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Kapilchugh

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  • Content count

    16
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About Kapilchugh

  • Rank
    Member

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    India
  • Loss Type
    Lost my brother

Converted

  • Last Name
    Chugh
  • First Name
    Kapil
  • Zip
    201301
  1. My Sister

    Dear Sadie, I am so very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain. But I can understand what you are going through. I too lost my brother few weeks ago. He was my identical twin. We were very close. He apparently had a cardiac arrest for no reason as he was very healthy. A part of me has gone with him. I too feel so depressed on certain days that I don't want to even go outside my home. It feels so surreal. It is so unfair and I share your pain. I hope God gives you closure soon and with it peace of mind. I m here if you want to share. It surely lessens the pain. Take care
  2. lost my younger brother...

    Dear Blue2017 Thanks a lot for reading and replying to my message. It means a lot. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I too have some not so good and really bad days ..I can't muster the courage to venture out with friends coz I just can't bear the sounds of laughter and sight of others having a blast when I'm in so much pain. There's this Irish pub where we used to hangout with friends..and I dread going anywhere near that place now coz it brings back all those memories with my brother. Isn't is beyond belief how someone like your brother and mine, so fit, healthy and in good spirit could just vanish like that. One more here and next moment gone??? Ialso have the additional burden as I look and sound almost exactly like him. I feel for you as I feel for myself..sad. and I am not a believer , infact I'm borderline atheist..so it's even more difficult for me to understand this spiritually. Although I'm trying to.. But you should know and I truly believe that the love we have for our brothers will surely enable us to meet them again. Believe me your brother just like mine would be longing to meet you just as you are. Know it and believe it..Your love for him will surely give you strength.. I'm here if you want to share more..sharing will lessen some pain.. Take care
  3. lost my younger brother...

    Dear Blue 2017, Iam so very sorry for your loss.it is extremely hard and I understand you. I am in a similar situation in life. My dearest identical twin brother left us suddenly few weeks ago. He was 39, father of 2 little angels and a kind, strong and successful person. We still don't know what took him but we believe his heart suddenly stopped. While he was playing cricket with friends on the field. No history of any illness before that. He was fit, a gym rat, ate healthy so we never saw this coming. Believe me he was the closest confidant I ever had. We spent the maximum time together in the last 39 yrs of our existence. We were practically inseparable. Studied, played, slept, fought, travelled , drank ...we did everything together. Even after getting married we had our own lives but we're still bonded together like no other. I too can't seem to find anyone who can even begin to comprehend my pain let alone understand. I feel alone, guilty, sad, and haunted by what ifs just like you...i too have a lot of rage pent up inside as I feel WHY MY BROTHER, WHY HIM, my wife tries her best but she could never understand what losing a twin could mean. I too fear getting up at night bcoz the first thing that hits me is that He is gone.. something I just can't process..I am so used to him being around..since we're twins we did a lot of things together..had the same group of friends..and that makes it so difficult.. I know what kind of pain you're going through..I am here to share your pain and hope that lessens mine.. Hope you find peace soon..
  4. Traumatised by my brother's death

    Dear Janey, Grievingmysibling I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. It is very painful and believe me I understand that very well. I am in a similar situation in life. My dearest identical twin brother left us suddenly few weeks ago. He was 39, father of 2 little angels and a kind, strong and successful person. We still don't know what took him but we believe his heart suddenly stopped. No history of any illness before that. Believe me he was the closest confidant I ever had. We spent the maximum time together in the last 39 yrs of our existence. We were practically inseparable. Studied, played, slept, fought, travelled , drank ...we did everything together. Even after getting married we had our own lives but we're still bonded together like no other. I too can't seem to find anyone who can even begin to comprehend my pain let alone understand. I feel alone, guilty, sad, and haunted by what ifs..my wife tries her best but she could never understand what losing a twin could mean. I agree with Grievingmysibling that we can help each other since we can feel each other's pain and I am here for you..if you need to talk ...God knows I certainly do.. Hope you find peace soon..
  5. Lost my brother to Fentanyl and Alcohol

    Thanks for your message and condolences Mikelphone..I really appreciate it.. I too breakdown everyday coz I have no memory where he's not present. I am trying extremely hard not to withdraw but it's too painful to even look at someone who seems happy..my family is trying their best I know.. How do you convert the memories into something that gives you happiness instead of pain? I think of him and cry as he's not there..we too met twice a week and drank together with friends every weekend..I don't have that now.. who can I lean on? Who can I trust so much?
  6. What if it never gets easier?

