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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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MyMocha

Members
  • Content count

    31
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About MyMocha

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Oklahoma
  • Interests
    Astronomy, bird watching, and my animals.
  • Loss Type
    Cat of 22.5 years euthanized
  • Angel Date
    1-9-2018

Converted

  • First Name
    Cheyenna
  1. Can't let him go yet

    @Furbabies09, fingers crossed for you that Jacob pulls through somehow!!! Huge Hugs! I know how hard it is to have a a vet that apparently didn't care. I lost my Mocha over that. I truly hope you have a much different ending than me and Mocha. Keep up updated.
  2. Can't let him go yet

    @Ninah-Maria, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your fatboy. Making that decision for them is absolutely heart ripping. You have every right to grieve. Sorry that someone is making you feel like you can't, if that's the case. Hugs to you.
  3. Can't let him go yet

    @Furbabies09, oh my i am so so sad for you and your lil jacob. How awful to be in this situation. It's a shame that vet care is so overly priced as it certainly limits what any average person can do to try and help their furry companions. Hugs to you and Jacob. I can't imagine how hard it is not knowing if he is suffering or not. I want to think the pain meds are keeping the pain away for him. As you can probably tell, everyone here sympathizes with what you are going through. So sorry.
  4. @KayC, ty I always thought she was such a beautiful kitty. Missing her so much, i am sure that won't change. Do you have a photo to share of Autumn? @Max79, ty also for Mocha compliments. I still cry when i think about her being gone. But Tia looks so sweet in the photo. Probably wanting to go out and socialize with the neighbors I have read that animals notice the absence of others when they are no longer around. My Lil Leo has seemed a little off since Mocha has been gone. Even tho Mocha was NOT social with the other fur-kids at all. Mocha was a "me only" cat but Leo has went over to where I kept Mocha's favorite box bed - it's not there anymore - and keeps sniffing around. It may just be my imagination though and he just notices a piece of the normal "furniture" is no longer there. Ty for sharing a photo of your Tia.
  5. Loss of my cat

    Such a heartbreaking story. Everyone here knows how you feel, unfortunately. I can testify that living to an old age doesn't make losing them any easier. My baby was 22.5 and it was still not right nor was it time in my opinion. I lost Mocha on the 9th and i went to bed crying last night and woke up to immediate tears this morning. Guess it will just take time to "get used" to the change. I really don't think it's something a person gets over...just adjusts to. I know what it's like to feel numb and empty so my heart goes out to you. Keep posting and reading others experiences here and you might feel less alone and get help getting through this difficult transition. Hugs
  6. @Jencatlover, oh i am sorry you had that moment...though it is probably bittersweet. It's one of the things that make their absence so difficult as they are embedded into so much of our daily routine. I had a similar experience only I knew it was coming. Mocha always like to eat some of my morning oats as well as the mac-n-cheese-n-tuna dish i would make for myself. Both of those dishes were a guaranteed Mocha sighting. I hesitated to make my Oats the day after she was cremated as I knew that was a special thing between us. So i ended up making them as usual and making her a little serving as well. Hers sat untouched next to my breakfast area while i ate and yes, it was so sad. But it also brought back such precious memories. I cried again last night and as soon as my opened this morning. I guess it will just take time. Hugs to you as you are obviously having a similar day.
  7. @Jencatlover, ty for the funny about Charlie's burp...I laughed. I haven't ever heard anything like that from my 2 rescued kitties but I have witnessed some of those "sounds" come from my Belle (our choc. lab who will be 9 this year). She will pass some air...and then jump up looking around sniffing, lolol!!! It's always funny. As for the emotions coming and going...oh do they ever! We went out to eat last night and I thought i was feeling ok for the evening. Came home and dozed off in my chair while trying to watch "Selma". Woke up and went and crawled into bed and just broke out in an inconsolable cry. It happened so fast and unexpectedly that I didn't even have time to realize that I was thinking about her yet. I guess it will ease over time.
  8. @Sarah&Ava tysm for reading about my Mocha. She was so special to me and I miss her. It has been 1 week today Still waiting to pick up her remains which they said would be sometime mid-week. You are so right about being in that situation and just feeling like you just shut down. I know I just stopped adequately functioning. Oh goodness that is such truth! Mocha had actually saved my life once and gotten me through when no one else cared. She was just so unique to me. I will be thinking of you in the coming days with your Ava. What a situation to be in. I hope she is able to be made comfortable until whatever decision is made. Try to spend as much time as you can, even though it will be really painful at times. You probably know from having a previous loss that every second is not enough in the end. I comforted my Mocha as much as possible the night she crashed and I still feel I should have done it more. Hugs
  9. @Jencatlover, ty i love that pic of me n her. That is how I always held her, over my right shoulder. That's what she liked. It is how I held her until she drifted off to sleep on her last day. Only i was faced forward and her beautiful little head was on my shoulder. As for how I am feeling...well its still up and down but mostly just sad from missing her. I still have so many pics and video to go through and I didn't have the energy today. But I guess I did have time to document her life in her aging years. I will get to it. When I get photos transferred to this PC from my other, I will post a pic of my remaining furry friends. I only have Mocha folders transferred so far. How about you? Any better?
  10. I'm not ready.....

