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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie


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About Pudge'sMom

  • Rank
  • Birthday 09/14/1996

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    New York
  • Interests
    Cats, reading, writing, music, art, yoga, mindfulness, meditation, psychology, counseling.
  • Loss Type
    Cat/Best Friend
  • Angel Date
    November 21st, 2017


  • Occupation
  • Interests
    Cats, reading, writing, music, art, yoga, mindfulness, meditation, psychology, counseling.
  • First Name

Recent Profile Visitors

11 profile views
  1. @KayC thanks for looking! I don't think that's quite big enough though. He was about 12 pounds when he died so there are a lot of ashes. I don't want to scatter any or only keep a few, I'd like to try and keep him all in one place. So all of the urns that are cheaper turn out to be very small and not big enough for my little boy. @AJWCat Thank you. I'd like to think that he's still with me too, but it's a little hard when the room is so quiet. I imagine that I will have the same experience. Each cat I interact with I find that I'm looking for signs of him.
  2. Lost 16 year old cat yesterday and struggling to cope

    I am so sorry for your loss. Of course, I'm sure that phrase doesn't do much. When I lost my Pudge people just kept saying it over and over, it was unbearable. For the first few days, I got about 10-20 condolence messages every hour. I wanted to scream. In my situation, I had gone out for about half an hour to pick up a paycheck and grab a bottle of wine. I didn't need to do those things, I could have easily waited until the next day. But for some reason, I did. I told Pudge I'd be right back, and he stared at me with a knowing look. When I came home, he was on death's door. It was all so sudden, just half an hour before we had been cuddling. I've never had to put a pet to sleep before, and it was seriously one of the worst things I've ever done. Something I find helpful to think about is that he's no longer suffering. I kept wondering what if I could have done something to help him, what if I had known? Was it really his time to go? Then after a few days I started to remember some of the signs that I just took as normal. He started to go deaf, he didn't really hear me when I came home, and he would be very surprised when I came up to him and gave him a kiss. He didn't really drink a lot of water near the end. I had a short bowl for him and a tall ceramic cup, both of which he would just play with and occasionally drink from. In the end, I knew it was best for him, as I'm sure it was best for Bertie. I miss my little boy every single day, and I've finally been able to accept my decision to let him go.
  3. @Maria9 I really appreciate your kind words and an offer for a donation. I had privately messaged @tommysmama and mentioned that even my own mother told me to just go to the dollar store or keep the box he's in now. The box they put him in... it's an ugly, hard plastic white box that they taped shut. Not fitting for my little boy at all. It seems pretty disrespectful to be honest. But please don't feel as though you need to donate, I would probably feel a little guilty to be honest since my own "family" doesn't even want to help me. I have been trying to sleep, but every night is the same. When the room gets quiet and dark, and I don't hear his little snores or purrs, it really gets to me. Every single night he slept right by my head, usually with his face right next to mine. He would stay there until morning but now, it's just me. @AJWCat Thank you for your response, I am very sorry for your loss. My little boy was also just like my child. I probably called him "my little son" at least once a day, and my friend even got me a shirt that says Pudge's Mom on the back. I really need another cat, but I can't get one until I figure out what I'm doing in the next few months. I'll be graduating from university and then who knows. Maybe Graduate School, maybe not. I hate not knowing where I'll be, if he were here things would be much better.
  4. I'm so sorry for your loss, I'm in tears reading this post. He was such a sweet little boy. I used to sing "You Are My Sunshine" to my little Pudge all the time. The important things to keep in mind are as follows: 1. He knows you loved him and he loved you just as much, if not more. 2. By the sound of it, you gave him the best life possible with whatever resources you had. Your devotion and unconditional love made his pain a little more bearable. Losing our boys has caused such pain, this is going to be difficult to move on from, and I say move on because you don't get over this stuff. You don't get over the loss of someone, you learn to cope with it. When my Pudge died my friend Kimberly wrote me a card with a Lemony Snicket quote that really helped me understand what I was feeling. “It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.” Feel free to reach out whenever you need.
  5. I don't like my house now my best friend gone

