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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

Oz girl

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About Oz girl

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  • Loss Type
    Husband
  1. Today: 5 weeks ago - was married 4 weeks ago - was widowed 2 weeks ago - buried my husband. ....I'm losing my mind. Take me now, please!!!
  2. Just keep wanting to write tonight..it's 2am where I am...don't sleep. Why should we have a life sentence of agony for loving someone?? Is this my punishment, because after 3 years of trying to care for him, I couldn't save him?? So hard...was just out having a coffee, trying to make myself get out of the house..and all I saw were these young dads, holding little babies...all my darling wanted was to be a daddy!! I just started crying right there in the cafe...why has my love been taken from me?? He was so fit and healthy, and this cancer came out of NOWHERE!! Why him??? My life, and our future..all gone...what is the point of being alive, when all it is is enduring day after agonising day without them??
  3. Don't know what to say

    100%....Yes, so many people are mourning him, friends, family..Yes, everyone is upset..but when they have finished supporting me..they get to go home and be comforted by their partner or spouse...and I get to be alone with my devastation..the one person who coul d make it better is the one person who isn't there... Everyone says to just hang on, make it through, go on...my question is, why? So I can spend another day week month year forever Oh My God without him???
  4. Don't know what to say

    I have just lost my husband, 47 years old...and this is exactly how I feel. He loved me so much, I keep hearing people say "he's with you"...Well then how the hell can he see me go through this agony and not let me know, somehow, that he's there, that he's Ok? I feel totally abandoned. Where is he? Why can't he let me know he's there the way everyone says?
  5. So true...I wonder how we can be in so much pain and still be breathing. Everything seems pointless. I wrap my arms around myself and try to pretend it's him...and I feel the agony all over again.
  6. Patti14...I'm so sorry. Too young...their lives had barely started...and our futures have gone with them. Thank you. I'm taking things one breath at a time...while I figure out why there's a reason to breathe anymore. A friend gave me this card..nothing more needs to be said.
  7. I don't want to continue on without him

    I second KMB....Francine and Azipod, I have been reading other posts here, and your words to others in pain resonate with me also. You, as everyone here, have kind and loving hearts. Blessings. Xx
  8. How do I carry on now my soulmate is gone

    Donna Marie...I am so sorry, dear heart. Your heart has been ripped out of your body, and breathing doesn't seem right, when your beloved cannot. I am only 3 weeks out from losing my young husband to a hideous cancer...I hate it that I am still breathing...living seems a punishment to me. I have only just found this site, and have found everyone here to be extraordinarily kind and supportive. Blessings to you my sister, as we all walk this dark path. Xx
  9. Hello KayC, and to everyone. Thank you for your kind words...one day..one hour...one minute. I feel like an automation...everyone says how 'strong' I have been...they don't see me scream and weep at 1am...don't see me go to bed with my husband's photo on his pillow, and me holding a lock of his hair I asked the funeral home to cut for me as I lie awake, sick and wracked with grief...only to be disappointed that I actually wake up the next morning.
  10. Adzipod, thank you for your kind words...forgive me I am still working out how to 'reply' on here so it keeps including previous posts...I think you are right in identity being changed...I hadn't even got my last name changed yet...do I even bother...?? I just don't know...only 3 weeks ago..no decisions right now...and I think it's intense grief for your your own future...that is now dead too. Goli...let's just all come here and be ok with being f***ed. It's a place where we can be real...so exhausting to try and be ok for people who visit and try and support, love them though we do. So let's just be. xx
  11. Hello Paluka. Devasted to hear your story. I admire your ability to still believe in God...for me was not the sudden loss...it was watching my beloved waste away, his spirit to fight still so strong even as his body failed. I wonder what kind of God would allow this...I prayed constantly. The only conclusion is that there is no god. And if there is, what a hideous, cruel sadistic b*****d he is..why would I want to pray to that anyway?? I think that losing someone young is different from when a couple, after many years together, has to one day face the inevitable. You and me...Our lives with our beloved was just starting..children, travel, growing old together...all gone. So what the hell are we supposed to do now, when the only person we want, the only.person who can make the pain go away, is the one person we have lost? Who are we now..? Are we still married? Are you a husband, am I a wife?? We didn't even get to be newlyweds, and grow into our new roles...are we widower, and widow?? WHO ARE WE WITHOUT THEM? Many hugs.
  12. Hello to everyone who has opened their hearts to me and shared their pain in empathy and support. In a world full of pain, it has given me some small solace to know I am not alone in this agony. I would like to thank all of you...I just feel dead inside. I have absolutely no idea what I should be doing..he passed 3 weeks today. 21 December 2017. My mantlepiece has a crazy combination of cards...Wedding, Get Well, Christmas...and Sympathy ones. All inside 3 weeks. No wonder I feel like I'm going insane. My profound respect and love goes out to each one of you..that you feel the desire to comfort someone in your own pain means so much. That, unlike other well meaning people who say it...you actually do know how I feel. Our worlds have imploded. Thank you. Xx
  13. I am here because I don't know where else to go. My husband, the light of my life, my sun and moon, passed away after two and a half years of fighting an aggressive and rare cancer. He was only 47. And he passed away 9 DAYS after we got married. In what universe should a new bride have to pick out her husband's coffin as a wedding present? I buried him 1 week ago...all I want is to lie in the coffin with him...NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE. We were inseparable, as we fought side by side to combat this hideous disease. I was his carer for all of that time, only to see in take him, bit by bit. I FAILED HIM!! And now I am abandoned, left alone with the love I have for my amazing, beautiful, strong, kind and handsome man, that I am totally in love with, am besotted with, adore! My husband, my best friend!! He wanted so much to be a daddy, and we were going to try for a family... what do I do now...we had so many dreams, so many plans..he was larger than life, a soldier, an adventurer, a sportsman, a world traveler.. he was the most vibrant man I have ever met.. how the hell did we get here...HOW CAN HE BE GONE FROM ME??!! All I wanted was to grow with him, my beautiful man...now all I want us to die as quickly as possible, so I can be with him! And...God?? GOD. DOES. NOT. EXIST. Why am I still here..how can I feel this pain and still be breathing..when all I want is to STOP! I cannot be on this earth without him!!
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