    Oh my what an awful piece of news about your furry friend. I understand dealing with roller-coaster emotions regarding furry companions and I am so sorry for you and what your Ava is going through. A cancer diagnosis is never a happy thing to hear and I hope the vet gave something to ease Ava's pain during this time. And honestly I feel confident that no matter how long of a life our little friend's have it isn't long enough. Many here will second that! It's never the right time even when it is the right time. No matter the circumstances. The people here have been really wonderful and supportive even though there is no magic sentence to make it go away. You have some really tough days ahead it seems so keep in touch here and have those who know exactly what it's like help you through. I read your response on my post and thought I would respond here first. Ty for your support. It has been very tough losing my Mocha. Everyone here has suffered loss and understands and it has been so helpful to spend time on this forum. Thinking of you and your Ava. Keep us updated.
  11. @Jencatlover, i can definitely agree that Mocha, as well as my other 3 remaining pets - though mostly Mocha - rule the roost around here. None of them have ever been spoiled - ever! haha I am going to post a link to a website that has helped me understand so much about conditions cats like my Mocha tend to suffer from. It also has a nice grief page if your interested. http://www.felinecrf.org/coping_with_your_loss.htm
  12. @AJWCat, I know that you have made a very valid and logical point. I greatly appreciate that insight. I know that just because she managed very well on insulin in the past, that was 2012-2015, it didn't mean that it would have been as successful this time as she was much older. And I know that you are right about how much more time would it have brought. Every time i have had to bring her back from an episode I knew it was an increased possibility that a recovery would eventually not come. Maybe it would have been this time. Her last episode was in July 2017 and it took the longest it ever had to recover, 5 days before she was back to herself. I did tell myself after the July recovery to consider how many more times I was going to intervene. There is a line between extending life and prolonging death...and at some point that line starts to get really thin. For me it was supposed to be when the treatments greatly impacted the quantity of good days vs bad days...but that would have been in a perfect world. She was just running playfully through the yard and scratching on her favorite tree a couple days before this last crash. She still had so many more good days than bad. When it comes to death I don't think there is a perfect way. It is unpredictable and if you get a chance to even say goodbye it is probably a gift regardless of circumstance. So many don't even get that and I am trying to remind myself of that as well. Hugs
  13. @Jencatlover, hi and ty for responding. There really isn't anything to be said and I know the next step is acceptance. It has just been weighing on me so much because I knew something was missed. I just knew and I had to know to find the closure i needed to try and move on. I know that finding out what really happened wasn't going to bring her back, but I had to get it figured out. I will always wish I would have figured it out sooner but it wasn't until this last episode that the symptoms were undoubtedly what they were. I just didn't catch it in time. I have comfort in knowing that she didn't suffer and knows i loved her. Maybe I will be able to just miss her and grieve now.
  14. @KayC, well ty for your response but it is far more than just a feeling. I had a "feeling" at her last visit but the "doctor" insisted with his analysis. Even though I thoroughly tried to tell him her symptoms were contradictory to "gone kidneys", as he put it. The SDMA result of 36ug/dl was "the highest he has ever seen" and she had maybe a day, and it will be really painful for her. Obviously that news put me into a panic as I would never want my precious companion to suffer. Unfortunately all that SDMA level said - now that i have had the opportunity to read up on it - was that she had stage 2 bordering on stage 3 kidney function. I will post the actual guidelines for it at the end of my response. The thing here is the fact that the doctor we unfortunately had the option of seeing on that day did not bother to even get her chart or pay attention to the list of symptoms i was reporting. We were clients for almost 5 years and the chart would have shown that is the exact same kidney function that she has had consistently and unchanged for about 8 years. The truth of the situation is that her regular doctor took her off insulin in 2015 saying she did not have diabetes, only kidney function loss. The diabetes was never checked again. And I believed him when he kept telling me that her occasional recurrent illnesses post that decision were in response to her kidney function. Well I now have a copy of her last lab work and it clearly showed she had diabetes. Her symptoms that I told the doctor she exhibited were textbook diabetes. Her labs and symptoms also showed she was possibly in the early stages of diabetic ketoacidosis. Again textbook. He would have seen that she had been diagnosed and treated for diabetes in the past if he would have taken the time to actually look in her chart. So what she needed was a doctor who would actually do his job before saying she needed to die. What she needed was an antibiotic to treat the infection that she had and some insulin. So yeah, it's hard for sure. As for your comment that she "DOES" continue to exist....only in my heart and memory. In regards to my "being with her again", the closest to that i will ever get is when I bring her cremated ashes home in a tiny box sometime this week and place it on my mantle. My response may seem like i am slightly frustrated and I am. All I can do now is grieve the loss of my precious friend but these are the facts of what happened. Measurement Current IRIS Staging IRIS Staging Over 14 ug/dl Stage 1 Stage 1 Over 20 ug/dl Stage 2 but with a low body condition score Treat as if in Stage 3 Over 45 ug/dl Stage 3 but with a low body condition score Treat as if in Stage 4
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