luck meeting people who’ve lost a peer or sibling, which is just so unique. So I guess I’m hoping my comments won’t sound insane to this group.
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