    Dear Egreenwood and Elizaveta, I am so very sorry for your loss. I am in a similar situation in life. My dearest identical twin brother left us suddenly few weeks ago. He was 39, father of 2 little angels and a kind, strong and successful person. We still don't know what took him but we believe his heart suddenly stopped. No history of any illness before that. Believe me he was the closest confidant I ever had. We spent the maximum time together in the last 39 yrs of our existence. We were practically inseparable. Studied, played, slept, fought, travelled , drank ...we did everything together. Even after getting married we had our own lives but we're still bonded together like no other. I too can't seem to find anyone who can even begin to comprehend my pain let alone understand. I feel alone, guilty, sad, and haunted by what ifs..my wife tries her best but she could never understand what losing a twin could mean. I am here Egreenwood and Elizaveta ..if you need to talk. I certainly do.. Hope you find peace soon..
  7. Loss of brother

    Hi, I am holding up..thanks for asking..but I guess you already know what that means. Sometimes I get up at night and for a split second everything seems normal and then this sick feeling hits me so hard that I lie in bed unable to sleep or get up. Work from home is definitely good specially in our situation. I am in sales too but I need to be out with my team and also have to travel outside my city quite often. Sometimes it helps cause it takes your mind off the situation for a while. Thanks again for your concern and hope you are doing fine as well. Take care
  8. Loss of brother

    Hey , Congratulations on the lovely and adorable addition to your family. God bless the little one. Nice to know more about your brother..gym rat, hard worker, caring and kind. Sounds a lot like my bro. It's even more painful when good caring honest people are taken so soon. I am so sorry to hear about your anxiety issues. I hope it's something temporary and that you'll soon get past it. Are you seeing some or taking medication for it? My meeting..it was more like a binge drinking session for the clients..but it was ok..I was able to excuse myself a bit early. If I may ask what was the reason for your brother to tie the knot in the hospital? And how is his wife doing now? His kids stay with her? What do you do? I mean professionally? How do you train your mind to think positively? Sorry if I'm asking too many questions.. Take care
  9. Loss of brother

    Hey Dnat, Thanks I really like the idea of Living for him and I will always picture him next to me. I don't know if I can follow it though. Today I have to take some of my firm's clients for drinks and dinner and I'm not sure if I'm ready for it. I have no choice though. It's so cruel that life moves on no matter what. It doesn't stop for anyone. I go out and it's business as usual for everyone around me. But not for me. I have even started feeling jealous when I see old folks as I feel my brother was too young to leave us. I do get comfort from the fact that he lived well, was immensely successful in his work and enjoyed his life to the fullest. Of course he too had set backs like all of us have but he was rock solid someone I used to lean on. I'd love to know more about you and your brother if that's ok. Life with him, his family, etc Take care
  10. Motocycle accident.

    Dear Raja, I am extremely sorry for your loss. I understand how hard it must be. I too lost my 39 yr old brother few days ago on 28 Jan who happened to be my identical twin. I am so devastated that I can't put it in words. Reason for his death is still not certain. He was perfectly healthy..used to gym 5 days a week..no previous health condition..used to drink socially and smoke a bit. He was playing cricket on the field and suddenly complained of breathlessness. He came out to rest for a while and suddenly collapsed holding his chest. The other players put him in a car and took him to the hospital only 12 min away. But the doctors couldn't revive him. I was so close to him and being twins we spent the maximum time in last 39 yrs with each other. I didn't have to speak to him to know how he felt anytime.i just had that connection with him. I just can't accept that he's gone. I'm in a mess right now..don't know if I even want to come out of it. I see his car, his kids ,his other stuff everyday and I can't take it. I loved him so much. May God give you peace and please keep him in your prayers. Hope you soon find a.way to cope with your loss
  11. Loss of brother