    I'm sorry to hear about your loss, he was a sweet dog that's easy to tell. I lost my cat in November and it's still very difficult. I really relate to the way you're feeling. He was always by my side or laying on me. Every morning he would stare up at me when I did my make up/got ready for the day. I thought I had a lot more time with him... Anyway, the guilt part, that's difficult. I felt guilty because I would yell (more like speak sternly) at my cat when he cried at 3, 4, 5, 6 AM every day. It really got to me and I felt like such a piece of garbage. I spoke to my therapist about it and he did this great exercise called "Collect the Evidence" with me that you should try. You act as both the prosecution and defense in this situation. So for me, I named all the ways I showed him love and the ways he showed that he loved me. Then at the end I named the reasons I wasn't a great pet owner and realized that being annoyed with someone I love is normal, and the positives FAR outweighed the negatives. Even though our situations are different, it might be nice to try.
  6. Last November I came back to my dorm room to find my sweet little boy Pudge in some serious distress. He was yowling, his back legs lost circulation, he couldn't move, and he was so so scared. I immediately started crying because I knew he was going to die, and despite my pleading with him not to as I drove to the vet, he did just that. The doctor told me that he was in a lot of pain, his heart was weak, he had a blood clot in a major artery, and there was nothing to be done. I had to make the most difficult decision I've ever made and I'll never forget the way he looked at me as he went. His little head was resting in my hand as I cried. He looked at me as if to say it was okay, and it was his time to go. As his eyes finally closed, and his breathing stopped, it felt as though the whole world went silent. Pudge was the sweetest little boy in the entire world and I loved him with all of my heart. I am a college student living with Major Depression and a General Anxiety Disorder. In the Fall of 2016, I decided to bring my cat to school with me as an emotional support animal and it was the best decision I've ever made. I am an RA and I live alone, so it was perfect. He helped me sleep, or calm down during a panic attack. He was there for me and loved me unconditionally. He was an older cat, 14 at the time of his death, and he LOVED attention. I would look forward to coming home every day because he would be there waiting for me. We spent hours doing homework, cuddling, watching Netflix and YouTube videos, and taking naps. You name it! He was the sweetest cat I've ever known. He never hissed at, scratched, or bit me. Many of my friends and residents commented on how close we were. He really was like a son to me. He lived a happy and beautiful life with me, and now he's gone. I just... I thought we had more time to be together. I thought he would be there for my graduation. We were going to make Christmas cards, I bought him a little sombrero to throw him a quinceñera this year, etc. I don't know what to do without him. I can't sleep, I just lay in bed and stare at the ugly white box they put his ashes in. Sometimes I start crying and I hold it wishing that he were there. I need to find an urn for him but they're all so expensive, and I'm on a college student budget. I miss him, I miss everything about him. Even the way he would cry to be held at night, the way he would rub against my face when I was sleeping and he wanted attention, or how he would walk all over my laptop and disrupt my work. Now I have no one to hold, to cuddle with or kiss on the cheek. My room is silent, empty, lifeless. I could barely open the door to my room and spend five minutes in there after it happened. Now it's more bearable but I still feel an overwhelming sense of dread when I go home. I recently went to my actual home for Winter Break. I used to cry every day, but the entire week before I went home I only teared up a little. When I packed my car and put all of his stuff in it... the litter box, the food bowl, his toys, his treats... it was all too much. I broke down crying. Now I cry every night, despite my best efforts. I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss because of my loss. I realize that getting better and moving on isn't a straight line. I'll have setbacks, take one step forward and three steps back, etc. But I feel like I'm grieving INCORRECTLY or something. He was my best friend, my little son, my love bug. We were co-dependent. He wasn't just a cat, he was my family. Now he's gone.