    Hello Dnat, Thanks a lot for listening to me and taking out time to reply. I really appreciate it. It is extremely courageous and benevolent on your part to do this having suffered a loss yourself. I am sure your brother has found peace and you deserve to find yours too. As for me people tell me there are no answers to these things and it's God's plan. But I ask why him? Why my brother? What wrong did he do? He never hurt anyone.he was a great family man and a doting father of 2 little girls. He was completely fine playing on the field and running around one minute and gone suddenly the next. How do you reconcile with that? We've had such good time together..we went to the same class at school,fooled all the teachers as we looked identical, heck I even fooled around with his girlfriends at school since even they got confused at times. Went to the same undergrad and grad school. Shared a room in the hostel. Were practically inseparable. I feel so guilty for being alive when he's not. I can't live with the feeling that I will get to enjoy life , see my kids grow up, and settle down while he won't have any of that??? I am really struggling to stay focused here..my mind drifts and I get foolish thoughts..I feel guilty for smiling or laughing at a joke. Did you also feel like this? Can you truly feel happiness ever after such a thing??? Did you find any answers?? Attaching pic of my brother (right) and me.
  12. Recent Loss of brother

    Dear Seashells, I am extremely sorry for your loss. It is indeed very painful.May you find peace soon. I too lost my 39 yr old brother few days ago on 28 Jan who happened to be my identical twin. I am so devastated that I can't put it in words. Reason for his death is still not certain. He was perfectly healthy..used to gym 5 days a week..no previous health condition..used to drink socially and smoke a bit. He was playing cricket on the field and suddenly complained of breathlessness. He came out to rest for a while and suddenly collapsed holding his chest. The other players put him in a car and took him to the hospital only 12 min away. But the doctors couldn't revive him. I was so close to him and being twins we spent the maximum time in last 39 yrs with each other. I didn't have to speak to him to know how he felt anytime.i just had that connection with him. I just can't accept that he's gone. I'm in a mess right now..don't know if I even want to come out of it. I see his car, his kids ,his other stuff everyday and I can't take it. I loved him so much. How do you cope with something as devastating as this? I mean I'm not very religious..and I am finding it tougher.. Hope you guys soon find a.way to cope with your loss
  13. My favorite person and my deepest pain

    Dear Angel10118 I am extremely sorry for your loss. It is truly very painful to hear your story.May you find peace soon. I too lost my 39 yr old brother few days ago on 28 Jan who happened to be my identical twin. I am so devastated that I can't put it in words. Reason for his death is still not certain. He was perfectly healthy..used to gym 5 days a week..no previous health condition..used to drink socially and smoke a bit. He was playing cricket on the field and suddenly complained of breathlessness. He came out to rest for a while and suddenly collapsed holding his chest. The other players put him in a car and took him to the hospital only 12 min away. But the doctors couldn't revive him. I was so close to him and being twins we spent the maximum time in last 39 yrs with each other. I didn't have to speak to him to know how he felt anytime.i just had that connection with him. I just can't accept that he's gone. I'm in a mess right now..don't know if I even want to come out of it. I see his car, his kids ,his other stuff everyday and I can't take it. I loved him so much. May God give you and also him peace and please keep him in your prayers. I see that you are very spiritual and a believer. I am sure that helps immensely. But what if I was never spiritual? How can I find peace? Do you believe God had a better plan for our loved ones who were taken from us? How do you cope with something like this??
  14. Loss of brother

    Dnat thanks a lot for your message. I guess it does help to know you're not alone. Right now I just keep getting these bouts where I cry and then it's nothing as if everything is ok. Then after couple of hours reality dawns on me and I start crying again. I can't break this cycle. Lot of people think it's crazy for a 39 yr old man to behave like that but I don't care. I just keep reliving that day and change scenarios in my mind just so he could be alive. What can I do to cope with this?? I'm not very religious so I never believed in afterlife. Is that the only way to find peace??
  15. Loss of brother

    Dear km09,dnat I am extremely sorry for your loss. May you find peace soon. I too lost my 39 yr old brother on 28 Jan who happened to be my identical twin. I am so devastated that I can't put it in words. Reason for his death is still not certain. He was perfectly healthy..used to gym 5 days a week..no previous health condition..used to drink socially and smoke a bit. He was playing cricket on the field and suddenly complained of breathlessness. He came out to rest for a while and suddenly collapsed holding his chest. The other players put him in a car and took him to the hospital only 12 min away. But the doctors couldn't revive him. I was so close to him and being twins we spent the maximum time in last 39 yrs with each other. I didn't have to speak to him to know how he felt anytime.i just had that connection with him. I just can't accept that he's gone. I'm in a mess right now..don't know if I even want to come out of it. I see his car, his kids ,his other stuff everyday and I can't take it. I loved him so much. May God give him peace and please keep him in your prayers. Hope you guys soon find a.way to cope with your loss
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